People anger me.
People need to stop judging me.
I am not some terrible person... some bitch that is taking advantage of her friend that lost her husband four months ago. I'm not.
People have apparently been judging me... people I don't even know. Thinking I'm living here with Bethaney for nothing, taking advantage of her and bumming off her. Her dad alluded to thinking that I don't do enough here, so he needs to move in and take up my slack. He apparently said something about me not working on the house... meaning the floors that HE said HE was going to do. As if I knew how to do that, anyway.
Of course, nothing is said to me directly. I don't even know most the people that think I'm such a terrible human. They haven't met me. They haven't been over here and seen the house.
Nevermind the fact that I cook almost every night. I clean the house probably more than they do. I help take care of Bridget. 90 percent of my food stamps go to the house food. I babysit whenever she needs me to, sometimes when she doesn't. I get up early to drive the teenager to Lake Stevens for her. I do everything I can possibly think of to earn my keep, and make life easier on her. I paid her literally every last dollar I could afford for rent out of my unemployment. It wasn't as much as I wanted to be giving her, but the deal was I'd pay her more when I got a job. Oh and hey, guess what? I GOT A JOB. I wasn't sitting on my ass doing nothing.
Bethaney and I talked a lot about this situation before I even moved down here. Hell, JESSE and I talked a lot about it, too. We worked out something that would work for all of us. Bethaney is happy with the situation, and that's what is important. She has told me before that it's a great thing that I moved in, because if I hadn't, it's entirely possible that she (and possibly Blue, as well) would be on suicide watch right now. So there's another thing I'm here for. I'm helping with her sanity. I keep her socialized. I don't let her completely hide under the bed with her tail over her eyes, pretending the world doesn't exist.
And also... when she lost her husband, I lost a close friend. The next month, I lost my cousin. There have been other deaths, too. So being here is good for me, too. We can support each other when we can't do it ourselves.
But I shouldn't have to be defending myself, and certainly not to people I don't even know. I shouldn't let it bother me, but it really, really hurt. Especially because I constantly think that maybe I don't do enough, even though she's constantly thanking me for doing so much, and apologizing for not doing much, herself.
I'm so angry, and I'm so hurt.
I am not some terrible person... some bitch that is taking advantage of her friend that lost her husband four months ago. I'm not.
People have apparently been judging me... people I don't even know. Thinking I'm living here with Bethaney for nothing, taking advantage of her and bumming off her. Her dad alluded to thinking that I don't do enough here, so he needs to move in and take up my slack. He apparently said something about me not working on the house... meaning the floors that HE said HE was going to do. As if I knew how to do that, anyway.
Of course, nothing is said to me directly. I don't even know most the people that think I'm such a terrible human. They haven't met me. They haven't been over here and seen the house.
Nevermind the fact that I cook almost every night. I clean the house probably more than they do. I help take care of Bridget. 90 percent of my food stamps go to the house food. I babysit whenever she needs me to, sometimes when she doesn't. I get up early to drive the teenager to Lake Stevens for her. I do everything I can possibly think of to earn my keep, and make life easier on her. I paid her literally every last dollar I could afford for rent out of my unemployment. It wasn't as much as I wanted to be giving her, but the deal was I'd pay her more when I got a job. Oh and hey, guess what? I GOT A JOB. I wasn't sitting on my ass doing nothing.
Bethaney and I talked a lot about this situation before I even moved down here. Hell, JESSE and I talked a lot about it, too. We worked out something that would work for all of us. Bethaney is happy with the situation, and that's what is important. She has told me before that it's a great thing that I moved in, because if I hadn't, it's entirely possible that she (and possibly Blue, as well) would be on suicide watch right now. So there's another thing I'm here for. I'm helping with her sanity. I keep her socialized. I don't let her completely hide under the bed with her tail over her eyes, pretending the world doesn't exist.
And also... when she lost her husband, I lost a close friend. The next month, I lost my cousin. There have been other deaths, too. So being here is good for me, too. We can support each other when we can't do it ourselves.
But I shouldn't have to be defending myself, and certainly not to people I don't even know. I shouldn't let it bother me, but it really, really hurt. Especially because I constantly think that maybe I don't do enough, even though she's constantly thanking me for doing so much, and apologizing for not doing much, herself.
I'm so angry, and I'm so hurt.