So... this is randomly enlightening.
I was wandering about in a headachey haze this morning getting ready to see my nieces and go to the pool with them when the oddest thoughts wandered through my head (this happens frequently).
The thought was of my co-teacher remarking that she wanted a Kindle for Christmas, and that led to my thinking that I don't particularly like Christmas, and that led to my thinking of "But why do I seem to like it so much more lately than before?"
And then I remembered that the core of my dislike of most holidays involving gift exchange is because I just don't like getting presents. It extends so far that I often don't like getting random "here, I throw it at your head because I found it for yoooo~ooou" gifts from my family, either. >_>;;; But WHY?
I decided to plumb this to the depths.
On analysis, I probably wouldn't love my kindle so much if someone had given it to me. Big purchases like this, I like to pick out and buy myself. Someone giving me a large or expensive item makes me think how strenuous this decision must have been for them - how could I put such a stress on someone like that?
And furthermore, it's then not mine. Then it's the one so-and-so gave me. Very odd, but true. I don't feel like I have hardly any ownership over the device or item in question, and every time I see or participate with whatever it is, it's often "the one so-and-so gave me" and "am I doing right by them using this thing in this way?" and "I hope they're okay..."
And then heaven forbid I feel like I've misstepped somewhere, because then any item or gift or whatever it is loses all its joy because then it's "I was given this by so-and-so and they don't like me anymore, so I should put it away. :( "
God, I am a case and a half, aren't I?
I'm going to go (digitally)paint things now. >_>;;
Will totally post a link to my next decently big project I'm trying to hedge in this weekend. :) Makin' a short panelly comix - 'bout how Aces are. <3
The thought was of my co-teacher remarking that she wanted a Kindle for Christmas, and that led to my thinking that I don't particularly like Christmas, and that led to my thinking of "But why do I seem to like it so much more lately than before?"
And then I remembered that the core of my dislike of most holidays involving gift exchange is because I just don't like getting presents. It extends so far that I often don't like getting random "here, I throw it at your head because I found it for yoooo~ooou" gifts from my family, either. >_>;;; But WHY?
I decided to plumb this to the depths.
On analysis, I probably wouldn't love my kindle so much if someone had given it to me. Big purchases like this, I like to pick out and buy myself. Someone giving me a large or expensive item makes me think how strenuous this decision must have been for them - how could I put such a stress on someone like that?
And furthermore, it's then not mine. Then it's the one so-and-so gave me. Very odd, but true. I don't feel like I have hardly any ownership over the device or item in question, and every time I see or participate with whatever it is, it's often "the one so-and-so gave me" and "am I doing right by them using this thing in this way?" and "I hope they're okay..."
And then heaven forbid I feel like I've misstepped somewhere, because then any item or gift or whatever it is loses all its joy because then it's "I was given this by so-and-so and they don't like me anymore, so I should put it away. :( "
God, I am a case and a half, aren't I?
I'm going to go (digitally)paint things now. >_>;;
Will totally post a link to my next decently big project I'm trying to hedge in this weekend. :) Makin' a short panelly comix - 'bout how Aces are. <3