Update
So I thought I'd try this again. I'm pretty sure Mac is the only one who might possibly read this, but now I feel like I'd be spill too much on my myspace blog so I'm coming here for the stuff I'd like to keep more private but still feel is out in the open.
First off, I've been "dating" this guy for about a month, and we've been an official couple for like two weeks. He's amazing and I absolutely adore him. Pretty much writing here so he wont see my blogs on myspace, lol. It totally scares me how fast I'm falling for him. I tried to be more protective of my feelings since the last guy I mentioned in my lj entry. He totally just disappeared, and never gave me a reason as to why he couldn't talk or hang out anymore. That really hurt. But Paul seems to genuinely care about how I feel and makes an effort to contact me in some form every day and see me once a week. We both feel it's never as much time as we'd like to spend together, but we're happy with the time we do get.
Went through a lot of ex drama and even tried throwing other boys into the mix for awhile. But since meeting Paul I feel like I can handle a relationship again. I haven't felt that way since Adam, so Cory and Asher definitely felt like a mistake. I think I can truly devote my feelings to Paul, and not wish I was with someone else, or even have to fight temptation.
Adam and I kinda broke things off when I called him out on possibly hooking up with other chicks. And at some point I told him I didn't want to be physically affectionate with him any more and that really upset him. Though now I feel like it's all he wanted and he can't handle a friendship with me. So that helped me let go of him and see we probably can't ever work things out.
Cory had suggested doing things with girls to me to, it turned me off but I respected that he wasn't letting me believe I was the only girl he's interested in. I could be affectionate with him and not want a relationship or anything special. He recently decided to find someone he probably knew I was friends with and do things with her that he'd never let me do with him. That hurts beyond belief and I can't really bare to talk to him again. So now there's no more temptation to do anything with him.
When Cora came back to Portland she took me to her cousins house and he was having a party. There was this one guy I became really attracted to. I contained myself cause I knew he was joining the navy soon. So we just had fun with each other. I didn't let what we did escalate to let me fall for him. He's now on the other side of the country, so I feel confident there's no temptation there.
So in conclusion, there are no other boys playing with my emotions, so I feel like I can have a stable relationship with Paul. I was hesitant at first, I knew I had no feelings for anyone else, just the thought of being hurt again scared me. He makes it sssooo hard not to fall for him though. He does what ever he can to make me feel comfortable and always puts me before himself when we're together. We're happy knowing the other person is happy so things have just worked out great so far.
I'm still stuck in the bakery, the place used to really bum me out before Paul. I keep telling myself I'll leave but never seem to fill out applications for other things.
School is a struggle too. I still can't seem to get into it or believe I'll benefit from being there. Just keep telling myself it makes my parents happy and I don't want to possibly regret not going in the future. I am so frustrated with all the limitations I feel my folks are putting on me. I still can't drive. I can't even purchase a car or move out with out a huge guilt trip from them. Hell I barely get to do my own laundry and have no clue how to use the dish washer of know if I'm cleaning things the right way. Just feels like they want to trap me as a child forever.
But that is the latest update on life. :)
First off, I've been "dating" this guy for about a month, and we've been an official couple for like two weeks. He's amazing and I absolutely adore him. Pretty much writing here so he wont see my blogs on myspace, lol. It totally scares me how fast I'm falling for him. I tried to be more protective of my feelings since the last guy I mentioned in my lj entry. He totally just disappeared, and never gave me a reason as to why he couldn't talk or hang out anymore. That really hurt. But Paul seems to genuinely care about how I feel and makes an effort to contact me in some form every day and see me once a week. We both feel it's never as much time as we'd like to spend together, but we're happy with the time we do get.
Went through a lot of ex drama and even tried throwing other boys into the mix for awhile. But since meeting Paul I feel like I can handle a relationship again. I haven't felt that way since Adam, so Cory and Asher definitely felt like a mistake. I think I can truly devote my feelings to Paul, and not wish I was with someone else, or even have to fight temptation.
Adam and I kinda broke things off when I called him out on possibly hooking up with other chicks. And at some point I told him I didn't want to be physically affectionate with him any more and that really upset him. Though now I feel like it's all he wanted and he can't handle a friendship with me. So that helped me let go of him and see we probably can't ever work things out.
Cory had suggested doing things with girls to me to, it turned me off but I respected that he wasn't letting me believe I was the only girl he's interested in. I could be affectionate with him and not want a relationship or anything special. He recently decided to find someone he probably knew I was friends with and do things with her that he'd never let me do with him. That hurts beyond belief and I can't really bare to talk to him again. So now there's no more temptation to do anything with him.
When Cora came back to Portland she took me to her cousins house and he was having a party. There was this one guy I became really attracted to. I contained myself cause I knew he was joining the navy soon. So we just had fun with each other. I didn't let what we did escalate to let me fall for him. He's now on the other side of the country, so I feel confident there's no temptation there.
So in conclusion, there are no other boys playing with my emotions, so I feel like I can have a stable relationship with Paul. I was hesitant at first, I knew I had no feelings for anyone else, just the thought of being hurt again scared me. He makes it sssooo hard not to fall for him though. He does what ever he can to make me feel comfortable and always puts me before himself when we're together. We're happy knowing the other person is happy so things have just worked out great so far.
I'm still stuck in the bakery, the place used to really bum me out before Paul. I keep telling myself I'll leave but never seem to fill out applications for other things.
School is a struggle too. I still can't seem to get into it or believe I'll benefit from being there. Just keep telling myself it makes my parents happy and I don't want to possibly regret not going in the future. I am so frustrated with all the limitations I feel my folks are putting on me. I still can't drive. I can't even purchase a car or move out with out a huge guilt trip from them. Hell I barely get to do my own laundry and have no clue how to use the dish washer of know if I'm cleaning things the right way. Just feels like they want to trap me as a child forever.
But that is the latest update on life. :)