Love don't live here anymore.
Like clockwork just after three years almost four, another relationship has failed. I have learned this time I need therapy, back on the meds ,and just to remain single . I'm grateful for all the amazing things like finally feeling the most loved I have ever felt in my life and the most safe. However I had a reality check, this has come to an end and the once fathomless bounds of his patience have dried in the desert of what it's like to love a person like me. I need to just be alone. No more invites to the inner sanctum. People don't survive the visit. I hurt someone to the point where I could not salvage or apologize for anything. Scorched earth beyond repair. The end was civil although reluctant I demanded to know weather or not salvation was possible and I received a resounding no. It wasn't even a Hail Mary play possibility. It was peaceful. I finally accepted I had lost and that I needed to make a kind and swift exit. Like he always has he offered to help take care of me. I had to make the break completely to keep from repeating past mistakes. I have never loved someone so much. I want him to heal as quickly as possible find himself a "normal" partner that is worthy of all his wonderful traits. He wants the same for me. I'm done, I can't repeat this again. I'm not getting any younger I can't change I am not as resilient as I once was. I am too strange and different not to mention difficult to love. So I have to love myself and let that be enough.