cuz this is thriller... THRILLER NIGHT!
yay for tuesdays!!!... what a fucking night... woot! i did absolutely positively nothing!!! ok, well that's not the whole truth... i actually did a lot... i got home a little after 6 and did taebo for the first time in MONTHS! it's was wicked bad! lemme tell you, that shit kicked my ass! but... it was one i'd never done before, the other one got "lost" like everything did when i was with jesse... i don't like this one as much, but we'll see how it goes... i know that i was sweating a lot, not so much breathing hard, but eh... it always seems really easy in the beginning anyway, and after a few days i am like i can't do this anymore! hahaha... weird, huh? oh well. i ate tomato soup last night for dinner... it was so yumm. i used to hate that shit... ahh but sister introduced me to it again... Mmm...
feelings once again on the rocks. i don't know why things can't just be simple... i thought we were getting somewhere this morning, but well, once again... something interferes... whether it's my standards, or confliction with someone else it always seems to be something... whatever. like i told heather and sis, it's just a matter of time. live life and see where the future takes you... that's all anyone can do. don't hold back, be yourself and smile. just fucking smile.
i went through a memory book i had put together a while back. i added more to it... ticket stubs - bowie, MSI, the butchies, MONSTER... there's lots of happy thoughts with those... and i reread some letters and cute little things people had written me... one from tresa, a poem too, and nicole... cute little drawings, and one of the many flowers she had left on my car when we were talking still, notes and letters... you don't think i keep these things but i do... and they made me smile... tresa had professed her love to me on a scratch pad... this was one night at my uncles house. we were drunk and i think that was right after i had fucked C. i was infatuated to the fullest and Tresa got lost in the shuffle somewhere... nicole on the other hand, a letter she had written when i had fallen for her... she was on vacation, spending time with her family and GF. it was sweet. she missed me, she loved me, she wished she could have given me her entirety... with both of them they tolf me how wonderful i was, and how they hoped i knew that... i was special. GOD DAMN IT! ... tears, because i don't always believe that... and it made me so overwhelmed to realize it... it's been a good while.
after taebo i took a shower, redid my fingernails, gotta keep em long and purdy for non-existant lady~fucking... and i plucked my eyebrows with my new tweezers... hahaha... like anyone really cares... i rule! oh yeah.
masturbated 2x this morning, that was lovely... sweaty and swollen, rolled into the shower... text sex and nonsense. weak knees and a blowdryer... shiat. once in love, always in love. i put on makeup this morning, which is unusual just for work, but i'm thinking it's a good thing... when i have to pee and i take a look in the mirror, having a shitty day, it helps to go oh... hey, i don't look so bad today... i kinda look good. woot! lmao... riiiiight!
ahhhhhhh, i'm tired... making friends up north... hopefully i can find a handfull of people to go out with once i'm there... i don't think lisa will want to accompany to the lesbo bars every night! lol. gee, i wonder if this means i'm gonna have to help her pick up dudes... hmm... how fun!
<3<3
oh and in case anyone is wondering why i'm not online today... i have a shitload of work, and i don't feel much like chatting... last night was so relaxing being in my own head, with my own thoughts... i even ignored my phone, wanted no part in nothing... hmmf! so today, until later most likely, i will be concentrating on my work, and my thoughts and how much i am in love with myself... why not, eh?
feelings once again on the rocks. i don't know why things can't just be simple... i thought we were getting somewhere this morning, but well, once again... something interferes... whether it's my standards, or confliction with someone else it always seems to be something... whatever. like i told heather and sis, it's just a matter of time. live life and see where the future takes you... that's all anyone can do. don't hold back, be yourself and smile. just fucking smile.
i went through a memory book i had put together a while back. i added more to it... ticket stubs - bowie, MSI, the butchies, MONSTER... there's lots of happy thoughts with those... and i reread some letters and cute little things people had written me... one from tresa, a poem too, and nicole... cute little drawings, and one of the many flowers she had left on my car when we were talking still, notes and letters... you don't think i keep these things but i do... and they made me smile... tresa had professed her love to me on a scratch pad... this was one night at my uncles house. we were drunk and i think that was right after i had fucked C. i was infatuated to the fullest and Tresa got lost in the shuffle somewhere... nicole on the other hand, a letter she had written when i had fallen for her... she was on vacation, spending time with her family and GF. it was sweet. she missed me, she loved me, she wished she could have given me her entirety... with both of them they tolf me how wonderful i was, and how they hoped i knew that... i was special. GOD DAMN IT! ... tears, because i don't always believe that... and it made me so overwhelmed to realize it... it's been a good while.
after taebo i took a shower, redid my fingernails, gotta keep em long and purdy for non-existant lady~fucking... and i plucked my eyebrows with my new tweezers... hahaha... like anyone really cares... i rule! oh yeah.
masturbated 2x this morning, that was lovely... sweaty and swollen, rolled into the shower... text sex and nonsense. weak knees and a blowdryer... shiat. once in love, always in love. i put on makeup this morning, which is unusual just for work, but i'm thinking it's a good thing... when i have to pee and i take a look in the mirror, having a shitty day, it helps to go oh... hey, i don't look so bad today... i kinda look good. woot! lmao... riiiiight!
ahhhhhhh, i'm tired... making friends up north... hopefully i can find a handfull of people to go out with once i'm there... i don't think lisa will want to accompany to the lesbo bars every night! lol. gee, i wonder if this means i'm gonna have to help her pick up dudes... hmm... how fun!
<3<3
oh and in case anyone is wondering why i'm not online today... i have a shitload of work, and i don't feel much like chatting... last night was so relaxing being in my own head, with my own thoughts... i even ignored my phone, wanted no part in nothing... hmmf! so today, until later most likely, i will be concentrating on my work, and my thoughts and how much i am in love with myself... why not, eh?