(no subject)
I'm not used to happiness lasting like this.
For what feels like the first time, I look back at my journals and their trend is... Positive. Sometimes aggravated, frustrated, worried, tired, even combative.... But also: Motivated. Confident. Secure. Stable. Unanxious. Like, normal emotions.
Not depressed, not shaking my fists at the sky, not burning it all down.
Not wondering about meaning, what's next, leaving.
At some point something clicked.
For once, I'm solidly, consistently happy. And I can't remember a time when I could ever say something positive was consistent.
I feel like I'm finally somewhere I actually want to be,
And it looks nothing like I expected.
I know that nothing in this world lasts, so I'm going to enjoy this for as long as I possibly can, and appreciate every minute.
I am in love. It is terrifying to be so vulnerable, but I have never felt so safe with someone.
If only for a time, I know what real love---a real, functioning, healthy relationship---is.
We didn't see it anywhere, so we created it ourselves.
We just decided that we were going to be endlessly good to each other.
And have as much fun as possible. Listen, communicate, support, never judge.
We are edging towards a year together, and it still continuously blows my mind that we are even together.
Intelligent, wise, loving, affectionate, understanding.
Flexible, spontaneous, gorgeous, adventurous, interesting.
Nerdy, funny, caring, attentive.
Loves to cook. Loves to dance.
Communicative. Open. Philosophical.
I couldn't have invented a better partner if I tried.
I am the luckiest girl in the world.
Today, I came home from my shift at the bank to him experimenting, making homemade pizza on his brand new pizza stone.
We had dinner, caught up with each other's days, joked around.
He took a nap on the floor and I picked up the kitchen.
Now he lays in my bed watching Star Trek with me as I write this.
Tonight's been a mild night in, but the best thing about it is that if one of us were feeling restless,
We'd be out in the night: dancing, socializing, walking the saint streets.
Maybe driving, shooting pool, exploring, getting into trouble. Anything.
If one of us were losing it, we'd spend the night hashing it out.
Somehow, by some magical happenstance, we meet on all levels.
I couldn't be more pleased.
I have a comfy home with people I cherish.
I have a job that gives me more than enough to support myself and build without tearing myself apart.
I am healthy, productive, interested, engaged.
I'm constantly pursuing my hobbies and developing my skills.
I am always building a better life for myself, and am motivated to do so.
I have balance in almost all aspects. Mind, body, spirit. Work and play.
I am happy.
And, I am endlessly thankful.
For what feels like the first time, I look back at my journals and their trend is... Positive. Sometimes aggravated, frustrated, worried, tired, even combative.... But also: Motivated. Confident. Secure. Stable. Unanxious. Like, normal emotions.
Not depressed, not shaking my fists at the sky, not burning it all down.
Not wondering about meaning, what's next, leaving.
At some point something clicked.
For once, I'm solidly, consistently happy. And I can't remember a time when I could ever say something positive was consistent.
I feel like I'm finally somewhere I actually want to be,
And it looks nothing like I expected.
I know that nothing in this world lasts, so I'm going to enjoy this for as long as I possibly can, and appreciate every minute.
I am in love. It is terrifying to be so vulnerable, but I have never felt so safe with someone.
If only for a time, I know what real love---a real, functioning, healthy relationship---is.
We didn't see it anywhere, so we created it ourselves.
We just decided that we were going to be endlessly good to each other.
And have as much fun as possible. Listen, communicate, support, never judge.
We are edging towards a year together, and it still continuously blows my mind that we are even together.
Intelligent, wise, loving, affectionate, understanding.
Flexible, spontaneous, gorgeous, adventurous, interesting.
Nerdy, funny, caring, attentive.
Loves to cook. Loves to dance.
Communicative. Open. Philosophical.
I couldn't have invented a better partner if I tried.
I am the luckiest girl in the world.
Today, I came home from my shift at the bank to him experimenting, making homemade pizza on his brand new pizza stone.
We had dinner, caught up with each other's days, joked around.
He took a nap on the floor and I picked up the kitchen.
Now he lays in my bed watching Star Trek with me as I write this.
Tonight's been a mild night in, but the best thing about it is that if one of us were feeling restless,
We'd be out in the night: dancing, socializing, walking the saint streets.
Maybe driving, shooting pool, exploring, getting into trouble. Anything.
If one of us were losing it, we'd spend the night hashing it out.
Somehow, by some magical happenstance, we meet on all levels.
I couldn't be more pleased.
I have a comfy home with people I cherish.
I have a job that gives me more than enough to support myself and build without tearing myself apart.
I am healthy, productive, interested, engaged.
I'm constantly pursuing my hobbies and developing my skills.
I am always building a better life for myself, and am motivated to do so.
I have balance in almost all aspects. Mind, body, spirit. Work and play.
I am happy.
And, I am endlessly thankful.