What's wrong?
This particular time of the night makes me wonder why am I still here. I mean, not really here in this world, as it may seem by reading the following stupid worthless lines, but here in front of this computer, that's what I mean.
MSN > There isn't a soul online and just now that I wouldn't mind chatting to some random person. Usually I don't like anyone to bother me, but exactly when I want them, they're not there. Oh well...
But maybe that means something. It means that I shouldn't be here. Really, shouldn't I? Why sometimes - and by that I mean all the times - I feel like everybody's got something to do but me? Sunday night, 10 to midnight. Is everyone in bed because everyone's got to do something important tomorrow? Of course they are. And then why aren't I either? Easy. Because I don't care. I can stay here forever until like 3am, go to bed half knackered half insomniac, wake up in the morning feeling like everything's gonna be the same shit it was the day before. Nothing's worth anything. That's it.
Why can't I be like everyone else? And of course, also be different from everyone else when it's convenient. I look around and see only darkness. Where's my future? Why I don't see a future when other people do? Why can everybody fucking trust me so much when I can't? Do you think they're helping? They're fucking not. They make me feel worse, not to mention that I already feel like shit.
And there's another thing. Whenever I try to write something in a blog such as this or the other one, halfway through I feel like I'm the most stupid person alive. And I always stop kind of suddenly regretting why I started that in the first place. The same's happening here, so I already said too much.
MSN > There isn't a soul online and just now that I wouldn't mind chatting to some random person. Usually I don't like anyone to bother me, but exactly when I want them, they're not there. Oh well...
But maybe that means something. It means that I shouldn't be here. Really, shouldn't I? Why sometimes - and by that I mean all the times - I feel like everybody's got something to do but me? Sunday night, 10 to midnight. Is everyone in bed because everyone's got to do something important tomorrow? Of course they are. And then why aren't I either? Easy. Because I don't care. I can stay here forever until like 3am, go to bed half knackered half insomniac, wake up in the morning feeling like everything's gonna be the same shit it was the day before. Nothing's worth anything. That's it.
Why can't I be like everyone else? And of course, also be different from everyone else when it's convenient. I look around and see only darkness. Where's my future? Why I don't see a future when other people do? Why can everybody fucking trust me so much when I can't? Do you think they're helping? They're fucking not. They make me feel worse, not to mention that I already feel like shit.
And there's another thing. Whenever I try to write something in a blog such as this or the other one, halfway through I feel like I'm the most stupid person alive. And I always stop kind of suddenly regretting why I started that in the first place. The same's happening here, so I already said too much.