How The Grid Stole A/C
A lot of people have been asking me to write about MY experiences during the Blackout of 2003 or "How people whined a lot because they couldn't watch The Amazing Race for one night" as people in the future will come to call it. As my family and friends know I was trapped all alone with only a lot of food and water and a very forgiving calling plan and my wits. I quickly ran out of wits and spent the rest of the night calling people to tell them it was so neat to be able to see the stars without the "lights" getting in the way. I also used the time to write a poem about the whole thing in Suess (doesn't rhyme with "guess") style.
Every Canuck up in ON land loved A/C a lot
But the Grid which was just south of Ontario, Did NOT!
The Grid hated A/C and the cold that it brought,
The Grid stubbornly thought that summer should be hot
Now please don't ask why, there's no real explanation,
Perhaps it hated all the nuclear power stations
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that its coupling converter was far too small
But whatever the cause,
The line or transmission
It wanted to stop all those A/C emissions,
Sitting there in Ohio with its lines in the ground
It had nary a face yet it still wore a frown
For it knew every Canuck by the Great Lake ring
Was basking in the coolness only A/C can bring
"And they have central cooling", it said with great hate.
"With the humidex reading it should be 38,
"But they've stifled the heat so no one is baking,
"I must put a stop to the coldness they're making"
For tomorrow it knew, the sun would beat like a fire
Which would cause the A/C's to be turned even higher!
And this demand would tax its poor transmission wires,
Its poor wires, so tired, wired to all hydro buyers.
Then it thought of a plan!
A horrible plan!
The Grid got an adorable, horrible plan!
"I know just what to do!" The Grid said with a shout.
"I'll start a chain of events to turn the lights out"
It mused and it fused while it thought the plan out
Where should it begin this massive Blackout?
"I'll start in Ohio because they aren't too bright,
"They probably won't notice when I turn out the lights
"And to get it to spread I know what to do,
"I'll also shut down a generator or two"
"Why just two?", it thought as it started its fun
"Why not nine, how about ten, no wait! Twenty one!
"I'll keep it all going with a voltage fluctuation
"Insuring a Blackout throughout this great nation,
"And as the back-ups all fail and drop one by one,
"The A/C will stop and they'll fry in the sun!"
And as it so thought that's exactly what it did,
This piddly, diddily, persnickety Grid
And soon darkness did fall in the North and the East,
And the Blackout it grew like some powerless beast.
All their power was gone, taken quick as a wink
The A/C's shut off and the food soon did stink
The Grid it did laugh all its power now saved
"Their dinners will be cold, without microwaves,
"Their food will be cold and they will be hot
"Without gas for their cars they'll be stuck in one spot
"Their faces will be stunned for a minute or two,
"Then they'll be faced with the fact "Oh Crap! We're all screwed!""
"That's a noise," thought the Grid. "I simply must hear"
So it put some lines together to make up an ear
And he did hear a sound rising up up through the lines
But it wasn't of shouts and it wasn't of whines
They weren't crying in fear, they were out having fun,
They weren't frying to death, they were enjoying the sun
Every Canuck in the North and New Yorker in South
Had grins that were forming along their great mouths,
They were chatting on phones and enjoying fresh air,
And if their neighbors had no food, they were happy to share
They helped out in the streets, long walks they all took
They sat on their porches and enjoyed a good book.
And the Grid, with its power lines powerless now,
Saw the joy from the people but it didn't know how.
Could it be in the end the greatest power of all
Could be made in the hearts of these people so small
Maybe the brightest hope doesn't shine from a light,
Doesn't cool down the day or heat up the night
To see them work together is really a sight,
I misjudged them perhaps, they're really all right.
And what happened then? Well in Ohio they say,
The Grid's transmission lines grew three sizes that day.
And the minute its load didn't overwhelm the stations
It delivered its power throughout all the nation
And it delivered the light so that they could all see
And the Grid, the Grid itself, turned on the A/C's.
Every Canuck up in ON land loved A/C a lot
But the Grid which was just south of Ontario, Did NOT!
The Grid hated A/C and the cold that it brought,
The Grid stubbornly thought that summer should be hot
Now please don't ask why, there's no real explanation,
Perhaps it hated all the nuclear power stations
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that its coupling converter was far too small
But whatever the cause,
The line or transmission
It wanted to stop all those A/C emissions,
Sitting there in Ohio with its lines in the ground
It had nary a face yet it still wore a frown
For it knew every Canuck by the Great Lake ring
Was basking in the coolness only A/C can bring
"And they have central cooling", it said with great hate.
"With the humidex reading it should be 38,
"But they've stifled the heat so no one is baking,
"I must put a stop to the coldness they're making"
For tomorrow it knew, the sun would beat like a fire
Which would cause the A/C's to be turned even higher!
And this demand would tax its poor transmission wires,
Its poor wires, so tired, wired to all hydro buyers.
Then it thought of a plan!
A horrible plan!
The Grid got an adorable, horrible plan!
"I know just what to do!" The Grid said with a shout.
"I'll start a chain of events to turn the lights out"
It mused and it fused while it thought the plan out
Where should it begin this massive Blackout?
"I'll start in Ohio because they aren't too bright,
"They probably won't notice when I turn out the lights
"And to get it to spread I know what to do,
"I'll also shut down a generator or two"
"Why just two?", it thought as it started its fun
"Why not nine, how about ten, no wait! Twenty one!
"I'll keep it all going with a voltage fluctuation
"Insuring a Blackout throughout this great nation,
"And as the back-ups all fail and drop one by one,
"The A/C will stop and they'll fry in the sun!"
And as it so thought that's exactly what it did,
This piddly, diddily, persnickety Grid
And soon darkness did fall in the North and the East,
And the Blackout it grew like some powerless beast.
All their power was gone, taken quick as a wink
The A/C's shut off and the food soon did stink
The Grid it did laugh all its power now saved
"Their dinners will be cold, without microwaves,
"Their food will be cold and they will be hot
"Without gas for their cars they'll be stuck in one spot
"Their faces will be stunned for a minute or two,
"Then they'll be faced with the fact "Oh Crap! We're all screwed!""
"That's a noise," thought the Grid. "I simply must hear"
So it put some lines together to make up an ear
And he did hear a sound rising up up through the lines
But it wasn't of shouts and it wasn't of whines
They weren't crying in fear, they were out having fun,
They weren't frying to death, they were enjoying the sun
Every Canuck in the North and New Yorker in South
Had grins that were forming along their great mouths,
They were chatting on phones and enjoying fresh air,
And if their neighbors had no food, they were happy to share
They helped out in the streets, long walks they all took
They sat on their porches and enjoyed a good book.
And the Grid, with its power lines powerless now,
Saw the joy from the people but it didn't know how.
Could it be in the end the greatest power of all
Could be made in the hearts of these people so small
Maybe the brightest hope doesn't shine from a light,
Doesn't cool down the day or heat up the night
To see them work together is really a sight,
I misjudged them perhaps, they're really all right.
And what happened then? Well in Ohio they say,
The Grid's transmission lines grew three sizes that day.
And the minute its load didn't overwhelm the stations
It delivered its power throughout all the nation
And it delivered the light so that they could all see
And the Grid, the Grid itself, turned on the A/C's.