A Trip to The Psychiatrist
Well, Tuesday afternoon, after a few days of panic attacks, crying attacks, deep heartbreak and the feeling that I was loosing my mind and the dark deamons were soon to get me, I call Kaiser and got an appointment with a psychiatrist to get on some meds that would hopefully save me.
It was wierd to talk to this man about all my shit, i sat and cried on the couch for 30 minutes explaining to him that, "This is not me, this is not who I normally am. I am a happy person, I have done YEARS of therapy, but I am freaking out and I am afraid for my sanity!"
He varified that I am dealing with a lot of stuff and it is very normal to be feeling what I was feeling. He prescribed me some anti anxiety meds for my present freaking out, but strongly suggested that I start anti depressants, if only for a short time. I stopped him and told him I am not an anti-depressant kinda gal, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Yes indeed, I am depressed, have been since last winter when my mom fell ill. It's been steadily worse over the months and the breakup with Bass Boy sent me over the edge. I agreed. I am now one of thousands of people on anti depressants, I feel hopeful that they will help me. the doc told me to just try it for 4 months, then I can see how I feel and stop if I want.
The anti anxiety meds are holding me together at this point, but it's like putting tape on the dam, I hope to have the anti-deps kick in soon so I can get off my depressed ass and live my life again.
I also am going to start Therapy again with the Hospice organization that helped care for my mom. They offer free sessions for those who suffered loss of a love one. Free is good, can't afford it otherwise.
I just want to get better, I just want to feel some sense of joy from inside myself again, I want to stop crying all the time, I want to feel less anger and fear. I don't want to feel so alone.
It was wierd to talk to this man about all my shit, i sat and cried on the couch for 30 minutes explaining to him that, "This is not me, this is not who I normally am. I am a happy person, I have done YEARS of therapy, but I am freaking out and I am afraid for my sanity!"
He varified that I am dealing with a lot of stuff and it is very normal to be feeling what I was feeling. He prescribed me some anti anxiety meds for my present freaking out, but strongly suggested that I start anti depressants, if only for a short time. I stopped him and told him I am not an anti-depressant kinda gal, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Yes indeed, I am depressed, have been since last winter when my mom fell ill. It's been steadily worse over the months and the breakup with Bass Boy sent me over the edge. I agreed. I am now one of thousands of people on anti depressants, I feel hopeful that they will help me. the doc told me to just try it for 4 months, then I can see how I feel and stop if I want.
The anti anxiety meds are holding me together at this point, but it's like putting tape on the dam, I hope to have the anti-deps kick in soon so I can get off my depressed ass and live my life again.
I also am going to start Therapy again with the Hospice organization that helped care for my mom. They offer free sessions for those who suffered loss of a love one. Free is good, can't afford it otherwise.
I just want to get better, I just want to feel some sense of joy from inside myself again, I want to stop crying all the time, I want to feel less anger and fear. I don't want to feel so alone.