and the crazy dreams start...
the counter is now at 47 days... it's creeping up so fast!! and time to cue the weird wedding dreams and bridal freakouts...
My dream had me waking up crying. I had come home from work and Ray was gone. With Dodger. No explanation. They were just gone. It hurt so much. I don't know if it's my subconscious picking up on things that are going on around me... I know of two marriages that are ending - one of them they've been together for 12 years... I don't know much about divorce but it sounds like the one my friend is going through is going to get messy. And she has 3 young kids too... I hate to say this because I know how lame it is to say, but I honestly can not imagine not having Ray in my life. It's kinda sad. I was so independent before I met him, but disgustingly lonely and depressed. I've built a friendship with him, a friendship that I hold very dearly and to think that could disappear freaks me out. He is one of the few people in this world that actually gets me and accepts me for it (I can be a pretty dorky and emotional person)... what happens if there's a day in the future when he just can't take it anymore?
My first bridal freakout (complete with ugly crying) took place in the dressing room of Addition-Elle yesterday. When I went for my last bridal fitting, the woman told me there that I should probably get some Spanx or go commando. Okay, so I went on a mission to find Spanx-like things. We went to Addition-Elle a couple weeks ago to poke around and saw that they had "smooth out your fat" underthings. So we went yesterday to see if they would work. First, I couldn't even get them over my legs... they were stuck at my calves. I eventually wiggled, quite uncomfortably, into them and turned to look into the mirror. My mom was in the next one over trying them on too - her hilarious comments helped a bit ("oh my God there is a hole in the bottom of these?!!!! Oh wait I get it... it's so you can pee because there is no way you're getting these off again"). It just wasn't working for me. They didn't smooth out my wobbly bits at all; if anything, they emphasized them. It looked like I was wearing tight see-through beige bicycle shorts that went into all my nooks and crannies. I was devastated. My mom came into the dressing room and held me while I sobbed. There is a certain mystique for your wedding night... you don't want your groom to help you out of your dress to find you wearing a gorgeous white bustiere and clingy bicycle shorts... my confidence in myself was totally shot. I know that I look great in my dress and I have awesome shoes and my hair is gonna rock but if I had bought those underthings, I would have hated myself on the day. We left the store (I felt like a big dope) and I had a good cry in the van. My mom was trying to make light of the situation. She said "Well, then you'll just have to go commando!"... but I don't want to go commando... what if I sneeze or get an fit of the giggles? That's all I need to do is pee my wedding dress :S so then my mother suggested, "Well, we can go get you a thong/g-string!" :o I can barely function if my full bottom briefs ride up my butt (TMI) how would a thong work?
When I first tried on my dress, I was wearing black Hanes woman's boy shorts and it looked fine under my dress... so I think I'm going to go look for white lacy boy shorts and just deal with the odd dip on the side of my dress... it has ruching so you can't really tell where the dress ends and my body rolls begin. I looked at Wal-Mart last night and because it's so cheap there, I might grab a couple of things to try (they have nice white tummy tucker and waist smoother underroos). But I have to figure all this out by Thursday as that is when I go for my final dress fitting and I can make sure it all works.
Onwards and upwards...