"fast as i can" ost#1: Not ready to say (I love you)
As promised: the 'soundtrack', with lyrics, and faic!rambling, and music for those of you who care for that.
1. broadway - goo goo dolls
2. learn you inside out - lifehouse
3. the tower - vienna teng
4. knock knock - lenka
5. overlap (re-recorded version) - ani difranco
6. sway - the perishers
7. dare you to move - switchfoot
8. falling is like this - ani difranco
9. the walk - imogen heap
10. collide (acoustic) - howie day
11. the fear you won't fall - joshua radin
12. run away - brendan james
13. fast as i can - great big sea
(1) broadway | goo goo dolls
See the young man sitting
In the old man's bar
Waiting for his turn to die
So in canon, Zekk met Jaina - what, before he was even in his teens? He was maybe thirteen, at the most. And I’ve always been a little snooty about AU’s that have everything - characters, events, pairings - happen the same way they would have otherwise, besides their obvious AU. FaIC does have some of that: Kyp and Jaina are still friends (although perhaps even closer, in this universe, without Zekk), Peckhum still took Zekk in, and so on. But Zekk loses something, or even just misses something - that push, the startling contrast and challenge that Jaina’s differences provide in canon. I don’t want to say Jaina was the only reason, or even the biggest reason he kept pushing himself, because so much of that is Zekk, and his pride, and his wanting a better life. But actually, real life sucks, and you have to get a job to pay the rent, and sometimes - if everyone around you is doing the same thing - you just sort of…stall. And all of Zekk’s friends are in the same spot, whereas Jaina is such an obvious contrast, and it gave him that push - to canonically go with Brakiss, perhaps, but to jump out of the safety zone. FaIC!Zekk has that pride, but the years have been working on him, and Jaina came in late. Zekk works at the Flash, and places like it; he doesn’t learn to fly; he hardens himself to the people who were “given” those opportunities; and he starts to stop. Enter: Jaina. (Also: ramble much, Erin?)
(2) learn you inside out | lifehouse
I see all that you want to be
Look into your soul
Looking right back at me
I want to learn you inside out
FaIC doesn’t start as a romance, exactly, and it doesn’t even end like one - exactly. But they keep stumbling into knowing each other, and it turns into a friendship for a long time before anything else. Also, there’s a lot of talking in FaIC. You might have noticed.
(3) the tower | vienna teng
She carries the act so convincingly the fact is
sometimes she believes it
that she can be happy the way things are
be happy with the things she's done
Oh, and Jaina. Her issues are…less obvious, at first, than Zekk’s are. There are some of the relationship issues, but this song is much more Jaina as a Jedi, and particularly after Quatroc. It extends into the sequel, too, but I’ll be more FaIC-specific. Jaina is a strong character; she fights bad guys, and she doesn’t take the easy road, and she has friends and family for whom she would do anything. But for all her strength and pragmatism (Jacen is the philosopher, and Anakin the brooder; Jaina gets the job done), she’s also a complex, sometimes conflicted character. She builds a wall, because life is hard; she sees the worst of people, she can’t save everyone, and sometimes she has to do things that she prefers to drink away. She would never change being a Jedi, because that’s who she is, and it’s how she was raised, and it’s as right as turning her head would be wrong. She loves her family, her friends. But she knows she’s missing something, and she can’t always ignore her demons. Strong is fighting. It’s hard, and it’s painful, and it’s everyday. But it’s what we have to do. (Buffy quotes are always appropriate. You can finish the quote as you wish ;\)
(4) knock, knock | lenka
When life had locked me out, I turned to you
so open the door.
You’re all I need right now it’s true.
Nothin' works like you
Post-Kyp’s injuries. Pre-Cruxx takedown. Post-Quec’slig. Zekk seems to do a lot of Jaina damage control, really. I can’t say I really planned that, but it’s never massive damage-friendship- and time-healed issues. There are things Jaina can recover from on her own; there are many more that her family and other friends support her through. But there’s definitely something about Zekk that Jaina responds to even early on, for whatever reason.
(5) overlap (re-recorded version) | ani difranco
'Cause I know there is strength
In the differences between us
And I know there is comfort
Where we overlap
Of course, the differences demand talking about. I’ll admit, restarting FaIC a few years later made a significant difference to how I viewed this fic, and the differences in particular. But if Jaina and Zekk could not surpass the discrepancies, overcome the rough edges, and become better for it - then this story would be pointless. But more than that, and this is getting a bit into my views on the ending; “overcoming” and “becoming better” is not just about the relationship, or Jaina and Zekk together, but that the friendship itself makes a difference in their lives, and that Jaina and Zekk become better people themselves, whatever might happen in their future. (Also, they totally end up together, sequel or no sequel, so it’s all good - obviously, I think.)
(6) sway | the perishers
I don’t wanna hurt you
I don’t wanna make you sway
Like I know I’ve done before
I will not do it anymore
To sequel or not to sequel?-that is the question. But if not, then I’ll at least say this: in Jaina’s life, there was a dress rehearsal with very real consequences. This is the history Zekk doesn’t know, and the shadow in the back of her interactions with Zekk and Jag and the rest of everyone she meets. Zekk never met Jaina, and he was changed for it, but Jaina was still the girl who wandered down into Coruscant’s lower levels-so what did she see that was different? One day, Jaina didn’t meet Zekk, and her life was different, too, if in a less obvious way. Life changes you, and it’s not always the thing you bring up in conversation, or even see as blocking you until the day you find yourself in a slightly similar situation - for example, meeting Zekk during a mission; or being ordered to say something like “I love you” in the middle of a blow-up fight/not-fight - that you realize there are things you forgot to say. But Jaina’s a strong character, and she isn’t doing this anymore. There is no swaying here!-except for human nature.
Also, I’m pretty sure I chose this song for the friendship factor. You know, before I started rambling here :P
(7) dare you to move | switchfoot
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
FaIC isn’t just a romance, or even just a friendship. It’s also about two characters, and growing up. Although, if you ask James Baldwin, that’s part and parcel of love. (Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.) Both characters need to claim their full potential - Zekk, quite obviously and as he does at the end; and Jaina, as she was finally ready to do when Zekk took off and delayed the application (*facepalm* :P). But that’s why it’s not an unhappy ending, at least to me. They grow, and perhaps apart for a little while - but it isn’t an ending. (Or, if it is, then it has a beginning tied to it.)
(8) falling is like this | ani difranco
and we'll say we didn't know, we didn't even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky
Denial ain’t just a river in SW!Egypt for these two, I’ll say that much. I love his song for FaIC!J/Z because it has the playfulness and friendship right in the lyrics. Also, this song, even if I skipped over Ani’s “Pulse” for the post-Quec’slig scene (which will be in the extra songs entry, because it was actually the soundtrack for that scene) rather than this one.
(9) the walk | imogen heap
You're as close as it gets
Without touching me.
Oh now don't make it harder
than it already is.
I feel a weakness coming on.
Jaina’s song. I mean, to be more specific, her J/Z song. Zekk may have been the first to start crushing, but Jaina was probably the first to really fall and then realize it; it doesn’t mean she was ready for it. Breaking news! : Jaina has issues with her love life-but then again, she’s also her father’s daughter. She runs, maybe, but she comes back in the nick of time, too.
(10) collide (acoustic) | howie day
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Self-explanatory, I think? The push-and-pull & approach-and-withdraw of their relationship. Also, Jaina and Zekk have timing problems.
(11) the fear you won’t fall | joshua radin
And I know it’s easy to say, but it’s harder to feel this way,
And I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could,
I can't get my mind off of you
I put this song quite soon before the fight/not-fight, as both characters are struggling toward deciding what they feel, and (in Jaina’s case) whether or not to take that leap.
(12) run away | brendan james
Holding you is holding you back from what you could be, what you could have.
Run away, run away before it's too late.
You never what you're gonna find out there.
No, you never know until you look.
Maybe Jaina and Zekk’s timing could have been better; but at the same time, Zekk needed that push, and Jaina needed to let him go. Even if she’s going to be beyond furious when she finds out he took off without telling her.
(13) fast as I can | great big sea
I'm goin’ fast as I can, please don't make me rush
this feeling's coming on way too fast
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never forget
But I'm not ready say, "I love you" yet
Obligatory title-song reference. Because…yeah, clearly.
& honorary mention:
down | something corporate
Let's get crazy,
Talk about our big plans
Places that you're going
Places that I haven't been
Build my walls up
Concrete castle
Keep this kingdom free of hassle, yeah
& the rar file.
Previously on:
Isra OST - Here By My Side (The Devil)
Kyp/Sanar OST - Villain
1. broadway - goo goo dolls
2. learn you inside out - lifehouse
3. the tower - vienna teng
4. knock knock - lenka
5. overlap (re-recorded version) - ani difranco
6. sway - the perishers
7. dare you to move - switchfoot
8. falling is like this - ani difranco
9. the walk - imogen heap
10. collide (acoustic) - howie day
11. the fear you won't fall - joshua radin
12. run away - brendan james
13. fast as i can - great big sea
(1) broadway | goo goo dolls
See the young man sitting
In the old man's bar
Waiting for his turn to die
So in canon, Zekk met Jaina - what, before he was even in his teens? He was maybe thirteen, at the most. And I’ve always been a little snooty about AU’s that have everything - characters, events, pairings - happen the same way they would have otherwise, besides their obvious AU. FaIC does have some of that: Kyp and Jaina are still friends (although perhaps even closer, in this universe, without Zekk), Peckhum still took Zekk in, and so on. But Zekk loses something, or even just misses something - that push, the startling contrast and challenge that Jaina’s differences provide in canon. I don’t want to say Jaina was the only reason, or even the biggest reason he kept pushing himself, because so much of that is Zekk, and his pride, and his wanting a better life. But actually, real life sucks, and you have to get a job to pay the rent, and sometimes - if everyone around you is doing the same thing - you just sort of…stall. And all of Zekk’s friends are in the same spot, whereas Jaina is such an obvious contrast, and it gave him that push - to canonically go with Brakiss, perhaps, but to jump out of the safety zone. FaIC!Zekk has that pride, but the years have been working on him, and Jaina came in late. Zekk works at the Flash, and places like it; he doesn’t learn to fly; he hardens himself to the people who were “given” those opportunities; and he starts to stop. Enter: Jaina. (Also: ramble much, Erin?)
(2) learn you inside out | lifehouse
I see all that you want to be
Look into your soul
Looking right back at me
I want to learn you inside out
FaIC doesn’t start as a romance, exactly, and it doesn’t even end like one - exactly. But they keep stumbling into knowing each other, and it turns into a friendship for a long time before anything else. Also, there’s a lot of talking in FaIC. You might have noticed.
(3) the tower | vienna teng
She carries the act so convincingly the fact is
sometimes she believes it
that she can be happy the way things are
be happy with the things she's done
Oh, and Jaina. Her issues are…less obvious, at first, than Zekk’s are. There are some of the relationship issues, but this song is much more Jaina as a Jedi, and particularly after Quatroc. It extends into the sequel, too, but I’ll be more FaIC-specific. Jaina is a strong character; she fights bad guys, and she doesn’t take the easy road, and she has friends and family for whom she would do anything. But for all her strength and pragmatism (Jacen is the philosopher, and Anakin the brooder; Jaina gets the job done), she’s also a complex, sometimes conflicted character. She builds a wall, because life is hard; she sees the worst of people, she can’t save everyone, and sometimes she has to do things that she prefers to drink away. She would never change being a Jedi, because that’s who she is, and it’s how she was raised, and it’s as right as turning her head would be wrong. She loves her family, her friends. But she knows she’s missing something, and she can’t always ignore her demons. Strong is fighting. It’s hard, and it’s painful, and it’s everyday. But it’s what we have to do. (Buffy quotes are always appropriate. You can finish the quote as you wish ;\)
(4) knock, knock | lenka
When life had locked me out, I turned to you
so open the door.
You’re all I need right now it’s true.
Nothin' works like you
Post-Kyp’s injuries. Pre-Cruxx takedown. Post-Quec’slig. Zekk seems to do a lot of Jaina damage control, really. I can’t say I really planned that, but it’s never massive damage-friendship- and time-healed issues. There are things Jaina can recover from on her own; there are many more that her family and other friends support her through. But there’s definitely something about Zekk that Jaina responds to even early on, for whatever reason.
(5) overlap (re-recorded version) | ani difranco
'Cause I know there is strength
In the differences between us
And I know there is comfort
Where we overlap
Of course, the differences demand talking about. I’ll admit, restarting FaIC a few years later made a significant difference to how I viewed this fic, and the differences in particular. But if Jaina and Zekk could not surpass the discrepancies, overcome the rough edges, and become better for it - then this story would be pointless. But more than that, and this is getting a bit into my views on the ending; “overcoming” and “becoming better” is not just about the relationship, or Jaina and Zekk together, but that the friendship itself makes a difference in their lives, and that Jaina and Zekk become better people themselves, whatever might happen in their future. (Also, they totally end up together, sequel or no sequel, so it’s all good - obviously, I think.)
(6) sway | the perishers
I don’t wanna hurt you
I don’t wanna make you sway
Like I know I’ve done before
I will not do it anymore
To sequel or not to sequel?-that is the question. But if not, then I’ll at least say this: in Jaina’s life, there was a dress rehearsal with very real consequences. This is the history Zekk doesn’t know, and the shadow in the back of her interactions with Zekk and Jag and the rest of everyone she meets. Zekk never met Jaina, and he was changed for it, but Jaina was still the girl who wandered down into Coruscant’s lower levels-so what did she see that was different? One day, Jaina didn’t meet Zekk, and her life was different, too, if in a less obvious way. Life changes you, and it’s not always the thing you bring up in conversation, or even see as blocking you until the day you find yourself in a slightly similar situation - for example, meeting Zekk during a mission; or being ordered to say something like “I love you” in the middle of a blow-up fight/not-fight - that you realize there are things you forgot to say. But Jaina’s a strong character, and she isn’t doing this anymore. There is no swaying here!-except for human nature.
Also, I’m pretty sure I chose this song for the friendship factor. You know, before I started rambling here :P
(7) dare you to move | switchfoot
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
FaIC isn’t just a romance, or even just a friendship. It’s also about two characters, and growing up. Although, if you ask James Baldwin, that’s part and parcel of love. (Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.) Both characters need to claim their full potential - Zekk, quite obviously and as he does at the end; and Jaina, as she was finally ready to do when Zekk took off and delayed the application (*facepalm* :P). But that’s why it’s not an unhappy ending, at least to me. They grow, and perhaps apart for a little while - but it isn’t an ending. (Or, if it is, then it has a beginning tied to it.)
(8) falling is like this | ani difranco
and we'll say we didn't know, we didn't even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky
Denial ain’t just a river in SW!Egypt for these two, I’ll say that much. I love his song for FaIC!J/Z because it has the playfulness and friendship right in the lyrics. Also, this song, even if I skipped over Ani’s “Pulse” for the post-Quec’slig scene (which will be in the extra songs entry, because it was actually the soundtrack for that scene) rather than this one.
(9) the walk | imogen heap
You're as close as it gets
Without touching me.
Oh now don't make it harder
than it already is.
I feel a weakness coming on.
Jaina’s song. I mean, to be more specific, her J/Z song. Zekk may have been the first to start crushing, but Jaina was probably the first to really fall and then realize it; it doesn’t mean she was ready for it. Breaking news! : Jaina has issues with her love life-but then again, she’s also her father’s daughter. She runs, maybe, but she comes back in the nick of time, too.
(10) collide (acoustic) | howie day
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Self-explanatory, I think? The push-and-pull & approach-and-withdraw of their relationship. Also, Jaina and Zekk have timing problems.
(11) the fear you won’t fall | joshua radin
And I know it’s easy to say, but it’s harder to feel this way,
And I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could,
I can't get my mind off of you
I put this song quite soon before the fight/not-fight, as both characters are struggling toward deciding what they feel, and (in Jaina’s case) whether or not to take that leap.
(12) run away | brendan james
Holding you is holding you back from what you could be, what you could have.
Run away, run away before it's too late.
You never what you're gonna find out there.
No, you never know until you look.
Maybe Jaina and Zekk’s timing could have been better; but at the same time, Zekk needed that push, and Jaina needed to let him go. Even if she’s going to be beyond furious when she finds out he took off without telling her.
(13) fast as I can | great big sea
I'm goin’ fast as I can, please don't make me rush
this feeling's coming on way too fast
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never forget
But I'm not ready say, "I love you" yet
Obligatory title-song reference. Because…yeah, clearly.
& honorary mention:
down | something corporate
Let's get crazy,
Talk about our big plans
Places that you're going
Places that I haven't been
Build my walls up
Concrete castle
Keep this kingdom free of hassle, yeah
& the rar file.
Previously on:
Isra OST - Here By My Side (The Devil)
Kyp/Sanar OST - Villain