fic: storm born - chapter forty-two

[morgenwrites]

Title: Storm Born
Author: Morgen
Summary: It was supposed to be their one chance to be together.  Instead it plunged them straight into a nightmare.
Disclaimer: I don't own LOTS or profit from it in any way.  Just worship it from afar.
Rating: PG-14

XLII. VIGIL

There was a knock on the door. Richard lifted his head from Kahlan’s bed, scrubbing his hands over his face. It was dark in the long, narrow room, the sun having set hours before. Moonlight fell through the lone window, illuminating a rectangular patch on the floor. The fire had all but burned out in the grate, and he got up to stir the dying embers, calling as he did, “Come in.”

A maid he recognized from their arrival at Isham entered wearing a plain brown dress. She had dark eyes, and a round, pretty face that looked no older than Kahlan’s. He’d been told her name was Jessica. She had a young son of her own, and had come to Isham seeking shelter from banelings for the two of them. He couldn’t remember how old she’d said the babe was. Four months, perhaps. Maybe five. Either way, she was the only woman in the camp whose breasts were heavy with milk for her son. Nox had summoned her almost before they’d dismounted their horses, and she’d been presented with the newborn Rahl child to nurse. Jessica had cast a timid glance his way, promising to bathe the infant and let him rest awhile before returning her.

That must have been a few hours ago, at least. The sun had still been up, if far in the west. Their frantic ride to the fortress city of Isham was little more than a blur in his mind.

Jessica shuffled into the room, bowing and murmuring his title. He gave a weary nod and glanced again at Kahlan, though he already knew there had been no change. She still lay cold and motionless, faintly breathing. Zedd lay much the same in a room not far from hers, but he hadn’t yet been able to tear himself from her side to check on him.

“I brought your daughter, Lord Rahl,” said Jessica, nodding at the bundle resting in her arms. She’d been swaddled in clean, white cloth and was staring up at the maid, her inky eyes open wide. “I wasn’t sure…would you prefer me to see to a nursery room for her?”

Richard shook his head. “No. No, I want her here with me.” He swallowed, amending, “With us.”

“Of course, my lord.” Jessica looked down at the baby in her arms and made a soft, cooing sound. “She needs to feed again.”

“Well?” He blushed, gesturing vaguely in her direction. “Shouldn’t you…”

She hesitated a moment, worrying her lower lip back and forth with her teeth. “It would be best if the Mother Confessor could nurse her child. I thought you might assist me?”

Richard looked at Kahlan, the firelight dancing across her face. Two women had come and removed the bloodstained ruins of her dress. Together they’d bathed her and dressed her in a soft, white nightgown. At a glance, she looked as if she could be sleeping, but she hadn’t stirred once. “She’s not,” he stammered. “She’s not awake.”

“Yes, but her milk has come in all the same, Lord Rahl. It is…” Jessica paused, pursing her lips together and looking unsure of how to proceed. She took a deep breath. “It is quite painful for a woman to be engorged as the Mother Confessor is now, and she will soon stop producing milk if it is not drunk by her little one. Then she would be unable to nurse her once she wakes.”

Richard nodded, the tips of his ears turning red. “Well then,” he said in a thick voice. He hated the thought of Kahlan in pain and losing the ability to nurse their child. And Jessica was the first person to speak not in terms of if Kahlan awoke, but when. Though he knew the maid had no knowledge of what kept Kahlan unconscious, it soothed him all the same. He got up from his stool and turned to face the wall. “Go ahead.”

“Lord Rahl?” Jessica sounded bewildered. “I thought…” She took another deep breath. “Would you unbutton her shift for me, my lord?”

Richard shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I…” His cheeks burned hot, and he was suddenly grateful for the darkness of the room. He glanced over his shoulder. Jessica did have her hands full with his child. “I suppose.” His tongue felt too large in his mouth, and his hands shook as he reached for the first round, pearl button fastened just beneath the hollow of Kahlan’s throat.

He stared resolutely at the stone floor beneath his feet as he worked the button free, exposing a patch of creamy flesh. It was difficult to unbutton the nightgown without watching his hands, and he took a long time on the next two buttons.

“Is something wrong, Lord Rahl?” Jessica asked at last.

Richard stiffened. “I just prefer not to undress her without her permission.”

A light, silvery laugh tumbled from the maid’s lips. “A man who looks like you, Lord Rahl? I doubt any woman would deny you permission.”

He turned so suddenly to glare at her that she took a quick step back, bowing her head. “Forgive me. It was not my place to say so.” She spoke with such deep fear that Richard realized an improper comment addressed at Lord Rahl had probably been met with far worse than an irritated glance back when his brother was in charge.

He sighed and shook his head. “It’s all right. This is…difficult for me, that’s all.” He got to his feet and nudged the stool towards Jessica. “I’ll hold my daughter, and you take over from here. I don’t know anything about teaching a baby to suckle anyways.”

Jessica nodded meekly, still seeming afraid of him. She passed him his child and perched on the edge of the stool. Her small, nimble fingers made quick work of the remaining buttons.

Richard stared down at his daughter as one of Kahlan’s swollen breasts slipped into view, the firelight soft on her bare skin. His daughter was blinking up at him, and he smiled despite himself. She was so very small. Gently he pressed his lips to the tender skin of her brow, breathing her in. Holding her close made the ache in his heart hurt a little less.

“All right, Lord Rahl,” said Jessica, twisting around on the stool. “I’m ready for her.” Still red-faced, Richard handed the infant over, and after a few moments of fussing, the maid had her latched onto Kahlan’s breast and suckling heartily. She backed away, and it was almost as it was meant to be, except Kahlan lay limply there, making no move to stroke or cradle the child at her breast.

Richard tugged his hands back through his hair and paced over to the window, staring out at the night. He didn’t want to begin crying over something so private in front of this stranger. “Any word on my grandfather?” he asked in a strangled voice.

“Oh, yes!” said Jessica at once. “I’d nearly forgotten to tell you. He’s awake, Lord Rahl. When I checked on him last, he told me he was still too weak to rise, but that he’d already begun recalling his strength, and would be on his feet before the night was through. He also asked that you not trouble yourself with visiting his bedside. He’ll make his way to you as he’s able.”

Richard nodded, glad Zedd understood he couldn’t leave Kahlan’s side again. Not for anything. “Thank you, Jessica,” he said quietly.

She gave a little curtsy. “I’d best be checking on him again, unless you need anything else?”

“The baby?” He gestured at the suckling infant. “What do I…”

“Just let her be,” said Jessica. “She’ll drink her fill and fall back to sleep.” Richard nodded. “You have a beautiful daughter, Lord Rahl, if you’ll allow my saying so.”

“Speak the truth,” he said, bothered by how the maid tiptoed around him. “That’s always allowed.” And she was beautiful. He could watch her endlessly, he was sure, and still be in awe of her.

“Yes, my lord,” said Jessica. “If you’re not needing anything else…”

Richard nodded, not looking up from his daughter. “No, thank you, Jessica. We’ll be all right,” he mumbled. He heard her leave, softly shutting the door behind her. Only when her footsteps had faded away did he let out a deep, heavy breath and burry his face in his hands, his eyes wet with tears. He sat that way a long time on the verge of weeping, listening to the soft sounds of his daughter nursing at her mother’s breast. He kept his eyes shut, no longer able to bear watching Kahlan lie there lifeless, unable to enjoy the child she’d all but died for.

After a time, he began to worry. Jessica had assured him it was painful not to nurse once the milk came in, and Kahlan’s other breast still hung heavy and untouched, swollen with milk. Holding his breath, Richard scooted the stool forward, reaching around his daughter to undo the final button on Kahlan’s nightgown. The baby kept nursing, paying him no mind. He tried to shift the fabric over, but it wouldn’t move far enough. Not with his daughter lying right on top of it. He sat there a long time, deliberating, his hands hanging awkward over mother and child, before at last reaching down and lifting the baby off Kahlan’s breast.

Her whole demeanor changed instantly, and she began squirming, her head turning frantically from side to side. Mouth open wide, she bleated like a lost little lamb. “Sorry, I’m sorry,” said Richard, rocking her in his arms. “Shhh…” It did nothing to quiet her. In fact, he thought she began to bleat louder. The breast she’d been nursing at lay exposed, a drop of milk still beading at the tip, and Richard felt very hot.

He looked up at the ceiling, and tried to fix the problem by tugging on the nightgown with a fingertip, but the fabric was twisted tight beneath Kahlan and wouldn’t budge. When his finger brushed against her bare breast, his whole body tensed and his cheeks burned. His daughter was wriggling so frantically now that he was afraid to use both hands, for fear she’d roll herself right out of his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, setting her down on the mattress as she began to wail louder. He didn’t know how so small a creature could make so loud a sound. “I’m sorry. I didn’t, I wasn’t thinking. Just a moment.” He leaned over Kahlan, rolling her and tugging her nightgown down to free her other breast. The infant continued to shriek, and he winced at the sound. “Shush, little one. You’ll wake Kahlan.” As soon as he said the words, he realized how ridiculous they were, and then it was all he could do not to curl up beside his outraged daughter and wail along with her.

“I know,” he soothed, speaking around the lump in his throat. “I need her too. Differently, but just as much.” He eased Kahlan’s nightgown further down, shaking his head. “Kahlan would never make you start screaming in the middle of the night. I’m sorry. I just wanted to help…I don’t know what I’m doing.” He picked up the screaming bundle again, and lifted her over to Kahlan’s other side, where her breast now lay free.

“There, you can eat,” he offered, settling the baby in close. She seemed not to realize what he’d done and kept wailing, rooting around blindly for her mother’s milk. Feeling desperate, he reached over and, with burning hands, pushed Kahlan’s nipple into his daughter’s mouth.

The wailing stopped, and after a moment, the soft, snuffling, suckling sounds resumed. The hushed quiet seemed very loud. Tenderly, Richard tugged Kahlan’s nightgown back in place to cover her other breast, and then he ran his fingers over the dark, downy hair of his daughter’s head. “I’m sorry,” he said again as he felt tears begin to leak down his face. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I know I’m not as good as Kahlan. I don’t know what I’m doing.” He bit back a sob. “I can’t be your mother, and you need your mother.”

There was a knock at the door, and Richard sat up, hastily rubbing his hands over his damp face as the door creaked open. His grandfather’s head peeked in.

“Zedd.” Richard tried to put on a smile, but he had a feeling he didn’t manage well.

“Hello, my boy,” said Zedd as he stepped into the room. Though he was up and walking, he moved very slowly, as if he was in considerable pain. The old wizard gave him a thin-lipped smile. “I heard a most ferocious sort of howling. I came to see if everything’s all right.”

“Yeah,” muttered Richard, his face heating again. “Everything’s fine. Everything is under control.” Zedd looked down at the infant suckling at Kahlan’s breast, but said nothing.

“Here.” Richard got to his feet and dragged a chair over for his grandfather. “Sit down. You don’t look too steady yet.” Zedd gave him a quiet smile and took the offered chair. Richard twisted his hands together. “I’m glad you’re awake. Jessica told me you were up.”

“Yes. Lovely girl. Another day or two under her care, and I shall be very much as I was before.”

Richard sunk back onto his stool. “Have you talked to Cara yet?” He knew there was a lot his grandfather had missed when he collapsed, but he lacked the energy to begin filling him in.

“I have,” said Zedd. “She came to visit me about an hour ago, and told me all that’s happened. I hear you saved the day, and are pretending not to remember any of it.”

“I don’t remember it!” said Richard heatedly. “I’m not pretending.”

“Ah, well…Cara will be Cara.” The old wizard gave a wink. “Either way, I’m tremendously proud of you, my boy. The rift is sealed, and we have you to thank for it.”

And Kahlan, Richard thought, but he said nothing. He wanted to ask Zedd about her, about when she would wake up, but he couldn’t bear to, not if the news was bad. After a long silence, Zedd spoke again. “Your daughter is beautiful, Richard. What is her name?”

“She doesn’t have one. Kahlan and I are going to name her together.”

“Richard…” His voice sounded very weary.

Richard looked away, pressing his hand against his mouth. “Say it. Just say what it is you came here to say. I cannot ask it.”

There was a sound of wooden chair legs scraping across the stone floor, and then Zedd’s hand came to rest warm and heavy on his shoulder. “In your heart, you already know what I must tell you. She is dying.”

“No!” He shrugged off his grandfather’s touch, his voice rough.

“I cannot heal her,” Zedd went on. “The injuries from the birth, the blood loss, yes. I have healed her of those, but…” He paused, shaking his head. “The simplest way to describe it is as if she’s been poisoned. A very strong, very deadly poison that I cannot draw out of her.”

Richard stared at the stone wall before him, weeping silently. Zedd’s voice washed over him. “I tried. Long after I knew it was hopeless, I tried to draw the poison out of her and into me, so you would not have to lose her. Believe me when I tell you I was willing to take all of the poison into myself and die, if that would free her from its clutches, but even that could not be done. What is in her will not leave her. Eventually my attempts pushed me past the brink of exhaustion and I collapsed.”

Richard nodded. He wanted to thank Zedd for all he’d done for Kahlan and their baby, but he couldn’t form the words. Kahlan was dying, and he felt hollow.

Finally he managed a single question, “How?”

“It’s the Underworld’s doing,” said Zedd. He settled back in his chair, folding weathered hands over knobby knees. “We are not meant to go there as living creatures. It begins to age us rapidly; it kills us in minutes, it is so hostile a place to a living body. No live soul has been in the Underworld so long a time as Kahlan. It should not be possible, and without aging… I do not know what happened when you went down there a second time, perhaps the stone protected you. But the Underworld has taken its toll on Kahlan in another way. It’s seeped into her body, slow and insidious, and now she carries death in her veins.”

“But she’s…she’s sleeping,” Richard protested. “She’s not so cold as she was before.”

“I’ll show you.” Zedd leaned over the bed and picked up her arm. “It will be easier for you to understand this way.” He turned her arm so her palm lay up, and tapped his fingers right over the spot on her wrist where her veins ran like blue ghosts beneath paper white skin. The wizard uttered a command in a language Richard did not understand, and when he lifted his hand away, Kahlan’s veins stood out bold against her skin. They had turned a horrid, bitter shade of black.

“What is that?” Richard gasped. Her wrist was swiftly changing to mottled brown and black, as if covered in bruises, and he could see a foul substance churning right beneath her skin. Zedd touched her arm again, and the color faded.

“That is the Underworld’s poison, like a living death beneath her skin. It runs that way throughout her whole body. I can draw it near to the surface, but I cannot pull it from her. I even tried to bleed it out of her, but the blood pours out and the poison remains, and she gets weaker.” Zedd settled her arm gently down on the blanket. “There is nothing more I can do for her, Richard. I’m so sorry.”

He drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “So that’s it? She just dies now?” His voice cracked, and he clenched his hands in fists. He could not forget the sight of the black poison flowing through her veins. The image burned in his mind.

Zedd gave a single, sad shake of his head. “I’ve never encountered anything like this before, not in all my years of study. The poison’s hold on her is so strong that my magic can no longer wake her, yet her milk has come in, which means her body has not shut down completely.”

Richard bolted upright, nearly falling off his stool. “So there’s a chance?” His voice was hoarse and desperate.

The old wizard pressed his fingertips together. “I don’t want to give you false hope. This may be all that ever happens. And even if her body finds some way to fight the poison and she awakes, she will not be the same woman you knew before. She has the Keeper’s hands wrapped around her heart.”

Richard smoothed his hand over Kahlan’s hair. Their daughter had fallen asleep curled against her side. “So she’ll…” He sucked in a breath. It was hard to speak. “How long until she…?”

“I don’t know,” said Zedd quietly. “Perhaps the poison will build up until it kills her with its toxins, but that seems unlikely. It’s remained at a constant level inside her since she escaped the rift. What I suspect will happen is that the poison will keep her unconscious so long she begins to waste away.”

“Or she might wake up.”

“That’s a very big might, Richard,” said Zedd in a voice that sounded as if he wished he weren’t the one to say it.

“It’s all I have left.”

“You also have your daughter. Kahlan gave you that.”

“She isn’t poisoned too?” he asked, his words seeped in bitterness. At this point, he almost expected to be told that he would soon be losing the child as well.

“No,” said Zedd softly. “Kahlan’s body acted as a barrier, sparing the child everything. It is part of why she’s so weak. She had no strength left to shield herself.”

“She did too much,” muttered Richard. His grandfather shot him a sharp look.

“A few drops of this poison in your daughter’s blood, and she would be dead. She is not yet a full day old. She has none of the strength and resiliency that have allowed Kahlan to fight back as long as she has.”

Richard hung his head, shamefaced. He was a horrible father; trying to bargain away his daughter’s life to get back her mother. “I’m sorry,” he said in a whisper. “I miss Kahlan.”

“I know you do, my boy.” Zedd got to his feet as if he knew there was no more he could say. He was halfway to the door when Richard spoke.

“She confessed me.” It seemed he’d held the news in so long he could not help but say it now, even though all had since fallen apart.

The wizard stopped in his tracks. “What?”

“In the Underworld... The Keeper needed our daughter alive. Kahlan thought there was no way out, so she confessed me and ordered me to kill her and the baby.” He paused. It still made him tremble just to say those words. “But it didn’t work.”

“So I see,” said Zedd in a wondering voice, sinking back into his chair.

Richard shifted on the stool so he sat facing him. “It wasn’t just the Underworld, or my being dead that saved me.” The Keeper had helped shape the world, and he had been counting on confession working on the souls of the dead. He should have been taken by her magic. Of that he was certain. “I felt her magic. It just didn’t work.”

Zedd was nodding. “Confession is not blood magic. It works soul to soul. It should be unhindered by death, in theory.” He smiled sadly. “So you love her well enough.”

“Of course I love her. What do you mean?”

“There’s a rumor that’s been passed down through the generations in the Wizard’s Keep. They said that a strong enough love, one mature and deep enough to submit gladly to the Confessor’s touch, instead of fighting against it, would be an antidote to confession. It would allow the man to survive unchanged.”

Richard frowned. “You never mentioned this.”

“It was a rumor, a theory, no more than that. I didn’t want to plant ideas in your heads that might have been the ruin of you both. And then when we learned of the fate of Kieran and Vivian, I figured the rumors had been wrong after all. After seeing their fate, I vowed to forever hold my tongue.” He gave a thin, little smile. “And now I see the rumors were true after all.”

“A lot of good it does us now,” snapped Richard. They might have been together, been a real family, but instead his duty was to sit beside her and watch her die.

Zedd looked at him sternly. “I know what I’ve told you is grim. But that woman lying there would not give up hope on you until you were dead and buried in the grave. And perhaps not even then.” He squeezed Richard’s shoulder and got to his feet. “You owe her the same.” Richard nodded meekly and stared at the ground as his grandfather started for the door. Zedd paused with his hand on the knob. “You yourself have proven there is no magic stronger than love. Talk to her. Give her a reason to fight.”

Richard scooted closer to the bed as the door clicked shut. His voice soft and tentative, he began to tell Kahlan of all that had happened, how the world was safe now, and how beautiful their daughter was. How much he missed her. He talked to her all throughout the long, dark night, and when the first light of day began filtering in, his voice was hoarse, but Kahlan showed no sign of change. At last Richard could bear it no more. He fell silent and, burying his face in his hands, he began to weep.