(no subject)
Well, life has taken its twists and turns, and I feel that I need to update on my feelings.
I've been really upset for the past week. I've been putting my life back together, piece by piece, since things fell apart this past semester.
Rob was the one person I always felt comfortable talking to. I could depend on him to listen, no matter the situation.
But I don't have that anymore, somewhere in the past couple of weeks I messed things up, I made a choice that took away time from him that I never wanted to remove anyway.
And I know that he insists that he's not that important, that he doesn't need me, that whatever time I have to give to him is sufficient.
But friendship was never about being there for someone when it was convenient for me.
I think that I cared too much, or he gained too much of my confidence too early. Regardless of how things happened...this one person won more of my loyalty and trust than most people could ever imagine I'm capable of giving.
I'm dating someone else, Mike. Who is absolutely fabulous.
But for some reason I'm still not happy.
Because I'm losing a good friend, for a boyfriend and potential best friend. But this situation shouldn't be about choosing, it should be about balance.
I don't want to make the same mistake as last time and spend all my time with my boyfriend, to find when life gets me down, and things turn to shit...that I depend on one person to help me when I need someone to turn to.
It's not even just a matter of myself. I want to give my friendship, close friendship, to a few select people.
Rob had won that from me, despite trying for the opposite.
And now what do I do?
I have an emotional and mental attachment to a person whom I can't seem to win over.
I'm upset and this really sucks.
Typing this is barely scratching the surface.
And there is always the chance for misinterpretation and hurt feelings because of what I say.
But I can't change or help how I feel.
Things will always be just what they are.
I've been really upset for the past week. I've been putting my life back together, piece by piece, since things fell apart this past semester.
Rob was the one person I always felt comfortable talking to. I could depend on him to listen, no matter the situation.
But I don't have that anymore, somewhere in the past couple of weeks I messed things up, I made a choice that took away time from him that I never wanted to remove anyway.
And I know that he insists that he's not that important, that he doesn't need me, that whatever time I have to give to him is sufficient.
But friendship was never about being there for someone when it was convenient for me.
I think that I cared too much, or he gained too much of my confidence too early. Regardless of how things happened...this one person won more of my loyalty and trust than most people could ever imagine I'm capable of giving.
I'm dating someone else, Mike. Who is absolutely fabulous.
But for some reason I'm still not happy.
Because I'm losing a good friend, for a boyfriend and potential best friend. But this situation shouldn't be about choosing, it should be about balance.
I don't want to make the same mistake as last time and spend all my time with my boyfriend, to find when life gets me down, and things turn to shit...that I depend on one person to help me when I need someone to turn to.
It's not even just a matter of myself. I want to give my friendship, close friendship, to a few select people.
Rob had won that from me, despite trying for the opposite.
And now what do I do?
I have an emotional and mental attachment to a person whom I can't seem to win over.
I'm upset and this really sucks.
Typing this is barely scratching the surface.
And there is always the chance for misinterpretation and hurt feelings because of what I say.
But I can't change or help how I feel.
Things will always be just what they are.