Penis, Boobies, and DVD camcorders (but not in that order).
My cousin's girlfriend had her baby. I always thought that my cousin was gay, and I still do. His girlfriend is very mannish. She has the widest shoulders I've ever seen on the female form and huge gorilla hands. I hope the baby girl inherits my cousin's daintiness. There were several times I felt like picking up the baby and punching my cousin's girlfriend in the face and saying: "That's not your mother, that's a man!" Austin Powers style, but alas did not.
I got a lot of hugs today at work, lots of breasts were squished against me, I enjoyed it for novelty's sake. This one lady has this ginormous rack, sometimes I would look at it when I was talking to her- and if I did that how the hell could a straight guy resist? The guys are trying to get me to go out to a bar with them and get my phone number. I can only think of so many lies and when I said I was washing my hair that night I think they suspected something. Since I'm quitting my job my boogers won't be black anymore from all the dust and they won't be as noticeable when I wipe them on the wall- such is the nature of contrast.
I've been asked if I was Jewish twice in the past two weeks. My response: "Only about an inch of me." I basically hold my circumcision against my parents.
"You took the last cookie?"
"You took my foreskn!"
Cartoon update: The DVD camcorder I was hoping to buy does not record to DVD-RAM, this is important because DVD-RAM can be written over and over repeatedly, meaning I'd only need one disc, I could record what I want transfer it to the computer and then just record over it. Usk! I THINK I may need some sort of partner or something for the cartoon- I don't think it's physically possible for me to do this myself in a reasonable amount of time. Basically I don't want to share- credit, money, or success and that is the selfish truth. Plus I want to move out- I live in a box, it's true, I've always embraced it because being an outsider always fuelled by ability to satirize and look at things objectively but now it's time to join the real world.
I recall the moment I decided to make the cartoon, my Mom was badgering me about what I'm doing with my life:
Mom: "Fine! If this is what you want, then do it! Get off your ass, stop dragging your feet and pussyfooting around."
Me: "If I were pussyfooted I'd try to drag my feet as much as possible."
It was at that very moment that I knew that I could do this, I was indeed clever.
This inspirational story was brought to you by the letter "G" and the asterisk (*) who beat up the number 6 to be here and is tired of being the bitch of the loophole and the exception.
I got a lot of hugs today at work, lots of breasts were squished against me, I enjoyed it for novelty's sake. This one lady has this ginormous rack, sometimes I would look at it when I was talking to her- and if I did that how the hell could a straight guy resist? The guys are trying to get me to go out to a bar with them and get my phone number. I can only think of so many lies and when I said I was washing my hair that night I think they suspected something. Since I'm quitting my job my boogers won't be black anymore from all the dust and they won't be as noticeable when I wipe them on the wall- such is the nature of contrast.
I've been asked if I was Jewish twice in the past two weeks. My response: "Only about an inch of me." I basically hold my circumcision against my parents.
"You took the last cookie?"
"You took my foreskn!"
Cartoon update: The DVD camcorder I was hoping to buy does not record to DVD-RAM, this is important because DVD-RAM can be written over and over repeatedly, meaning I'd only need one disc, I could record what I want transfer it to the computer and then just record over it. Usk! I THINK I may need some sort of partner or something for the cartoon- I don't think it's physically possible for me to do this myself in a reasonable amount of time. Basically I don't want to share- credit, money, or success and that is the selfish truth. Plus I want to move out- I live in a box, it's true, I've always embraced it because being an outsider always fuelled by ability to satirize and look at things objectively but now it's time to join the real world.
I recall the moment I decided to make the cartoon, my Mom was badgering me about what I'm doing with my life:
Mom: "Fine! If this is what you want, then do it! Get off your ass, stop dragging your feet and pussyfooting around."
Me: "If I were pussyfooted I'd try to drag my feet as much as possible."
It was at that very moment that I knew that I could do this, I was indeed clever.
This inspirational story was brought to you by the letter "G" and the asterisk (*) who beat up the number 6 to be here and is tired of being the bitch of the loophole and the exception.