Harry Potter 5: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
So, here’s my splendiferous review of Harry Potter and the Year of Wizard Angst. (Hey, so I typed ‘splendiforous’ and spell check fixed it for me! How weird)
The Good:
-The movie isn’t directed by Chris Columbus
-Emma Watson’s eyebrow acting is slowly being reduced
-Umbridge is phenomenal (Did anyone but me think she was a dominatrix by night? “I think you know you need to be punished” And then she bitch slaps Harry when he doesn’t tell her what she wants. *is afraid of fic that may surface*)
-The Twins. Yay! In a movie where a lot of characters didn’t get enough development, they did. And the scene where they’re comforting the little boy? IS LOVE!
-Ginny looking at Harry when he went to kiss Cho.
-LUNA LOVEGOOD. Nuff said.
-Ron and Hermione finally have more unspoken sexual tension than Harry and Hermione.
-Helena Bonham Carter is phenomenal as Bellatrix. She’s crazy.
-I finally get why everyone’s all “Alan Rickman is so sexy”. I was like “Wow Snape, I will beg for you to penetrate my mind any time.” Seriously, between him and Umbridge, was this script written by someone who writes porn movies?
-Neville is the new Dobby. Which is okay by me since he was destroyed in the first 2 movies, and we need to see him grow. Neville’s treatment in the movies is slowly earning my approval.
-OMG SIRIUS CALLED HARRY ‘JAMES’!!!! I think that was incredible, and it totally showed how crazy Sirius is going, being in Azkaban so long and missing his friends. That one line made me want to write a ‘Sirius in Azkaban’ fic, though it’d be nothing more than a character study, and I have like, a bazillion fics being written right now already.
-“Who’s Cedric, your boyfriend?” YES!! Cedric/Harry 4EVA!!
-Ron stuck up for Harry! Even though it made no sense cause he wasn’t a prefect, and definitely didn’t look like he could beat someone up.
-RANDOM PERCY MOMENTS!! At the trial and in Dumbledore’s office. At least they stuck him there in case Percy does something really important in the 7th (I totally think he will. I believe Percy will redeem himself. But anyway)
-Snape hit Ron again. Methinks this will become a running joke now. *hides the rum*
The Bad:
-Hermione’s still played by Emma Watson
-The twins’ escape was missing something. Maybe it was too short, I’m not sure. I think that if they can’t have Peeves, they should have had McGonagall watching from a window or something, smiling. That would have rocked.
-McGonagall did not get her kick ass scene telling Umbridge off. Instead she actually submitted to her, which is so not McGonagall. She got so shorted in this movie. *has massive McGongall and Maggie Smith love*
-Did Lupin even say anything? Also, he’s supposed to be getting scraggly and older, but he definitely had more hair and his cheeks were fatter. I guess living as a werewolf isn’t so bad after all.
-Tonks did nothing. And they didn’t explain her powers at all. BUT, she did trip on something, so that makes it okay.
-“Hello Professor Moody! The last time I saw you, you were Doctor Who trying to kill me, but I won’t mention this at all and I totally trust you. Hey, where’s Lupin? Isn’t he supposed to be here? Probably off shagging Sirius”
-The Black Family Tree was not what I pictured. And HOMG WHERE WAS REGULUS?!!?
-Snape’s worst memory. Was Snape high that day? Goodness gracious, it was so random. And I saw no Lily. I really saw no Sirius or Remus either, but yeah. I sorta heard them. Actor boy playing James must be counting his blessings that he actually made it into the movie.
-“Hi Weasley family. Did you know your middle son is working for the Ministry and being a complete and utter prat? No? Maybe that’s why you don’t mention it.”
-There is a definite lack of hotness in this movie. I love Gary Oldman, but he is not Sirius. And Harry has an ugly haircut (and I know Dan can look better. *whistles innocently*). And Remus is looking pregnant, and Draco’s in 2 minutes of the movie and thank God for the twins. WEASLEY SANDWICH FOR ME!!!
-Not really bad, but funny: Fred’s handwriting is so bad. When he’s writing with Umbridge’s quill, I was like “This isn’t gonna help him. He can’t read what it says!!”
-Not so sure I liked everyone being subjected to Umbridge’s quill. Even though it led to the best scene of the twins ever. I guess they were trying to make up for how quickly it goes away for Harry. Which I didn’t like. Even though Harry is so a girl being abused by her boyfriend. “Tell someone!” “No, it’ll just go away.” “Tell someone!” “No, I’d rather be a martyr.”
-Harry and Cho kissed right in front of Cedric. How horrible do you feel? I am definitely writing a fic where the souls of the dead can watch through pictures, and Cedric just feels so betrayed by his girlfriend and his boyfriend.
-The DOM fight scene was… weird. It didn’t feel right, and no one addressed Lucius breaking the prophecy. Like by that point no one cared. The Harry possession was… odd. I’m not sure if I liked it or not.
-OMGWTFBBQ Bellatrix said Avada Kedavra. The entire handling of Sirius’s death (which was strange in the book as well, I will give them that) was just so off. I had this image in my head of Sirius being on the other side of the room, and the curse (a RED one people!) knocks him all the way across the room and he goes sailing through the veil really fast and just doesn’t come out the other side. Not kinda steps back into it and floats away. Very disappointing, and a moment that should have made be bawl, but didn’t.
-The movie overall felt long. I am going to blame this on Grawp, because he did nothing and had no purpose and after this he had BETTER do something important in the 7th book, because he made this movie feel long and he did nothing in it. That time could have been spent developing some of the smaller characters, or giving Ron a plot, or I dunno, letting Lupin talk.
The Ugly:
Sirius’s tattoos and saggy man breasts. Oy.
The Good:
-The movie isn’t directed by Chris Columbus
-Emma Watson’s eyebrow acting is slowly being reduced
-Umbridge is phenomenal (Did anyone but me think she was a dominatrix by night? “I think you know you need to be punished” And then she bitch slaps Harry when he doesn’t tell her what she wants. *is afraid of fic that may surface*)
-The Twins. Yay! In a movie where a lot of characters didn’t get enough development, they did. And the scene where they’re comforting the little boy? IS LOVE!
-Ginny looking at Harry when he went to kiss Cho.
-LUNA LOVEGOOD. Nuff said.
-Ron and Hermione finally have more unspoken sexual tension than Harry and Hermione.
-Helena Bonham Carter is phenomenal as Bellatrix. She’s crazy.
-I finally get why everyone’s all “Alan Rickman is so sexy”. I was like “Wow Snape, I will beg for you to penetrate my mind any time.” Seriously, between him and Umbridge, was this script written by someone who writes porn movies?
-Neville is the new Dobby. Which is okay by me since he was destroyed in the first 2 movies, and we need to see him grow. Neville’s treatment in the movies is slowly earning my approval.
-OMG SIRIUS CALLED HARRY ‘JAMES’!!!! I think that was incredible, and it totally showed how crazy Sirius is going, being in Azkaban so long and missing his friends. That one line made me want to write a ‘Sirius in Azkaban’ fic, though it’d be nothing more than a character study, and I have like, a bazillion fics being written right now already.
-“Who’s Cedric, your boyfriend?” YES!! Cedric/Harry 4EVA!!
-Ron stuck up for Harry! Even though it made no sense cause he wasn’t a prefect, and definitely didn’t look like he could beat someone up.
-RANDOM PERCY MOMENTS!! At the trial and in Dumbledore’s office. At least they stuck him there in case Percy does something really important in the 7th (I totally think he will. I believe Percy will redeem himself. But anyway)
-Snape hit Ron again. Methinks this will become a running joke now. *hides the rum*
The Bad:
-Hermione’s still played by Emma Watson
-The twins’ escape was missing something. Maybe it was too short, I’m not sure. I think that if they can’t have Peeves, they should have had McGonagall watching from a window or something, smiling. That would have rocked.
-McGonagall did not get her kick ass scene telling Umbridge off. Instead she actually submitted to her, which is so not McGonagall. She got so shorted in this movie. *has massive McGongall and Maggie Smith love*
-Did Lupin even say anything? Also, he’s supposed to be getting scraggly and older, but he definitely had more hair and his cheeks were fatter. I guess living as a werewolf isn’t so bad after all.
-Tonks did nothing. And they didn’t explain her powers at all. BUT, she did trip on something, so that makes it okay.
-“Hello Professor Moody! The last time I saw you, you were Doctor Who trying to kill me, but I won’t mention this at all and I totally trust you. Hey, where’s Lupin? Isn’t he supposed to be here? Probably off shagging Sirius”
-The Black Family Tree was not what I pictured. And HOMG WHERE WAS REGULUS?!!?
-Snape’s worst memory. Was Snape high that day? Goodness gracious, it was so random. And I saw no Lily. I really saw no Sirius or Remus either, but yeah. I sorta heard them. Actor boy playing James must be counting his blessings that he actually made it into the movie.
-“Hi Weasley family. Did you know your middle son is working for the Ministry and being a complete and utter prat? No? Maybe that’s why you don’t mention it.”
-There is a definite lack of hotness in this movie. I love Gary Oldman, but he is not Sirius. And Harry has an ugly haircut (and I know Dan can look better. *whistles innocently*). And Remus is looking pregnant, and Draco’s in 2 minutes of the movie and thank God for the twins. WEASLEY SANDWICH FOR ME!!!
-Not really bad, but funny: Fred’s handwriting is so bad. When he’s writing with Umbridge’s quill, I was like “This isn’t gonna help him. He can’t read what it says!!”
-Not so sure I liked everyone being subjected to Umbridge’s quill. Even though it led to the best scene of the twins ever. I guess they were trying to make up for how quickly it goes away for Harry. Which I didn’t like. Even though Harry is so a girl being abused by her boyfriend. “Tell someone!” “No, it’ll just go away.” “Tell someone!” “No, I’d rather be a martyr.”
-Harry and Cho kissed right in front of Cedric. How horrible do you feel? I am definitely writing a fic where the souls of the dead can watch through pictures, and Cedric just feels so betrayed by his girlfriend and his boyfriend.
-The DOM fight scene was… weird. It didn’t feel right, and no one addressed Lucius breaking the prophecy. Like by that point no one cared. The Harry possession was… odd. I’m not sure if I liked it or not.
-OMGWTFBBQ Bellatrix said Avada Kedavra. The entire handling of Sirius’s death (which was strange in the book as well, I will give them that) was just so off. I had this image in my head of Sirius being on the other side of the room, and the curse (a RED one people!) knocks him all the way across the room and he goes sailing through the veil really fast and just doesn’t come out the other side. Not kinda steps back into it and floats away. Very disappointing, and a moment that should have made be bawl, but didn’t.
-The movie overall felt long. I am going to blame this on Grawp, because he did nothing and had no purpose and after this he had BETTER do something important in the 7th book, because he made this movie feel long and he did nothing in it. That time could have been spent developing some of the smaller characters, or giving Ron a plot, or I dunno, letting Lupin talk.
The Ugly:
Sirius’s tattoos and saggy man breasts. Oy.