Why Candy Isn't a Good Long Term Investment
Nerds and Sugar Babies beware! It is a Gummi Bear market out there!
It suddenly struck me yesterday as I made my fifth withdrawal that day from my Candy Bank that "Candy is not a good long term investment". A lot of financial experts have tried to convince us for years that we should put our savings into things called "bonds" and stocks" and "mutual funds". However, I tried that and lost a lot of things called "money" and "hope" and "pride". It was then and there I decided that instead of giving my money to someone I barely knew, to invest in things that I knew nothing about, I should INSTEAD invest in something I knew a lot about, something that had been there for me throughout the good times and the bad times. Candy.
It seemed all so simple at the time. Every week I would take a portion of my salary and invest it in the latest candy. I would then take the candies I invested in and put them in a Candy Bank (formerly known as my "sock drawer") where they would sit there and accumulate interest (dust) until my retirement. Occasionally, I would be forced to make withdrawals depending on the current state of the market (my stomach) but in the long run I would amass a vast fortune in candy which I could then use to turn the neighborhood kids into my willing slaves. However, it has recently come to my attention that my Candy portfolio is not as diverse as it should be. It turns out my investments have been hit hard by an unforgiving market (my stomach) and actually dwindled down to two pixie sticks and a few gummi bears who are not on speaking terms. In hindsight I realize that my assets were too sugary sweet, too full of caramel goodness to stand up to long term economic fluctuations.
It is clear to me I have to go back to square one. Go back to the investment that served me well in my early, lean years. Comic books.
It suddenly struck me yesterday as I made my fifth withdrawal that day from my Candy Bank that "Candy is not a good long term investment". A lot of financial experts have tried to convince us for years that we should put our savings into things called "bonds" and stocks" and "mutual funds". However, I tried that and lost a lot of things called "money" and "hope" and "pride". It was then and there I decided that instead of giving my money to someone I barely knew, to invest in things that I knew nothing about, I should INSTEAD invest in something I knew a lot about, something that had been there for me throughout the good times and the bad times. Candy.
It seemed all so simple at the time. Every week I would take a portion of my salary and invest it in the latest candy. I would then take the candies I invested in and put them in a Candy Bank (formerly known as my "sock drawer") where they would sit there and accumulate interest (dust) until my retirement. Occasionally, I would be forced to make withdrawals depending on the current state of the market (my stomach) but in the long run I would amass a vast fortune in candy which I could then use to turn the neighborhood kids into my willing slaves. However, it has recently come to my attention that my Candy portfolio is not as diverse as it should be. It turns out my investments have been hit hard by an unforgiving market (my stomach) and actually dwindled down to two pixie sticks and a few gummi bears who are not on speaking terms. In hindsight I realize that my assets were too sugary sweet, too full of caramel goodness to stand up to long term economic fluctuations.
It is clear to me I have to go back to square one. Go back to the investment that served me well in my early, lean years. Comic books.