good news!
i found a tiny amount of trazadone and so i slept last night, i didn't sleep great but i slept probably a total of 8 hours, i mean i was in bed longer but i woke up periodically and then fell asleep again
and ...
i am getting a refill today and will be able to sleep at night for, well untill i do stop taking the meds. and my therapist is going to call my kaiser doc and talk to her for me, cuz of all my crying yesterday and stuff and saying i was afraid to, and my therapist is going tos ee if she can talk to them about me getting a sleep study done to find out what is wrong with me that prevents me froms leepinga nd what can be done to help me with sleeping. she said tehre is behaiviorall stuff. i am wondering if maybe self hypnosis might be good for helping me sleep. what i really need to do is get my mind to stop racing. if i am in a good mood my mind races about happy things. when iw as in highs chool i got really into geometry and my mind would race about lins and dots and equations and i would be desperate to sleep but i couldn't. in the past year when i started thinking a lot about algebra my mind would start doing things by trying to find a numeric value for words like cat. it isn't like i am doing real math it is like i start to fall into that place of dream logic but am not yet asleep or sometimes i am slightly asleep but if that is sleep it is not at all restfull sleep and i will wake up if rob so much as breathes audibly. even with ear plugs if rob snores (and he does not snore very loudly he is a quiet snorrer) i still sometimes wake up. but with trazadone i can sleep almost normally and thats because trazadones does something reall specific. it makes it so people go into the deeper sleep stage and stay tehre longer and for me i know that a big part of my problem is that i don't go into that phase of sleep for very long. i don't know how much of this is genetic or physical or maybe related to anxiety. i know it is related to having shared a bedroom with a pedophile rapist when i was 6. and that i had by that time lived in the same house as him for 6 years of my life. and i know abuse can permanently change the way a childs brain developes. so technically speaking it is possible that my sleep dissorder is brain damage caused by abuse. thats a really upsetting thing to think about and realize so i will now change the subject back to the happy news
i am getting trazadone today and will be able to sleep tonight!!!! whoo hoo, yippy yay happy day
not only that but rob also gets to sleep tonight becuase when i don't sleep he doesn't sleep well but when i sleep well he sleeps really well. and maybe after we move and have a bigger place iw ill try going off the stuff completely and then rob will sleep better because we won't be stuck in the same room like we are now.
i need to find my wallet and eat food before going out, i suspect i will be waiting around at the pharmacy for at least an hour because of needing the refil right away they tend to take tehre time with same day refills, but i have my nintendo ds lite and lots of games so i should be fine
and ...
i am getting a refill today and will be able to sleep at night for, well untill i do stop taking the meds. and my therapist is going to call my kaiser doc and talk to her for me, cuz of all my crying yesterday and stuff and saying i was afraid to, and my therapist is going tos ee if she can talk to them about me getting a sleep study done to find out what is wrong with me that prevents me froms leepinga nd what can be done to help me with sleeping. she said tehre is behaiviorall stuff. i am wondering if maybe self hypnosis might be good for helping me sleep. what i really need to do is get my mind to stop racing. if i am in a good mood my mind races about happy things. when iw as in highs chool i got really into geometry and my mind would race about lins and dots and equations and i would be desperate to sleep but i couldn't. in the past year when i started thinking a lot about algebra my mind would start doing things by trying to find a numeric value for words like cat. it isn't like i am doing real math it is like i start to fall into that place of dream logic but am not yet asleep or sometimes i am slightly asleep but if that is sleep it is not at all restfull sleep and i will wake up if rob so much as breathes audibly. even with ear plugs if rob snores (and he does not snore very loudly he is a quiet snorrer) i still sometimes wake up. but with trazadone i can sleep almost normally and thats because trazadones does something reall specific. it makes it so people go into the deeper sleep stage and stay tehre longer and for me i know that a big part of my problem is that i don't go into that phase of sleep for very long. i don't know how much of this is genetic or physical or maybe related to anxiety. i know it is related to having shared a bedroom with a pedophile rapist when i was 6. and that i had by that time lived in the same house as him for 6 years of my life. and i know abuse can permanently change the way a childs brain developes. so technically speaking it is possible that my sleep dissorder is brain damage caused by abuse. thats a really upsetting thing to think about and realize so i will now change the subject back to the happy news
i am getting trazadone today and will be able to sleep tonight!!!! whoo hoo, yippy yay happy day
not only that but rob also gets to sleep tonight becuase when i don't sleep he doesn't sleep well but when i sleep well he sleeps really well. and maybe after we move and have a bigger place iw ill try going off the stuff completely and then rob will sleep better because we won't be stuck in the same room like we are now.
i need to find my wallet and eat food before going out, i suspect i will be waiting around at the pharmacy for at least an hour because of needing the refil right away they tend to take tehre time with same day refills, but i have my nintendo ds lite and lots of games so i should be fine