Historical Hysteria Round 2 Day 7: Who Shall Be the Hunter

[morganwolf]

Well, it's finally here. The last match in Round 2. There are only two contestants remaining, and I am SUPER CRAZY PSYCHED for this battle. If you'll remember, way back when, T. Roos beat Elizabeth I by a narrow margin. In the de Rais/Bathory match, victory ultimately went to... bunny rabbits.

You know what this means. And you know what you must do.

Theodore Roosevelt

• Started out as a weak, sickly, asthmatic child
• A lifelong fascination with zoology and natural science began at age 7 when he saw a dead seal in a market; he instantly obtained the seal's head and started a museum with it
• His first wife, Alice, died shortly after the birth of TR's first daughter. He was so traumatized by the event that he refused to ever speak of or even acknowledge it again, even to his daughter, and thereafter hated the nickname "Teddy," which his wife had given him.
• Please don't Google Image search "teddy bear." It's profoundly disturbing.
• 
  
• Spent some time as a hunter in the Badlands; hunted down three thieves that stole his boat and read Tolstoy to keep himself awake as he spent 40 sleepless hours guarding them on their return for trial
• Served as Vice President under William McKinley for six months in 1901, until McKinley's death, whence he took over the Presidency. Was elected by his own right in a landslide 1904 election, and opted not to run for reelection in 1909.
• "Speak softly and carry a big stick, and you will go far."
• Was once shot in the chest while giving a speech, proceeded to continue to speak for ninety minutes
• Let me say that again because it is incredibly fucking badass: SHOT IN THE CHEST, CONTINUED TO TALK FOR NINETY MINUTES, OH MY GOD
• Formed the Progressive Party-- also known as the Bull Moose party on account of MANLINESS-- which largely supported strong unions and was anti-trust and anti-monopoly
• You ever played Monopoly? I FUCKING HATE THAT GAME, I AM ALSO ANTI-MONOPOLY.
• I spent many happy hours in my childhood visiting Sagamore Hill, his home full of animals he killed with his bare hands, and the T.R. Sanctuary, for animals that he merely maimed
• NEW YAWK, BABY
• In a post-presidential safari, TR and his companions killed or trapped approximately 11,400 animals, which is more animals than I have seen in my life
• Went to Brazil to find the headwaters of the River of Doubt, which was later renamed in his honor; unfortunately, also contracted malaria and a severe infection, lost 50 pounds, and probably had 10 years cut off his lifespan as a result
• Owned a goodly number of pets, not least of which were two bears, a one-legged rooster, and a badger named Josiah, who was donated to the Bronx Zoo after too much hissing and biting guests' ankles (note: the baby badger was not actually thrown at the President)

Bunnies










Poll Theodore Roosevelt vs Bunnies