Okay, I'm back! (I keep a weird schedule, 4 AM is totally a normal time to wake up in the morning.) So basically I have intense PTSD which has resulted in persistent numbness especially on on side of my body. When I first left my body it was actually due to abuses done to me in a psych hospital and I lost 100% of feeling below my nipples and couldn't move (cause ya know) so it's a lot better and I can now walk and stuff, but I have persistent numbness almost like a paraplegic. That said, I know that it's from PTSD, and this week I got my confirmation:
I did a scene. My dom and I have been working on a theory that I am a switch and that I now sub because domming for Gabriel was, like, super abusive on his part and I sort of went into my shell and so on. My dom has been allowing me to see his switchy side more and more, which is sexy as hell because I love subspacing him, it's like...epic awesomeness, I feel like I am really taking care of him and so on.
Well, up til recently, he would just sort of "accidentally" end up in subspace because he didn't want to upset our dynamic, but the other night he asked me to domme him outright. First time ever.
Now, what was interesting about this was I'm the top in the relationship because I don't bottom. However, during this scene he scratched the everloving shit out of me (My thought: Keeping it mellow, I mean, I like scratches and he knows I like scratches and it's not like he was topping me with a flogger.) So it wasn't like I wasn't the top/domme at any point but he very systematically (I realized later) scratched all over.
I felt those scratches on my upper half for a long time...even my upper half (less effected) was really experiencing more sensation than I'm used to having, but he didn't scratch much below the belt, cause ya know, if anything happened I wouldn't really feel it. Escept I have a bad side and a good side when it comes to the persistent numbness, and for about a day, day and a half after this scene I could feel my "bad" leg in the less-sensation sense a hell of a lot more.
Now it seems to have evened back out to how it was before, but this was just one scene...so...basically now I know that if I get persistent help with scenes, I can get my sensation back... Also definitely believe in the chronic pain link, yup...
I did a scene. My dom and I have been working on a theory that I am a switch and that I now sub because domming for Gabriel was, like, super abusive on his part and I sort of went into my shell and so on. My dom has been allowing me to see his switchy side more and more, which is sexy as hell because I love subspacing him, it's like...epic awesomeness, I feel like I am really taking care of him and so on.
Well, up til recently, he would just sort of "accidentally" end up in subspace because he didn't want to upset our dynamic, but the other night he asked me to domme him outright. First time ever.
Now, what was interesting about this was I'm the top in the relationship because I don't bottom. However, during this scene he scratched the everloving shit out of me (My thought: Keeping it mellow, I mean, I like scratches and he knows I like scratches and it's not like he was topping me with a flogger.) So it wasn't like I wasn't the top/domme at any point but he very systematically (I realized later) scratched all over.
I felt those scratches on my upper half for a long time...even my upper half (less effected) was really experiencing more sensation than I'm used to having, but he didn't scratch much below the belt, cause ya know, if anything happened I wouldn't really feel it. Escept I have a bad side and a good side when it comes to the persistent numbness, and for about a day, day and a half after this scene I could feel my "bad" leg in the less-sensation sense a hell of a lot more.
Now it seems to have evened back out to how it was before, but this was just one scene...so...basically now I know that if I get persistent help with scenes, I can get my sensation back... Also definitely believe in the chronic pain link, yup...
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