how do we get out of this hole....??
It is 1:10 am, and I am so stressed out that I can't sleep, and am finding it hard to breathe. Jay is super stressed out too.
A lot of things have been building up to this point.
Tonight, what pushed me over the edge is that we somehow lost the giant FedEx envelope that contained all of my Family Medical Leave paperwork. Which, we hadn't really looked at yet, since I knew we were going to go over it early this week and fill it out. So, I don't even know what type of forms were in it.
My body is super uncomfortable, and I -need- to stop working. My bosses have told me that I can't do this without a Dr's note. The Dr. told me to bring in the FMLA paperwork on Wed. morning.... She also said there's no 'medical reason' for her to write me out of work. Just that she thinks I need rest and knows that I am super uncomfortable. (Most likely, because I am fat..)
Also, Jay cannot find a job.
This is a -huge- problem.
We cannot pay the rent this month.
My car insurance is going to be cancelled in 2 days.
We are facing our electricity being cut off at any time.
At this rate, we are on the fast track to being homeless.
Sarah is insistant that we don't break our lease, which ends Aug 1st. She keeps saying that we better not 'screw her over.' Also, she wants her portion of the security deposit back, which I understand completely.
But, how are we supposed to keep on living here if we can't pay the rent or the bills????
Between Jay and I right now, we have less than $100.
How are we supposed to bring a child into this world when life is shitting on us so badly right now?
Also, how am I going to afford to pay for my insurance when I go on the FMLA (which I was hoping would be by the end of the week), so that I can even have this baby???
And how can I possibly stop working, even if it -is- for my own, and my baby's health, when Jay doesn't have any income coming in??
Also, how do I get the debt collectors to stop calling me, when I can't even make a minimum payment on the past due bills I owe??? There's at least 3 different companies after me right now!!!!!
I should so be asleep right now, but I am too wired from being upset and stressed out.
I just want to cry.
But the tears won't come.
I feel hopeless, and alone.
I feel like scum.
I thought life would be in a much different place when I had my first child.
I'm also stressed out because my parents have mentioned us coming to live with them.
After coming to see my place this weekend, my mother is insistent that we get out of here, and implied that this house is no place for a new baby.
The thing is though, my parents barely have enough room for themselves, my sister, and Dylan!!
They have talked about building us a room in the garage, which I am allergic to. They have also mentioned either moving Dylan from their room into Colleen's room, or -finally- converting the office into a bedroom for him. My mom wants -my- baby to be in -her- room. I say NO WAY to this. This stresses me out hardcore! This is -my- baby!!! This is something Jay and I need to do on our OWN! I don't want my mother to take over, like she did with Dylan. I'm capable, i'm just broke....
Also, my parents and sister drive me crazy if i'm around them for too long.
And, if we move to MA, we loose all of our NH benefits, citizenship, WIC, and health insurance for the baby.
They also said that I could not bring Dweezil. For me, that is NOT an option. I made a commitment to that cat when I got him and there is NO WAY IN HELL I am going to live -anywhere- without him.
I want to puke.
A lot of things have been building up to this point.
Tonight, what pushed me over the edge is that we somehow lost the giant FedEx envelope that contained all of my Family Medical Leave paperwork. Which, we hadn't really looked at yet, since I knew we were going to go over it early this week and fill it out. So, I don't even know what type of forms were in it.
My body is super uncomfortable, and I -need- to stop working. My bosses have told me that I can't do this without a Dr's note. The Dr. told me to bring in the FMLA paperwork on Wed. morning.... She also said there's no 'medical reason' for her to write me out of work. Just that she thinks I need rest and knows that I am super uncomfortable. (Most likely, because I am fat..)
Also, Jay cannot find a job.
This is a -huge- problem.
We cannot pay the rent this month.
My car insurance is going to be cancelled in 2 days.
We are facing our electricity being cut off at any time.
At this rate, we are on the fast track to being homeless.
Sarah is insistant that we don't break our lease, which ends Aug 1st. She keeps saying that we better not 'screw her over.' Also, she wants her portion of the security deposit back, which I understand completely.
But, how are we supposed to keep on living here if we can't pay the rent or the bills????
Between Jay and I right now, we have less than $100.
How are we supposed to bring a child into this world when life is shitting on us so badly right now?
Also, how am I going to afford to pay for my insurance when I go on the FMLA (which I was hoping would be by the end of the week), so that I can even have this baby???
And how can I possibly stop working, even if it -is- for my own, and my baby's health, when Jay doesn't have any income coming in??
Also, how do I get the debt collectors to stop calling me, when I can't even make a minimum payment on the past due bills I owe??? There's at least 3 different companies after me right now!!!!!
I should so be asleep right now, but I am too wired from being upset and stressed out.
I just want to cry.
But the tears won't come.
I feel hopeless, and alone.
I feel like scum.
I thought life would be in a much different place when I had my first child.
I'm also stressed out because my parents have mentioned us coming to live with them.
After coming to see my place this weekend, my mother is insistent that we get out of here, and implied that this house is no place for a new baby.
The thing is though, my parents barely have enough room for themselves, my sister, and Dylan!!
They have talked about building us a room in the garage, which I am allergic to. They have also mentioned either moving Dylan from their room into Colleen's room, or -finally- converting the office into a bedroom for him. My mom wants -my- baby to be in -her- room. I say NO WAY to this. This stresses me out hardcore! This is -my- baby!!! This is something Jay and I need to do on our OWN! I don't want my mother to take over, like she did with Dylan. I'm capable, i'm just broke....
Also, my parents and sister drive me crazy if i'm around them for too long.
And, if we move to MA, we loose all of our NH benefits, citizenship, WIC, and health insurance for the baby.
They also said that I could not bring Dweezil. For me, that is NOT an option. I made a commitment to that cat when I got him and there is NO WAY IN HELL I am going to live -anywhere- without him.
I want to puke.