(no subject)
So today I pretty much had a break down. I was at my mom's house before babysitting and I just sat on the couch and started crying. I felt overwhelmed by everything, school, work, graduate applications, my drinking. I was still crying in the car on my way to babysitting but then when I got to the school to pick the kids up Joey came running out at top speed, threw his bookbag on the ground and pretty much tackled me. Then becca came running out singing as loud as she could and I looked at them and thought I remember what it was like to be a kid and just be happy because school was out and I could have cookies and jump on a trampoline. I think when we grow up we let all these other worries and pressures take over our lives. I decided to skip my classes tommorow. I am going to sleep late and eat breakfast in bed and rest. I feel guilty for skipping but I need a break. I may not have a cold but I am kind of sick emotionally now, or at least run down. I am not the person I have been acting like these past few days. I am not the drunk girl at a concert lying in a dirty puddle. I need to get everything together and make some changes. I need to be stronger. I'm not going to let Preet make me sad anymore, or Josh or anyone. The whole thing with him sucks. I finally met a guy I could see myself really liking and then I blew it. But I keep telling myself that although he is perfectly justified in his opinion of me I still know it is not correct. i know myself better and I know I am a better person. Right now i'm at a pretty low point in my life but I also recognize I have some pretty great things in my life too. I have a family that loves me. I have good friends, Elizabeth who I can always call for coffee on a lonely tuesday night, Annie who always listens to my complaints even if she is about to go to sleep. Natlie who has picked me up when my car has broken down and when I have been broken up with and others. Anyways I'm off to study and then...finally to sleep ...tommorow makes me think of Ferris bueller's day off and I really like this quote..."Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."