That 70s show - Season 7
Donna: Okay. Well, the only problem is I don't know how many people will hear it. I used to think I had a lot of listeners because I had a lot of call-ins, but it turns out it was just one crazy guy doing different voices. You may know him as Fez.
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Donna: Oh, god, you didn't go out with Kelso again, did you?
Angie: No. I was on my way to going out with him, but then we got interrupted by me sleeping with him.
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Jackie: I can't touch an egg.
Kitty: Why not?
Jackie: 'Cause it came out of a chicken butt.
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Fez: I don't know, just show Donna who's boss. Take her like a man.
Eric: No, I tried that once in bed, but... all I got was a sprained wrist.
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Donna: Fine, dad, but you won't have my respect.
Bob: One more woman who doesn't respect me-- that camel's back broke long ago.
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Jackie: You know, the Lopps [ladies of Point Place] are known for being super stuck-up and totally 2-Faced. I can't wait till I get in.
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Jackie: I thought Steven was maturing. He’s out of high school, he's got a job and lately he's even been taking his sunglasses off inside the house. That's real progress, Donna.
Donna: Well, maybe what's going on with Hyde is the same thing that's going on with my boyfriend, Lutenant funyun.
Jackie: Steven should not be having fun. He should be with me.
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Jackie: Okay, Steven does not need a blowout. He needs a kick in the nads.
Kitty: It's Christmas. At holiday time, we say »He needs a kick in the sleigh bells«.
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Kitty: We need to stall. Read the kids a story.
Red: Well, I have a book in the car, but it's about the Korean War.
Kitty: Well, go get it. Better those kids suffer emotional damage than I look bad in front of the Lopps.
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Donna: So put that in your face lift and smoke it.
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Jackie: I need to know the guy I'm in love with isn't gonna blow me off for a roomful of toys.
Hyde: That's not a guarantee I can ever give you.
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Hyde: Still mad at me about the Christmas party?
Jackie: No. I'm just starting to realize you might never be the man I dreamed you'd be.
Hyde: That's the spirit. Lower your expectations.
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Eric: So anyone have any stories about Angie's new boyfriend and some of his crazy antics?
Red: What do you want? I got one with water, one with fire, one where he burned himself underwater.
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Kelso: So I've narrowed it down to two reasons why Angie might have broken up with me-- She's either a lesbian or a robot.
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Hyde: Jackie, you wanna talk?
Jackie: What would I have to say to you?
Hyde: I don't know. How about, um... "I'm a crazy, spoiled whack job and I'm sorry"?
Fez: That's no way to talk to a woman.
Kelso: Yeah, especially a spoiled, crazy whack job. Man, she's liable to kill you.
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Jackie: Now that I'm not with Steven, I have much more time to do mannish, unlady like things with you.
Donna: I'll give you 50 bucks to take her back.
Hyde: 50 bucks buys me beer for a week. Freedom lasts a lifetime.
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Kelso: Yeah, the only thing that could ruin today is... if the Russians set off that Russian death ray that's pointed at the white house. No, seriously. No, I read about it in a magazine.
Eric: Kelso that was "the flash" and it is a comic book.
Fez: I love comic books. I wish I had thought bubbles. Do you see anything?
Hyde: Kelso, the Russians don't have a death ray, but they do have a stupid ray and it's pointed directly at you.
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Eric: There's no way the government would park a car right outside my house.
Hyde: Forman, anything you think the government's not doing, they are doing. The only thing they didn't do is land a man on the moon. No, no, no, no, no. Spielberg shot the entire thing on a Hollywood movie set. That's how he got the job for "Jaws."
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Kelso: No, no, you'll go to jail, I'll pull some strings to get you out. Point place P.D. Has connections with the FBI. One of our dogs transferred from there.
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Hyde: Damn. When Kelso's the only one thinking straight, we're in trouble.
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Eric: You put a little schnapps in the hot chocolate.
Kelso: Yeah, more like I put a little hot chocolate in the schnapps.
Red: You kids talking about booze? Well, schnapp it over here.
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Hyde: Is she insane?
Donna: Of course. What are you, new here?
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Jackie: Donna, women should be valued for their looks. Men should be valued for their cars, and foreigners should be valued for their ability to sweep.
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Donna: Jackie, how are you gonna tell people the news if you don't know any news?
Jackie: I know all the news that's really important, like who's got a new car, what store is having a sale on leggings and, uh, and if there'll ever be peace in the middle-east. Who am I kidding? No one cares about China.
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Kitty: Okay, I don't understand why you're taking a video camera on a road trip. You should be packing more sensible items, like toilet paper and your mother.
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Kelso: Uh, uh, I just remembered that I- I can't be in the basement 'cause I'm uncomfortable below sea level.
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Eric: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a flat tire? Well, see, first, the tire has to really wanna change.
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Kitty: I thought sure he would call you. He's always choosing you over me.
Donna: Name one time.
Kitty: Prom night.
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Eric: So, uh, Leo, what have you been doing since you left town?
Leo: Ah, just wandering around, trying to find my place in life.
Eric: Yeah, I've been trying to find my place in life, too. It's like, you know, like, where do I fit in?
Leo: No, I've been looking for my house, man.
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Donna: I never should have let Eric go on this trip. I should have tempted him into staying home by offering him sex.
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Red: My foot is shaking, it wants to kick his ass so bad.
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Kitty: I don't like the looks of these people. They seem like they could tease a polite young man about his sweater and then laugh when he starts to cry. Where is my baby?
Donna: See, that's the problem. Maybe if you didn't baby Eric so much, he wouldn't have had to leave to prove himself.
Kitty: Well, maybe if you hadn't exhausted him with your sexual demands, he wouldn't have had to leave just to get some sleep.
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Kelso: Look, don't worry. All she does is sleep. It's like taking care of a bowling ball.
Leo: I don't like bowling, man. You throw the ball down there, and it keeps coming back. It's spooky, man.
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Kelso: No. I can't take Betsy in my car. I took out the seat belts to make it go faster.
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Leo: Man, am I glad I found you guys. All these houses look alike. Except for that red one on the
corner where the clown lives.
Donna: That's a McDonald's.
Leo: Well, whatever his name is, he's funny.
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Jackie: I'm so glad I graduated high school. You know, it is such a relief to finally know everything.
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Eric: Every one of my friends has a career path except for me. Even Kelso. Kelso... the kid who thinks that N.A.T.O. Is Japanese for "neato."
Red: know, it's just not fair. I mean, you sleep late, and you watch TV all day... the job offers should be rolling in.
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Eric: I can't believe I'm back in gym, or as I like to call it, "the institute of things I can't do."
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Kelso: Okay, Fez, this bedroom's clearly better, 'cause it has its own bathroom, so I'm go ahead and be the bigger man and give it to myself.
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Eric: So, Kelso, you gonna break up with her your usual way... send a note saying you got kidnapped by kung fu robots ?
Kelso: No, it won't work with her. She doesn't even believe in kung fu robots. I just gonna have to talk to her.
Eric: Whoa! Kelso, you never break up with a girl to her face. You usually have me tell her you're dead. And then when she eventually sees you, you have me tell her you're a ghost.
Jackie: Michael, why don't you do what you did with me? Toilet paper my house!
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Hyde: How did you get a promotion? You don't know anything about music. Last week a guy came in asking for Kiss. You called him a pervert and slapped him in the face.
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Kitty: So what impoverished area will you go to? Is it east Milwaukee?
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Kitty: How are you gonna feel when your son gets killed by a lion or a disease-carrying fly?
Red: You get killed by a fly, I'm not buying you a headstone.
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Jackie: Look, he means, why did you promote that whore Angie?
WB: You mean my daughter Angie.
Jackie: I stand by my statement. (hides behind Hyde) You can't hit a girl.
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Hyde: Reminds me of an ancient Chinese proverb. It goes, somethin', somethin', somethin', crazy girlfriend. Somethin', somethin', drink lots of beer.
Eric: Hyde, I don't think we're gonna find the answer to our problems in a keg of beer. Unless they're at the bottom, so drink up!
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Kitty: You know, Donna, you should be out there trying to keep Eric from going to Africa instead of sitting here on your patootie.
Donna: Well, I'm doing everything I can. I even lied to him and told him I was out on a date with another guy.
Kitty: Sweetie, that's amateur hour. God gave you a very full chest. I suggest you start using it on my son.
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Kitty: A mother should support her son. Just know... the needles are big as sausages, and if I miss the mark by even a hair, your heart might explode. But don't worry. It only hurts till you die.
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Hyde: I'm not mopey. I'm fine.
Leo: Well, where's that loud girl you're always hangin' with?
Hyde: Jackie? She's in Chicago.
Leo: Wait, if Jackie's in Chicago, I have a question.
Hyde: What?
Leo: Who's Jackie?
Hyde: Jackie's the loud girl.
Leo: Loud girl's in Chicago! Hey, that's why you're sad, man. You love loud girl.
Hyde: Maybe I do. You know what? The only reason I'm admitting that is because you have no short-term memory. You're gonna forget this conversation when it's over.
Leo: Hey, that's not true, man. Hey, guess what I found out.
Hyde: What, Leo?
Leo: Loud girl's in Chicago.
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Eric: Yeah, why do I have to get shots anyway? So I get yellow fever. I could use a little color.
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Red: I don't know if you know this, but I've been looking forward to you getting out of the house for a long time.
Eric: Yeah. I believe your exact words were, "it will be more glorious than d-day."
Season 1 quotes
Season 2 quotes Part 1 Part 2
Season 3 quotes
Season 4 quotes
Season 5 quotes
Season 6 quotes Part 1 Part 2
Season 7 quotes Part 1