(no subject)
Maybe it's because I can’t sleep or that I tend to brood best at night, but something was drawing me to my desk tonight, to write. Write about what, I'm not sure, but I've been feeling restless lately and I'm not too comfortable with that. I enjoy being busy-not stressed-but busy and I guess I don’t handle the downtime very well. I think I’ve been rather obnoxious lately and I'm sorry for that. Perhaps I'm restless of this place.
Sad, but true, I'm ready to move on. I don't think there is anything here that really holds me anymore. Classes are different, but the same. The work is doable, a pain, but doable. Which makes it not very challenging or stimulating. I'm tired of being here.
That's not to say that I'm tired of the people, because the people are the only thing that makes it worth sticking all this education out. It's not that I'm not grateful to learn, to thrive, and to grow, because I am, but it's time for me to do that someplace else. It's the same thing every day, and I'm bored with the routine, as much as I love routine. College has been an amazing experience, but there is so much more than this. It's not all about partying every weekend (or not partying, in my case), stressing yourself out over dumb papers and projects, or getting frustrated with your friends. Granted, those are all aspects of the experience that must be completed in such a place of higher education, but we're being duped here. I don't want to live in this bubble anymore, I want to face what's going on outside and hopefully be a force of change.
I know I'll never have this time back and I'll always cherish it, but I refuse to allow these last 4 years to be my best. For me, I want every DAY to be the best, because I'll never know when it'll be my last. I want to let go of grudges and stop being so paranoid, I want to finally talk to THAT guy, to let my inner self show. I don’t want to be boxed in by expectations, and part of me came here to leave those expectations, only to have them forced upon me again. I think that's a sign that my time here is done.
Don’t get me wrong, I'll miss this place and I'm scared as shit to be venturing into the unknown. But the day isn't promised to anyone, and I just don't want to wake up one day wondering where I went wrong.
Sad, but true, I'm ready to move on. I don't think there is anything here that really holds me anymore. Classes are different, but the same. The work is doable, a pain, but doable. Which makes it not very challenging or stimulating. I'm tired of being here.
That's not to say that I'm tired of the people, because the people are the only thing that makes it worth sticking all this education out. It's not that I'm not grateful to learn, to thrive, and to grow, because I am, but it's time for me to do that someplace else. It's the same thing every day, and I'm bored with the routine, as much as I love routine. College has been an amazing experience, but there is so much more than this. It's not all about partying every weekend (or not partying, in my case), stressing yourself out over dumb papers and projects, or getting frustrated with your friends. Granted, those are all aspects of the experience that must be completed in such a place of higher education, but we're being duped here. I don't want to live in this bubble anymore, I want to face what's going on outside and hopefully be a force of change.
I know I'll never have this time back and I'll always cherish it, but I refuse to allow these last 4 years to be my best. For me, I want every DAY to be the best, because I'll never know when it'll be my last. I want to let go of grudges and stop being so paranoid, I want to finally talk to THAT guy, to let my inner self show. I don’t want to be boxed in by expectations, and part of me came here to leave those expectations, only to have them forced upon me again. I think that's a sign that my time here is done.
Don’t get me wrong, I'll miss this place and I'm scared as shit to be venturing into the unknown. But the day isn't promised to anyone, and I just don't want to wake up one day wondering where I went wrong.