Navigating Condom use in a Triad...
Hi there... I need to know if I am being silly about attempting condom enforcement or not.
So my partner and I have been together for 3 years. We have been poly on and off, but recently I have grown to be more ok with it. She (K) (trans female, male-bodied) is also in a relationship with another female bodied person (H) for a couple months, but considers me her primary.
Recently H has started taking birth control, and K was asking my opinion on having sex without condoms... My instant reaction was NO because I have had problems with birth control when I took it (severe depression) and don't want to take it anymore, and it doesn't seem 'fair' if they can be fluid bonded and not have the inconvenience, and we can't... As well, H sometimes (though not as of late) sleeps with other people, and out of paranoia, I don't want to trust H to be reliable to take her pills... The last thing I want is for her to get pregnant, despite how small the chances!
The thing is... if I tell K "you must have sex with condoms" sie is the type of person who when given rules feels restricted and then sometimes does the opposite, and that just breed paranoia in me, and I feel as though I am setting myself up for hurt and deception...
Am I being silly to ask them to use condoms all the time...? Recently I have updated it to "practice safe sex" which means use good judgement, so that if she has slept with someone else, or might have missed a day, use a condom (but I still don't trust her to tell K if she has missed a day or slept with someone else, this is her first relationship and I don't think she realizes the gravity, as well she is really shy and not that responsible... And I just get so jealous with fairness!
So my partner and I have been together for 3 years. We have been poly on and off, but recently I have grown to be more ok with it. She (K) (trans female, male-bodied) is also in a relationship with another female bodied person (H) for a couple months, but considers me her primary.
Recently H has started taking birth control, and K was asking my opinion on having sex without condoms... My instant reaction was NO because I have had problems with birth control when I took it (severe depression) and don't want to take it anymore, and it doesn't seem 'fair' if they can be fluid bonded and not have the inconvenience, and we can't... As well, H sometimes (though not as of late) sleeps with other people, and out of paranoia, I don't want to trust H to be reliable to take her pills... The last thing I want is for her to get pregnant, despite how small the chances!
The thing is... if I tell K "you must have sex with condoms" sie is the type of person who when given rules feels restricted and then sometimes does the opposite, and that just breed paranoia in me, and I feel as though I am setting myself up for hurt and deception...
Am I being silly to ask them to use condoms all the time...? Recently I have updated it to "practice safe sex" which means use good judgement, so that if she has slept with someone else, or might have missed a day, use a condom (but I still don't trust her to tell K if she has missed a day or slept with someone else, this is her first relationship and I don't think she realizes the gravity, as well she is really shy and not that responsible... And I just get so jealous with fairness!