Elaboration version 9.03 - September 2003 (a.k.a "The Ordeal With My Mother")
Keep in mind that this is during a time when I was working at Sprint and making outbound calls. My normal days off were Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday, which means I called people for 10 hours a day.
Labor Day Weekend: We were given Monday off. Long Weekend, Yeah! not all that important, mind.
9.1.03 - On Monday night I call my Mom to ask her if she knew how to make miso soup. She says, "Yeah, go to Publix and pick up a package of miso soup mix and follow the directions." Direct quote.
9.2.03 - Tuesday I went in and, like most days didn't feel like working. It depressed me to tears to go to work. I told my team leader I didn't feel well, and he let me go home. As soon as I was out of the door I felt better. I decided it was time I went back to school, so I drove to UCF, paid the $3 day parking and went and got an application and some FAFSA info, ran some other errands, and then went home and played video games or something. I was going to fill out the applications on Wednesday when I was less tired and had time to call family about information needed. Wednesday I think I was doing something with someone and so it came and went and I forgot until I was laying in bed.
9.4.03 - So, I woke up on Thursday, got the mail and then sat down with my apps. I had written my name and address down when my phone clucked at me. Funny, I didn't hear Super Mario Bros... See, I've got a ringer called "Crazy Chicken" for my voicemail, and Super Mario Bros. for my ringtone... So I check my messages. My brother called and said something happened with Mom and she's in the hospital. I immediately drop what I'm doing, quickly feed Deke (my cat), and hop in my car and head for Clearwater. I can't remember too much on the way there, how worried I was or if I even listened to music or not, but then again, most of that week was a big, blurry undulation of emotions.
Next thing I know, I'm there, my brother meets me at my Mom's condo and leads me to the hospital (has to pull over after the toll because I don't have E-pass). Somewhere in there I found out that Mom was stopped at a light and didn't go when the light turned green. Someone, from my understanding it was a cop, went over to her to see what was going on and found her slumped over the steering wheel. He called an ambulance and tried to resuscitate her. I don't know whether he was successful on not on his own. Anyway, when I got to the hospital she was in a coma and on a respirator. Andy said he had called Heather, who at that time was unsure whether she could come down (from University of Richmond; by the end of the day she had bought plane tickets). We tried to call Dad (numerous times), but he was out of town. He went to St. Petersburg for something, but I can't remember what right now. So it was basically Andy and me, and Mom's partner Ronica a bit, for now. All there was to do really was wait. The doctor said what I told you above and there were some tests to be done to get more on her condition. The nurse asked what medications she was taking. She took about 10 different medications from heart medication and cholesterol reducers to insulin. I told her what I knew, but that didn't help her, she needed the specific types, the names of each medicine. So I said I'd find out.
I call Sprint to see if there was "left over vacation", a.k.a. RTO, slots available for Friday - we have to call at midnight if we want it, I guess to be fair or something. I called at 11:55. I can't remember who it was that told me yes, but he can't give it to me now and to call back in 5 minutes. So I did. Spoke to someone else. Said there was 8 hours, but it has already been given away. M@*&$^@F*#%$@!!!!!!!!! I use sick time.
9.5.03 - My Dad calls back either late Friday morning or early afternoon. He sounded really worried and even somewhat guilty (about what he had done the past year), although that could have been my disdain for him at the time. Even though he had walked out on her six months prior and handed her divorce papers the previous month, she was still his wife. I never doubted that he still loved her, and even still loves her; that was never a question. He just acted in a way I think cowardly and selfish. But I digress. So my Dad rushed to the hospital and meets us (Ronica and I) there and I tells him what's going on (I think that's what happened; my memory is telling me that Andy had something to do in Orlando, but my memory could be lying to me...) Heather comes in (I can't remember who gave her a ride. Andy might have on his way back...) on Friday evening.
I had looked in Mom's medicine cabinet and found - I kid you not - about 40 bottles. At least 20 had expired dates on them (they had not been used since the expiration date, though. Don't get too worried) So, on Friday afternoon I spend maybe 45 minutes going through her pill case and matching up the pills in it with the pills in the bottles so I could figure out which ones she is actively taking. About 6 or 7 were prescription medicines, and about 5 more were vitamins of some sort. I wrote it down, took the bottles and took it to the hospital, who didn't take any of it, even after I told them I had the information they asked for. They didn't seem to want it anymore.
9.6.03 - I call Friday to see if I can get Saturday off. Normally there is no RTO on Saturdays, but I lucked out. There was 16 hours and I took 10 of 'em. Yea! Makes up for Friday. I ask about FMLA (Family and Medical Leave) and they say to call the HR person (who's name I can't remember) and they transfer me and I leave a voicemail. I decide to go in on Monday when she'll be in the office. I think I do go back to Orlando for some reason, but, again, I can't remember what. I don't go near work, and I'm back in Clearwater Saturday evening.
The doctor at some point during all this had told either Andy or me that Mom currently was using about 10% of her brain, and that was all the activity that was found. Possible, very very unlikely, that some recovery can be made, but there will be severe brain damage.
9.7.03 thru 9.15.03 - More waiting. Mom's past the 48 hour mark, meaning the minuscule chance she had of recovery is even more so. I think Grandma, Grandpa and Susan came on Sunday. My Aunt Susan, who is mentally handicapped, and I spent a lot of time in the garden of the hospital talking about other things. She kept trying to play Pac Man on my phone but had trouble controlling the guy and the ghosts would get him. I don't remember exactly when Aunt Linda came, but I'm pretty sure it was by the time Grandma and Grandpa got there. (These are my mother's parents and sisters, by the way. She has two more sisters, Leslie and Wendy, that came later.) I'm not sure what it was, but at some point Aunt Linda either said or did something that so strongly reminded me of Mom I burst into tears. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. When she hugged me, she stroked my hair, exactly the way Mom used to do that and I think that might have been what it was.
One last test and the doctor said he'd give us an answer at 5. This was at about 10 pm. We thought he meant 5 pm the next day. He meant 5 am. In the meantime was when my grandparents and Susan came. He said that she was clinically brain dead. We made the decision to take her off life support. It was scheduled for I think 10 am on Tuesday.
On Monday I went to see what's-her-name HR person about FMLA, and decide to check my e-mail while I am there. I see a mail from Ms. Patel (the recruiter) that I've been scheduled for an interview for a temporary position in WFM on Tuesday. I e-mail her back and ask to reschedule. Not really because I wanted to be there when they took my Mom off life support, mind; I didn't. Rather because I was under a lot of emotional stress and didn't want to have to think too hard. I get the form for FMLA and go back to Clearwater.
9.9.03 - I'm off at about 8:30. It's maybe a 2 ½ hour drive from my Mom's condo to Orlando. I try to avoid looking at the clock. I fail. Not that I cried or anything, but I was really depressed. I go to the HR office, she's not there. I check my e-mail. Ms. Patel said no I can't reschedule. Keep in mind I had not told her why I wanted to reschedule. I figured, fine, since I'm here. I expected to have to do the interview anyway, I was dressed for it and all, and besides, when exactly would I have reschedule for? So I did the interview, I think I did as well as I would have under normal circumstances. I tried not to bring up my mother, and for the most part succeeded, except I asked when the position would start should I get the job and if I needed more time, could it be slightly postponed. I was thinking if they started the job next Monday, I may not be in a state of mind to work. I was thinking Ms. Patel was efficient at her job. Anyway they (Ms. Patel and "Ma Bell" - Bell was the last name of the woman who ran WFM and we liked the pun...) said I would be expected to start when they need me and asked why I might need more time. So I told them. I didn't expect Mom to keep breathing after the life support was removed, so I told them what I thought had happened - my mother had died that morning. They then said of course if I need more time for something like that I could have it, and Ms. Patel gave me some literature on dealing with loss. Personally, I think I was handling it pretty well considering, but I was glad to see her show some compassion. I spoke to my direct supervisor (at that time it was a guy named Scott) and asked him about bereavement leave. He was answering a question from one of my team mates and so I called my brother to get more info and find out when the service would be. He said hold off for now because she's still breathing. Ok. I tell Scott that I don't need bereavement just yet and I'll call him when I do. And then I go talk to the HR FMLA person and get the paperwork, and go back to Clearwater.
9.10.03 - My only purpose for going back to Orlando was to hand the paperwork to Ms. FMLA HR person. So I drive for 2 ½ hours to spend 10 minutes at work. Ok, so I went to check on my cat, too (good thing, he was almost out of food and water) who meowed at me for the 5 minutes I was there, and meowed very loudly when I left again. Then I drove for another 2 ½ hours back to Clearwater to wait some more. While we were waiting, we (My dad, Andy, Heather and myself) started to clean up Mom's stuff. Found a lot of things that we didn't realize she still had (she probably didn't realize she still had most of it...) There was a rather tense conversation between my Dad and Grandma at some point, most of which I didn't pay too much attention too. Whatever issues they have with each other are their business.
I told you my dad made me mad at my Mom's funeral, right. Here's the prep: While we were going through Mom's stuff, Dad said "you two girls (Heather & me) can look through Mom's jewelry and see if there is anything you want." So we did. Admittedly, there were some things we were taking for the sole purpose of selling. Not really much; most of what I took I actually wanted to keep for one reason or another, but a few things went into the "sell" pile. We came across a ring - a band with 5 diamonds in a channel - and set it aside. A few minutes later, in another compartment, we found an appraisal for said ring. I won't write how much it was worth (mainly because I don't really remember), but it was pretty easily the most valuable thing in there. (Most of it was "costume jewelry" anyway.) Heather and I discussed what we were going to do, and she suggested taking it to this place she had seen that will do "free" jewelry appraisal. I only put "free" in quotes because it turned out to be a pawn shop. The appraisals were unreliable at best. Anyway, I wasn't satisfied. I was worried that the ring might be of some importance, and wanted to see if Dad knew anything about it. He said he didn't, but he wanted to keep the ring himself, for whatever reason. He said something along the lines of keeping it so he could pass it to us when he dies or something. Heather said she knew he would do something like that, I shouldn't have asked him, Mom probably bought it while she was working her kick-ass job and making enough money to afford a few nice things, etc. But wait for it...
We also found a bunch of stuff we knew Mom had since High school - there was a charm bracelet she had that we gave to Grandma, who seemed to appreciate it. I kept Mom's sorority necklace (ACW - now my sister's sorority) I guess for safekeeping.
9.12.03 - Dad took us (Andy Heather me) out to brunch and while we were there the hospital called on Heather's cell phone to let us know Mom stopped breathing. So that was it. I didn't get too emotional. I was quite emotionally exhausted by that time. Dad seemed to get a little weepy, though.
I think we went to the funeral planner that day to start the whole process. Dad knew Mom wanted to be cremated, and we had all come to the same decision earlier that week that we did too, when our time comes. (I don't know if my siblings feel that way still; I do. But I digress...)
The next few days were very much a blur. At some point I went back to Orlando for the day and Tadashi bought me some DVD's of an anime I like to try to cheer me up. I tried to smile sometime - it actually physically hurt to pretend to smile.
The coroner took a few days to "make sure there was not foul play" of some silly shit like that. My mom also had been an organ donor, so the appropriate usable organs were, well, donated.
9.16.03 (I think) - At the wake, I felt like it was my job to comfort everyone else. I had been crying myself to sleep about this for a week and a half; I think I had run dry anyway, so I concentrated on the others there. I think I reminded some of my aunts of my Mom in the same way Linda had reminded me of her: Wendy said something about me inheriting her compassion.
Tadashi came down for the wake, got lost on the way. The trip from her house includes, from getting onto I4, a total of 3 turns. She got lost. She panicked because she thought she had gone too far, but really she had about 5 more miles to go. Dad gave her directions.
Ok. So this is where I explain how exactly he pissed me off. It was a tiny, simple thing, but it fueled the fires of my fury so completely that I'm still mad about it now, what, 2 ½ years later. Remember that ring I told you about a few pages ago? The one with the 5 diamonds and the band and the appraisal and the pawn shop? He was wearing it. Ok, wait. I think I would have been able to deal with it if he wore it on some other finger. It was on the fourth finger of his left hand, as if it was a fucking wedding band. Whatever his rationale was, he was trying to pretend that they were still "happily" married when he had made pretty damned sure that they were not, or at least he did not want to be, for the past 6 months. (Granted, some light has been shed on the reasons why he had left since I even started writing this elaboration. That light will not be shed here; it's too personal on my Dad's part.) It still pissed me, and my sister, off. Not sure if Andy saw it or not. He had not been wearing his "real" wedding band for quite some time, and at least (of course) the past 6 months. (By "real" I mean to say that the actual ring from the wedding had been lost quite some time ago, and he was on, I think, replacement #2.) I think he still has the ring somewhere, I don't know. It's been tainted. Shikon No Tama on the Strickland family. (It's an Inuyasha reference. Sorry, I'm a geek.)
Tadashi, you may feel free to leave a comment about what you thought of my Mom's family as your impression rendered at the reception. I'm not saying anything about it, but I am glad you found my family as amusing as I find yours. :-)
9.18.03 - So we raided Mom's condo the next day or four and loaded up a U-haul with furniture Andy and I wanted to take. And I start my way home. I have no clue what made me think of it ("small miracle", I call them) but for some reason I get off I4 about 5 exits early, in downtown Orlando rather than in Altamonte Springs. Literally 2 minutes after I get off the ramp, my car starts acting funny. Slows down. Won't accelerate when I push the gas pedal. If you've ever run out of gas, that's sort of what it felt like. Except I had filled up in Tampa before I started and still had ½ a tank. Long story short: My fuel pump was jammed. $800 repair. (This is in addition to the upwards of $150 in gas I had spent going to and from Tampa, and the $100 cell phone bill that later ensued, not to mention this whole ordeal had cost me a Mom.)
9.20.03 - My car only took a day to repair, though, and I was back to work on Saturday. I sign on. Was too depressed to anticipate a annoying *beep* that means I've got a call. I stay on "Idle" - which means no calls come in, but my productivity goes down the toilet, for about an hour and a half. I'm not being lazy or ornery. I'm trying to stop crying. I stop crying long enough to trick myself into thinking I'm ready, but then I burst into tears again when I go to push the button that allows me to take calls. I get an angry e-mail from Jason at the Bridge (really sweet guy, too) saying I need to get to work or tell him why I'm not working. I sign off to go home, tell Jason what's up, go to Ms. FMLA HR, who also takes care of Leave of Absence, and tell her what's up and she gets me set for 2 weeks of LOA.
9.25.03 - Crossover. Ms. Patel finally calls me and says I got the temp WFM Bridge job. Scheduled to start on the 1st (thanks for the advance notice). Asks am I sure I'm OK to cut my LOA short and start work? I say Yea, and she says it will take a few days to blah blah blah, that's another elaboration.
Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life. ~Albert Einstein
Labor Day Weekend: We were given Monday off. Long Weekend, Yeah! not all that important, mind.
9.1.03 - On Monday night I call my Mom to ask her if she knew how to make miso soup. She says, "Yeah, go to Publix and pick up a package of miso soup mix and follow the directions." Direct quote.
9.2.03 - Tuesday I went in and, like most days didn't feel like working. It depressed me to tears to go to work. I told my team leader I didn't feel well, and he let me go home. As soon as I was out of the door I felt better. I decided it was time I went back to school, so I drove to UCF, paid the $3 day parking and went and got an application and some FAFSA info, ran some other errands, and then went home and played video games or something. I was going to fill out the applications on Wednesday when I was less tired and had time to call family about information needed. Wednesday I think I was doing something with someone and so it came and went and I forgot until I was laying in bed.
9.4.03 - So, I woke up on Thursday, got the mail and then sat down with my apps. I had written my name and address down when my phone clucked at me. Funny, I didn't hear Super Mario Bros... See, I've got a ringer called "Crazy Chicken" for my voicemail, and Super Mario Bros. for my ringtone... So I check my messages. My brother called and said something happened with Mom and she's in the hospital. I immediately drop what I'm doing, quickly feed Deke (my cat), and hop in my car and head for Clearwater. I can't remember too much on the way there, how worried I was or if I even listened to music or not, but then again, most of that week was a big, blurry undulation of emotions.
Next thing I know, I'm there, my brother meets me at my Mom's condo and leads me to the hospital (has to pull over after the toll because I don't have E-pass). Somewhere in there I found out that Mom was stopped at a light and didn't go when the light turned green. Someone, from my understanding it was a cop, went over to her to see what was going on and found her slumped over the steering wheel. He called an ambulance and tried to resuscitate her. I don't know whether he was successful on not on his own. Anyway, when I got to the hospital she was in a coma and on a respirator. Andy said he had called Heather, who at that time was unsure whether she could come down (from University of Richmond; by the end of the day she had bought plane tickets). We tried to call Dad (numerous times), but he was out of town. He went to St. Petersburg for something, but I can't remember what right now. So it was basically Andy and me, and Mom's partner Ronica a bit, for now. All there was to do really was wait. The doctor said what I told you above and there were some tests to be done to get more on her condition. The nurse asked what medications she was taking. She took about 10 different medications from heart medication and cholesterol reducers to insulin. I told her what I knew, but that didn't help her, she needed the specific types, the names of each medicine. So I said I'd find out.
I call Sprint to see if there was "left over vacation", a.k.a. RTO, slots available for Friday - we have to call at midnight if we want it, I guess to be fair or something. I called at 11:55. I can't remember who it was that told me yes, but he can't give it to me now and to call back in 5 minutes. So I did. Spoke to someone else. Said there was 8 hours, but it has already been given away. M@*&$^@F*#%$@!!!!!!!!! I use sick time.
9.5.03 - My Dad calls back either late Friday morning or early afternoon. He sounded really worried and even somewhat guilty (about what he had done the past year), although that could have been my disdain for him at the time. Even though he had walked out on her six months prior and handed her divorce papers the previous month, she was still his wife. I never doubted that he still loved her, and even still loves her; that was never a question. He just acted in a way I think cowardly and selfish. But I digress. So my Dad rushed to the hospital and meets us (Ronica and I) there and I tells him what's going on (I think that's what happened; my memory is telling me that Andy had something to do in Orlando, but my memory could be lying to me...) Heather comes in (I can't remember who gave her a ride. Andy might have on his way back...) on Friday evening.
I had looked in Mom's medicine cabinet and found - I kid you not - about 40 bottles. At least 20 had expired dates on them (they had not been used since the expiration date, though. Don't get too worried) So, on Friday afternoon I spend maybe 45 minutes going through her pill case and matching up the pills in it with the pills in the bottles so I could figure out which ones she is actively taking. About 6 or 7 were prescription medicines, and about 5 more were vitamins of some sort. I wrote it down, took the bottles and took it to the hospital, who didn't take any of it, even after I told them I had the information they asked for. They didn't seem to want it anymore.
9.6.03 - I call Friday to see if I can get Saturday off. Normally there is no RTO on Saturdays, but I lucked out. There was 16 hours and I took 10 of 'em. Yea! Makes up for Friday. I ask about FMLA (Family and Medical Leave) and they say to call the HR person (who's name I can't remember) and they transfer me and I leave a voicemail. I decide to go in on Monday when she'll be in the office. I think I do go back to Orlando for some reason, but, again, I can't remember what. I don't go near work, and I'm back in Clearwater Saturday evening.
The doctor at some point during all this had told either Andy or me that Mom currently was using about 10% of her brain, and that was all the activity that was found. Possible, very very unlikely, that some recovery can be made, but there will be severe brain damage.
9.7.03 thru 9.15.03 - More waiting. Mom's past the 48 hour mark, meaning the minuscule chance she had of recovery is even more so. I think Grandma, Grandpa and Susan came on Sunday. My Aunt Susan, who is mentally handicapped, and I spent a lot of time in the garden of the hospital talking about other things. She kept trying to play Pac Man on my phone but had trouble controlling the guy and the ghosts would get him. I don't remember exactly when Aunt Linda came, but I'm pretty sure it was by the time Grandma and Grandpa got there. (These are my mother's parents and sisters, by the way. She has two more sisters, Leslie and Wendy, that came later.) I'm not sure what it was, but at some point Aunt Linda either said or did something that so strongly reminded me of Mom I burst into tears. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. When she hugged me, she stroked my hair, exactly the way Mom used to do that and I think that might have been what it was.
One last test and the doctor said he'd give us an answer at 5. This was at about 10 pm. We thought he meant 5 pm the next day. He meant 5 am. In the meantime was when my grandparents and Susan came. He said that she was clinically brain dead. We made the decision to take her off life support. It was scheduled for I think 10 am on Tuesday.
On Monday I went to see what's-her-name HR person about FMLA, and decide to check my e-mail while I am there. I see a mail from Ms. Patel (the recruiter) that I've been scheduled for an interview for a temporary position in WFM on Tuesday. I e-mail her back and ask to reschedule. Not really because I wanted to be there when they took my Mom off life support, mind; I didn't. Rather because I was under a lot of emotional stress and didn't want to have to think too hard. I get the form for FMLA and go back to Clearwater.
9.9.03 - I'm off at about 8:30. It's maybe a 2 ½ hour drive from my Mom's condo to Orlando. I try to avoid looking at the clock. I fail. Not that I cried or anything, but I was really depressed. I go to the HR office, she's not there. I check my e-mail. Ms. Patel said no I can't reschedule. Keep in mind I had not told her why I wanted to reschedule. I figured, fine, since I'm here. I expected to have to do the interview anyway, I was dressed for it and all, and besides, when exactly would I have reschedule for? So I did the interview, I think I did as well as I would have under normal circumstances. I tried not to bring up my mother, and for the most part succeeded, except I asked when the position would start should I get the job and if I needed more time, could it be slightly postponed. I was thinking if they started the job next Monday, I may not be in a state of mind to work. I was thinking Ms. Patel was efficient at her job. Anyway they (Ms. Patel and "Ma Bell" - Bell was the last name of the woman who ran WFM and we liked the pun...) said I would be expected to start when they need me and asked why I might need more time. So I told them. I didn't expect Mom to keep breathing after the life support was removed, so I told them what I thought had happened - my mother had died that morning. They then said of course if I need more time for something like that I could have it, and Ms. Patel gave me some literature on dealing with loss. Personally, I think I was handling it pretty well considering, but I was glad to see her show some compassion. I spoke to my direct supervisor (at that time it was a guy named Scott) and asked him about bereavement leave. He was answering a question from one of my team mates and so I called my brother to get more info and find out when the service would be. He said hold off for now because she's still breathing. Ok. I tell Scott that I don't need bereavement just yet and I'll call him when I do. And then I go talk to the HR FMLA person and get the paperwork, and go back to Clearwater.
9.10.03 - My only purpose for going back to Orlando was to hand the paperwork to Ms. FMLA HR person. So I drive for 2 ½ hours to spend 10 minutes at work. Ok, so I went to check on my cat, too (good thing, he was almost out of food and water) who meowed at me for the 5 minutes I was there, and meowed very loudly when I left again. Then I drove for another 2 ½ hours back to Clearwater to wait some more. While we were waiting, we (My dad, Andy, Heather and myself) started to clean up Mom's stuff. Found a lot of things that we didn't realize she still had (she probably didn't realize she still had most of it...) There was a rather tense conversation between my Dad and Grandma at some point, most of which I didn't pay too much attention too. Whatever issues they have with each other are their business.
I told you my dad made me mad at my Mom's funeral, right. Here's the prep: While we were going through Mom's stuff, Dad said "you two girls (Heather & me) can look through Mom's jewelry and see if there is anything you want." So we did. Admittedly, there were some things we were taking for the sole purpose of selling. Not really much; most of what I took I actually wanted to keep for one reason or another, but a few things went into the "sell" pile. We came across a ring - a band with 5 diamonds in a channel - and set it aside. A few minutes later, in another compartment, we found an appraisal for said ring. I won't write how much it was worth (mainly because I don't really remember), but it was pretty easily the most valuable thing in there. (Most of it was "costume jewelry" anyway.) Heather and I discussed what we were going to do, and she suggested taking it to this place she had seen that will do "free" jewelry appraisal. I only put "free" in quotes because it turned out to be a pawn shop. The appraisals were unreliable at best. Anyway, I wasn't satisfied. I was worried that the ring might be of some importance, and wanted to see if Dad knew anything about it. He said he didn't, but he wanted to keep the ring himself, for whatever reason. He said something along the lines of keeping it so he could pass it to us when he dies or something. Heather said she knew he would do something like that, I shouldn't have asked him, Mom probably bought it while she was working her kick-ass job and making enough money to afford a few nice things, etc. But wait for it...
We also found a bunch of stuff we knew Mom had since High school - there was a charm bracelet she had that we gave to Grandma, who seemed to appreciate it. I kept Mom's sorority necklace (ACW - now my sister's sorority) I guess for safekeeping.
9.12.03 - Dad took us (Andy Heather me) out to brunch and while we were there the hospital called on Heather's cell phone to let us know Mom stopped breathing. So that was it. I didn't get too emotional. I was quite emotionally exhausted by that time. Dad seemed to get a little weepy, though.
I think we went to the funeral planner that day to start the whole process. Dad knew Mom wanted to be cremated, and we had all come to the same decision earlier that week that we did too, when our time comes. (I don't know if my siblings feel that way still; I do. But I digress...)
The next few days were very much a blur. At some point I went back to Orlando for the day and Tadashi bought me some DVD's of an anime I like to try to cheer me up. I tried to smile sometime - it actually physically hurt to pretend to smile.
The coroner took a few days to "make sure there was not foul play" of some silly shit like that. My mom also had been an organ donor, so the appropriate usable organs were, well, donated.
9.16.03 (I think) - At the wake, I felt like it was my job to comfort everyone else. I had been crying myself to sleep about this for a week and a half; I think I had run dry anyway, so I concentrated on the others there. I think I reminded some of my aunts of my Mom in the same way Linda had reminded me of her: Wendy said something about me inheriting her compassion.
Tadashi came down for the wake, got lost on the way. The trip from her house includes, from getting onto I4, a total of 3 turns. She got lost. She panicked because she thought she had gone too far, but really she had about 5 more miles to go. Dad gave her directions.
Ok. So this is where I explain how exactly he pissed me off. It was a tiny, simple thing, but it fueled the fires of my fury so completely that I'm still mad about it now, what, 2 ½ years later. Remember that ring I told you about a few pages ago? The one with the 5 diamonds and the band and the appraisal and the pawn shop? He was wearing it. Ok, wait. I think I would have been able to deal with it if he wore it on some other finger. It was on the fourth finger of his left hand, as if it was a fucking wedding band. Whatever his rationale was, he was trying to pretend that they were still "happily" married when he had made pretty damned sure that they were not, or at least he did not want to be, for the past 6 months. (Granted, some light has been shed on the reasons why he had left since I even started writing this elaboration. That light will not be shed here; it's too personal on my Dad's part.) It still pissed me, and my sister, off. Not sure if Andy saw it or not. He had not been wearing his "real" wedding band for quite some time, and at least (of course) the past 6 months. (By "real" I mean to say that the actual ring from the wedding had been lost quite some time ago, and he was on, I think, replacement #2.) I think he still has the ring somewhere, I don't know. It's been tainted. Shikon No Tama on the Strickland family. (It's an Inuyasha reference. Sorry, I'm a geek.)
Tadashi, you may feel free to leave a comment about what you thought of my Mom's family as your impression rendered at the reception. I'm not saying anything about it, but I am glad you found my family as amusing as I find yours. :-)
9.18.03 - So we raided Mom's condo the next day or four and loaded up a U-haul with furniture Andy and I wanted to take. And I start my way home. I have no clue what made me think of it ("small miracle", I call them) but for some reason I get off I4 about 5 exits early, in downtown Orlando rather than in Altamonte Springs. Literally 2 minutes after I get off the ramp, my car starts acting funny. Slows down. Won't accelerate when I push the gas pedal. If you've ever run out of gas, that's sort of what it felt like. Except I had filled up in Tampa before I started and still had ½ a tank. Long story short: My fuel pump was jammed. $800 repair. (This is in addition to the upwards of $150 in gas I had spent going to and from Tampa, and the $100 cell phone bill that later ensued, not to mention this whole ordeal had cost me a Mom.)
9.20.03 - My car only took a day to repair, though, and I was back to work on Saturday. I sign on. Was too depressed to anticipate a annoying *beep* that means I've got a call. I stay on "Idle" - which means no calls come in, but my productivity goes down the toilet, for about an hour and a half. I'm not being lazy or ornery. I'm trying to stop crying. I stop crying long enough to trick myself into thinking I'm ready, but then I burst into tears again when I go to push the button that allows me to take calls. I get an angry e-mail from Jason at the Bridge (really sweet guy, too) saying I need to get to work or tell him why I'm not working. I sign off to go home, tell Jason what's up, go to Ms. FMLA HR, who also takes care of Leave of Absence, and tell her what's up and she gets me set for 2 weeks of LOA.
9.25.03 - Crossover. Ms. Patel finally calls me and says I got the temp WFM Bridge job. Scheduled to start on the 1st (thanks for the advance notice). Asks am I sure I'm OK to cut my LOA short and start work? I say Yea, and she says it will take a few days to blah blah blah, that's another elaboration.
Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life. ~Albert Einstein