(no subject)
Something is going on inside my head.
I'm not sure what it is. I didn't realize how bad it was until tonight. I started up with some recommended reading that I looked into almost two years ago and some memories came back. Whole chunks of my memory and personal goals somehow disappeared and I suddenly remembered them again. I can remember that on my birthday, this was not the case. This was not the case in November either. Somewhere between November and December this happened and its gotten worse and worse and I need to fix it. No wonder I'm such a mess lately. The couple things I had passion for, I completely forgot. I've been in such an apathetic haze all I do is sit about and not remember anything or be miserable. I can't imagine what got me off on such a stupid path. I need to fix this. If it was self-induced, I hate to believe I did it on purpose. Its possible that it was an accident. Fuck. I've never fucked with myself that badly mentally before though. fuck.
I need to return to reading now. I have so many books I bought before this, meaning to read, and god knows where I pushed them away to. How the hell did I forget all this. :/ I think I'm going to buy some ginkgo biloba. I need everything I can to start up the memory again. Maybe it'll start up other things I've been having issues with. This mostly pisses me off that I somehow just pulled a multiple-month long blank. I know I'm going to have to read everything all over that I used to KNOW. fuck. fuck fuck fuck. You guys have no clue just how many books I'm going to have to read AGAIN.
This was more a post to myself than to you guys. Oh well. I left it public for the sake of it. If I'm on less, I'll be reading.
I'm not sure what it is. I didn't realize how bad it was until tonight. I started up with some recommended reading that I looked into almost two years ago and some memories came back. Whole chunks of my memory and personal goals somehow disappeared and I suddenly remembered them again. I can remember that on my birthday, this was not the case. This was not the case in November either. Somewhere between November and December this happened and its gotten worse and worse and I need to fix it. No wonder I'm such a mess lately. The couple things I had passion for, I completely forgot. I've been in such an apathetic haze all I do is sit about and not remember anything or be miserable. I can't imagine what got me off on such a stupid path. I need to fix this. If it was self-induced, I hate to believe I did it on purpose. Its possible that it was an accident. Fuck. I've never fucked with myself that badly mentally before though. fuck.
I need to return to reading now. I have so many books I bought before this, meaning to read, and god knows where I pushed them away to. How the hell did I forget all this. :/ I think I'm going to buy some ginkgo biloba. I need everything I can to start up the memory again. Maybe it'll start up other things I've been having issues with. This mostly pisses me off that I somehow just pulled a multiple-month long blank. I know I'm going to have to read everything all over that I used to KNOW. fuck. fuck fuck fuck. You guys have no clue just how many books I'm going to have to read AGAIN.
This was more a post to myself than to you guys. Oh well. I left it public for the sake of it. If I'm on less, I'll be reading.