My boyfriend is married to the sex worker who is dating my other boyfriend
Hello! I am new the community. 25/F - San Francisco, CA.
This is not my first poly adventure, but my love life is entertaining to my friends so I'm trying out blogging.
In the summer time I go to camp outs that are like mini-burningmans, and since I was 18 I have been seeing the same people every summer.
This July at a camp out I met Pete and felt a connection, but I learned he was married. There are conventional marriages in the scene, and less conventional ones, and I always assume marriages are more conventional. He sent me a message on facebook that he had fun talking to me and I was polite. I wanted to be friends with his wife much more than I wanted to get to know him romantically. Also at that time I was exclusively seeing my boyfriend.
At a different camp out in September, which I attended with my boyfriend Doug, I met a single guy named Tommy. Tommy was cute and hanging out at our campground after Doug went home early for school. Doug and I go back and forth between seeing other people and we were just with each other at that time so I dismissed Tommy. Tommy also sent me a message on facebook that it was nice talking to me.
Fast forward to the weekend before Halloween - house party with camp out friends. Tommy, Pete and Pete's wife Joanna are there. Doug and I had opened up our relationship and this was my first night out and about as an available woman in about a year. Tommy shows a lot of interest in face time with me, but I'm more interested in getting to know Joanna because she's a very interesting person. We talk a bit and she tells me she is a sex worker and activist, and that she and Pete are in an open marriage. Sweet!
So, I am flirting with Joanna, Tommy and Pete at this party. Tommy and I are connecting pretty well! Then, Pete informed me that Joanna and Tommy are dating. No big deal, everyone is being cool and I don't think much of it. Tommy and I spent a lot of time together and made a date for the following weekend. Pete and I set up a date for the day after my date with Tommy.
The date with Tommy was fun and we went back to his place together, the sex was mediocre because we weren't at ease. Joanna and Pete invited us out to breakfast before my date with Pete the next day and Joanna also invited a girl she was trying to date who turned out not to be interested. The breakfast went surprisingly well! Joanna, Pete and I are all experienced in polyamory and basic consideration and respect, along with appreciation are present between us. Tommy is pretty new to it all but eager to figure things out.
Pete and I went on our date and talked about his marriage and my relationship, and we're building a pretty solid friendly foundation with occasional kisses and desire for more. We agreed that it would be inappropriate to be too publicly affectionate. After our date we met back up with Tommy and Joanna and spent the rest of the day and most of the night together hanging out and going to a party. Tommy completely disengaged from me that night. Joanna tried to explain to me that he is trying to figure stuff out, Tommy told me that he was having mixed feelings and was trying to give Pete and I a chance to spend time together. I had to clarify to Tommy that he shouldn't be worried about my relationship with Pete and should be more concerned about his relationship with me. I also made it clear that I would never let Pete monopolize my attention if Tommy were there. Tommy was focused exclusively on Joanna all night, which hurt my feelings. I talked to him about it the next day, told him I didn't want to see him anymore, and then later realized I was more hurt than I realized. Tommy was really supportive and apologetic, and giving him the chance to speak his perspective made me feel less hurt.
Tommy and I are going to meet up and talk about what we want on Saturday. We're both having mixed feelings, and I'm still leaning towards not hooking up with him again because I don't want to get hurt by the learning curve anymore. I feel like my connection with Pete stronger and would be more fulfilling and allow better personal growth - conversations with Pete have already improved things in my relationship with Doug. Doug, by the way, is not comfortable with the fact that I am dating two guys who are dating the same sex worker. He is considering limiting our exclusive fluid bond with condom use and I would rather that didn't happen.
It's exciting, complicated, difficult.... Part of me wants to do this quad thing just because it's new. Part of me wants to just date Pete on the side because he's awesome. Part of me is intimidated about disappointing two men who are accustomed to being satisfied by a professional sex worker. Another part of me wants to reconnect with a couple I was dating a year ago because the chemistry is still there and we've worked out our communication already.
If the readers here are interested I made my new LJ account a chronicle of this experience for your amusement. Thank YOU for reading this much and I look forward to your responses. I'd love to hear how you might relate, or any advice.
This is not my first poly adventure, but my love life is entertaining to my friends so I'm trying out blogging.
In the summer time I go to camp outs that are like mini-burningmans, and since I was 18 I have been seeing the same people every summer.
This July at a camp out I met Pete and felt a connection, but I learned he was married. There are conventional marriages in the scene, and less conventional ones, and I always assume marriages are more conventional. He sent me a message on facebook that he had fun talking to me and I was polite. I wanted to be friends with his wife much more than I wanted to get to know him romantically. Also at that time I was exclusively seeing my boyfriend.
At a different camp out in September, which I attended with my boyfriend Doug, I met a single guy named Tommy. Tommy was cute and hanging out at our campground after Doug went home early for school. Doug and I go back and forth between seeing other people and we were just with each other at that time so I dismissed Tommy. Tommy also sent me a message on facebook that it was nice talking to me.
Fast forward to the weekend before Halloween - house party with camp out friends. Tommy, Pete and Pete's wife Joanna are there. Doug and I had opened up our relationship and this was my first night out and about as an available woman in about a year. Tommy shows a lot of interest in face time with me, but I'm more interested in getting to know Joanna because she's a very interesting person. We talk a bit and she tells me she is a sex worker and activist, and that she and Pete are in an open marriage. Sweet!
So, I am flirting with Joanna, Tommy and Pete at this party. Tommy and I are connecting pretty well! Then, Pete informed me that Joanna and Tommy are dating. No big deal, everyone is being cool and I don't think much of it. Tommy and I spent a lot of time together and made a date for the following weekend. Pete and I set up a date for the day after my date with Tommy.
The date with Tommy was fun and we went back to his place together, the sex was mediocre because we weren't at ease. Joanna and Pete invited us out to breakfast before my date with Pete the next day and Joanna also invited a girl she was trying to date who turned out not to be interested. The breakfast went surprisingly well! Joanna, Pete and I are all experienced in polyamory and basic consideration and respect, along with appreciation are present between us. Tommy is pretty new to it all but eager to figure things out.
Pete and I went on our date and talked about his marriage and my relationship, and we're building a pretty solid friendly foundation with occasional kisses and desire for more. We agreed that it would be inappropriate to be too publicly affectionate. After our date we met back up with Tommy and Joanna and spent the rest of the day and most of the night together hanging out and going to a party. Tommy completely disengaged from me that night. Joanna tried to explain to me that he is trying to figure stuff out, Tommy told me that he was having mixed feelings and was trying to give Pete and I a chance to spend time together. I had to clarify to Tommy that he shouldn't be worried about my relationship with Pete and should be more concerned about his relationship with me. I also made it clear that I would never let Pete monopolize my attention if Tommy were there. Tommy was focused exclusively on Joanna all night, which hurt my feelings. I talked to him about it the next day, told him I didn't want to see him anymore, and then later realized I was more hurt than I realized. Tommy was really supportive and apologetic, and giving him the chance to speak his perspective made me feel less hurt.
Tommy and I are going to meet up and talk about what we want on Saturday. We're both having mixed feelings, and I'm still leaning towards not hooking up with him again because I don't want to get hurt by the learning curve anymore. I feel like my connection with Pete stronger and would be more fulfilling and allow better personal growth - conversations with Pete have already improved things in my relationship with Doug. Doug, by the way, is not comfortable with the fact that I am dating two guys who are dating the same sex worker. He is considering limiting our exclusive fluid bond with condom use and I would rather that didn't happen.
It's exciting, complicated, difficult.... Part of me wants to do this quad thing just because it's new. Part of me wants to just date Pete on the side because he's awesome. Part of me is intimidated about disappointing two men who are accustomed to being satisfied by a professional sex worker. Another part of me wants to reconnect with a couple I was dating a year ago because the chemistry is still there and we've worked out our communication already.
If the readers here are interested I made my new LJ account a chronicle of this experience for your amusement. Thank YOU for reading this much and I look forward to your responses. I'd love to hear how you might relate, or any advice.