General, somewhat generic advice: Ultimately, you have to decide what you can and can't live with, set your boundaries, and stick to them. If you can't be happy in any poly relationship, you need to get out - but before making any drastic decisions you might want to carefully examine how much of that is tied up in your experience with C, which sounds very negative. If you think you can be happy in a poly relationship, you need to figure out what is going to work for you, as the current situation clearly isn't working for you. You might consider whether you should look for someone as a primary for yourself, while maintaining a secondary relationship with S. Do you "need" domestic life with S, or do you just have a need for domestic life with someone you care for. It's also possible another poly relationship might work for you, but this one just won't - because of the situation with C or whatever. Unless C has some sort of drastic personality adjustment, I wouldn't put much stock in the possibility you'll be living under the same roof as S & C again any time soon - or at least that if you do it won't end the same way it did the first time around.
Perhaps an important point in that regard: Was C also jealous and hostile towards M? Is that why M left or something else?
Thank you so much for the reply,legolastn. Yeah. I have been struggling with that decision. I really don't think I can get what I completely need from a poly relationship. I tried dating other people and I am just too attached to S. I understand 100% what it means to be poly and I accept it. I just am unsure I can deal with the limitations of it in my own dilemna with being in one. I totally respect S's relationship with C. Because I am monogamous,S is my "primary". I really "need" a domestic life with the person I get serious with,and the only one I have felt that way about is S. I know there are other people out there,but they aren't him,yeah know?
The relationship with C did cause a different kind of strain. Mainly now because me and S have had to deal with her attitude toward me and S's relationship. She hates that I am still in his life,but she has calmed down enough to at least accept it. Living together is definitely out of the question as long as she is in the picture. She turned out to not be kid-friendly and my daughter was not happy there because of it,also. Fact is,even without C,S will always be poly and I have no expectations for him to change who he is. I love him for all that he is. He would be just as miserable living a monogamous life with me as I was living polyamorous for him. Thanks again for the advice.
Oh,as far as M. She moved out to be monogamous with her other boyfriend,R.
I recently found out that C had issues with M. C is very protective of how other partners treat S. If any of them(even unintentionally) hurt S she hates them. Of course,she completely disregards and excuses the times she has hurt S in an argument.
Perhaps an important point in that regard: Was C also jealous and hostile towards M? Is that why M left or something else?
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The relationship with C did cause a different kind of strain. Mainly now because me and S have had to deal with her attitude toward me and S's relationship. She hates that I am still in his life,but she has calmed down enough to at least accept it. Living together is definitely out of the question as long as she is in the picture. She turned out to not be kid-friendly and my daughter was not happy there because of it,also. Fact is,even without C,S will always be poly and I have no expectations for him to change who he is. I love him for all that he is. He would be just as miserable living a monogamous life with me as I was living polyamorous for him. Thanks again for the advice.
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I recently found out that C had issues with M. C is very protective of how other partners treat S. If any of them(even unintentionally) hurt S she hates them. Of course,she completely disregards and excuses the times she has hurt S in an argument.
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