[fic] The Moment of Truth in Your Lies
Title: The Moment of Truth in Your Lies
Author: gina84
Pairing: Akame, these days apparently obligatory, at least hinted Jin/Meisa
Disclaimer: In my dreams I can own anything… otherwise they belong to each other
Rating: PG
Summary: At a late December night, Jin picks up Kazuya in front of a studio…
A/N: I just need to get this out of my system. I'm stuck and nothing I write makes sense to me, so I’m posting this to either get confirmation or negation of my worries. If you decide to read this and actually leave a comment, concrit is welcome more than ever. Thank you ♥
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
(Goo Goo Dolls - Iris)
The late-December night air outside is chilly and skin-pricking. Looking around to make sure no one has been following him, Kazuya quickly slips into the passenger seat of a car parked in the farther part of the parking lot in front of the studio, keeping his gloves on while rubbing his palms against each other to warm himself up. It took him ages to finally escape from the backstage, change his clothes and leave the mess of tonight's show behind. - The end of the year is always strangely busy and exhausting; and this year seems to be even worse. -
A shudder runs up his body as the heated air inside finally gets through the layers of his clothes, causing him goose bumps. His breath hitches.
"I'm glad you made it."
Kazuya's hands halt, still pressed together. As if he only now realized the presence of the other one. Jin is sitting only a reach of a hand away. Lately, Kazuya's hand seems to haven’t been long enough to get as far as to Jin though, slowly losing Jin with every day passed; and when Jin moves and stretches out, the one he is reaching for is not Kazuya but a button of the heating panel.
The interior of the car is getting warmer in a couple of minutes.
"Sorry about making you wait," Kazuya mumbles, lost in thoughts and taking off the gloves, one at time. "It was… well, you know."
Jin nods. He doesn't know though. Maybe a little. He can imagine; he has been a part of these end-of-the-year slash new-year shows enough times in the past to remember what they are like. About this particular one though, he doesn't know details. He wasn't invited. In fact, he shouldn't be anywhere around here tonight. His manager made it clear. Kazuya's manager made it clear.
The whole agency made it clear a long time ago. - And not following the orders has led them to where they are now. Stuck in something they can't change and apparently, can't fight against. Kazuya says they can't. As much as Jin doesn't like it at times, Kazuya is usually right about the decisions regarding their jobs. Sometimes, Jin wishes Kazuya wasn't always right.
Jin has had just enough of listening to everything someone else says.
"I would have waited no matter what." Jin smiles, a hint of a smile only. The time for taking things easy and with a smile is over. He would just like to keep playing a little longer. "You know it, right? Do you want to go somewhere for dinner or -"
Kazuya shakes his head. "I'm quite tired, actually," he says, eyes glued to the dim light of a nearby street lamp.
"So home is it."
"A station would be enough."
Jin has been already midway reaching for the keys to start up when Kazuya's words make him stop, throw a puzzled look to the side and to Kazuya's stiff frame.
The last couple of weeks haven't been easy for either of them, but Jin really, really thought Kazuya understood the situation. The hell, Kazuya was the one to suggest what might be the craziest solution of all. He was the one convincing Jin they had no other choice until the storm in the media would fade out. He was the one having courage and nerves enough to go and suggest it to the management after all those endless discussion he and Jin had had about the matter.
Kazuya's acting now confuses Jin. Not because it's pass midnight already and they are both tired, because tiredness has never been a reason for Kazuya to become unreasonable. Or to push Jin away. But because Kazuya seems to be mad and Jin doesn’t get it.
"Is it really okay?" Jin suddenly asks, the question surprising not only Kazuya but apparently, also the one who said those words. "I mean... I... We could still stop it."
That is, actually, what Jin would prefer.
Just because he once agreed doesn't mean he is really okay with the solution. Not when what they are going to do has such an effect on Kazuya.
Among the two of them, Kazuya has always been the one to care about what the public thinks about him. About them. As if the opinion of thousands of people they don't even know was more important than anything else.
Unlike Jin, Kazuya knows how to be an idol.
Jin would just like to be happy.
"Nothing has happened yet and -"
Kazuya would like to have a moment to think, to form an answer on his mind before speaking up; however, the luxury of time to think has never been an option while talking to Jin, as Jin only rarely thinks before talking and expects everybody around to be the same. Playing for time, Kazuya nods, teeth scratching over his lower lip.
This is not the best moment to be unreasonable and break down.
"Kazuya."
"What do you want me to say now? We have to do it this way. We already talked about it and there is no other choice so…"
Jin shakes his head wildly in disagreement. He wants to punch Kazuya and get some senses back into his head. Because there are always options left if they just stopped caring about unimportant things. Unimportant as in what people around thinks, or dropping numbers in sales. The range of options depends on their priorities, and sometimes, Jin thinks Kazuya's scale is pretty fucked up.
Kazuya keeps rubbing his hands together. Now not because of the chill outside but as the result of his restlessness.
"There is always another choice but you don’t want to listen to me."
"Another choice?" For the first time tonight Kazuya turns to Jin. It's difficult to read the expression mirroring in his face though. "Like what, Jin? Calling up a press conference to tell the whole world the truth? That's not gonna happen. Even if we both were crazy enough to willingly fuck up our careers, they wouldn't let us do it. Not now."
"Let's not ask them?" Jin blurts out and only Kazuya's terrified look tells him he should have kept his mouth shut for once.
"Are you out of your mind?"
Jin gives a little shake with his head - it could be both, either a protest or an assent - but doesn't say anything.
Having a feeling the situation can hardly get worse, Jin grabs Kazuya's hand, not really paying attention to the slight jerk Kazuya makes to get rid of his grip, and squeezes. An encouragement. A reminder that they can go through this. Again. Together.
It's not the first time after all.
There have always been barriers to overcome.
Just because it's more serious and seems more difficult this time doesn't mean it will break them apart. Jin won't let it happen, ready to hold on tight and do everything, both possible and impossible, to make Kazuya hold back with just the same strength.
Gradually, Kazuya's attempts to set himself free cease.
"I'm sorry," he says with a sigh.
He knows it's not Jin's fault, and Kazuya doesn't have any rights to blame the other. He doesn't want to blame anyone anyway. The least Jin; because Jin doesn't deserve it at all. Right, what they need now is to have each other and to believe. One could say it's exactly what they have been always doing after all. Kazuya is just tired - not only of tonight - and things are going to get much worse soon. In two weeks, Kazuya - no, they both - will need all the strength to keep their façades and keep going. One day at time. One rumor and one interview after another.
Until it fades away.
Until it's not interesting anymore.
Jin's thumb is soothingly brushing over the back of Kazuya's hand; calm, steady little moves to bring Kazuya back to reality and to Jin.
Kazuya licks his lips and when his eyes find Jin once again, his look is composed and he even manages a little smile. His fingers curl tightly around Jin's hand, warm and comforting and only Kazuya's to hold it.
They don't need to talk about how things won't change between them. Because they won't. At least not those that matter the most.
"Did you..." Kazuya clears his throat and thinks he should let go of Jin's hand if they want to get out of the parking lot tonight, "say something about a dinner before?" He keeps holding the hand though because despite all reasonable arguments and affirmations, there are only two more weeks when he can do this, with Jin being only his.
Jin nods. "Hungry, after all?" He wants to do nothing but kiss Kazuya. Wants to keep kissing him for the following two weeks - forever if the choice was up to him, but since it's not, two weeks are all Jin has right now. Instead, he flashes a smile, a reassuring, warm smile, squeezes Kazuya's hand a bit once more; and only then, finally, Kazuya's hand hesitantly lets go of him.
The motor kicks on and the dark in front of them is illuminated by two cones of light.
The night lays ahead. As well as the remaining time they have before Jin will go and together with Meisa tell her parents - because that's what should be done in a situation like this one, so it wouldn't look like something made up by the managements of their agencies - that they will get married. Kazuya already knows he will be at work then, trying to think about nothing and everything, just not about what will be going on at Okinawa at the time.
And once things settle down and people won't get all worked up each time his and Jin's names appear in the same sentence, or in the same article actually, Jin will come back to him and will be only his, as well as Okinawa will be once again only theirs.
The way it should be.
.the end
sorry for your time
Author: gina84
Pairing: Akame, these days apparently obligatory, at least hinted Jin/Meisa
Disclaimer: In my dreams I can own anything… otherwise they belong to each other
Rating: PG
Summary: At a late December night, Jin picks up Kazuya in front of a studio…
A/N: I just need to get this out of my system. I'm stuck and nothing I write makes sense to me, so I’m posting this to either get confirmation or negation of my worries. If you decide to read this and actually leave a comment, concrit is welcome more than ever. Thank you ♥
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
(Goo Goo Dolls - Iris)
The late-December night air outside is chilly and skin-pricking. Looking around to make sure no one has been following him, Kazuya quickly slips into the passenger seat of a car parked in the farther part of the parking lot in front of the studio, keeping his gloves on while rubbing his palms against each other to warm himself up. It took him ages to finally escape from the backstage, change his clothes and leave the mess of tonight's show behind. - The end of the year is always strangely busy and exhausting; and this year seems to be even worse. -
A shudder runs up his body as the heated air inside finally gets through the layers of his clothes, causing him goose bumps. His breath hitches.
"I'm glad you made it."
Kazuya's hands halt, still pressed together. As if he only now realized the presence of the other one. Jin is sitting only a reach of a hand away. Lately, Kazuya's hand seems to haven’t been long enough to get as far as to Jin though, slowly losing Jin with every day passed; and when Jin moves and stretches out, the one he is reaching for is not Kazuya but a button of the heating panel.
The interior of the car is getting warmer in a couple of minutes.
"Sorry about making you wait," Kazuya mumbles, lost in thoughts and taking off the gloves, one at time. "It was… well, you know."
Jin nods. He doesn't know though. Maybe a little. He can imagine; he has been a part of these end-of-the-year slash new-year shows enough times in the past to remember what they are like. About this particular one though, he doesn't know details. He wasn't invited. In fact, he shouldn't be anywhere around here tonight. His manager made it clear. Kazuya's manager made it clear.
The whole agency made it clear a long time ago. - And not following the orders has led them to where they are now. Stuck in something they can't change and apparently, can't fight against. Kazuya says they can't. As much as Jin doesn't like it at times, Kazuya is usually right about the decisions regarding their jobs. Sometimes, Jin wishes Kazuya wasn't always right.
Jin has had just enough of listening to everything someone else says.
"I would have waited no matter what." Jin smiles, a hint of a smile only. The time for taking things easy and with a smile is over. He would just like to keep playing a little longer. "You know it, right? Do you want to go somewhere for dinner or -"
Kazuya shakes his head. "I'm quite tired, actually," he says, eyes glued to the dim light of a nearby street lamp.
"So home is it."
"A station would be enough."
Jin has been already midway reaching for the keys to start up when Kazuya's words make him stop, throw a puzzled look to the side and to Kazuya's stiff frame.
The last couple of weeks haven't been easy for either of them, but Jin really, really thought Kazuya understood the situation. The hell, Kazuya was the one to suggest what might be the craziest solution of all. He was the one convincing Jin they had no other choice until the storm in the media would fade out. He was the one having courage and nerves enough to go and suggest it to the management after all those endless discussion he and Jin had had about the matter.
Kazuya's acting now confuses Jin. Not because it's pass midnight already and they are both tired, because tiredness has never been a reason for Kazuya to become unreasonable. Or to push Jin away. But because Kazuya seems to be mad and Jin doesn’t get it.
"Is it really okay?" Jin suddenly asks, the question surprising not only Kazuya but apparently, also the one who said those words. "I mean... I... We could still stop it."
That is, actually, what Jin would prefer.
Just because he once agreed doesn't mean he is really okay with the solution. Not when what they are going to do has such an effect on Kazuya.
Among the two of them, Kazuya has always been the one to care about what the public thinks about him. About them. As if the opinion of thousands of people they don't even know was more important than anything else.
Unlike Jin, Kazuya knows how to be an idol.
Jin would just like to be happy.
"Nothing has happened yet and -"
Kazuya would like to have a moment to think, to form an answer on his mind before speaking up; however, the luxury of time to think has never been an option while talking to Jin, as Jin only rarely thinks before talking and expects everybody around to be the same. Playing for time, Kazuya nods, teeth scratching over his lower lip.
This is not the best moment to be unreasonable and break down.
"Kazuya."
"What do you want me to say now? We have to do it this way. We already talked about it and there is no other choice so…"
Jin shakes his head wildly in disagreement. He wants to punch Kazuya and get some senses back into his head. Because there are always options left if they just stopped caring about unimportant things. Unimportant as in what people around thinks, or dropping numbers in sales. The range of options depends on their priorities, and sometimes, Jin thinks Kazuya's scale is pretty fucked up.
Kazuya keeps rubbing his hands together. Now not because of the chill outside but as the result of his restlessness.
"There is always another choice but you don’t want to listen to me."
"Another choice?" For the first time tonight Kazuya turns to Jin. It's difficult to read the expression mirroring in his face though. "Like what, Jin? Calling up a press conference to tell the whole world the truth? That's not gonna happen. Even if we both were crazy enough to willingly fuck up our careers, they wouldn't let us do it. Not now."
"Let's not ask them?" Jin blurts out and only Kazuya's terrified look tells him he should have kept his mouth shut for once.
"Are you out of your mind?"
Jin gives a little shake with his head - it could be both, either a protest or an assent - but doesn't say anything.
Having a feeling the situation can hardly get worse, Jin grabs Kazuya's hand, not really paying attention to the slight jerk Kazuya makes to get rid of his grip, and squeezes. An encouragement. A reminder that they can go through this. Again. Together.
It's not the first time after all.
There have always been barriers to overcome.
Just because it's more serious and seems more difficult this time doesn't mean it will break them apart. Jin won't let it happen, ready to hold on tight and do everything, both possible and impossible, to make Kazuya hold back with just the same strength.
Gradually, Kazuya's attempts to set himself free cease.
"I'm sorry," he says with a sigh.
He knows it's not Jin's fault, and Kazuya doesn't have any rights to blame the other. He doesn't want to blame anyone anyway. The least Jin; because Jin doesn't deserve it at all. Right, what they need now is to have each other and to believe. One could say it's exactly what they have been always doing after all. Kazuya is just tired - not only of tonight - and things are going to get much worse soon. In two weeks, Kazuya - no, they both - will need all the strength to keep their façades and keep going. One day at time. One rumor and one interview after another.
Until it fades away.
Until it's not interesting anymore.
Jin's thumb is soothingly brushing over the back of Kazuya's hand; calm, steady little moves to bring Kazuya back to reality and to Jin.
Kazuya licks his lips and when his eyes find Jin once again, his look is composed and he even manages a little smile. His fingers curl tightly around Jin's hand, warm and comforting and only Kazuya's to hold it.
They don't need to talk about how things won't change between them. Because they won't. At least not those that matter the most.
"Did you..." Kazuya clears his throat and thinks he should let go of Jin's hand if they want to get out of the parking lot tonight, "say something about a dinner before?" He keeps holding the hand though because despite all reasonable arguments and affirmations, there are only two more weeks when he can do this, with Jin being only his.
Jin nods. "Hungry, after all?" He wants to do nothing but kiss Kazuya. Wants to keep kissing him for the following two weeks - forever if the choice was up to him, but since it's not, two weeks are all Jin has right now. Instead, he flashes a smile, a reassuring, warm smile, squeezes Kazuya's hand a bit once more; and only then, finally, Kazuya's hand hesitantly lets go of him.
The motor kicks on and the dark in front of them is illuminated by two cones of light.
The night lays ahead. As well as the remaining time they have before Jin will go and together with Meisa tell her parents - because that's what should be done in a situation like this one, so it wouldn't look like something made up by the managements of their agencies - that they will get married. Kazuya already knows he will be at work then, trying to think about nothing and everything, just not about what will be going on at Okinawa at the time.
And once things settle down and people won't get all worked up each time his and Jin's names appear in the same sentence, or in the same article actually, Jin will come back to him and will be only his, as well as Okinawa will be once again only theirs.
The way it should be.
.the end
sorry for your time