Confessions
I literally don't know what to think/believe about anything anymore.
I'm about 95% sure that I'm not transferring anymore. I can't imagine any school being much better than Randolph-Macon. Yeah, the social life kind of sucks, but I'll live... it is ony two more years. The academics are pretty great, especially my Religion classes. My advisor and my other main religion professor are both amazing and helping me out in every imaginable way and I am so thankful for them.
My love life is spiraling out of control. I don't know who is genuine anymore. There are so many potentials and yet, so many dead-ends. Scott and Keith are slowly decaying my heart and soul with their relentless back and forth games. Two weeks ago Scott told me he loves me. I haven't heard him say those words since we broke up nine years ago. I know he meant it and I know that I love him too. I've never loved anyone the way that I have loved him. I've loved him since I was eleven years old. We are in two different universes right now though. I don't know how we are going to sync ourselves together and either does he. It would help if the communicating aspect wasn't so hard.
Keith is killing me. Quite literally. He pops up out of nowhere and all of the sudden wants me to come over and spend the night with him. I know what that means... I know it means he wants a bootycall. I also know that he doesn't expect a bootycall and wouldn't mind if we just spent the night in each other's arms. I've tried SO hard to get over him, get him off my mind, and I've done a great job. Until now. It's so much easier when he's not talking to me, but as soon as he texts me, I automatically want to get up and go over to where he is. I want to be with him the way we used to be, but all of the bad shit that happened between us has put a wall up. I know I shouldn't break that wall down, I know my friends would officially be pissed at me if I let him back in, I know my parents would be pissed because they know he doesn't appreciate me the way he should. And yet I am considering going back to him. I really am stupid.
To be continued.
I'm about 95% sure that I'm not transferring anymore. I can't imagine any school being much better than Randolph-Macon. Yeah, the social life kind of sucks, but I'll live... it is ony two more years. The academics are pretty great, especially my Religion classes. My advisor and my other main religion professor are both amazing and helping me out in every imaginable way and I am so thankful for them.
My love life is spiraling out of control. I don't know who is genuine anymore. There are so many potentials and yet, so many dead-ends. Scott and Keith are slowly decaying my heart and soul with their relentless back and forth games. Two weeks ago Scott told me he loves me. I haven't heard him say those words since we broke up nine years ago. I know he meant it and I know that I love him too. I've never loved anyone the way that I have loved him. I've loved him since I was eleven years old. We are in two different universes right now though. I don't know how we are going to sync ourselves together and either does he. It would help if the communicating aspect wasn't so hard.
Keith is killing me. Quite literally. He pops up out of nowhere and all of the sudden wants me to come over and spend the night with him. I know what that means... I know it means he wants a bootycall. I also know that he doesn't expect a bootycall and wouldn't mind if we just spent the night in each other's arms. I've tried SO hard to get over him, get him off my mind, and I've done a great job. Until now. It's so much easier when he's not talking to me, but as soon as he texts me, I automatically want to get up and go over to where he is. I want to be with him the way we used to be, but all of the bad shit that happened between us has put a wall up. I know I shouldn't break that wall down, I know my friends would officially be pissed at me if I let him back in, I know my parents would be pissed because they know he doesn't appreciate me the way he should. And yet I am considering going back to him. I really am stupid.
To be continued.