The (Unrequited) Love of My Life
When I was 13, still rather new to the Central Florida area, one of my lunch table friends was dating a guy named (here, anyway) Rob. He was sweet, funny, witty, (spoke way too fast), and he was an actor. When Vicky broke up with him (or rather the last time she broke up with him), I started to like him. Granted, it was a simple, silly reason: he's available.
I kept it to myself. Well, I told a couple of my friends, but for the most part kept it quiet. I joined an acting "troop" (associated with my church's youth group, called Acts of Faith) over the summers largely because he was in it. My friendship with him grew into a real crush. I memorized his favorite-to-recite movie (although I probably would have done that anyway, it's a highly enjoyable movie). I promised myself I would kiss him before the last time I see him. I gave him a shoulder to cry on (or rather, a top of my head, seeing as that I was about 6 inches or so shorter than he was) during an emotional upswing at our Confirmation retreat, and I cried a bit to him. I told him that I love him when he told me he wouldn't go to my Senior Prom with me (yes, I told him after he declined). He said he didn't think of me in that way, blah blah cliche shit that friends tell other friends when a crush is admitted. Not another word was said about it.
(Side note: I took another guy friend of mine to Prom: he was a sophomore, about a foot taller than me, and had offered... Actually, let me put up his verbatim..."If [Rob] says 'no' I'll go with you." This was about a month before I asked Rob and I actually should have seen it at the time, but... I fully regret not kissing him, too. There were about 5 or 6 heavy moments that night where a kiss would have been wonderful.)
After high school, I auditioned for the American Musical and Dramatic Academy (AMDA). I wanted to be an actor all my life; it was my calling. AMDA didn't agree, I was rejected. This ties tidbit in later (which you'd already know if you had read my Life Story. Lazy SOB...:-) )
I took acting and Directing classes and workshops in college (Valencia Community College, or VCC). Rob took classes at a different CC. No clue what type of classes. But we saw each other at church and still had Acts of Faith. I took a year off; I don't recall what for. We did a musical review in 2000 that I "co-directed" (I did one song, and not really very well at that...) But, as was my habit, I still showed up to rehearsals that didn't have anything to do with me or my scene, so I got a lot of Rob. He was in my scene, too.
As is another habit of mine, I would wait around to say "Bye" to everyone (with a hug, and for the boys a kiss on the cheek), and often be one of the last to leave each night because of it. I gave Rob a kiss (on the cheek...) almost every time I laid eyes on him; hello, goodbye, could you pass me the script, etc., which he never refused.
So, come the end of the run, I think during the "pickup" rehearsals between weekends, he comes up to me and says, "It just occurred to me that we've been kissing each other all summer..." at which point I promptly make good on my promise. Planted a nice (closed mouth...) big kiss right full on his lips. Which he didn't refuse. I broke away, smiled ear-to-ear, turned bright red. Then he said, "I WANT MORE!" Of course he was joking.
I didn't see much of him after the review. We would happen to meet "on the street", if you think of the Oviedo Marketplace movie theater as "the street". We'd chat a bit, and then go to our respective movies with our respective friends.
About 3 years later, I get an e-mail from him saying that one of his friends suggested that he audition for AMDA. He had gone just to see how far it would take him. Apparently, a lot farther than it took me: he was accepted and would be moving to New York that summer. Haven't seen him since.
At some point during the entire above everything, he had given me his AOL screen name. A few months ago, I saw he was online and wondered if he remembered mine, or even me. He didn't...remember. My screen name, that is. He remembered me, of course. Even said he had been thinking about me the previous day because he saw someone that looked like me. (Now I know where my evil twin is hiding...bwah ha ha ha ha!) And we chatted. Not much. But he saved my screen name. And we've chatted a few times since. Once he opened a video camera session so I guess I technically did see him.
He told me he would call me while he was down for Christmas, and we would go to lunch or something (or "a filthy, naughty, sordid affair"... those were his words, not mine!) He, however did not contact me (said he was busy, which, after reading his blog, I believe him.)
It recently occurred to me that I don't think I ever got over my affection. Since I started to chat with him online, I've been having... dreams... of the filthy, naughty, sordid type. OK, not really that explicit, but you get my drift. Let's just say my mind has been off J for a bit.
I IM-ed him today, and although there was playful banter waiting to be said, I didn't. I got nervous. I told him I was at a loss for a witty retort, when in reality, I was scared to tease him. What the fuck is wrong with me? I am the biggest tease I know, and I can't pass a few suggestive comments because I'm afraid he'll take me seriously? I've suddenly turned 13 again.
I went to breakfast at the Denny's AoF once got thrown out of. It was a sort of hangout. I consistently scanned for someone I knew (to no avail). I thought about the conversation that had not taken place, and one that could perhaps ensue if I get the nerve. I think I even decided I would "bend" (meaning break) my 30 year rule for him should the chance come. Perhaps I'll explain my 30 year rule one day to those who don't know it.
Whatever happens to me, I hope he ends up happy.
...for someone you adore, It's a pleasure to be sad. - "Glad to be Unhappy" On Your Toes
I kept it to myself. Well, I told a couple of my friends, but for the most part kept it quiet. I joined an acting "troop" (associated with my church's youth group, called Acts of Faith) over the summers largely because he was in it. My friendship with him grew into a real crush. I memorized his favorite-to-recite movie (although I probably would have done that anyway, it's a highly enjoyable movie). I promised myself I would kiss him before the last time I see him. I gave him a shoulder to cry on (or rather, a top of my head, seeing as that I was about 6 inches or so shorter than he was) during an emotional upswing at our Confirmation retreat, and I cried a bit to him. I told him that I love him when he told me he wouldn't go to my Senior Prom with me (yes, I told him after he declined). He said he didn't think of me in that way, blah blah cliche shit that friends tell other friends when a crush is admitted. Not another word was said about it.
(Side note: I took another guy friend of mine to Prom: he was a sophomore, about a foot taller than me, and had offered... Actually, let me put up his verbatim..."If [Rob] says 'no' I'll go with you." This was about a month before I asked Rob and I actually should have seen it at the time, but... I fully regret not kissing him, too. There were about 5 or 6 heavy moments that night where a kiss would have been wonderful.)
After high school, I auditioned for the American Musical and Dramatic Academy (AMDA). I wanted to be an actor all my life; it was my calling. AMDA didn't agree, I was rejected. This ties tidbit in later (which you'd already know if you had read my Life Story. Lazy SOB...:-) )
I took acting and Directing classes and workshops in college (Valencia Community College, or VCC). Rob took classes at a different CC. No clue what type of classes. But we saw each other at church and still had Acts of Faith. I took a year off; I don't recall what for. We did a musical review in 2000 that I "co-directed" (I did one song, and not really very well at that...) But, as was my habit, I still showed up to rehearsals that didn't have anything to do with me or my scene, so I got a lot of Rob. He was in my scene, too.
As is another habit of mine, I would wait around to say "Bye" to everyone (with a hug, and for the boys a kiss on the cheek), and often be one of the last to leave each night because of it. I gave Rob a kiss (on the cheek...) almost every time I laid eyes on him; hello, goodbye, could you pass me the script, etc., which he never refused.
So, come the end of the run, I think during the "pickup" rehearsals between weekends, he comes up to me and says, "It just occurred to me that we've been kissing each other all summer..." at which point I promptly make good on my promise. Planted a nice (closed mouth...) big kiss right full on his lips. Which he didn't refuse. I broke away, smiled ear-to-ear, turned bright red. Then he said, "I WANT MORE!" Of course he was joking.
I didn't see much of him after the review. We would happen to meet "on the street", if you think of the Oviedo Marketplace movie theater as "the street". We'd chat a bit, and then go to our respective movies with our respective friends.
About 3 years later, I get an e-mail from him saying that one of his friends suggested that he audition for AMDA. He had gone just to see how far it would take him. Apparently, a lot farther than it took me: he was accepted and would be moving to New York that summer. Haven't seen him since.
At some point during the entire above everything, he had given me his AOL screen name. A few months ago, I saw he was online and wondered if he remembered mine, or even me. He didn't...remember. My screen name, that is. He remembered me, of course. Even said he had been thinking about me the previous day because he saw someone that looked like me. (Now I know where my evil twin is hiding...bwah ha ha ha ha!) And we chatted. Not much. But he saved my screen name. And we've chatted a few times since. Once he opened a video camera session so I guess I technically did see him.
He told me he would call me while he was down for Christmas, and we would go to lunch or something (or "a filthy, naughty, sordid affair"... those were his words, not mine!) He, however did not contact me (said he was busy, which, after reading his blog, I believe him.)
It recently occurred to me that I don't think I ever got over my affection. Since I started to chat with him online, I've been having... dreams... of the filthy, naughty, sordid type. OK, not really that explicit, but you get my drift. Let's just say my mind has been off J for a bit.
I IM-ed him today, and although there was playful banter waiting to be said, I didn't. I got nervous. I told him I was at a loss for a witty retort, when in reality, I was scared to tease him. What the fuck is wrong with me? I am the biggest tease I know, and I can't pass a few suggestive comments because I'm afraid he'll take me seriously? I've suddenly turned 13 again.
I went to breakfast at the Denny's AoF once got thrown out of. It was a sort of hangout. I consistently scanned for someone I knew (to no avail). I thought about the conversation that had not taken place, and one that could perhaps ensue if I get the nerve. I think I even decided I would "bend" (meaning break) my 30 year rule for him should the chance come. Perhaps I'll explain my 30 year rule one day to those who don't know it.
Whatever happens to me, I hope he ends up happy.
...for someone you adore, It's a pleasure to be sad. - "Glad to be Unhappy" On Your Toes