Fic: "Fast as I Can" (19/20 J/Z AU)
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Part Ten | Part Eleven | Part Twelve | Part Thirteen | Part Fourteen | Part Fifteen | Part Sixteen | Part Seventeen | Part Eighteen
x-x-x
Day 413
Mique hid the tabloid under the counter as soon as Zekk walked into the Flash. “Hey, man, have you talked to your girl lately?”
Zekk eyed the counter. “She’s coming by tomorrow.”
“Yeah, but have you talked to her?”
“About what?” It clicked. Zekk grinned. “What are the tabloids saying now?”
“It’s the City Planet.”
“There’s no such thing as a reliable gossip column.”
“But there’s a reliable starting point, and then there’s you dragging things on too long.”
Zekk rolled his eyes. “Look, just let me see it, then.”
Mique scowled, and tossed the data sheet onto the counter. “There’s patience, and then there’s laziness, and the Planet is giving you a big old road sign.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Zekk said, and then read the headline.
x-x-x
Day 414
Zekk was not having a good day. Mique was being insufferable, the customers were fussy, and everyone had lost their basic motor functions. No less than three people had dropped their mugs, one of them on Zekk’s feet. Just as a topper, Beryl was late - even more so than usual - and Zekk couldn’t clock out before his co-worker started, even for a bad day.
Jaina was timely and boisterous. “Aren’t you off yet?” she asked, glancing down at her chrono.
“Beryl’s late.”
She rolled her eyes. “He probably found the last snowdrift in Coruscant, and is drowning himself as we speak. At least it’s quiet now.”
“I’m going to be a few minutes, probably,” Zekk said. “Well, at least.”
“But Mique’s here, right? He’s still working, so you can clock out.”
“I should really - ”
Jaina leaned over the counter. “Hey, Mique,” she yelled at the backroom. “Zekk’s off now. It’s really quiet, so you might not even have to tend bar.” She rocked back on her heels, turning her expectant look on Zekk. “He’s fine with it, now come on.”
Zekk heaved an impatient sigh, but stepped out from behind the counter. “I’ll stay nearby just in case, Mique.”
“Hey, how about this: if it gets busy, I’ll help,” Jaina said. “I know all the drinks, after all.”
“Why are you in such a hurry?” he asked, ignoring her offer. Jaina Solo wasn’t going to end up serving behind the counter at the Flash.
Jaina’s face turned grim, and Zekk wondered if she could really make this day worse. “We need to talk,” she said.
They sat in a booth near the back. Jaina was closest to the door, and he had the bizarre thought that she was ready to stop him from running. Her hands were empty, so she folded them on the table. Zekk’s back straightened. “You forgot to order your drink,” he said, and moved to stand again. “The usual?”
“Zekk, just sit down, please.”
He drew first. “Did you hear? You’re getting married again.”
“What?” Jaina looked unnerved.
“The Planet,” he elaborated, “is convinced that Jag proposed to you a few days ago, right before swanning off.”
She turned very pale, and then just as red in rapid succession. “How did they find out?”
Zekk stared at her, his amusement - and his hope for a better day - shot. “You mean it’s true?”
“Sithspit,” Jaina muttered, her teeth clenched. “I am going to kill them, whoever leaked this. I wonder if Jag even knows - Kriff. I should give him the heads up.”
“You’re getting married?” His voice was too loud.
Jaina looked startled. “No, I - ”
“But the Planet was right.”
She massaged her temples before meeting his eyes. “Do you have the article with you?”
Mique might have had a copy, but Zekk shook his head.
“Jag and I stayed in for dinner a few nights ago. He just got back from the Unknown Regions, so it was a - a late anniversary thing, I guess.”
“Anniversary?” Zekk repeated.
Jaina looked irritable. “One year, I guess. It’s not like we’ve been - but he asked me to marry him.”
Zekk made his jaw work. “What did you say?”
“He asked me to take a week before I answered him,” Jaina said, scowling in earnest. “He wants me to think about it.”
“But - you aren’t, are you?”
“Look, I’m not going to give you the answer before Jag gets it, okay? No one else was even supposed to know.”
“But...you don’t even want to get married.”
“What?” Jaina’s cockiness filled the gaps in her armour. “I never said that. I said - maybe. And I mean, with the right person, I might. I just wouldn’t want to orphan my kids.”
Zekk’s fingers went numb. “Hells. You are going to marry him.”
“This is ridiculous.” Jaina’s temper rose to the occasion. “I didn’t say that. I said I’m not opposed to the idea of marriage, ever. I could do it. I just - But I didn’t come here to talk about this. It’s stupid, and I’d rather not talk about it with anyone, especially before I give Jag my answer.”
“Oh, so we’re just done talking about it,” Zekk said. “Just like that?” He felt every inch the bartender coming off of a bad shift, and didn’t expect to feel less volatile anytime soon.
“Yes, just like that,” Jaina snapped before regathering her cool. “Besides, that’s - I’m - not what I came here to talk about, and it’s important.” She was able to smile, small but proud. “I have a surprise for you.”
Zekk’s mood had not been at all tempered, but he was taken enough off guard to give her quarter. “For me?”
She seemed to have put their clash behind her, at least for the moment. “I talked about you to some people I know - you know, for co-piloting jobs.”
“You what?”
“I told them you have Peckhum, and all, so you’d want to be based on Coruscant, and mostly stick to the Core worlds, probably. Well, Braun mostly flies around the Outer Rim, and anyway he already has a co-pilot, but he let me know that a friend of his needs one. Her previous just joined the competition, bought his own ship. Braun said he’d talk to Xia.”
She saw the look on Zekk’s face, and misinterpreted. “As Braun tells it, Tsing Xia ships cargo in from the other core worlds to Coruscant. She flies regularly, but not constantly, so you could still keep an eye on Peckhum. What do you think?”
“I can find my own job.” Zekk’ voice was so cold as to be unrecognizable even to him, and certainly to Jaina - it took her aback for a fully thirty seconds.
Although ruffled, however, Jaina Solo had looked down on things far worse than a familiar friend’s vicious turn. Perhaps she had even expected something of this, because the strength went straight to her eyes. “I never said you couldn’t,” she snapped. “But I have pilot friends; of course I’m going to ask around for you.”
The words would not stay clogged in his throat. “And I don’t need Jaina Solo to buy someone over for me, either.”
Jaina looked ready to throw him. “Buy someone - you - ” Her ire turned into something hard. “I didn’t buy you a job; I didn’t even put in a heavy-handed recommendation. I only asked. You still have to show up, talk fast, and fly a ship. If your pride can’t take even that much, then that’s your problem.”
“I’m not applying.”
Her jaw clenched. “Why not?”
“What, I have to take any job you give me?”
“I don’t give a kriff if you take this job, but I want to know why you’re making such a big deal about this. If it’s just because a friend kept an eye out for your best interests, then you’re an idiot.”
“You might not have bought it, but it’ll get around that Jaina Solo wants her wrong-side-of-the-tracks friend to get a job. Whether because of your parents or your spot on Rogue squadron, you really don’t think that you handpicked me for the position?”
“You can fly,” she hissed. “It’s not like I asked about a senatorial seat. You can do the job - could probably pilot on your own, even - and I wouldn’t say anything otherwise. I can’t help my name, for kriff’s sake - and I thought we were past this.”
“Maybe it’s easier for a princess than a street rat. You were taught your manners.”
Jaina snorted incredulously. “Manners? Are you kidding me?”
“You can pretend we’re the same, but I work here. This is my life you visit here, at the Flash, in my undercity flat. You live up in the sky and give jobs as gifts, but I can do that on my own. Maybe you should work on your own mess.”
“You are not cutting off from this,” she insisted. “Not even with cracks about my life, or potshots at yourself. You’re completely overreacting.”
“What makes you think I even want this job?”
“Force, I already told you, you don’t have to take this specific job if you don’t want it.”
“So you admit I already have it, because you asked for it,” Zekk said, quick to jump on her words.
“No, I said it because I know you can ace the application. But if you think that, then there are dozens of other jobs. Coruscant isn’t going to isolate itself anytime soon.”
“I already have a job, in case you’ve forgotten.” Zekk glanced at the counter; Mique was watching them intently.
Jaina rolled her eyes, exasperated. “You don’t really expect to work here forever, do you?”
“What’s wrong with the Flash, Princess?” he demanded. “It pays the bills, or have you forgotten what that’s like?”
“Okay, now you’re just being a jerk.”
Zekk ignored her. “What’s wrong with my job, anyway?”
“Nothing, if - ”
“Billions of people rely on this kind of job to live.”
“And sometimes it’s enough, or it has to be.” Jaina sounded like she was trying to agree with him. “But you don’t have kids, or debts, or anything to hold you back, and you have so much potential. You have - so much in you for a better life.”
Zekk stared at her, momentarily at a loss for words or resentment. He wanted to say something like, I don’t need Jaina Solo to tell me I’m worth something, but he couldn’t be that hard to her even at the height of his fury.
His best friend leaned forward on the table, completely caught up in her tirade. Zekk wondered how long she had been holding this in. “You just - deserve so much better than this place, and you won’t even try - I can’t just stand by and watch this kind of life rob you of everything you could be. I won’t. You matter too much to me.”
Mique interrupted before Zekk could even start to formulate a response. Zekk’s boss had wondered over from the bar, and his pace increased during Jaina’s diatribe. “You guys need to take this outside,” he told the friends. “The Flash has a firm limit on emotional crap, and you passed it about ten minutes ago.”
Jaina ran her hands over her face before nodding. Her ponytail was becoming increasingly bedraggled, loosing strands of hair about her face. “Yeah, sorry, Mique. Zekk?”
“Out back. We’ll have more privacy.”
“Or your flat,” Mique muttered pointedly. “Also lots of privacy. Not to mention other benefits.”
“Really not the time, now,” Zekk almost snarled.
“Well, making up’d be easier.”
“Are we waiting for anything other than bro talk?” Jaina asked impatiently. She was already at the back door.
“Good luck, man.” Mique’s face was unusually grim. “And don’t kriff it up.”
Jaina was already leaning against the alley wall when Zekk stepped outside. She had visibly lowered her weapons, though she just as clearly stayed at the ready. They stared at each other for a moment. “I’m kriffing this up,” she said finally. She had removed her hair tie, and the loose strands shaped her face unfamiliarly. “I’ve been - thinking about this for a while, but I’ve never been good at this stuff. I shoot things, or stick a laser sword in them. My mom’s politics never translated.”
Zekk leaned against the opposite wall, crossing his arms across his chest. “I don’t need you to fix my life. I do just fine; I like my life.”
“Zekk...” Jaina sighed, and looked down. “We both know that’s a lie.”
“So you know me - my life - better than I do now?”
“I’m your friend,” she insisted. “I - ” She took a deep breath, then released it. “It’s like - it’s like you just…stopped. Like one day you started believing this whole ‘street rat’ shavit you carry around. You listened to other people, and you settled. You stopped at the Flash and nothing better, instead of making something real out of your life, something that matters.”
Something deep in Zekk flinched, and his anger rose up in protest. “And I suppose that your way is so much better?” he asked. It was starting quietly this time.
“What do you mean, my way?” Jaina’s eyes were wary.
“If I stand still, then you’re always running on ahead. Always, always running.”
“Come on, Zekk. It’s not running to go after what you want.”
“No, but you run from people; you don’t listen to anybody.”
“That’s not true. I have plenty of friends.”
“But you have a boyfriend who surprised you with an anniversary. And let’s not even get started on that death wish of yours - ”
Jaina resumed the fight as if she had never tried to stop. That, Zekk thought, was Jaina for you. “Death wish?” she demanded. “What the kriff, Zekk?”
“That’s your defence?” he mocked. “‘What the kriff?’ Talk about the girl who can’t deal with the future, you’ll talk about anything else - after all, it’s not like you’ll survive being a Jedi and pilot, right? Better than the idea of falling in love. No wonder you keep Jag around.”
“You have it so wrong.”
“Do I? You’ll take any risk with your life - you didn’t even take back-up on that last mission.” Jaina and Zekk never said Quec’slig.
Judging by the whiteness of Jaina’s face, she knew exactly what he was talking about. “I couldn’t. That time - we couldn’t risk anyone else.”
“Right.” Zekk stared at her. “But you could be risked. Of course. You’d rather go down fighting anyway, right?”
“Stop it.”
“What, you can dig through my life to make it better, but we can’t talk about you?” Zekk stepped away from the wall, closer to her.
“I want to live as much as anyone,” she said. “You’re tearing in looking for anything you can use. We’re better than this now, aren’t we?”
Zekk was taken aback by the sudden realization that Jaina had not been fighting after all, not really, not since they walked into the alley. “Jaina - ” He stopped and sighed.
She stepped closer. Her arms were crossed over her chest defensively. “I just wanted to help. What’s so wrong about just asking?”
“I don’t want your help. Not with this.”
There was a little more fight in her eyes, but oddly more vulnerability as well. “Too bad, because that’s what happens with friends.”
“No, friends respect each other enough to back off, Jaina.”
“I can’t do that - just stand by while you let go.”
“Why not? I’ve watched you do it with Jag - ”
“What does Jag have to do with any of this?”
“Well, you’re going to marry him, aren’t you? Or at least you’ll think about it. So much for following your parents’ example.”
“I never told you my answer for Jag,” she snapped, “because he deserves better than that. But I thought you would understand - don’t you know what I’m going to say?”
Zekk stared at her, completely at a loss. He was supposed to understand this, Jaina’s betrayed expression told him, as if they had spoken about the future, or as if she had been telling him something every day and he had ignored her. How was he supposed to understand Jaina, when he didn’t even know why he was so furiously certain that he did not want to hear her answer? He didn’t even know why the idea of Jaina Fel was as terrible to him as working at the Flash for the rest of his life.
He couldn’t stand the look in her eyes, or perhaps he was just sick of having this argument with Jaina as well as himself. He couldn’t decipher the heart of what this had become, but he could attack it. “I just want to know why you care,” he said. “Why is it so important to you that I get out of here?”
Jaina hesitated. The fingers of her right hand combed through her hair, sweeping it away from her face. It fell back quickly, hiding some of her features. “You’re my friend. One of my best friends.”
“My other friends have managed to let it go. In fact, you’re the only one who’s been even half this pushy. As my friend, you should be able to let me make my own decisions.”
“And what,” she said, rather disdainfully, “just let you stifle yourself? Peckhum might be willing to just give you room, and I don’t know what your other friends think, but I just can’t do that.”
“Why not?” Zekk demanded. There was something relentless, even brutal in his voice that he hadn’t heard in years. “What makes you so different, Jaina? Why the kriff, when you can’t mention the future without using your death as a caveat, are you so bent on fixing my life?”
“Because I - ” The colour drained from Jaina’s face as she stopped her answer dead. Her face was unfathomable, but no more so than the anxiety that had seized her muscles. “Because I’m…” She swallowed, and took a faltering step back. Her eyes were fixed on his.
“Because you what?” He wanted her answer now as much as he had not wanted her decision about Jag. He wished he could be softer about it, but the need refused to be moderated.
Her eyes skirted to the side, and then she sighed. He knew she was going to lie. When she looked back up at him, now two steps and so much further away, the defeat of her struggle was clear in her expression. “You’re my best friend, Zekk. I just can’t.”
“Then we’re done with this conversation.”
He left her in the alley, still staring after him.
Part the last!
-
If you read, please review :D
x-x-x
Day 413
Mique hid the tabloid under the counter as soon as Zekk walked into the Flash. “Hey, man, have you talked to your girl lately?”
Zekk eyed the counter. “She’s coming by tomorrow.”
“Yeah, but have you talked to her?”
“About what?” It clicked. Zekk grinned. “What are the tabloids saying now?”
“It’s the City Planet.”
“There’s no such thing as a reliable gossip column.”
“But there’s a reliable starting point, and then there’s you dragging things on too long.”
Zekk rolled his eyes. “Look, just let me see it, then.”
Mique scowled, and tossed the data sheet onto the counter. “There’s patience, and then there’s laziness, and the Planet is giving you a big old road sign.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Zekk said, and then read the headline.
x-x-x
Day 414
Zekk was not having a good day. Mique was being insufferable, the customers were fussy, and everyone had lost their basic motor functions. No less than three people had dropped their mugs, one of them on Zekk’s feet. Just as a topper, Beryl was late - even more so than usual - and Zekk couldn’t clock out before his co-worker started, even for a bad day.
Jaina was timely and boisterous. “Aren’t you off yet?” she asked, glancing down at her chrono.
“Beryl’s late.”
She rolled her eyes. “He probably found the last snowdrift in Coruscant, and is drowning himself as we speak. At least it’s quiet now.”
“I’m going to be a few minutes, probably,” Zekk said. “Well, at least.”
“But Mique’s here, right? He’s still working, so you can clock out.”
“I should really - ”
Jaina leaned over the counter. “Hey, Mique,” she yelled at the backroom. “Zekk’s off now. It’s really quiet, so you might not even have to tend bar.” She rocked back on her heels, turning her expectant look on Zekk. “He’s fine with it, now come on.”
Zekk heaved an impatient sigh, but stepped out from behind the counter. “I’ll stay nearby just in case, Mique.”
“Hey, how about this: if it gets busy, I’ll help,” Jaina said. “I know all the drinks, after all.”
“Why are you in such a hurry?” he asked, ignoring her offer. Jaina Solo wasn’t going to end up serving behind the counter at the Flash.
Jaina’s face turned grim, and Zekk wondered if she could really make this day worse. “We need to talk,” she said.
They sat in a booth near the back. Jaina was closest to the door, and he had the bizarre thought that she was ready to stop him from running. Her hands were empty, so she folded them on the table. Zekk’s back straightened. “You forgot to order your drink,” he said, and moved to stand again. “The usual?”
“Zekk, just sit down, please.”
He drew first. “Did you hear? You’re getting married again.”
“What?” Jaina looked unnerved.
“The Planet,” he elaborated, “is convinced that Jag proposed to you a few days ago, right before swanning off.”
She turned very pale, and then just as red in rapid succession. “How did they find out?”
Zekk stared at her, his amusement - and his hope for a better day - shot. “You mean it’s true?”
“Sithspit,” Jaina muttered, her teeth clenched. “I am going to kill them, whoever leaked this. I wonder if Jag even knows - Kriff. I should give him the heads up.”
“You’re getting married?” His voice was too loud.
Jaina looked startled. “No, I - ”
“But the Planet was right.”
She massaged her temples before meeting his eyes. “Do you have the article with you?”
Mique might have had a copy, but Zekk shook his head.
“Jag and I stayed in for dinner a few nights ago. He just got back from the Unknown Regions, so it was a - a late anniversary thing, I guess.”
“Anniversary?” Zekk repeated.
Jaina looked irritable. “One year, I guess. It’s not like we’ve been - but he asked me to marry him.”
Zekk made his jaw work. “What did you say?”
“He asked me to take a week before I answered him,” Jaina said, scowling in earnest. “He wants me to think about it.”
“But - you aren’t, are you?”
“Look, I’m not going to give you the answer before Jag gets it, okay? No one else was even supposed to know.”
“But...you don’t even want to get married.”
“What?” Jaina’s cockiness filled the gaps in her armour. “I never said that. I said - maybe. And I mean, with the right person, I might. I just wouldn’t want to orphan my kids.”
Zekk’s fingers went numb. “Hells. You are going to marry him.”
“This is ridiculous.” Jaina’s temper rose to the occasion. “I didn’t say that. I said I’m not opposed to the idea of marriage, ever. I could do it. I just - But I didn’t come here to talk about this. It’s stupid, and I’d rather not talk about it with anyone, especially before I give Jag my answer.”
“Oh, so we’re just done talking about it,” Zekk said. “Just like that?” He felt every inch the bartender coming off of a bad shift, and didn’t expect to feel less volatile anytime soon.
“Yes, just like that,” Jaina snapped before regathering her cool. “Besides, that’s - I’m - not what I came here to talk about, and it’s important.” She was able to smile, small but proud. “I have a surprise for you.”
Zekk’s mood had not been at all tempered, but he was taken enough off guard to give her quarter. “For me?”
She seemed to have put their clash behind her, at least for the moment. “I talked about you to some people I know - you know, for co-piloting jobs.”
“You what?”
“I told them you have Peckhum, and all, so you’d want to be based on Coruscant, and mostly stick to the Core worlds, probably. Well, Braun mostly flies around the Outer Rim, and anyway he already has a co-pilot, but he let me know that a friend of his needs one. Her previous just joined the competition, bought his own ship. Braun said he’d talk to Xia.”
She saw the look on Zekk’s face, and misinterpreted. “As Braun tells it, Tsing Xia ships cargo in from the other core worlds to Coruscant. She flies regularly, but not constantly, so you could still keep an eye on Peckhum. What do you think?”
“I can find my own job.” Zekk’ voice was so cold as to be unrecognizable even to him, and certainly to Jaina - it took her aback for a fully thirty seconds.
Although ruffled, however, Jaina Solo had looked down on things far worse than a familiar friend’s vicious turn. Perhaps she had even expected something of this, because the strength went straight to her eyes. “I never said you couldn’t,” she snapped. “But I have pilot friends; of course I’m going to ask around for you.”
The words would not stay clogged in his throat. “And I don’t need Jaina Solo to buy someone over for me, either.”
Jaina looked ready to throw him. “Buy someone - you - ” Her ire turned into something hard. “I didn’t buy you a job; I didn’t even put in a heavy-handed recommendation. I only asked. You still have to show up, talk fast, and fly a ship. If your pride can’t take even that much, then that’s your problem.”
“I’m not applying.”
Her jaw clenched. “Why not?”
“What, I have to take any job you give me?”
“I don’t give a kriff if you take this job, but I want to know why you’re making such a big deal about this. If it’s just because a friend kept an eye out for your best interests, then you’re an idiot.”
“You might not have bought it, but it’ll get around that Jaina Solo wants her wrong-side-of-the-tracks friend to get a job. Whether because of your parents or your spot on Rogue squadron, you really don’t think that you handpicked me for the position?”
“You can fly,” she hissed. “It’s not like I asked about a senatorial seat. You can do the job - could probably pilot on your own, even - and I wouldn’t say anything otherwise. I can’t help my name, for kriff’s sake - and I thought we were past this.”
“Maybe it’s easier for a princess than a street rat. You were taught your manners.”
Jaina snorted incredulously. “Manners? Are you kidding me?”
“You can pretend we’re the same, but I work here. This is my life you visit here, at the Flash, in my undercity flat. You live up in the sky and give jobs as gifts, but I can do that on my own. Maybe you should work on your own mess.”
“You are not cutting off from this,” she insisted. “Not even with cracks about my life, or potshots at yourself. You’re completely overreacting.”
“What makes you think I even want this job?”
“Force, I already told you, you don’t have to take this specific job if you don’t want it.”
“So you admit I already have it, because you asked for it,” Zekk said, quick to jump on her words.
“No, I said it because I know you can ace the application. But if you think that, then there are dozens of other jobs. Coruscant isn’t going to isolate itself anytime soon.”
“I already have a job, in case you’ve forgotten.” Zekk glanced at the counter; Mique was watching them intently.
Jaina rolled her eyes, exasperated. “You don’t really expect to work here forever, do you?”
“What’s wrong with the Flash, Princess?” he demanded. “It pays the bills, or have you forgotten what that’s like?”
“Okay, now you’re just being a jerk.”
Zekk ignored her. “What’s wrong with my job, anyway?”
“Nothing, if - ”
“Billions of people rely on this kind of job to live.”
“And sometimes it’s enough, or it has to be.” Jaina sounded like she was trying to agree with him. “But you don’t have kids, or debts, or anything to hold you back, and you have so much potential. You have - so much in you for a better life.”
Zekk stared at her, momentarily at a loss for words or resentment. He wanted to say something like, I don’t need Jaina Solo to tell me I’m worth something, but he couldn’t be that hard to her even at the height of his fury.
His best friend leaned forward on the table, completely caught up in her tirade. Zekk wondered how long she had been holding this in. “You just - deserve so much better than this place, and you won’t even try - I can’t just stand by and watch this kind of life rob you of everything you could be. I won’t. You matter too much to me.”
Mique interrupted before Zekk could even start to formulate a response. Zekk’s boss had wondered over from the bar, and his pace increased during Jaina’s diatribe. “You guys need to take this outside,” he told the friends. “The Flash has a firm limit on emotional crap, and you passed it about ten minutes ago.”
Jaina ran her hands over her face before nodding. Her ponytail was becoming increasingly bedraggled, loosing strands of hair about her face. “Yeah, sorry, Mique. Zekk?”
“Out back. We’ll have more privacy.”
“Or your flat,” Mique muttered pointedly. “Also lots of privacy. Not to mention other benefits.”
“Really not the time, now,” Zekk almost snarled.
“Well, making up’d be easier.”
“Are we waiting for anything other than bro talk?” Jaina asked impatiently. She was already at the back door.
“Good luck, man.” Mique’s face was unusually grim. “And don’t kriff it up.”
Jaina was already leaning against the alley wall when Zekk stepped outside. She had visibly lowered her weapons, though she just as clearly stayed at the ready. They stared at each other for a moment. “I’m kriffing this up,” she said finally. She had removed her hair tie, and the loose strands shaped her face unfamiliarly. “I’ve been - thinking about this for a while, but I’ve never been good at this stuff. I shoot things, or stick a laser sword in them. My mom’s politics never translated.”
Zekk leaned against the opposite wall, crossing his arms across his chest. “I don’t need you to fix my life. I do just fine; I like my life.”
“Zekk...” Jaina sighed, and looked down. “We both know that’s a lie.”
“So you know me - my life - better than I do now?”
“I’m your friend,” she insisted. “I - ” She took a deep breath, then released it. “It’s like - it’s like you just…stopped. Like one day you started believing this whole ‘street rat’ shavit you carry around. You listened to other people, and you settled. You stopped at the Flash and nothing better, instead of making something real out of your life, something that matters.”
Something deep in Zekk flinched, and his anger rose up in protest. “And I suppose that your way is so much better?” he asked. It was starting quietly this time.
“What do you mean, my way?” Jaina’s eyes were wary.
“If I stand still, then you’re always running on ahead. Always, always running.”
“Come on, Zekk. It’s not running to go after what you want.”
“No, but you run from people; you don’t listen to anybody.”
“That’s not true. I have plenty of friends.”
“But you have a boyfriend who surprised you with an anniversary. And let’s not even get started on that death wish of yours - ”
Jaina resumed the fight as if she had never tried to stop. That, Zekk thought, was Jaina for you. “Death wish?” she demanded. “What the kriff, Zekk?”
“That’s your defence?” he mocked. “‘What the kriff?’ Talk about the girl who can’t deal with the future, you’ll talk about anything else - after all, it’s not like you’ll survive being a Jedi and pilot, right? Better than the idea of falling in love. No wonder you keep Jag around.”
“You have it so wrong.”
“Do I? You’ll take any risk with your life - you didn’t even take back-up on that last mission.” Jaina and Zekk never said Quec’slig.
Judging by the whiteness of Jaina’s face, she knew exactly what he was talking about. “I couldn’t. That time - we couldn’t risk anyone else.”
“Right.” Zekk stared at her. “But you could be risked. Of course. You’d rather go down fighting anyway, right?”
“Stop it.”
“What, you can dig through my life to make it better, but we can’t talk about you?” Zekk stepped away from the wall, closer to her.
“I want to live as much as anyone,” she said. “You’re tearing in looking for anything you can use. We’re better than this now, aren’t we?”
Zekk was taken aback by the sudden realization that Jaina had not been fighting after all, not really, not since they walked into the alley. “Jaina - ” He stopped and sighed.
She stepped closer. Her arms were crossed over her chest defensively. “I just wanted to help. What’s so wrong about just asking?”
“I don’t want your help. Not with this.”
There was a little more fight in her eyes, but oddly more vulnerability as well. “Too bad, because that’s what happens with friends.”
“No, friends respect each other enough to back off, Jaina.”
“I can’t do that - just stand by while you let go.”
“Why not? I’ve watched you do it with Jag - ”
“What does Jag have to do with any of this?”
“Well, you’re going to marry him, aren’t you? Or at least you’ll think about it. So much for following your parents’ example.”
“I never told you my answer for Jag,” she snapped, “because he deserves better than that. But I thought you would understand - don’t you know what I’m going to say?”
Zekk stared at her, completely at a loss. He was supposed to understand this, Jaina’s betrayed expression told him, as if they had spoken about the future, or as if she had been telling him something every day and he had ignored her. How was he supposed to understand Jaina, when he didn’t even know why he was so furiously certain that he did not want to hear her answer? He didn’t even know why the idea of Jaina Fel was as terrible to him as working at the Flash for the rest of his life.
He couldn’t stand the look in her eyes, or perhaps he was just sick of having this argument with Jaina as well as himself. He couldn’t decipher the heart of what this had become, but he could attack it. “I just want to know why you care,” he said. “Why is it so important to you that I get out of here?”
Jaina hesitated. The fingers of her right hand combed through her hair, sweeping it away from her face. It fell back quickly, hiding some of her features. “You’re my friend. One of my best friends.”
“My other friends have managed to let it go. In fact, you’re the only one who’s been even half this pushy. As my friend, you should be able to let me make my own decisions.”
“And what,” she said, rather disdainfully, “just let you stifle yourself? Peckhum might be willing to just give you room, and I don’t know what your other friends think, but I just can’t do that.”
“Why not?” Zekk demanded. There was something relentless, even brutal in his voice that he hadn’t heard in years. “What makes you so different, Jaina? Why the kriff, when you can’t mention the future without using your death as a caveat, are you so bent on fixing my life?”
“Because I - ” The colour drained from Jaina’s face as she stopped her answer dead. Her face was unfathomable, but no more so than the anxiety that had seized her muscles. “Because I’m…” She swallowed, and took a faltering step back. Her eyes were fixed on his.
“Because you what?” He wanted her answer now as much as he had not wanted her decision about Jag. He wished he could be softer about it, but the need refused to be moderated.
Her eyes skirted to the side, and then she sighed. He knew she was going to lie. When she looked back up at him, now two steps and so much further away, the defeat of her struggle was clear in her expression. “You’re my best friend, Zekk. I just can’t.”
“Then we’re done with this conversation.”
He left her in the alley, still staring after him.
Part the last!
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