(no subject)
So quick update and why I am dumb:
1. Repeated something I shouldn't have, which proceeded to get one of my really good/true friends pissed at me, with very good reason.
2. Angered another "friend" with my own selfish behavior which proceeded to make me cry because of 3.
3. Made mistake of reading said "friend's" girlfriends lj. I can't deicde if I cried out of sadness or pity though. I wonder if she knows he said the same things to me, to gf before me, to gf before her? hrrrm. Interesting. Would write scathing entry about this, but what's the use, I'd only get in more trouble. AND get blocked. AGAIN. Oh wait, that already happened.
4. Spanish people who pretend to not be able to speak english but really can, piss me off.
5. I hate the GAP.
6. I hate living at home.
7. I hate that I am alone
8. I hate that it's my fault that friend 1 is mad. AND that I deserve it for being lame.
9. I hate "friend" 2
10. Number 3 makes me feel sick to my stomach fr being dumb and I pray I wasn't "quite" that idiotic. Then again I believed he was going to marry me. So I was that dumb
11. I love Aaron Morris aka "Diz"
12. I wanta real job
13. I hate that I can't be trusted, but I really can't unless the secret is really truly important. boys aren't real secrets to me.
14. I am a bad friend.
15. I am selfish
16. I lie. Alot
17. I drink alone. A LOT
18. I smoke cigarettes to kill myself
19. I am crazy
20. I am a bad person
21. Only three people can really make me cry. The others who have made me cry, it's just acting.
22. I still am really mad at Sloan
23. I am fat
24. I play games when I get bored. I am bored.
25. I need to go back to therapy
26. I shouldn't want him back
27. I want to play chicken with a drunk driver
28. I want to go skinny dipping in a shark infested pool to curb my fear of sharks.
29. I want to tight rope walk without a net.
30. I want to have sex without protection to see what happens
31. I want to be in an abusive relationship. check.
32. I want to break you down so badly
33. I'm climbing the walls
34. I want to freeze
35. I want to burn.
36. I am Jezabel
37. I am a Tiajuana Whore
38. I break things
39. I hurt myself for fun
40. I would do anything for the people who break through the surface. And those are the people who I have fought to keep in my life. Those are the ones who matter. The ones who chase me when I run. The ones who don't give up.
This post is deicated to my good friend Jess. Whom I might just be obsessed with. Even though I am not very nice to her.