FIC: Watch It Begin Again (continuation)
Story too long for LJ.
First part is HERE.
"We went shopping after breakfast," said Kurt. "I should say that shopping for clothes in New York with Blaine was on my bucket list. I spent so much time envisioning the two of us strutting down the streets in a shopping spree that would put the classic Pretty Girl montage to shame. Because who needs gold credit cards when you have Kurt Hummel's fashion-smarts on your side?"
"Is Blaine a fashion enthusiast?"
"He's an enthusiast Vogue reader. As for his actual fashion style... well, it changed after we started dating. I know some of our friends thought I was the one who picked his clothes, but really, it wasn't like that. I did help with his makeover, advising him on colors, patterns and fabrics, much of which he already knew because, like I said, Vogue reader. But after being mostly constricted to a school uniform for over a year, I felt he had to find his own style, his own voice. Fashion without self-expression is just soulless mimicry. So I remained mostly silent while he developed his affinity for bowties, Capris and boat shoes. Really, if I had been the one telling him what to wear, I'd have demanded socks. I like socks."
Adam's fingers grabbed the fabric of his jeans at the knee and pulled it up, exposing his burgundy-gray argyle socks.
"Do you always match your socks to your beanies?" asked Kurt with a little gesture at the burgundy beanie covering part of the blond hair.
"When I can."
Kurt smiled approvingly.
"So you had fun shopping with Blaine on Saturday," said Adam, encouraging Kurt to resume the story. "Did you buy a lot of things?"
"No on the buying, and no on the fun."
"You're joking."
"I wish. Blaine didn't like any of the things I tried on. He said no to every single one of my suggestions. He would quote from Vogue to me, and I'd be like, 'Honey, I've met the writer of that article. She made me carry her handbag, and I can tell you this, it was not faux leather.' So he accused me of using my internship to belittle his opinions."
"It's a delicate situation," Adam pointed out. "You've been working in that business, you've learned things, you have access to the gossip, you know more than he does now. That changes the balance between you two."
"I didn't mean to slight him. But every time I disagreed with him he would raise the same argument: I was being condescending, I wasn't taking his opinions in consideration, I wasn't treating him with the respect he deserved, and how did I expect us to have an equal, healthy relationship if I couldn't even show him some common courtesy?"
Adam cringed. "Sounds like things escalated fast."
"You have no idea. I spotted this pair of black and white dress shoes, and they were gorgeous. Way outside my price range, sadly, but I couldn't help staring and coveting, you know? And Blaine got all testy because the heels were three-inches high, and why would I even want to wear heels? Did I purposely want to make him feel short? How inconsiderate of me!"
"Oh, I had an ex that resented me for being taller, too," said Adam. "I never wore heels - well, except on stage - but he basically forbade me to wear vertical stripes, because he thought they made me look taller."
"Did you agree to that?"
"Well, it wasn't much of a sacrifice in my case. I had only two shirts like that, and neither had any sentimental value to me, so I just forgot them in the drawer for as long as the relationship lasted. Which wasn't long. We had a lot more incompatibilities than our height difference."
Kurt sighed. "Maybe I should've been more considerate of his insecurities. But it wasn't like I could buy those shoes, and it annoyed me that I couldn't even fantasize about them without putting his feelings first."
"So what did you say to him?"
Kurt's fingers combed his hair above his ears in an unusual gesture of distress.
"You didn't say anything," Adam realized.
"How could I? Every time I opened my mouth it seemed like I was putting my relationship with him in danger! I was getting so stressed out trying not to argue with him, at some point I just picked up a bunch of pants and hid in the fitting room. I didn't even try on any of them. I just looked in the mirror and took a deep breath, telling myself things would eventually fall into place and... get better." Kurt let his hands fall back to his lap. "Then I took him to Fazio's Cantina for lunch."
Adam frowned at that choice. "I've only been there a couple of times. The pasta is good, but between the loud music, the loud customers and the noise coming from the street, you can barely hear you own... Ah."
"Precisely."
"Well, I suppose if everything else failed, you could always stick a couple of gnocchi in your ears."
"Oh, that'd have been a good idea. Why didn't I think of that? Unfortunately, I ordered penne. Damn those perforated noodles. Why should noodles have holes?"
"To better carry the sauce?"
"Yes, but how are they supposed to block undesirable sounds if they have holes? I should write a book. The Benefits of an Orifice-Free Noodle Diet to Your Love Life."
Adam burst out laughing.
"You have a strange sense of humor," Kurt noted.
"Me? It's your joke!"
"Yes, but people don't usually think I'm funny. Not deliberately funny, anyway."
"When you say 'people'...?"
Kurt closed his eyes, letting out a deep breath. "...I'm dismissing a lot of wonderful people in my life who do think I'm funny just because there's this one guy who doesn't. Which is stupid, and probably unfair, since Blaine did use to laugh at my jokes before we started dating." He turned to look at Adam. "Would you believe me if I told you I wasn't always like this?"
"A time when you weren't funny? No, I wouldn't."
Kurt smiled and shook his head. "I mean, a time when people would tell me I was too self-confident, to the point of arrogance?"
"What happened to that guy?"
"I don't know. I really don't. I remember when Finn... that was before our parents got married, and things were pretty bad between us... he told me not to make a spectacle of myself, told me to make an effort to blend in... and I wouldn't have any of it, you know? It was just unthinkable. I got mad, I froze him out, I yelled at him, I even kicked a chair. Six months later Blaine told me not to try so hard, told me I had to fit in and not to try to get noticed... and I nodded and apologized. I apologized. And sometimes I think since then I've never stopped apologizing for being myself and... it became a habit. And this isn't on Blaine. Or not entirely on him, anyway. Because I let it happen."
Adam gazed at him with sad eyes and a hesitant smile. "Not sure if I can imagine you kicking a chair. But I've seen you smite a couple of NYADA's demented cannibals with your self-confidence, and it was glorious."
"Stupid sycophants," Kurt muttered, blushing a little.
"You are amazing, Kurt. And I think you know you're amazing. You just... forget sometimes."
"Well. Thank you for reminding me."
"You are most welcome."
They just looked at each other for a quiet moment, enjoying the company.
"You still want to hear the rest of the story?" asked Kurt eventually.
"If you're still willing to tell me, yes."
"Doesn't it bother you to listen to me talk about him?"
"That's not what I'm listening. I'm listening to you talk about yourself. I happen to be very interested in that subject."
Kurt smiled gratefully. "Well, I made that lunch last as long as I could. Ate slowly. Penne by penne. I even had two desserts, one after the other. Blaine kept talking the whole time. I don't even know if he realized I wasn't really listening. I nodded and smiled and nodded some more, and apparently it was enough. We were supposed to shop some more after that, but we just walked down the streets, and he kept talking while I kept nodding and smiling. And when we got back home, we watched TV. I don't even know what we were watching. All I could think of was how badly I wished we had doors in the loft, so I could escape into my room, turn the lock, put my headphones on, and forget about everything."
"Did you still think things could work out between you two at that point?" asked Adam with sincere curiosity.
"I... Let's say I was finally clueing in to how hard it would be to make it work. And I started wondering if I would be able to change everything I had to change... and if I really wanted to change. If it was even worthy." Kurt closed his eyes tightly. "That night... I couldn't do it. Not again. So I went to bed while he was brushing his teeth, and when he came out of the bathroom I pretended to be already asleep."
"Did it work?"
"He tried to wake me up for sex, but..." Kurt shrugged. "What can I say? I guess I was sleeping like a log. Like a baby. Like the dead."
"The sleep of the just."
"Like a very just and very dead baby log. That's me."
"Kurt..." Adam hesitated, as if he wasn't sure he was allowed to say what he wanted to say. "You need to know... You always have the right to say no. To whomever you're with. No matter the circumstances."
Kurt wrapped his arms around his body. "It's complicated."
"It shouldn't be. It just... shouldn't." Adam gazed at the dejected look on Kurt's face, and sighed. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"It's not."
Kurt reached out to place his hand over Adam's. "It will be."
Adam raised his thumb to gently caress Kurt's pinkie. "And that was Saturday night."
"Yes."
"Sunday morning?"
"I stayed in bed while Blaine had Skype-breakfast with Sam again. Then I was supposed to meet Haley and D'Lon to prepare our presentation for our Intro to Performing Techniques final... which was Monday, by the way, so we were cutting it really close, but it was the only time all three of us were free, Sunday morning between ten and noon. And I had already told Blaine about this, but when he saw me getting dressed, he was like, 'When did you schedule this, Kurt? You knew I'd be here this weekend, Kurt, couldn't you have set another day to meet your friends? I understand that it's for class and not just a friendly gathering, Kurt, but this is the one weekend I can come until you go back to Lima for summer break, we won't see each other for all of two weeks after I'm gone! I know you have your internship, Kurt, and I get that your friends have jobs as well, but we promised to make each other our priority, remember? And I'm here, Kurt, but where are you?'"
"Please, please, please tell me this is when your poor camel's spine snapped for good."
Kurt grimaced.
"Oh, god!" Adam exclaimed. "I’m sorry. I don't even know the bloke, but... I haven't felt the urge to slap someone this badly since Sir Anthony left Edith at the altar."
"Poor Edith." Kurt petted Adam's hand. "And poor, poor camel of mine. I wasn't quite ready to give up."
"You skipped rehearsal to be with Blaine?" Adam couldn't pretend not to be horrified.
"Absolutely not! I took him with me. I thought it was a decent compromise."
"Did he?"
"He was grouchy at first. But then he brightened up when we were rehearsing our scene and he got to offer his comments and suggestions and... well."
Adam tilted his head to one side than the other. "It can be helpful to have an outside view. As in constructive criticism."
"A lot of what he said was helpful," Kurt conceded.
"But...?"
"It wasn't all that helpful when he decided to show me how to play my role by taking my place and doing the scene with the others. Repeatedly. Until Haley pointed out that I needed to be the one performing at my final and I wouldn't get a grade by sending an understudy, so maybe Blaine should let them rehearse a little more with me."
"Oh dear."
"He took that well enough, though. He even apologized and said he was just too eager to start working with other NYADA students, since he'll be starting there next term."
"He seems really confident that he'll get in."
"Yeah, I don't think that endeared him much to D'Lon. He only got in at his third attempt, you know."
"What did Tibideaux tell Blaine about his audition?"
"I didn't get to watch it. He said she thought his song choice was 'audacious'."
"That could be either very good or very, very bad. What was the song?"
Kurt's shoulders stiffened. "Bring Him Home, from Le Miz."
Adam gasped. "Your song?"
"It's hardy my song," said Kurt with a frown.
"Oh, it is, for everyone who heard you sing at Midnight Madness." Adam arched an eyebrow. "Did Blaine know you sang that at Midnight Madness?"
Kurt clenched his jaw. "It's possible that that's where he got the idea to sing it at his audition."
"You know, I'm starting to sense a pattern there," said Adam slowly.
Kurt sighed. "When he told me NYADA was his first choice college... we were broken up, and I feared he might have chosen it just to get near me again. But now I wonder. There are so many things I tried to achieve and failed, only to see him succeed at the exact same things. And I thought, hey, we just have a lot of things in common, we want the same stuff, and it only happens that he's better than me..."
"Kurt..."
"No, no need to say it." He squeezed Adam's hand gratefully. "I don't believe that anymore. And you know what? I was great at my Performing Techniques final. D'Lon was fabulous, Haley knocked it out of the park, and I? I was fan-fucking-tastic. I know it. And I'm just a freshman, which means I have a lot to learn, which means I'll get even better. That's why I'm here. Blaine's aspirations, whatever they are, are Blaine's problem, not mine. And if he tries to make them my problem, well, there's always Midnight Madness."
Adam was grinning from ear to ear.
"When we got home, Rachel was there," Kurt continued. "And I thought it'd be important for Blaine to know everything about NYADA, you know? All the classes, all the instructors, all the clubs and extracurricular activities, and all the intricate subtleties of the social dynamics and hierarchy inside the school. And who better to give him all the details than Ms. Rachel Barbra Berry?"
"That must have taken a while."
"All afternoon, actually."
Adam laughed. "Aren't you an evil bastard..."
"Oh, come on, he loved it."
"And so did she, I bet. What did you do during all that time?"
"Well, I had to be there and pretend to listen and make concurring noises from time to time..."
"More nodding and smiling?"
"Yeah. But I could tune them off and start putting my thoughts in order. And really ask myself the questions I should have asked before agreeing to get back together with Blaine. Like how far I was willing to go, how much more I was willing to sacrifice, and whether I felt I was getting as much as I was giving."
"It's a lot to think about while pretending to listen to a conversation."
"I also excused myself so I could take a very long bath. Blaine wanted to join me, but I told him the tub was too small for two people."
Adam's lips curved in a tiny smirk. "We made do."
"Yeah, well." Kurt's cheeks reddened as he smiled back. "He didn't have to know that, did he?"
Adam looked down at his hand under Kurt's and spread his fingers open. Kurt responded by entwining their fingers together.
"That night we went to Callbacks," said Kurt. "Sunday's not the best night for singing, the crowd is tougher, but I really wasn't up to it on Friday, what with learning you had left the States and everything. And I had promised Blaine that I'd take him there before he went back to Lima, so..."
"Did Rachel go too?"
"Sadly, no. She said she had to spare her voice for her singing exam the next day. Probably a good idea after talking non-stop for five hours. Santana was out somewhere, so it was just me and Blaine. He had a fake ID and thought it was hilarious that I've been in New York this long and haven't got one yet."
"You said you have bad memories regarding alcohol."
"Blaine didn't seem to remember that about me. Or maybe he didn't care. But, yes, really bad memories. Horrible memories from drinking it, appalling memories from seeing other people drunk. Maybe I'll feel different when I'm older, but... for now, I'm just not interested. But Blaine was keen on getting us 'buzzed'... that was the word he used. He went straight ahead and ordered us both Cosmos. Fortunately I managed to catch the barman's eye and mouthed 'virgin', and he got it."
"Blaine got the vodka and the triple sec, though?"
Kurt nodded. "And the buzz."
"Lightweight?"
"He can hold a lot. But he gets overly emotional very fast."
"Sounds like a nice recipe for disaster," Adam muttered.
"He kept telling me how happy he was that we were back together," said Kurt, sighing. "Listing all the things we'd do when he came to live with me in the loft in September. How we'd redecorate my room... 'our room', he called it... and how we'd need more shelf space in the bathroom for his products. And how we'd go to NYADA everyday together, and have all our meals together, and study together, and of course go out at night together... He even asked if maybe I could talk Isabelle into getting him an internship at Vogue.com too."
"That doesn't sound creepy at all..."
"He also suggested we should start our own Glee Club at NYADA. A competition choir with the best talent in the school."
Adam rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way." Kurt smirked. "I told him I'd be going back to the Apples, but he said the Apples would probably disband now that you had left."
"Right. Over Kayla's dead body."
"That's what I told him. Between the Warblers and the New Directions, he's used to groups that revolve around one person, but that's not what the Apples are like. And then he laughed and started picking on the club's name."
"Of course."
"I tried to explain to him the real reason for the Apples' name, but then he reminded me we weren't supposed to be talking about you. Which, seriously? He was the one who brought you up!"
"Wait, how would you even know the real reason for the Apples' name?"
Kurt shrugged. "Kayla told me."
"Right," Adam huffed. "I should have known."
"Don't be mad at her. I kind of guessed it might have something to do with trying to protect the others from the faculty's scorn by having them focus on you. She just confirmed it."
"I could never be mad at Kayla. Especially because, knowing her, she only did it to improve your opinion of me. But it wasn't entirely noble, honestly. I very much love having a super cool group named after me."
"You didn't know the group would be that cool when you named it."
"Of course I did! Because I planned it all so only the really cool kids would want to join, while the uncool kids would think we're just a waste of time and space."
"I should warn you, then... Blaine also contemplated joining the Apples and... uh..."
"Fixing its dreadful reputation?"
Kurt winced sympathetically. "If he asks in, do you have to let him in?"
"I don't know, we've never refused anyone before, never had to kick anyone out. There were some who left, particularly in the very beginning, because they didn't care for the Apples' agenda." Adam winked at Kurt. "No point in worrying about it now. Let's wait and see what happens, shall we?"
Kurt nodded. "You're right. He might not be interested at all anymore, now that we're broken up for good."
"You haven't got to that part of the story yet," Adam reminded him.
"Oh, we're almost there. After his second Cosmo, he told me he wanted to sing something special for me, something to convey that new stage in our lives. Then he went up to Pascal and told him to take a break so he could play Make Believe It's Your First Time on the piano."
"The Carpenters?" Adam frowned. "Title aside, I'm not sure how those lyrics relate to your and Blaine's situation."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "It's Blaine," he said, as if that explained it all.
"How did you respond to that?"
"I... clapped. Thanked him when he came back to our table. Then I got up to sing something, too. But I asked Pascal to accompany me."
"What song did you pick?"
"Joni Mitchell's Both Sides, Now."
Adam opened his mouth to suck in as much air as possible, as if his life depended on that single breath. "Wow."
"Wow?"
"I'm imagining... No, I can't imagine it." Adam stared at Kurt in a daze. "You have no idea how I wish I had been there to see that."
Kurt smiled. "I wish you had been there too. Blaine, on the other hand, wasn't very impressed."
Adam looked outraged. "Why the hell not?"
"He said he just doesn't get that song," said Kurt with a shrug.
"But you do."
Kurt looked up into Adam's blue eyes, surprised by the seriousness in them. "I do."
Adam raised their entwined hands to drop a light kiss on Kurt's knuckles. "Don't tell me you guys fought over Joni Mitchell."
"No," Kurt giggled. "Because some of the Apples showed up at that very moment. Lennox, Martina... She and Eliezer never left the club, by the way, you were concerned for no reason... Lennox, Martina, Sonomi and Charlie. They wanted to sing Sonomi's arrangement of Maxwell's Silver Hammer and asked me to join them."
"And you could never resist the Beatles."
"Come on, that song is hilarious. And Sonomi's version is pure genius."
"Did the Callbacks crowd enjoy it? They can be so stuck-up sometimes..."
"Standing ovation, believe it or not."
"Yay!"
"It was a lot of fun, really." Kurt snorted. "Until I got off the stage, that is."
"Why? What happened?"
"I guess Blaine didn't like to see me getting friendly with the Apples, even without you there."
"He complained?"
"No. But when I got back to our table, there was another guy in my seat."
Adam's jaw dropped. "You're not serious."
Kurt responded with a tight, bitter grin.
"Oh my god... Did he really?"
"Dark long hair, goatee, Vince Camuto jacket over Rocawear polo. Blaine met him when he went to the bar to get his third Cosmo. Said his name was Wyatt. He actually seemed nice. Like, he asked for a chair from another table so I could sit with them, even though he had no idea who I was or why I kept standing there in front of them."
"Wait. Blaine didn't introduce you to him?"
"Sure he did. 'Kurt, this is Wyatt. Wyatt, this is Kurt.'"
"Not... 'Hey, Wyatt, this is my boyfriend Kurt'?"
"I guess it slipped his mind?"
Adam looked flabbergasted. "You didn't... you know... clarify the situation?"
"To be honest, I was a lot more curious than jealous. I wanted to see what Blaine would do, how far he'd go."
"And...?"
"He didn't do much. Wyatt did most of the talking, being friendly to me and totally flirty with Blaine. And Blaine wasn't quite flirting back, but... he wasn't discouraging the guy either, you know? He kept smiling and enjoying the flattery, acting all coy and sweet. And I was right there."
"Why, why, why?" Adam shook his head in dismay. "Why would he do that? Who in their right mind would..."
"Ah, but we're not talking about right minds, are we? We're talking about Blaine, and moreover we're talking about Blaine after three Cosmopolitans. He kept glancing at me. Brief, subtle glances. Wyatt would praise his Carpenters performance and his piano playing, and marvel at the shape of his hands, and Blaine would look at me for a second, like trying to measure my reactions, you know? It was like he was telling me, 'Hey, if you won't pay attention to me, I can easily find someone else who will.' Like I didn't know that already! From very painful experience!"
"God, Kurt... I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," Kurt said softly. "In the end, it made it all much easier. Because even if I could somehow find a way to deal with all the other crap... I can't live my life like this, dammit. Worrying that every time he gets upset with me for whatever reason he might decide to find solace with some other guy. That's not love. It's not love and it's not what I want. Because there's got to be more to love than this." He looked ahead, his eyes not focusing on anything, his face relaxed. "It was time to face what should have been clear a long time ago. What Blaine and I had was irremediably broken, and it was burning me out to try to repair it. It had to end."
"You guys fought again, then."
"Not really. I said goodbye and left. Blaine tried to follow me, but I managed to lose him in the subway. When he got back to the loft, I had already moved all his stuff to the couch. I told him he could sleep there, but he had to leave in the morning and never speak to me again."
"And how did he take that?"
"Not well. I think he went through four out of five stages of grief overnight. He yelled at me, accusing me of not truly investing in our relationship. He kept yelling until Santana turned her full Lima Heights Adjacent venom against him and made him shut up. Then he tried to plead with me, promising he'd do better and everything would work out if only I gave him another chance. Then he cried for hours in Rachel's lap, wailing that I was the only one he could ever be happy with. He fell asleep around two in the morning, thank goodness. I kicked him out at six-thirty, because it was the first day of finals and I seriously needed some time to myself to get my head back in the game. He was saying that this is just another setback, that in time we'll be back together and stronger than ever, that we're soulmates and we'll always find our way back to each other no matter what, when I shut the door in his face."
"So, anger, bargain, depression and denial. No acceptance yet?"
"I don't know, I'm not taking his calls and I blocked him on all social media. But I'm there. I'm finally, finally there. I wish it hadn't taken me this long. I wish it hadn't taken me making the stupid mistake of this second attempt at a teenage dream that had already proved to be a nightmare. And I wish it hadn't taken me losing you. I didn't cry, you know, not once since I told him it was over. But today I came here, saw the empty stage and remembered when you sang Baby Got Back to me. And I just..." Kurt trailed off, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I don't think I ever told you how happy you made me feel."
Adam winked. "It's a cheerful song."
"Not just the song. Not just that day. Every day. Every time we talked. Every time you smiled at me. I found myself standing on that stage, thinking of all the things I never told you and couldn't tell you anymore because you were gone. And I remembered my dad. When he came to the city last Christmas and told me about the cancer. He told me to hold the people I love close to me, no matter what. And I knew he meant Blaine. But Dad's advice wasn't wrong, not really. In essence, he was right. I was the one who got it all wrong. I don't know when or why I started believing that it was my fault, that by not giving Blaine a second chance I wasn't trying hard enough, that I owed it to him and to myself to persevere despite all my instincts telling me to run away. And I don't know how I got so deep into this crazy guilt trip that I didn't even realize that... I just don't love him anymore." Kurt looked down at their joined hands and slowly pulled his away. "Dad was right. But I chose the wrong person to hold on to."
Adam frowned at his empty hand, his fingers closing around nothing. The silence dragged between them until he spoke again. "You know, I've just realized something."
"What?"
"Today is Wednesday."
"It is," said Kurt, confused. "So?"
"So it is Wednesday, and that little café three blocks down always has those delicious cinnamon rolls on Wednesdays."
"Ah. Yeah. They're really good."
"Aren't they? And to think I almost resigned myself to a life without them." Adam stood up and offered Kurt his hand. "Mr. Hummel, would you give me the honor of accompanying me on a perilous journey through the streets of New York in a quest for some scrummy pastry and a nice cuppa?"
Kurt froze. "Adam, what are you doing?"
"I believe I am asking you out. Was that too subtle?"
"Are you crazy? That's not why I said... Adam, you can't ask me out."
Adam let his hand fall beside his body immediately. His smile faltered for a moment but he forced it back into place, even though the shine in his eyes was noticeably gone. "I see. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have presumed."
"What? No! You have nothing to apologize for! It's me, I'm the one who ruined everything. I had my chance with you and I blew it. I can't ask you to take me back."
"Then don't ask. I can do the asking. Actually, I believe I just did."
"But I hurt you."
"Well... yes. You did."
"Then just why the hell would you give me another chance?"
"And just why the hell not?" replied Adam with a shrug. "I've just heard you sing, and you still take my breath away. You still have baggage, but from what you've just told me, it sounds like it's finally getting lighter. And you still get all flustered when you think of my arse."
"Oh, god," Kurt mumbled, blushing all over.
"And it's still my choice whether to take a chance with my heart, and I still think you're worth the risk."
Kurt breathed in sharply, his eyes glistening.
Adam smiled. "I told you I couldn't compete with a fantasy, remember? But I'm looking at you now, and I'm not seeing a man stranded in a mirage anymore. Maybe now we can get a shot at something real? Maybe now, for the first time, what's past is past?" He offered Kurt his hand once more.
This time, Kurt took it.
And that's how they began again.
# fin #
First part is HERE.
"We went shopping after breakfast," said Kurt. "I should say that shopping for clothes in New York with Blaine was on my bucket list. I spent so much time envisioning the two of us strutting down the streets in a shopping spree that would put the classic Pretty Girl montage to shame. Because who needs gold credit cards when you have Kurt Hummel's fashion-smarts on your side?"
"Is Blaine a fashion enthusiast?"
"He's an enthusiast Vogue reader. As for his actual fashion style... well, it changed after we started dating. I know some of our friends thought I was the one who picked his clothes, but really, it wasn't like that. I did help with his makeover, advising him on colors, patterns and fabrics, much of which he already knew because, like I said, Vogue reader. But after being mostly constricted to a school uniform for over a year, I felt he had to find his own style, his own voice. Fashion without self-expression is just soulless mimicry. So I remained mostly silent while he developed his affinity for bowties, Capris and boat shoes. Really, if I had been the one telling him what to wear, I'd have demanded socks. I like socks."
Adam's fingers grabbed the fabric of his jeans at the knee and pulled it up, exposing his burgundy-gray argyle socks.
"Do you always match your socks to your beanies?" asked Kurt with a little gesture at the burgundy beanie covering part of the blond hair.
"When I can."
Kurt smiled approvingly.
"So you had fun shopping with Blaine on Saturday," said Adam, encouraging Kurt to resume the story. "Did you buy a lot of things?"
"No on the buying, and no on the fun."
"You're joking."
"I wish. Blaine didn't like any of the things I tried on. He said no to every single one of my suggestions. He would quote from Vogue to me, and I'd be like, 'Honey, I've met the writer of that article. She made me carry her handbag, and I can tell you this, it was not faux leather.' So he accused me of using my internship to belittle his opinions."
"It's a delicate situation," Adam pointed out. "You've been working in that business, you've learned things, you have access to the gossip, you know more than he does now. That changes the balance between you two."
"I didn't mean to slight him. But every time I disagreed with him he would raise the same argument: I was being condescending, I wasn't taking his opinions in consideration, I wasn't treating him with the respect he deserved, and how did I expect us to have an equal, healthy relationship if I couldn't even show him some common courtesy?"
Adam cringed. "Sounds like things escalated fast."
"You have no idea. I spotted this pair of black and white dress shoes, and they were gorgeous. Way outside my price range, sadly, but I couldn't help staring and coveting, you know? And Blaine got all testy because the heels were three-inches high, and why would I even want to wear heels? Did I purposely want to make him feel short? How inconsiderate of me!"
"Oh, I had an ex that resented me for being taller, too," said Adam. "I never wore heels - well, except on stage - but he basically forbade me to wear vertical stripes, because he thought they made me look taller."
"Did you agree to that?"
"Well, it wasn't much of a sacrifice in my case. I had only two shirts like that, and neither had any sentimental value to me, so I just forgot them in the drawer for as long as the relationship lasted. Which wasn't long. We had a lot more incompatibilities than our height difference."
Kurt sighed. "Maybe I should've been more considerate of his insecurities. But it wasn't like I could buy those shoes, and it annoyed me that I couldn't even fantasize about them without putting his feelings first."
"So what did you say to him?"
Kurt's fingers combed his hair above his ears in an unusual gesture of distress.
"You didn't say anything," Adam realized.
"How could I? Every time I opened my mouth it seemed like I was putting my relationship with him in danger! I was getting so stressed out trying not to argue with him, at some point I just picked up a bunch of pants and hid in the fitting room. I didn't even try on any of them. I just looked in the mirror and took a deep breath, telling myself things would eventually fall into place and... get better." Kurt let his hands fall back to his lap. "Then I took him to Fazio's Cantina for lunch."
Adam frowned at that choice. "I've only been there a couple of times. The pasta is good, but between the loud music, the loud customers and the noise coming from the street, you can barely hear you own... Ah."
"Precisely."
"Well, I suppose if everything else failed, you could always stick a couple of gnocchi in your ears."
"Oh, that'd have been a good idea. Why didn't I think of that? Unfortunately, I ordered penne. Damn those perforated noodles. Why should noodles have holes?"
"To better carry the sauce?"
"Yes, but how are they supposed to block undesirable sounds if they have holes? I should write a book. The Benefits of an Orifice-Free Noodle Diet to Your Love Life."
Adam burst out laughing.
"You have a strange sense of humor," Kurt noted.
"Me? It's your joke!"
"Yes, but people don't usually think I'm funny. Not deliberately funny, anyway."
"When you say 'people'...?"
Kurt closed his eyes, letting out a deep breath. "...I'm dismissing a lot of wonderful people in my life who do think I'm funny just because there's this one guy who doesn't. Which is stupid, and probably unfair, since Blaine did use to laugh at my jokes before we started dating." He turned to look at Adam. "Would you believe me if I told you I wasn't always like this?"
"A time when you weren't funny? No, I wouldn't."
Kurt smiled and shook his head. "I mean, a time when people would tell me I was too self-confident, to the point of arrogance?"
"What happened to that guy?"
"I don't know. I really don't. I remember when Finn... that was before our parents got married, and things were pretty bad between us... he told me not to make a spectacle of myself, told me to make an effort to blend in... and I wouldn't have any of it, you know? It was just unthinkable. I got mad, I froze him out, I yelled at him, I even kicked a chair. Six months later Blaine told me not to try so hard, told me I had to fit in and not to try to get noticed... and I nodded and apologized. I apologized. And sometimes I think since then I've never stopped apologizing for being myself and... it became a habit. And this isn't on Blaine. Or not entirely on him, anyway. Because I let it happen."
Adam gazed at him with sad eyes and a hesitant smile. "Not sure if I can imagine you kicking a chair. But I've seen you smite a couple of NYADA's demented cannibals with your self-confidence, and it was glorious."
"Stupid sycophants," Kurt muttered, blushing a little.
"You are amazing, Kurt. And I think you know you're amazing. You just... forget sometimes."
"Well. Thank you for reminding me."
"You are most welcome."
They just looked at each other for a quiet moment, enjoying the company.
"You still want to hear the rest of the story?" asked Kurt eventually.
"If you're still willing to tell me, yes."
"Doesn't it bother you to listen to me talk about him?"
"That's not what I'm listening. I'm listening to you talk about yourself. I happen to be very interested in that subject."
Kurt smiled gratefully. "Well, I made that lunch last as long as I could. Ate slowly. Penne by penne. I even had two desserts, one after the other. Blaine kept talking the whole time. I don't even know if he realized I wasn't really listening. I nodded and smiled and nodded some more, and apparently it was enough. We were supposed to shop some more after that, but we just walked down the streets, and he kept talking while I kept nodding and smiling. And when we got back home, we watched TV. I don't even know what we were watching. All I could think of was how badly I wished we had doors in the loft, so I could escape into my room, turn the lock, put my headphones on, and forget about everything."
"Did you still think things could work out between you two at that point?" asked Adam with sincere curiosity.
"I... Let's say I was finally clueing in to how hard it would be to make it work. And I started wondering if I would be able to change everything I had to change... and if I really wanted to change. If it was even worthy." Kurt closed his eyes tightly. "That night... I couldn't do it. Not again. So I went to bed while he was brushing his teeth, and when he came out of the bathroom I pretended to be already asleep."
"Did it work?"
"He tried to wake me up for sex, but..." Kurt shrugged. "What can I say? I guess I was sleeping like a log. Like a baby. Like the dead."
"The sleep of the just."
"Like a very just and very dead baby log. That's me."
"Kurt..." Adam hesitated, as if he wasn't sure he was allowed to say what he wanted to say. "You need to know... You always have the right to say no. To whomever you're with. No matter the circumstances."
Kurt wrapped his arms around his body. "It's complicated."
"It shouldn't be. It just... shouldn't." Adam gazed at the dejected look on Kurt's face, and sighed. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"It's not."
Kurt reached out to place his hand over Adam's. "It will be."
Adam raised his thumb to gently caress Kurt's pinkie. "And that was Saturday night."
"Yes."
"Sunday morning?"
"I stayed in bed while Blaine had Skype-breakfast with Sam again. Then I was supposed to meet Haley and D'Lon to prepare our presentation for our Intro to Performing Techniques final... which was Monday, by the way, so we were cutting it really close, but it was the only time all three of us were free, Sunday morning between ten and noon. And I had already told Blaine about this, but when he saw me getting dressed, he was like, 'When did you schedule this, Kurt? You knew I'd be here this weekend, Kurt, couldn't you have set another day to meet your friends? I understand that it's for class and not just a friendly gathering, Kurt, but this is the one weekend I can come until you go back to Lima for summer break, we won't see each other for all of two weeks after I'm gone! I know you have your internship, Kurt, and I get that your friends have jobs as well, but we promised to make each other our priority, remember? And I'm here, Kurt, but where are you?'"
"Please, please, please tell me this is when your poor camel's spine snapped for good."
Kurt grimaced.
"Oh, god!" Adam exclaimed. "I’m sorry. I don't even know the bloke, but... I haven't felt the urge to slap someone this badly since Sir Anthony left Edith at the altar."
"Poor Edith." Kurt petted Adam's hand. "And poor, poor camel of mine. I wasn't quite ready to give up."
"You skipped rehearsal to be with Blaine?" Adam couldn't pretend not to be horrified.
"Absolutely not! I took him with me. I thought it was a decent compromise."
"Did he?"
"He was grouchy at first. But then he brightened up when we were rehearsing our scene and he got to offer his comments and suggestions and... well."
Adam tilted his head to one side than the other. "It can be helpful to have an outside view. As in constructive criticism."
"A lot of what he said was helpful," Kurt conceded.
"But...?"
"It wasn't all that helpful when he decided to show me how to play my role by taking my place and doing the scene with the others. Repeatedly. Until Haley pointed out that I needed to be the one performing at my final and I wouldn't get a grade by sending an understudy, so maybe Blaine should let them rehearse a little more with me."
"Oh dear."
"He took that well enough, though. He even apologized and said he was just too eager to start working with other NYADA students, since he'll be starting there next term."
"He seems really confident that he'll get in."
"Yeah, I don't think that endeared him much to D'Lon. He only got in at his third attempt, you know."
"What did Tibideaux tell Blaine about his audition?"
"I didn't get to watch it. He said she thought his song choice was 'audacious'."
"That could be either very good or very, very bad. What was the song?"
Kurt's shoulders stiffened. "Bring Him Home, from Le Miz."
Adam gasped. "Your song?"
"It's hardy my song," said Kurt with a frown.
"Oh, it is, for everyone who heard you sing at Midnight Madness." Adam arched an eyebrow. "Did Blaine know you sang that at Midnight Madness?"
Kurt clenched his jaw. "It's possible that that's where he got the idea to sing it at his audition."
"You know, I'm starting to sense a pattern there," said Adam slowly.
Kurt sighed. "When he told me NYADA was his first choice college... we were broken up, and I feared he might have chosen it just to get near me again. But now I wonder. There are so many things I tried to achieve and failed, only to see him succeed at the exact same things. And I thought, hey, we just have a lot of things in common, we want the same stuff, and it only happens that he's better than me..."
"Kurt..."
"No, no need to say it." He squeezed Adam's hand gratefully. "I don't believe that anymore. And you know what? I was great at my Performing Techniques final. D'Lon was fabulous, Haley knocked it out of the park, and I? I was fan-fucking-tastic. I know it. And I'm just a freshman, which means I have a lot to learn, which means I'll get even better. That's why I'm here. Blaine's aspirations, whatever they are, are Blaine's problem, not mine. And if he tries to make them my problem, well, there's always Midnight Madness."
Adam was grinning from ear to ear.
"When we got home, Rachel was there," Kurt continued. "And I thought it'd be important for Blaine to know everything about NYADA, you know? All the classes, all the instructors, all the clubs and extracurricular activities, and all the intricate subtleties of the social dynamics and hierarchy inside the school. And who better to give him all the details than Ms. Rachel Barbra Berry?"
"That must have taken a while."
"All afternoon, actually."
Adam laughed. "Aren't you an evil bastard..."
"Oh, come on, he loved it."
"And so did she, I bet. What did you do during all that time?"
"Well, I had to be there and pretend to listen and make concurring noises from time to time..."
"More nodding and smiling?"
"Yeah. But I could tune them off and start putting my thoughts in order. And really ask myself the questions I should have asked before agreeing to get back together with Blaine. Like how far I was willing to go, how much more I was willing to sacrifice, and whether I felt I was getting as much as I was giving."
"It's a lot to think about while pretending to listen to a conversation."
"I also excused myself so I could take a very long bath. Blaine wanted to join me, but I told him the tub was too small for two people."
Adam's lips curved in a tiny smirk. "We made do."
"Yeah, well." Kurt's cheeks reddened as he smiled back. "He didn't have to know that, did he?"
Adam looked down at his hand under Kurt's and spread his fingers open. Kurt responded by entwining their fingers together.
"That night we went to Callbacks," said Kurt. "Sunday's not the best night for singing, the crowd is tougher, but I really wasn't up to it on Friday, what with learning you had left the States and everything. And I had promised Blaine that I'd take him there before he went back to Lima, so..."
"Did Rachel go too?"
"Sadly, no. She said she had to spare her voice for her singing exam the next day. Probably a good idea after talking non-stop for five hours. Santana was out somewhere, so it was just me and Blaine. He had a fake ID and thought it was hilarious that I've been in New York this long and haven't got one yet."
"You said you have bad memories regarding alcohol."
"Blaine didn't seem to remember that about me. Or maybe he didn't care. But, yes, really bad memories. Horrible memories from drinking it, appalling memories from seeing other people drunk. Maybe I'll feel different when I'm older, but... for now, I'm just not interested. But Blaine was keen on getting us 'buzzed'... that was the word he used. He went straight ahead and ordered us both Cosmos. Fortunately I managed to catch the barman's eye and mouthed 'virgin', and he got it."
"Blaine got the vodka and the triple sec, though?"
Kurt nodded. "And the buzz."
"Lightweight?"
"He can hold a lot. But he gets overly emotional very fast."
"Sounds like a nice recipe for disaster," Adam muttered.
"He kept telling me how happy he was that we were back together," said Kurt, sighing. "Listing all the things we'd do when he came to live with me in the loft in September. How we'd redecorate my room... 'our room', he called it... and how we'd need more shelf space in the bathroom for his products. And how we'd go to NYADA everyday together, and have all our meals together, and study together, and of course go out at night together... He even asked if maybe I could talk Isabelle into getting him an internship at Vogue.com too."
"That doesn't sound creepy at all..."
"He also suggested we should start our own Glee Club at NYADA. A competition choir with the best talent in the school."
Adam rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way." Kurt smirked. "I told him I'd be going back to the Apples, but he said the Apples would probably disband now that you had left."
"Right. Over Kayla's dead body."
"That's what I told him. Between the Warblers and the New Directions, he's used to groups that revolve around one person, but that's not what the Apples are like. And then he laughed and started picking on the club's name."
"Of course."
"I tried to explain to him the real reason for the Apples' name, but then he reminded me we weren't supposed to be talking about you. Which, seriously? He was the one who brought you up!"
"Wait, how would you even know the real reason for the Apples' name?"
Kurt shrugged. "Kayla told me."
"Right," Adam huffed. "I should have known."
"Don't be mad at her. I kind of guessed it might have something to do with trying to protect the others from the faculty's scorn by having them focus on you. She just confirmed it."
"I could never be mad at Kayla. Especially because, knowing her, she only did it to improve your opinion of me. But it wasn't entirely noble, honestly. I very much love having a super cool group named after me."
"You didn't know the group would be that cool when you named it."
"Of course I did! Because I planned it all so only the really cool kids would want to join, while the uncool kids would think we're just a waste of time and space."
"I should warn you, then... Blaine also contemplated joining the Apples and... uh..."
"Fixing its dreadful reputation?"
Kurt winced sympathetically. "If he asks in, do you have to let him in?"
"I don't know, we've never refused anyone before, never had to kick anyone out. There were some who left, particularly in the very beginning, because they didn't care for the Apples' agenda." Adam winked at Kurt. "No point in worrying about it now. Let's wait and see what happens, shall we?"
Kurt nodded. "You're right. He might not be interested at all anymore, now that we're broken up for good."
"You haven't got to that part of the story yet," Adam reminded him.
"Oh, we're almost there. After his second Cosmo, he told me he wanted to sing something special for me, something to convey that new stage in our lives. Then he went up to Pascal and told him to take a break so he could play Make Believe It's Your First Time on the piano."
"The Carpenters?" Adam frowned. "Title aside, I'm not sure how those lyrics relate to your and Blaine's situation."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "It's Blaine," he said, as if that explained it all.
"How did you respond to that?"
"I... clapped. Thanked him when he came back to our table. Then I got up to sing something, too. But I asked Pascal to accompany me."
"What song did you pick?"
"Joni Mitchell's Both Sides, Now."
Adam opened his mouth to suck in as much air as possible, as if his life depended on that single breath. "Wow."
"Wow?"
"I'm imagining... No, I can't imagine it." Adam stared at Kurt in a daze. "You have no idea how I wish I had been there to see that."
Kurt smiled. "I wish you had been there too. Blaine, on the other hand, wasn't very impressed."
Adam looked outraged. "Why the hell not?"
"He said he just doesn't get that song," said Kurt with a shrug.
"But you do."
Kurt looked up into Adam's blue eyes, surprised by the seriousness in them. "I do."
Adam raised their entwined hands to drop a light kiss on Kurt's knuckles. "Don't tell me you guys fought over Joni Mitchell."
"No," Kurt giggled. "Because some of the Apples showed up at that very moment. Lennox, Martina... She and Eliezer never left the club, by the way, you were concerned for no reason... Lennox, Martina, Sonomi and Charlie. They wanted to sing Sonomi's arrangement of Maxwell's Silver Hammer and asked me to join them."
"And you could never resist the Beatles."
"Come on, that song is hilarious. And Sonomi's version is pure genius."
"Did the Callbacks crowd enjoy it? They can be so stuck-up sometimes..."
"Standing ovation, believe it or not."
"Yay!"
"It was a lot of fun, really." Kurt snorted. "Until I got off the stage, that is."
"Why? What happened?"
"I guess Blaine didn't like to see me getting friendly with the Apples, even without you there."
"He complained?"
"No. But when I got back to our table, there was another guy in my seat."
Adam's jaw dropped. "You're not serious."
Kurt responded with a tight, bitter grin.
"Oh my god... Did he really?"
"Dark long hair, goatee, Vince Camuto jacket over Rocawear polo. Blaine met him when he went to the bar to get his third Cosmo. Said his name was Wyatt. He actually seemed nice. Like, he asked for a chair from another table so I could sit with them, even though he had no idea who I was or why I kept standing there in front of them."
"Wait. Blaine didn't introduce you to him?"
"Sure he did. 'Kurt, this is Wyatt. Wyatt, this is Kurt.'"
"Not... 'Hey, Wyatt, this is my boyfriend Kurt'?"
"I guess it slipped his mind?"
Adam looked flabbergasted. "You didn't... you know... clarify the situation?"
"To be honest, I was a lot more curious than jealous. I wanted to see what Blaine would do, how far he'd go."
"And...?"
"He didn't do much. Wyatt did most of the talking, being friendly to me and totally flirty with Blaine. And Blaine wasn't quite flirting back, but... he wasn't discouraging the guy either, you know? He kept smiling and enjoying the flattery, acting all coy and sweet. And I was right there."
"Why, why, why?" Adam shook his head in dismay. "Why would he do that? Who in their right mind would..."
"Ah, but we're not talking about right minds, are we? We're talking about Blaine, and moreover we're talking about Blaine after three Cosmopolitans. He kept glancing at me. Brief, subtle glances. Wyatt would praise his Carpenters performance and his piano playing, and marvel at the shape of his hands, and Blaine would look at me for a second, like trying to measure my reactions, you know? It was like he was telling me, 'Hey, if you won't pay attention to me, I can easily find someone else who will.' Like I didn't know that already! From very painful experience!"
"God, Kurt... I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," Kurt said softly. "In the end, it made it all much easier. Because even if I could somehow find a way to deal with all the other crap... I can't live my life like this, dammit. Worrying that every time he gets upset with me for whatever reason he might decide to find solace with some other guy. That's not love. It's not love and it's not what I want. Because there's got to be more to love than this." He looked ahead, his eyes not focusing on anything, his face relaxed. "It was time to face what should have been clear a long time ago. What Blaine and I had was irremediably broken, and it was burning me out to try to repair it. It had to end."
"You guys fought again, then."
"Not really. I said goodbye and left. Blaine tried to follow me, but I managed to lose him in the subway. When he got back to the loft, I had already moved all his stuff to the couch. I told him he could sleep there, but he had to leave in the morning and never speak to me again."
"And how did he take that?"
"Not well. I think he went through four out of five stages of grief overnight. He yelled at me, accusing me of not truly investing in our relationship. He kept yelling until Santana turned her full Lima Heights Adjacent venom against him and made him shut up. Then he tried to plead with me, promising he'd do better and everything would work out if only I gave him another chance. Then he cried for hours in Rachel's lap, wailing that I was the only one he could ever be happy with. He fell asleep around two in the morning, thank goodness. I kicked him out at six-thirty, because it was the first day of finals and I seriously needed some time to myself to get my head back in the game. He was saying that this is just another setback, that in time we'll be back together and stronger than ever, that we're soulmates and we'll always find our way back to each other no matter what, when I shut the door in his face."
"So, anger, bargain, depression and denial. No acceptance yet?"
"I don't know, I'm not taking his calls and I blocked him on all social media. But I'm there. I'm finally, finally there. I wish it hadn't taken me this long. I wish it hadn't taken me making the stupid mistake of this second attempt at a teenage dream that had already proved to be a nightmare. And I wish it hadn't taken me losing you. I didn't cry, you know, not once since I told him it was over. But today I came here, saw the empty stage and remembered when you sang Baby Got Back to me. And I just..." Kurt trailed off, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I don't think I ever told you how happy you made me feel."
Adam winked. "It's a cheerful song."
"Not just the song. Not just that day. Every day. Every time we talked. Every time you smiled at me. I found myself standing on that stage, thinking of all the things I never told you and couldn't tell you anymore because you were gone. And I remembered my dad. When he came to the city last Christmas and told me about the cancer. He told me to hold the people I love close to me, no matter what. And I knew he meant Blaine. But Dad's advice wasn't wrong, not really. In essence, he was right. I was the one who got it all wrong. I don't know when or why I started believing that it was my fault, that by not giving Blaine a second chance I wasn't trying hard enough, that I owed it to him and to myself to persevere despite all my instincts telling me to run away. And I don't know how I got so deep into this crazy guilt trip that I didn't even realize that... I just don't love him anymore." Kurt looked down at their joined hands and slowly pulled his away. "Dad was right. But I chose the wrong person to hold on to."
Adam frowned at his empty hand, his fingers closing around nothing. The silence dragged between them until he spoke again. "You know, I've just realized something."
"What?"
"Today is Wednesday."
"It is," said Kurt, confused. "So?"
"So it is Wednesday, and that little café three blocks down always has those delicious cinnamon rolls on Wednesdays."
"Ah. Yeah. They're really good."
"Aren't they? And to think I almost resigned myself to a life without them." Adam stood up and offered Kurt his hand. "Mr. Hummel, would you give me the honor of accompanying me on a perilous journey through the streets of New York in a quest for some scrummy pastry and a nice cuppa?"
Kurt froze. "Adam, what are you doing?"
"I believe I am asking you out. Was that too subtle?"
"Are you crazy? That's not why I said... Adam, you can't ask me out."
Adam let his hand fall beside his body immediately. His smile faltered for a moment but he forced it back into place, even though the shine in his eyes was noticeably gone. "I see. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have presumed."
"What? No! You have nothing to apologize for! It's me, I'm the one who ruined everything. I had my chance with you and I blew it. I can't ask you to take me back."
"Then don't ask. I can do the asking. Actually, I believe I just did."
"But I hurt you."
"Well... yes. You did."
"Then just why the hell would you give me another chance?"
"And just why the hell not?" replied Adam with a shrug. "I've just heard you sing, and you still take my breath away. You still have baggage, but from what you've just told me, it sounds like it's finally getting lighter. And you still get all flustered when you think of my arse."
"Oh, god," Kurt mumbled, blushing all over.
"And it's still my choice whether to take a chance with my heart, and I still think you're worth the risk."
Kurt breathed in sharply, his eyes glistening.
Adam smiled. "I told you I couldn't compete with a fantasy, remember? But I'm looking at you now, and I'm not seeing a man stranded in a mirage anymore. Maybe now we can get a shot at something real? Maybe now, for the first time, what's past is past?" He offered Kurt his hand once more.
This time, Kurt took it.
And that's how they began again.
# fin #