Multicultural Relationship Woes - Parents
Thank you so much for the great response you have all been giving me on my previous two nostalgia entries. Today, I'll be writing my final one before going back to my normal pattern of writing about my current life every 2 or 3 months. :D
Several years ago, I dated this one somewhat nutty girl for a few months. (What's with me and crazies?) For privacy reasons, I won't say what exactly her ethnic background was, but she wasn't Asian. Let's call her Jane.
This story isn't about the roller coaster ride that was Jane and me. No, this is about Jane's Mom. After about a month of going out, Jane decided to invite me to her house for the first time. Since she lived at home with her parents, she told me that I was going to meet them, which obviously got me a bit nervous. I always hate the meeting the parents part because you never know how they would react. You could be absolutely perfect and there is still a chance they'd hate your guts for whatever reason. In this particular case, though, things worked out in ways I could never have imagined.
When we got to Jane's home, her mother was in the kitchen waiting for us. Her dad, as I found out, didn't care, so he was in the basement reading a book. After getting through the initial pleasantries with Jane's mom just fine, she offered to buy Jane and I Swiss Chalet for dinner. That was a really nice gesture, so I thought, hey, things were going well. Once food arrived, we talked a bit over dinner and got to know one another. I couldn't have been happier with how this meeting was turning out. Jane's mom seemed to be very nice and extremely supportive of Jane and her choices. Fantastic! Finally, we finished all the food and Jane had to go to the washroom. I was now alone with her mom.
There was silence for a couple of minutes and then Jane's Mom started a conversation with me that went like this:
Jane's Mom: So, Michael. What are you? Japanese? Korean? Chinese?
Me: I'm Chinese, but I was born in Canada.
Jane's Mom: But, your parents are from Hong Kong?
Me: China, then Hong Kong, then the US, then Canada.
Jane's Mom: Oh, that's very nice. You Chinese people. You're good at school, right?
Me: ... Pardon me?
Jane's Mom: You Chinese people are good at school. I work with this one Chinese woman and her son is a math genius.
Me: ... Um... I guess...
Jane's Mom: Oh, come on, Michael. There's no need to be modest. It's a gift to be good at school.
Me: ... I guess...
Jane's Mom: Awww, you're so humble. Good. My daughter is a terrible student and is not doing well in her courses at the university. I've spent so much money on that girl and she just keeps doing so poorly. It breaks my heart.
Me: ... I... Okay...
Jane's Mom: So, here's the thing, Michael. I like you and I can see Jane likes you. If you want to be with my daughter, you are going to make her a better student.
Me: I... A better student?
Jane's Mom: You are going to tutor her and get her marks to go up. Your people are good at school and Jane needs someone like you in her life to get her to do better. So, tutor her. Teach her your people's ways.
Me: ... Ok...
Jane's Mom: Good. Now, you and Jane have a great time. I'll be around the house if you need me for anything.
Me: ... Ok...
At that point, Jane's Mom left me alone in the kitchen. When Jane came back to the kitchen, I said nothing of the conversation to her.
As the months went by, my relationship with Jane went from happy and fun to absolutely, ridiculously, frustratingly broken. She was a nutter and it's not hard to see where she got it all from. Also, as I discovered, Jane was indeed doing poorly in university. The reasons? She would often skip classes to go hang out with friends and hardly ever did her homework. She also barely studied. I did try to talk to her about her attitude towards her studies, but Jane said that she could care less about school since her parents were the ones paying for it and they would keep paying until she was finished and had some degree or other. Yikes. On the final day of our time together, Jane was being immature and wouldn't answer my calls to her cell or my messages on MSN Messenger. So, I decided to call her house, and if that accomplished nothing, I would dump her. Well, Jane's Mom answered and she was livid. Here's the conversation:
Me: Look, Ma'am, I can hear you're upset, but I am calling to speak with Jane about our problems. I think talking things over is the best solution.
Jane's Mom: What do you know about best solutions? I mean, look at my daughter, for example. Her marks got WORSE after she started dating YOU. What kind of Chinese person are you? You were supposed to make Jane a better student!
Me: Wha... Look, Ma'am, this isn't about school or marks. This is about Jane and me and the problems we're having.
Jane's Mom: The only problem you have, Michael, is an inability to do what you're supposed to be good at. You're lazy and didn't take the time to tutor my daughter. THAT is why her marks have gone down these past few months. If anything, I think you're a distraction.
Me: I assure you I have not distracted Jane in any way. I barely see her and, as of right now, I am not even able to speak with her. I would really like to speak with her. Please understand that I really care for Jane and that I want to fix things.
Jane's Mom: Honestly, I don't think you can fix anything. You're not the Chinese person I thought you were. But, if you talking with Jane can lead to her marks getting better, either through you working things out and then tutoring her properly or you two breaking up so that she can find a proper Chinese or Asian man, then I'll be happy. So, I'll let you speak with Jane. But, you BETTER fix things. My daughter's marks MUST improve, you hear me?!
Me: Yes, Ma'am.
Jane's Mom: JAAAAAANE?! Get your bubble butt over here and speak with Michael. NOW!
The conversation lasted 2 minutes and consisted of me asking Jane if she wanted to be with me, her saying she did, and then her slamming the phone on me. Yes, that makes no sense.
I dumped Jane on MSN Messenger 5 minutes later.
And, that is the story of Jane's Mom.
Several years ago, I dated this one somewhat nutty girl for a few months. (What's with me and crazies?) For privacy reasons, I won't say what exactly her ethnic background was, but she wasn't Asian. Let's call her Jane.
This story isn't about the roller coaster ride that was Jane and me. No, this is about Jane's Mom. After about a month of going out, Jane decided to invite me to her house for the first time. Since she lived at home with her parents, she told me that I was going to meet them, which obviously got me a bit nervous. I always hate the meeting the parents part because you never know how they would react. You could be absolutely perfect and there is still a chance they'd hate your guts for whatever reason. In this particular case, though, things worked out in ways I could never have imagined.
When we got to Jane's home, her mother was in the kitchen waiting for us. Her dad, as I found out, didn't care, so he was in the basement reading a book. After getting through the initial pleasantries with Jane's mom just fine, she offered to buy Jane and I Swiss Chalet for dinner. That was a really nice gesture, so I thought, hey, things were going well. Once food arrived, we talked a bit over dinner and got to know one another. I couldn't have been happier with how this meeting was turning out. Jane's mom seemed to be very nice and extremely supportive of Jane and her choices. Fantastic! Finally, we finished all the food and Jane had to go to the washroom. I was now alone with her mom.
There was silence for a couple of minutes and then Jane's Mom started a conversation with me that went like this:
Jane's Mom: So, Michael. What are you? Japanese? Korean? Chinese?
Me: I'm Chinese, but I was born in Canada.
Jane's Mom: But, your parents are from Hong Kong?
Me: China, then Hong Kong, then the US, then Canada.
Jane's Mom: Oh, that's very nice. You Chinese people. You're good at school, right?
Me: ... Pardon me?
Jane's Mom: You Chinese people are good at school. I work with this one Chinese woman and her son is a math genius.
Me: ... Um... I guess...
Jane's Mom: Oh, come on, Michael. There's no need to be modest. It's a gift to be good at school.
Me: ... I guess...
Jane's Mom: Awww, you're so humble. Good. My daughter is a terrible student and is not doing well in her courses at the university. I've spent so much money on that girl and she just keeps doing so poorly. It breaks my heart.
Me: ... I... Okay...
Jane's Mom: So, here's the thing, Michael. I like you and I can see Jane likes you. If you want to be with my daughter, you are going to make her a better student.
Me: I... A better student?
Jane's Mom: You are going to tutor her and get her marks to go up. Your people are good at school and Jane needs someone like you in her life to get her to do better. So, tutor her. Teach her your people's ways.
Me: ... Ok...
Jane's Mom: Good. Now, you and Jane have a great time. I'll be around the house if you need me for anything.
Me: ... Ok...
At that point, Jane's Mom left me alone in the kitchen. When Jane came back to the kitchen, I said nothing of the conversation to her.
As the months went by, my relationship with Jane went from happy and fun to absolutely, ridiculously, frustratingly broken. She was a nutter and it's not hard to see where she got it all from. Also, as I discovered, Jane was indeed doing poorly in university. The reasons? She would often skip classes to go hang out with friends and hardly ever did her homework. She also barely studied. I did try to talk to her about her attitude towards her studies, but Jane said that she could care less about school since her parents were the ones paying for it and they would keep paying until she was finished and had some degree or other. Yikes. On the final day of our time together, Jane was being immature and wouldn't answer my calls to her cell or my messages on MSN Messenger. So, I decided to call her house, and if that accomplished nothing, I would dump her. Well, Jane's Mom answered and she was livid. Here's the conversation:
Me: Look, Ma'am, I can hear you're upset, but I am calling to speak with Jane about our problems. I think talking things over is the best solution.
Jane's Mom: What do you know about best solutions? I mean, look at my daughter, for example. Her marks got WORSE after she started dating YOU. What kind of Chinese person are you? You were supposed to make Jane a better student!
Me: Wha... Look, Ma'am, this isn't about school or marks. This is about Jane and me and the problems we're having.
Jane's Mom: The only problem you have, Michael, is an inability to do what you're supposed to be good at. You're lazy and didn't take the time to tutor my daughter. THAT is why her marks have gone down these past few months. If anything, I think you're a distraction.
Me: I assure you I have not distracted Jane in any way. I barely see her and, as of right now, I am not even able to speak with her. I would really like to speak with her. Please understand that I really care for Jane and that I want to fix things.
Jane's Mom: Honestly, I don't think you can fix anything. You're not the Chinese person I thought you were. But, if you talking with Jane can lead to her marks getting better, either through you working things out and then tutoring her properly or you two breaking up so that she can find a proper Chinese or Asian man, then I'll be happy. So, I'll let you speak with Jane. But, you BETTER fix things. My daughter's marks MUST improve, you hear me?!
Me: Yes, Ma'am.
Jane's Mom: JAAAAAANE?! Get your bubble butt over here and speak with Michael. NOW!
The conversation lasted 2 minutes and consisted of me asking Jane if she wanted to be with me, her saying she did, and then her slamming the phone on me. Yes, that makes no sense.
I dumped Jane on MSN Messenger 5 minutes later.
And, that is the story of Jane's Mom.