Twelve New Vows to Myself; Or, The Inspiration is Killing Me!
Oh man...when the muses sing, they sing like Marlene Dietrich! Let me just try to put some perspective on this:
My entire day was built around watching Shock Waves (1977) and Tarantula (1955) with my parents. Then ten minutes before falfax and I were set to head out, I get a call from one of the student workers I supervise. He's very sick and needs someone to cover his 1-5 shift. All seven students were called within the hour, and no one could cover the four hours, meaning I've had to come in and do it myself. Given that this throws off my entire day, I was raging mad about it.
It turns out, it was the best thing I could've had happen (oh why do I ever question fate?)! I began by logging onto my e-mail, wherein I find a new Myspace message from Kabaret Falschtanz, who runs a dance troupe out of OKC. I had accidentally missed their Cabaret show a week and a half ago, and had contacted her last week about when I could next see them in action, and maybe talk to them about appearing in my Loads of Dames movie. Before making contact, I had perused her page, and was amazed at not only how much she has in common with me, but also how she seems to completely embody the Weimar era culture in every aspect of her life.
Well today, before responding, I also checked out her husband's and her friend's pages, and was bowled over by the irony of it all! Just these past few weeks I'd been feeling isolated and a little too academic. I felt as if I was one of the few aside from some stuffy old professors and Baby Boomer armchair film-buffs that was really into all that. It was a rather lonely feeling, but as I've been reading Guy Maddin's diaries, I know its the climate of the rarer interests. But reading these other sites floored me to see that these nearby people have fully implemented such sensibilities into their daily lives with so much abandon! Her husband's site is the most amazing one I've ever encountered.
One of his friend's pages, that of Count Smokula, knocked me off my chair. He lives in L.A., but he has a kletzmer-style band influenced by hokey versions of latter-day classic monsters (the versions of the 1950's when they became self-referential in style). He had a song playing as his start-up clip called "Transylbearian Woods" [like the Sesame Street Count's music (The Batty Bat!)], that basically shot straight to my top 50 songs ever on the first listen! Its so powerful that it gilded the preceding pages with such beauty and passion, and drove me to drunken madness.
Just this morning in the shower I was lamenting my seeming-inability to tie everything neatly together. It seems I always have a billion projects in differing stages of development, and can never seem to get anything together. I just told falfax on the way here that I'm so sick of it all, and that I was going to officially become a hermit for three weeks to play catch-up. But when I see other people doing just as much and managing just fine, I realize it has to do with better management. Therefore, I am making a new set of vows to myself, which should help de-clutter my life:
1. I realized I only reveal certain sides of myself to certain people. This needs to stop; It's not that I'm not honest, its just a matter of Obi-Wan's damn "point of view" perspective.
2. I need to communicate more directly to people: I need to come out and tell people about my feelings, instead of waiting for things to just happen. I need to ask people what is really wrong when they are upset, instead of guessing and expecting that they'll have the backbone to tell me. I'm upset when I hear rumours that a person has not responded a certain way because they're uncomfortable in telling me. I need to ASK! I got away from this because most people are cagey and will lie when I do ask, but if I ask directly and they lie, then they've just worsened it for themselves.
3. I need to give up on those people that haven't attempted to keep up communication. Spending years trying to re-initiate communications is futile. If they don't care anymore, then they don't care. I just have to face the reality that "once-a-friend, always a friend" is complete rubbish!
4. No one is going to take interest in things that are not already inherent in their cosmological makeup. If they can't see it now, they never will; Give up and move along to the people that do.
5. Realize that as much as I love organization, its not going to ever be effective or perfect until I have money to throw around. I refuse to shed my pack-rat/collector nature, but just realize its not gonna be perfect until I have the means necessary. For the meantime, keep things as neat AS POSSIBLE.
6. No amount of research or history with a subject will empower a creative endeavour anymore than if an 18 year old with a basic understanding approached the same topic. Remember, its not the details, its HOW ITS DONE!
7. Stop reading so much online! Spend that time in front of the computer building my websites, editing, and creating music for my band. And you're only allowed 2 1/2 times your regular amount of time to do it in! You do a good job of planning, but are too methodical in your work. Consider carefully every shortcut, and then take them as they come!
8. Stop caring so much about helping people. At work I try to be too helpful sometimes. Stop it!
9. When things get hectic, just think and say, "Screw it!" As for movies/books/music that I'm behind on, prioritize the top two and forget the rest.
10. Stop giving any consideration to what those closest to me has or hasn't experienced. It's their loss.
11. I am who I am; I refuse to be anything else.
12. And most of all: STOP WITH THE OCD! Damon, please stop being so ritualistic and a perfectionist about everything (see #9 above). Yes, the coffee pot is unplugged! No, counting everything in sight will not give you a deeper understanding of your surroundings! Missing a line of dialogue or two is not going to kill you; In fact, a year from now you'll only remember two or three key scenes anyway! Abbreviations are okay! Chronology is still important, but shouldn't be adhered to to the effect of missing out entirely! The intricate details of every situation and scenario ARE NOT IMPORTANT! Sure I was born with a pin-sharp long-term memory, but 95% of the rest of the world wasn't; They won't know any different, and will be too lazy to reseach the background in the future. Take advantage of this...
Why is it that these self-evaluations and subsequent cleansings always occur in February?!?
My entire day was built around watching Shock Waves (1977) and Tarantula (1955) with my parents. Then ten minutes before falfax and I were set to head out, I get a call from one of the student workers I supervise. He's very sick and needs someone to cover his 1-5 shift. All seven students were called within the hour, and no one could cover the four hours, meaning I've had to come in and do it myself. Given that this throws off my entire day, I was raging mad about it.
It turns out, it was the best thing I could've had happen (oh why do I ever question fate?)! I began by logging onto my e-mail, wherein I find a new Myspace message from Kabaret Falschtanz, who runs a dance troupe out of OKC. I had accidentally missed their Cabaret show a week and a half ago, and had contacted her last week about when I could next see them in action, and maybe talk to them about appearing in my Loads of Dames movie. Before making contact, I had perused her page, and was amazed at not only how much she has in common with me, but also how she seems to completely embody the Weimar era culture in every aspect of her life.
Well today, before responding, I also checked out her husband's and her friend's pages, and was bowled over by the irony of it all! Just these past few weeks I'd been feeling isolated and a little too academic. I felt as if I was one of the few aside from some stuffy old professors and Baby Boomer armchair film-buffs that was really into all that. It was a rather lonely feeling, but as I've been reading Guy Maddin's diaries, I know its the climate of the rarer interests. But reading these other sites floored me to see that these nearby people have fully implemented such sensibilities into their daily lives with so much abandon! Her husband's site is the most amazing one I've ever encountered.
One of his friend's pages, that of Count Smokula, knocked me off my chair. He lives in L.A., but he has a kletzmer-style band influenced by hokey versions of latter-day classic monsters (the versions of the 1950's when they became self-referential in style). He had a song playing as his start-up clip called "Transylbearian Woods" [like the Sesame Street Count's music (The Batty Bat!)], that basically shot straight to my top 50 songs ever on the first listen! Its so powerful that it gilded the preceding pages with such beauty and passion, and drove me to drunken madness.
Just this morning in the shower I was lamenting my seeming-inability to tie everything neatly together. It seems I always have a billion projects in differing stages of development, and can never seem to get anything together. I just told falfax on the way here that I'm so sick of it all, and that I was going to officially become a hermit for three weeks to play catch-up. But when I see other people doing just as much and managing just fine, I realize it has to do with better management. Therefore, I am making a new set of vows to myself, which should help de-clutter my life:
1. I realized I only reveal certain sides of myself to certain people. This needs to stop; It's not that I'm not honest, its just a matter of Obi-Wan's damn "point of view" perspective.
2. I need to communicate more directly to people: I need to come out and tell people about my feelings, instead of waiting for things to just happen. I need to ask people what is really wrong when they are upset, instead of guessing and expecting that they'll have the backbone to tell me. I'm upset when I hear rumours that a person has not responded a certain way because they're uncomfortable in telling me. I need to ASK! I got away from this because most people are cagey and will lie when I do ask, but if I ask directly and they lie, then they've just worsened it for themselves.
3. I need to give up on those people that haven't attempted to keep up communication. Spending years trying to re-initiate communications is futile. If they don't care anymore, then they don't care. I just have to face the reality that "once-a-friend, always a friend" is complete rubbish!
4. No one is going to take interest in things that are not already inherent in their cosmological makeup. If they can't see it now, they never will; Give up and move along to the people that do.
5. Realize that as much as I love organization, its not going to ever be effective or perfect until I have money to throw around. I refuse to shed my pack-rat/collector nature, but just realize its not gonna be perfect until I have the means necessary. For the meantime, keep things as neat AS POSSIBLE.
6. No amount of research or history with a subject will empower a creative endeavour anymore than if an 18 year old with a basic understanding approached the same topic. Remember, its not the details, its HOW ITS DONE!
7. Stop reading so much online! Spend that time in front of the computer building my websites, editing, and creating music for my band. And you're only allowed 2 1/2 times your regular amount of time to do it in! You do a good job of planning, but are too methodical in your work. Consider carefully every shortcut, and then take them as they come!
8. Stop caring so much about helping people. At work I try to be too helpful sometimes. Stop it!
9. When things get hectic, just think and say, "Screw it!" As for movies/books/music that I'm behind on, prioritize the top two and forget the rest.
10. Stop giving any consideration to what those closest to me has or hasn't experienced. It's their loss.
11. I am who I am; I refuse to be anything else.
12. And most of all: STOP WITH THE OCD! Damon, please stop being so ritualistic and a perfectionist about everything (see #9 above). Yes, the coffee pot is unplugged! No, counting everything in sight will not give you a deeper understanding of your surroundings! Missing a line of dialogue or two is not going to kill you; In fact, a year from now you'll only remember two or three key scenes anyway! Abbreviations are okay! Chronology is still important, but shouldn't be adhered to to the effect of missing out entirely! The intricate details of every situation and scenario ARE NOT IMPORTANT! Sure I was born with a pin-sharp long-term memory, but 95% of the rest of the world wasn't; They won't know any different, and will be too lazy to reseach the background in the future. Take advantage of this...
Why is it that these self-evaluations and subsequent cleansings always occur in February?!?