Let's try some optimism
Summer is basically over and I'm already back at school. This summer was similar to last year's, but not quite as good. Almost, but not quite. However, I did hit a few milestones in my life that though I regretted at the time, I have now come to terms with. I am twenty years old and I would like to say that I live each day striving to be more and more spontaneous and free and HAPPY. God knows it's not easy, but I'm trying. With each new day, I'm trying.
I'm back at school now and things are finally starting to pick up. Michelle moved in yesterday and so me, her, my roommate, Chris, and Al all hung out all day yesterday and last night. Oddly enough, though these boys are like our best friends/brothers, Al ended up in Megan's bed and Chris ended up in mine last night. All I can say is, I'm certainly glad Chris ISN'T my brother. Haha. No, but really... I've been back three days and already have christened my dorm room/bed. Go me? Haha. It was weird to kiss and be so intimate with Chris. I never would have expected that to happen. I must say, I really enjoyed it. I felt safe with him. I like that.
So after my wonderful night with Chris, I was as buzzed as I could be. I felt elated and on top of the world. Next thing I know, life throws me a curveball. (By now, I shouldn't expect anything less I suppose). Scott myspace messaged me this morning. I knew that would happen. I called it. I told all of my friends, "as soon as I leave VB and go back to school, Scott's going to try to contact me" and I was right. Fuck, in this case, I almost wouldn't have minded if I had been wrong. He knows I still love him and I know he still loves me. When are we going to put the past in the fucking past and try to do something about the present and future? It's time to forgive and it's time to get my head out of the past... with Scott, and with all of the friends I have lost in the past year and a half. It sucks that they are gone and I miss them all terribly, but I cannot keep living day to day wondering what could have happened and constantly analyzing every bit of memory I have with these people. If I continue to do so, I really will be miserable for the rest of my life.
My love life is up in the air, my school situation is up in the air, my employment is up in the air, where I'll be living next summer is up in the air, and yet, I'm just trying to live for today. No more stress, no more worrying, no more sadness. Whether I want to or not, I have to keep moving. I have to keep going and after days like today, hiking Belle Isle and swimming carefree in the James River, I'm starting to have some faith that there are some things in life worth living for. I intend to continue to find those things and surround myself with them.
I'm back at school now and things are finally starting to pick up. Michelle moved in yesterday and so me, her, my roommate, Chris, and Al all hung out all day yesterday and last night. Oddly enough, though these boys are like our best friends/brothers, Al ended up in Megan's bed and Chris ended up in mine last night. All I can say is, I'm certainly glad Chris ISN'T my brother. Haha. No, but really... I've been back three days and already have christened my dorm room/bed. Go me? Haha. It was weird to kiss and be so intimate with Chris. I never would have expected that to happen. I must say, I really enjoyed it. I felt safe with him. I like that.
So after my wonderful night with Chris, I was as buzzed as I could be. I felt elated and on top of the world. Next thing I know, life throws me a curveball. (By now, I shouldn't expect anything less I suppose). Scott myspace messaged me this morning. I knew that would happen. I called it. I told all of my friends, "as soon as I leave VB and go back to school, Scott's going to try to contact me" and I was right. Fuck, in this case, I almost wouldn't have minded if I had been wrong. He knows I still love him and I know he still loves me. When are we going to put the past in the fucking past and try to do something about the present and future? It's time to forgive and it's time to get my head out of the past... with Scott, and with all of the friends I have lost in the past year and a half. It sucks that they are gone and I miss them all terribly, but I cannot keep living day to day wondering what could have happened and constantly analyzing every bit of memory I have with these people. If I continue to do so, I really will be miserable for the rest of my life.
My love life is up in the air, my school situation is up in the air, my employment is up in the air, where I'll be living next summer is up in the air, and yet, I'm just trying to live for today. No more stress, no more worrying, no more sadness. Whether I want to or not, I have to keep moving. I have to keep going and after days like today, hiking Belle Isle and swimming carefree in the James River, I'm starting to have some faith that there are some things in life worth living for. I intend to continue to find those things and surround myself with them.