Damaged
Kerry's exam went OK. Ish. Hard to tell. Called her last night, during which she mentioned Dr.Phil (a regular on the Oprah show who always looks like Geoffrey Tambor from The Larry Sanders Show) and one of his soundbites: "Guilt is a waste of time". Which seems ridiculous to me. He says guilt is not productive, not active. Therefore, we should not resign ourselves to it. He must surely be talking about things like guilt about being a bad parent or something. Something which you have to rationalise. But what if you have really hurt someone and know that they are really hurting, day in, day out. Should you just be expected to shrug the guilt off and act like nothing has happened? See? Doesn't make sense. Maybe I'm just stupid, but it seems you have an obligation to someone you've hurt to show compassion or remorse.. or SOMETHING to show that their lives have impacted you to the extent that you feel pain at their pain.
She told me of an online chatroom friend who is heartbroken over a break-up some months ago. How she cannot get her life together still; to go to job interviews, to do ANYTHING to help herself. Kerry said that if she were in that position, she'd been incredibly sad, but she has a daughter and wouldn't allow it to affect her job, her livelihood - to let it affect how well she can put food on the table. I listen and concur. I'm not sure if she's subliminally trying to get messages to me, or if I'm reading too much into things with my paranoia.
We also laughed at an episode of Will & Grace. How Will had to tell his parents he was gay. I joked about telling my parents I was bisexual and Kerry got concerned. She said it was the third time in recent weeks that I had made a reference to being with men and that was concerned I was "laying the groundwork" to tell her something. I chickened out, mainly because nothing HAS happened with a man and nor is it likely to. Am I to make her worry by saying, "Yeah, I've thought about it more recently. In fact, one guy gave me his number"?
And then, this morning on AIM, we discussed the film Damage. Jeremy Irons embarks on an ill-fated affair with his son's wife [I think it's wife], Juliette Binoche. It's a very sad film. Love, lust, deceit, adultery, death. Your average Bugs Bunny cartoon. So many things which seemed apropos to us which we touched on but didn't push the envelope with. The central protagonists are two very damaged people, not right for each other but consumed by lust and love, destined for heartache and destruction. Both positioned for doom. She, entangling him with her pain and he wanting something he ultimately can't have and loses. They both lose in the end. The denouement presents Jeremy Irons' character in voice-over, that he had seen Binoche at an airport some time after they broke up. She didn't see him and she was with another man and expecting a child; "..and when I saw her, I thought, she's just like anyone else."
It was all for nought.
Some time ago, I said I have good days and bad days when thinking about Kerry.
Today is a bad day.
She told me of an online chatroom friend who is heartbroken over a break-up some months ago. How she cannot get her life together still; to go to job interviews, to do ANYTHING to help herself. Kerry said that if she were in that position, she'd been incredibly sad, but she has a daughter and wouldn't allow it to affect her job, her livelihood - to let it affect how well she can put food on the table. I listen and concur. I'm not sure if she's subliminally trying to get messages to me, or if I'm reading too much into things with my paranoia.
We also laughed at an episode of Will & Grace. How Will had to tell his parents he was gay. I joked about telling my parents I was bisexual and Kerry got concerned. She said it was the third time in recent weeks that I had made a reference to being with men and that was concerned I was "laying the groundwork" to tell her something. I chickened out, mainly because nothing HAS happened with a man and nor is it likely to. Am I to make her worry by saying, "Yeah, I've thought about it more recently. In fact, one guy gave me his number"?
And then, this morning on AIM, we discussed the film Damage. Jeremy Irons embarks on an ill-fated affair with his son's wife [I think it's wife], Juliette Binoche. It's a very sad film. Love, lust, deceit, adultery, death. Your average Bugs Bunny cartoon. So many things which seemed apropos to us which we touched on but didn't push the envelope with. The central protagonists are two very damaged people, not right for each other but consumed by lust and love, destined for heartache and destruction. Both positioned for doom. She, entangling him with her pain and he wanting something he ultimately can't have and loses. They both lose in the end. The denouement presents Jeremy Irons' character in voice-over, that he had seen Binoche at an airport some time after they broke up. She didn't see him and she was with another man and expecting a child; "..and when I saw her, I thought, she's just like anyone else."
It was all for nought.
Some time ago, I said I have good days and bad days when thinking about Kerry.
Today is a bad day.