The Swarovski Girl
I don't know why, but I felt like telling you today about this girl I nearly went out with back in my days at the University of Toronto.
I honestly don't remember her name anymore, but I met her in my Sociology courses. Now that I think about it, I don't even remember which course. Ha! Anyway, she was around 5'5", had long, wavy, dark brown hair, and brown eyes. Her voice was a bit raspy, but still very feminine. She was also on the skinny side.
One day before class began, I was chatting with one of my classmates about the X-Men. We were in a debate about some stupid storyline back then when the girl this entry is about turned around in her seat in front of us and joined in on our debate. It was very sudden, but we didn't mind. After all, it's not every day you randomly find someone in a Sociology classroom to debate the X-Men with! And, it's even more rare that the random person is a female. Ha ha!
Anyway, after the class was over, the classmate I was speaking with and I exchanged contact info with the girl and then became a very productive trio that the professor actually took notice of. We got really good marks, answered a lot of questions, and contributed to class discussions quite avidly. Yes, yes, I was a bit of a keener, I must admit. Oh, how my past hurts! Argh!
Outside of class, I was starting to really like the girl. She was intelligent, was into a lot of stuff I was into, and was physically attractive. After a few weeks, I finally worked up some much-needed courage and asked her out. Her response? A very enthusiastic yes! I thought I had finally hit the jackpot.
Scheduling our first date turned out to be quite difficult. Our schedules were insane, and with mid-terms fast approaching, we both didn't think we'd be able to actually go out until the winter break. So, we decided that the best thing to do was to keep on going the way we were until the break.
One day during mid-terms, we discovered that we actually had a mutual opening in our schedules. It was only 3 hours, so we figured we'd just hang out instead of having an official first date. So, I met her after her final mid-term that day and we were off.
Right at the start of this little adventure, things already started to go downhill. The girl was in a bit of a panic by the time we got down to College from the Northrop Frye Centre. As she explained, she needed water in order to take her meds. I didn't ask her what they were for, but she told me anyway. She apparently goes "a little crazy" if she doesn't take them. I also didn't ask her why she didn't take them back at Northrop Frye since there was a water fountain there, but she told me not to bug her about not taking her meds back at the centre anyway. Note that I didn't even know there was a water fountain there. She just assumed I would bug her about it. Great.
After we finally got her some water at the office of a charity, at which point she went into this whole speech about what a great person she is because she donates to multiple charities, she declared that we were going to the Eaton Centre. I was okay with that, so I started to head south towards Dundas. After a few steps, I noticed the girl hadn't moved. So, I walked back over to her and asked her what was up. She gave me this "look" and said, "Uh, we need to find Wellesley." I asked her why and she said that it was how you get to the Eaton Centre. I noted that Wellesley was north of where we were and that the Eaton Centre was south, but she insisted that Wellesley was not north of College and then gave an extremely accurate account of what was actually on Wellesley store-wise to prove she knew what she was talking about. Then, she added, "And besides, Wellesley can't be north of College since it runs parallel to Yonge. I use Wellesley Station every day, so I know that it's between Bay and Yonge, and the Eaton Centre is between Wellesley and Yonge. Don't you know that?" I decided not to argue and noted that since we were west of Bay, we might as well head east. (Note that we were at roughly College and University at that time.) The girl got really frustrated at that point, chastised me for not knowing my city, and then gave me a lesson about the streets of Toronto and how since Bay Street was west of University, we'd be walking east towards Wellesley, not Bay. I just nodded over and over to prevent further confrontation and then suggested she lead the way.
With the girl in the lead, we walked east and made it to Bay Street. As soon as she saw the street sign, all Hell broke loose. Without me saying a single thing, she went on this extremely loud and embarrassing tirade about how if I bugged her about the fact that she was wrong about Bay Street, she would go to the Eaton Centre without the jackass that was me. With an extremely confused look on my face, I noted calmly that I had not said a thing and had no intention of saying anything at all about where we were. Of course, that didn't stop the girl, who continued to huff and puff all over the sidewalk. I decided it was time to DO something, so I patiently calmed her down and suggested we head to the Eaton Centre. To my utter shock, as soon as I mentioned "Eaton Centre", the girl's attitude went from one of utter outrage to insane giddiness. Although I knew that I should have left her on her own WAAAY earlier, I decided to be a gentleman and stick with her until the end of this crappy outing. Yes, I was naive.
Once we got to the Eaton Centre, the girl was in joyful hysterics. She apparently had been DYYYING to go to the mall with me because there were so many things she wanted to see with me. Like a scene from a Japanese cartoon, the girl grabbed my arm and dragged me full speed down to the Swarovski store. I was surprised my arm hadn't been torn clean off my body! When we got into the store, the girl jumped from display case to display case while talking a mile a second about how Swarovski crystals were her favourite things in the world and how every person in her life got her Swarovski crystals for her Birthday every year. Oh, and guess what? Her Birthday was in 2 weeks. JOY! After about 30 minutes in the store, we left, but not before the girl took a brochure with her.
Our next destination was the Disney Store. When we got to the entrance, the girl slammed her purse into my arms, told me to "HOLD THIS!", and then ran into the store screaming like a banshee. I stood outside in complete shock as this Tasmanian Devil spun around the store in a whirlwind of chaos. I was certain the staff would kick her out, but I think they were too scared to go near her. When she finally calmed down, I entered the store and met up with her in front of the giant plushies section. She told me that she was looking for a gift for her twin sister (Internal Monologue: Wait... WHAT? Twin sister? WHAT?! There are TWO of her? Dear God, please don't let the Earth have TWO of her...) and then proceeded to hug plushie after plushie, emitting a high-pitched squee each time. It took a while, but she finally settled on a plushie and, with it clutched to her like an animal being squashed to death by Elmyra from "Tiny Toon Adventures", we headed to the cash register. After she paid for the plushie, it was time to head back to the university.
Now, at this point, I didn't think the outing could get any worse. With only around 10 minutes left with this girl, she couldn't possibly do anything that could top all the bat crap crazy stuff she already did, right? WRONG. On the subway back up to the university, I sat there and endured 10 minutes of her squealing over all the new crystals in the Swarovski brochure. There were a ton of people around us and all of them were starring at us, disgusted. Many gave me sympathetic looks. Some, however, looked at me as if this insane human being next to me was my fault. Great. Anyway, the girl's incessant string of babbling went something like this:
"OH. MY. GOD! Look at this! Look at this one, Michael! LOOK LOOK LOOK! It's so so SOOOOOOOOOOOO pretty! OMG, I want it SOOOOOOO bad! Oh, and LOOK AT THIS ONE! OMG, I am going to DIE, it's so AMAAAAAAAAZINGLY pretty and and and, OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! A UNICORN! A UNICORN, MICHAEL! It's a unicorn! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! Unicorns are my favourite animals in the entire world. No, the ENTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE universe! I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE unicorns! This is fate! THIS IS DESTINY! OMG OMG OMG! I NEED this crystal! It's my Birthday soon. OMG OMG OMG!!! I HOPE SOMEONE BUYS THIS UNICORN FOR ME! I mean, I don't expect it, but seriously! OMG! Who WOULDN'T buy this for me? I LOVE UNICORNS! This is the perfect gift! Right, Michael? This is perfect for me, right? RIGHT?! OF COURSE, IT IS! It's a Swarovski UNICORN! OH. MY. GOOOD!"
Getting off the subway was an absolute Godsend. And, you know what? Despite her huge amounts of crazy, the girl actually processed somehow in her head that I was definitely no longer interested in her because we didn't part with a hug or anything remotely affectionate. We parted with a civil handshake and never spoke to one another again.
A week after that debacle, the classmate I was with the day I met the girl asked her out. They dated for around 5 months before she drove the guy mad. Their breakup was very nasty. You know that Birthday the girl mentioned? It was a week after they started dating. My classmate gave her a pewter unicorn and a unicorn pinata before class began. The girl was pissed because it wasn't a Swarovski unicorn.
And, that is the story of the Swarovski girl. Thank God I never dated her.
I honestly don't remember her name anymore, but I met her in my Sociology courses. Now that I think about it, I don't even remember which course. Ha! Anyway, she was around 5'5", had long, wavy, dark brown hair, and brown eyes. Her voice was a bit raspy, but still very feminine. She was also on the skinny side.
One day before class began, I was chatting with one of my classmates about the X-Men. We were in a debate about some stupid storyline back then when the girl this entry is about turned around in her seat in front of us and joined in on our debate. It was very sudden, but we didn't mind. After all, it's not every day you randomly find someone in a Sociology classroom to debate the X-Men with! And, it's even more rare that the random person is a female. Ha ha!
Anyway, after the class was over, the classmate I was speaking with and I exchanged contact info with the girl and then became a very productive trio that the professor actually took notice of. We got really good marks, answered a lot of questions, and contributed to class discussions quite avidly. Yes, yes, I was a bit of a keener, I must admit. Oh, how my past hurts! Argh!
Outside of class, I was starting to really like the girl. She was intelligent, was into a lot of stuff I was into, and was physically attractive. After a few weeks, I finally worked up some much-needed courage and asked her out. Her response? A very enthusiastic yes! I thought I had finally hit the jackpot.
Scheduling our first date turned out to be quite difficult. Our schedules were insane, and with mid-terms fast approaching, we both didn't think we'd be able to actually go out until the winter break. So, we decided that the best thing to do was to keep on going the way we were until the break.
One day during mid-terms, we discovered that we actually had a mutual opening in our schedules. It was only 3 hours, so we figured we'd just hang out instead of having an official first date. So, I met her after her final mid-term that day and we were off.
Right at the start of this little adventure, things already started to go downhill. The girl was in a bit of a panic by the time we got down to College from the Northrop Frye Centre. As she explained, she needed water in order to take her meds. I didn't ask her what they were for, but she told me anyway. She apparently goes "a little crazy" if she doesn't take them. I also didn't ask her why she didn't take them back at Northrop Frye since there was a water fountain there, but she told me not to bug her about not taking her meds back at the centre anyway. Note that I didn't even know there was a water fountain there. She just assumed I would bug her about it. Great.
After we finally got her some water at the office of a charity, at which point she went into this whole speech about what a great person she is because she donates to multiple charities, she declared that we were going to the Eaton Centre. I was okay with that, so I started to head south towards Dundas. After a few steps, I noticed the girl hadn't moved. So, I walked back over to her and asked her what was up. She gave me this "look" and said, "Uh, we need to find Wellesley." I asked her why and she said that it was how you get to the Eaton Centre. I noted that Wellesley was north of where we were and that the Eaton Centre was south, but she insisted that Wellesley was not north of College and then gave an extremely accurate account of what was actually on Wellesley store-wise to prove she knew what she was talking about. Then, she added, "And besides, Wellesley can't be north of College since it runs parallel to Yonge. I use Wellesley Station every day, so I know that it's between Bay and Yonge, and the Eaton Centre is between Wellesley and Yonge. Don't you know that?" I decided not to argue and noted that since we were west of Bay, we might as well head east. (Note that we were at roughly College and University at that time.) The girl got really frustrated at that point, chastised me for not knowing my city, and then gave me a lesson about the streets of Toronto and how since Bay Street was west of University, we'd be walking east towards Wellesley, not Bay. I just nodded over and over to prevent further confrontation and then suggested she lead the way.
With the girl in the lead, we walked east and made it to Bay Street. As soon as she saw the street sign, all Hell broke loose. Without me saying a single thing, she went on this extremely loud and embarrassing tirade about how if I bugged her about the fact that she was wrong about Bay Street, she would go to the Eaton Centre without the jackass that was me. With an extremely confused look on my face, I noted calmly that I had not said a thing and had no intention of saying anything at all about where we were. Of course, that didn't stop the girl, who continued to huff and puff all over the sidewalk. I decided it was time to DO something, so I patiently calmed her down and suggested we head to the Eaton Centre. To my utter shock, as soon as I mentioned "Eaton Centre", the girl's attitude went from one of utter outrage to insane giddiness. Although I knew that I should have left her on her own WAAAY earlier, I decided to be a gentleman and stick with her until the end of this crappy outing. Yes, I was naive.
Once we got to the Eaton Centre, the girl was in joyful hysterics. She apparently had been DYYYING to go to the mall with me because there were so many things she wanted to see with me. Like a scene from a Japanese cartoon, the girl grabbed my arm and dragged me full speed down to the Swarovski store. I was surprised my arm hadn't been torn clean off my body! When we got into the store, the girl jumped from display case to display case while talking a mile a second about how Swarovski crystals were her favourite things in the world and how every person in her life got her Swarovski crystals for her Birthday every year. Oh, and guess what? Her Birthday was in 2 weeks. JOY! After about 30 minutes in the store, we left, but not before the girl took a brochure with her.
Our next destination was the Disney Store. When we got to the entrance, the girl slammed her purse into my arms, told me to "HOLD THIS!", and then ran into the store screaming like a banshee. I stood outside in complete shock as this Tasmanian Devil spun around the store in a whirlwind of chaos. I was certain the staff would kick her out, but I think they were too scared to go near her. When she finally calmed down, I entered the store and met up with her in front of the giant plushies section. She told me that she was looking for a gift for her twin sister (Internal Monologue: Wait... WHAT? Twin sister? WHAT?! There are TWO of her? Dear God, please don't let the Earth have TWO of her...) and then proceeded to hug plushie after plushie, emitting a high-pitched squee each time. It took a while, but she finally settled on a plushie and, with it clutched to her like an animal being squashed to death by Elmyra from "Tiny Toon Adventures", we headed to the cash register. After she paid for the plushie, it was time to head back to the university.
Now, at this point, I didn't think the outing could get any worse. With only around 10 minutes left with this girl, she couldn't possibly do anything that could top all the bat crap crazy stuff she already did, right? WRONG. On the subway back up to the university, I sat there and endured 10 minutes of her squealing over all the new crystals in the Swarovski brochure. There were a ton of people around us and all of them were starring at us, disgusted. Many gave me sympathetic looks. Some, however, looked at me as if this insane human being next to me was my fault. Great. Anyway, the girl's incessant string of babbling went something like this:
"OH. MY. GOD! Look at this! Look at this one, Michael! LOOK LOOK LOOK! It's so so SOOOOOOOOOOOO pretty! OMG, I want it SOOOOOOO bad! Oh, and LOOK AT THIS ONE! OMG, I am going to DIE, it's so AMAAAAAAAAZINGLY pretty and and and, OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! A UNICORN! A UNICORN, MICHAEL! It's a unicorn! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! Unicorns are my favourite animals in the entire world. No, the ENTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE universe! I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE unicorns! This is fate! THIS IS DESTINY! OMG OMG OMG! I NEED this crystal! It's my Birthday soon. OMG OMG OMG!!! I HOPE SOMEONE BUYS THIS UNICORN FOR ME! I mean, I don't expect it, but seriously! OMG! Who WOULDN'T buy this for me? I LOVE UNICORNS! This is the perfect gift! Right, Michael? This is perfect for me, right? RIGHT?! OF COURSE, IT IS! It's a Swarovski UNICORN! OH. MY. GOOOD!"
Getting off the subway was an absolute Godsend. And, you know what? Despite her huge amounts of crazy, the girl actually processed somehow in her head that I was definitely no longer interested in her because we didn't part with a hug or anything remotely affectionate. We parted with a civil handshake and never spoke to one another again.
A week after that debacle, the classmate I was with the day I met the girl asked her out. They dated for around 5 months before she drove the guy mad. Their breakup was very nasty. You know that Birthday the girl mentioned? It was a week after they started dating. My classmate gave her a pewter unicorn and a unicorn pinata before class began. The girl was pissed because it wasn't a Swarovski unicorn.
And, that is the story of the Swarovski girl. Thank God I never dated her.