(no subject)
I'm either on the verge of having a breakdown or a breakthrough.
I had to have my precious Louis put to sleep last week. That's still killing me inside.
I was supposed to take my mom down to Fayetteville today. I was really looking forward to it. I was also actually looking forward to visiting my grandparents' graves. It would've been the closest thing to past Christmases. However this would've been the first time going down there without at least stopping by to see Aunt Marie. She died right before Thanksgiving.
I was watching the Gaga and Gaultier special tonight (after I saw my love, Gavin, perform on CBS). I really like her, despite how she sometimes annoys me with her "shock value," but everytime I come across interviews where she really opens up, I can only respect her more. I was truly moved by the story about how "The Edge of Glory" was written about her grandfather...and her recounts of his last moments with her grandmother.
With everything that's happened over the past few months, since my mom's relapse, I've become a mess. And everytime I try to write something, journal entries, songs, I can only get so far before I have to stop. I can't open up past a certain point because I know I'm going to open the flood gates of all the pain I've been harvesting. It's like right now, I can't even continue because I'm approaching that edge.
I had to have my precious Louis put to sleep last week. That's still killing me inside.
I was supposed to take my mom down to Fayetteville today. I was really looking forward to it. I was also actually looking forward to visiting my grandparents' graves. It would've been the closest thing to past Christmases. However this would've been the first time going down there without at least stopping by to see Aunt Marie. She died right before Thanksgiving.
I was watching the Gaga and Gaultier special tonight (after I saw my love, Gavin, perform on CBS). I really like her, despite how she sometimes annoys me with her "shock value," but everytime I come across interviews where she really opens up, I can only respect her more. I was truly moved by the story about how "The Edge of Glory" was written about her grandfather...and her recounts of his last moments with her grandmother.
With everything that's happened over the past few months, since my mom's relapse, I've become a mess. And everytime I try to write something, journal entries, songs, I can only get so far before I have to stop. I can't open up past a certain point because I know I'm going to open the flood gates of all the pain I've been harvesting. It's like right now, I can't even continue because I'm approaching that edge.