(no subject)
i like familiar things.
i like music that has been given to me by friends because it was made by them and they are familiar.
i like listening to music on the radio because i know other people are listening to it at the same time as i am
i like watching tv because there are people there leading lives that i can get lost in.
its hard for me to let go of people.
people that i have put effort into knowing. and loving. and believing that they love me.
when i feel those people slipping away i freeze up.
i panic.
i cry.
yet it happens so often.
in my mind these people are essential to my happiness. so i let them float in and out of my bubble and feel secure feeling like they are there. just there. in my floating sea of friends and comfort.
then they drift farther and farther away in that sea. i let them.
then just as they are beyond my sight, i reach for them again. this makes sense in my head.
i think peoples oceans are different than mine.
i feel trapped in my own cycle.
and that i am causing the sense of loss and disappointment from the people i love in my life.
i hope this cycle doesn't result in my ultimate loneliness.
my endeavors and activities and career goals are getting in the way of relationships. but it doesn't seem worth it to sacrifice those things for relationships that will probably slip away anyway.
i like music that has been given to me by friends because it was made by them and they are familiar.
i like listening to music on the radio because i know other people are listening to it at the same time as i am
i like watching tv because there are people there leading lives that i can get lost in.
its hard for me to let go of people.
people that i have put effort into knowing. and loving. and believing that they love me.
when i feel those people slipping away i freeze up.
i panic.
i cry.
yet it happens so often.
in my mind these people are essential to my happiness. so i let them float in and out of my bubble and feel secure feeling like they are there. just there. in my floating sea of friends and comfort.
then they drift farther and farther away in that sea. i let them.
then just as they are beyond my sight, i reach for them again. this makes sense in my head.
i think peoples oceans are different than mine.
i feel trapped in my own cycle.
and that i am causing the sense of loss and disappointment from the people i love in my life.
i hope this cycle doesn't result in my ultimate loneliness.
my endeavors and activities and career goals are getting in the way of relationships. but it doesn't seem worth it to sacrifice those things for relationships that will probably slip away anyway.