100+ Memories That Remind Me It's Love...

[moosica_chica]

I broke down crying in three of my classes today. I never thought this could really be over, and I'm still not completely convinced but I will let it be for a while. I just keep getting scared that he is just going to be stubborn in his head and not let something happen that will be trying to be. I think the reason why it hurts even more now than in December is because in December I never thought there was really a chance of us getting back together. We almost did though. And something happened that changed everything in the course of a week, but I am not even sure what that was. I asked him if he was happy today and he didn't directly answer. He said "it's only been a couple days. But I'm doing better." Doing better is one thing, but I wonder if it will ever be able to be the same happy if we aren't together. We never would have ever broken up if it hadn't happened. So to try and think about all the reasons we should be together, I came up with a list today. That just made the crying worse, but it makes me realize how much even more I don't want to lose him. I just wish he could not be frustrated with me and then take the time to calm down and weigh the decision without any emotions involved. We'll see how things go for a while and then I will be ready to reevaluate and see if this was really the right decision to make. He said earlier today "Maybe it was meant to be this way. but this is what has happened." and I responded "maybe it wasn't though. time will only tell." The way he said it as what has happened instead of what HAS to happen leaves me some distant hope. Like i said, time will only tell. Here's the list though...

(In no particular order...)

• The New Mexico trip that was a year ago yesterday for Bonnie's recital...the drive, dinosaurs on the way, Denny's in Gallup, hotel, swimming, pizza, walking around Old Towne, recital, the drive home with Travis in the back
• Tucson for Halloween 2006...Fanta girls, mario, and luigi, sleeping on the couch, celebrating our first month together
• 9/28/06...asking me out via AIM but then talking upstairs in the Union and later dealing with the drama from different people
• Rennaissance Festival last year...dropping off my car at the shop, walking around, getting the henna tattoo, stuck in traffic for a LONG time
• Las Vegas over the summer...the drive, hotel, NY, NY, pirate show, skirts, hotel, walking around
• Sleepovers...just in general spending the night all the time at each others' places
• Valentine's Day 2008...one rose in my car, dinner at Red Lobster with Aaron and Kim, the rest of the dozen roses on my bed when I got home
• The "I LOVE YOU" Book...part of my birthday present last year
• Working at the zoo...carpooling together, In n Out after, staying until early morning popping corn
• Tuba Camping trips...trying something new this year
• Concerts...sitting next to each other and holding hands or giving each other the I love you sign
• "I love you all the way to the moon"
• Germany...plane, bus, hotels, walking, even spending the last night just sleeping together instead of going out with everyone else
• I love you hand sign & Two hand sign
• Our guitar hero band that we started
• Hiking by Lowell Observatory...picking up leaves, celebrating 2 years
• "I leaf you"
• "I love you a whole punch"
• The Sheep and Mormon Halloween
• The Pirate and Milkman Halloween
• My nose pocket in your cheek
• "Look how happy we look together" when looking into the mirror
• Flowers for my upper division jury
• Flowers for Valentine's Day last year
• Flowers just because when we were going through a rough patch
• Watching Scrubs, Family Guy, Futurama, etc. together
• Partys
• Wendys...after games, before meetings, just becuase
• Walking to Taco Bell in the pouring rain from the music building one day in 2007
• Music History together...studying and reading out loud to you
• The visit you took with Melinda and Adam to see me this summer
• The visit you took this summer to see me by yourself
• New Years 2007...block party at Tempe Town Lake
• New Years 2008...kickback at your house, scategories, cranium, teaching me to play racquetball, spending the night at your parent's house
• Buffalo Wild Wings
• "Olive You"...the card you gave me for my birthday this year wrapped in foil to be "something shiny"
• Making faces at each other across Wind Symphony
• Tackling me for a hug whenever I passed you in the halls
• "Good night, I love you"
• "Morning, I love you"
• "I love you BIG much" "I love you BIG much too"
• Toga Christmas party
• Ancient Times party
• Plans for Colorado and our future...two kids, you liked Tony I liked Molly
• Dinners together at our houses...your cooking was always better than mine
• Red Lobster
• Olive Garden for my birthday this year
• Salsa Brava for your birthday this year
• Leaving your crayons in your pocket through the wash
• Driving to the Grand Canyon at 2am to see the sunrise
• Elk noises to scare them away on the drive
• The Place
• Your arm around me in public so people can see I'm yours
• Holding hands
• The fact that it took three weeks before you finally kissed me
• 3/4/07...the first time you said "I love you"
• Sleeping on the twin bed in Raymond
• Connor
• AIM conversations before everything even started
• Marching Band
• ASU / UofA trips
• Bus ride to the UofA trip while sitting in the very back seat with Quinten and flirting the whole time before we were dating
• "Never have I ever"
• Fitting into one sleeping bag to sleep
• Artwalks
• Football games in the stands together
• Football games across the field from each other
• The time you first met mom at Casa Bonita when she was driving Melinda to look at schools in Colorado
• The time I drove your mom's car to Flagstaff and talked with her the whole way while you were hungover in the backseat
• Swimming in Sedona
• Your upper division jury...turning pages, practicing for me weeks before
• Music Theory HW together
• Tim Rolles' class
• Tim Smith's class
• Helping you change your major when I could see you were excited to have a plan to graduate
• Bowling with your grandma
• My cousin Sarah and I washing your car while you played racquetball
• Facebook messages
• Snow kisses
• Spending half the summer together in Flagstaff
• Bringing me lunch when I was working downtown
• Pita Pit...even the time when Mom was visiting
• Butterfly kisses
• Eskimo kisses
• Paddleboat rides at your parents house, with or without Justice
• Watching the Food Network
• "I sure do love you"
• Being afraid of pigeons
• Leaving notes on your windshield
• Discovery Channel
• Baby Walruses...sitting across the couch from each other and barely holding hands the first night we spent together
• Drive to Pine, AZ the night after thanksgiving after I snuck out
• Drive to Flagstaff to get your Tuba over Christmas break 2007 after I snuck out
• Tubing in the Salt River
• Chicken fights in the pool at my mom's house with Felix and Aaron Walker before we were dating
• Making gag photos for you to develop at Walgreens
• In n Out
• Writing "I love you" on random pages of my music book so I would see them later
• Bringing you chicken soup when you were sick in McKay
• Windsheild wipers on the way to school to say I love you
• Making fun of your moustache "stalker stache"
• Playing SWAT Team after watching the movie and snapping my neck
• Singing Pop Goes the Weasel with the TiVo fast forwarding
• Air Wick commercials
• Nancy's house
• Dr. Dunn's house
• Mars Hill to watch the sunset for my birthday 2008
• Hey There Delilah
• ........