Four Stages (KaiHun)
Title: Four Stages
Pairing: KaiHun, HunHan
Author: monick87
Length: Oneshot
Genre: Angst
Warnings: Smut and the fact that this is unbeta'd
Rate: NC-17
Disclaimer: Don't own anything but the plot.
Summary: Kai compares Sehun to things...
Four Stages
by monick87
Light.
Jongin’s just like any other normal kid, who likes to play with his friends, asks always for the new Nintendo console and game, and just can’t stay still for more than a minute.
That’s exactly why his parents enroll him to ballet classes and he loves it. Jongin likes how free he feels whenever he dances, and he likes that feeling of being able to express whatever he can’t in words or any other means.
Years later, Jongin informs his parents that this is what he loves and this is what he wants to do the rest of his life. He is blessed and he knows it, because his parents agree.
He learns since a very young age that having a passion and having a talent is not the same thing, that no matter how many people may have passion while doing something, they may not have the talent for it. And he is gifted with both.
Jongin smiles and dances when he is informed, that he had been accepted in SM Entertainment as a trainee. He knows is a long road, but he’s willing to take it and endure it.
The first day, he meets the other trainees, and more importantly, he meets Sehun. Jongin is sure he had seen it in other place before, because his face is very familiar but he can’t figure out where.
And Jongin learns how to look. He finds himself everyday looking for Sehun and looking at him. It’s really like a flickering light in the middle of darkness, and Jongin can’t help but look at it, to feel attracted to it. But the light becomes brighter by each day, hour, minute, that Jongin dares to share beside Sehun.
Then, Jongin discovers what is it to watch. Sehun’s the light and he is nothing more but a moth, charmed by that light, even though it could end up in his demise. Jongin knows it’s too late and he is already blinded. He had already fallen.
And yes, Sehun’s definitely the light.
*****
Fire.
Jongin ponders and wonders about ‘what is love?’. He reads and asks subtly and everybody tells him that when one person is in love they feel butterflies in the stomach or shaking legs, pounding hearts, warm all over, and Jongin barely feels any of it.
He’s not nervous when Sehun’s around, but he finds himself trying to gain the other’s attention. He doesn’t feel butterflies in the stomach, it’s more like he feels he could share anything with him and be willing to as well. Jongin’s comfortable in his own skin when Sehun’s around and he knows it’s exactly the same the other way around.
Jongin feels he belongs when Sehun is with him, but at the end of the day what makes Jongin realize he may be in love is another dark and not so pleasant feeling: jealousy.
Somewhere along the way, Sehun starts dating Luhan, another good friend of his, and Jongin can’t help but feel jealousy. They become a role model couple, while Jongin watches from afar as he tries to hold down that arising feeling inside his chest and throat. And he fights and everything is good, but only for some weeks.
Luhan flights to China along with the members of the M division of their band, and Sehun spends more and more time with Jongin. Soon they are inseparable and Jongin feels to close to his own good when Sehun cuddles him one night while they watch TV.
Sehun’s like fire. He’s hot and dangerous and Jongin remembers clearly that old saying he had heard a lot when he was younger: ‘Don’t play with fire because you might get burned’.
And he does. Jongin ends up getting burned. He knows it the moment his lip crash against Sehun’s. But Sehun doesn’t stop him nor does he pull away. Sehun responds the kiss and their mouths start a battle for dominance. Jongin feels Sehun shiver when he leans in more to put some extra pressure in their kiss.
Jongin’s hands find their way underneath Sehun’s shirt and both boys come to reality when they hear the front door open.
They immediately separate and when Jongin turns to look at Sehun in the eyes, he finds confusion, lust and something more in them. Sehun bites his lower lip as the other members come into the TV room.
In that moment Jongin realizes he is already lost. He is burned and with that he is damned.
Sehun’s the fire that gives warmth to Jongin cold days. And even though it’s dangerous to be around, Jongin feels the need to be near him for some kind of comfort.
Too bad, that the fire is not his. Not yet.
*****
Drug.
Jongin fights, he really does, but no matter how much he tries, he always ends up falling into temptation again.
Jongin is aware that what he and Sehun do is wrong, very wrong, but he forgets to even think or care about it the moment Sehun climbs onto his bed at night after they had told Junmyeon that they needed some maknae time to chat and stuff.
Sehun crawls onto Jongin and leans down to kiss the dance machine of EXO. Jongin gets up, resting on his elbows and meets Sehun’s face midway to share one of those kisses that leave him breathless.
These days they do more than just kissing, and they go at it as soon as they see a possibility. Jongin remembers that the first time he fucked his best friend had been on his own bed when kyungsoo had fallen asleep on the couch.
Jongin breaks the kiss and turn their positions so he is above the needy maknae. He trails kisses down Sehun’s neck and stops at his collarbone. He knows the other loves this, but it’s rather rare for him to do it when they usually have some minutes to fuck and come.
The maknae’s body is a drug and the moment Jongin enters that ring of muscles all he can think about is how amazingly good it feels. Sehun’s walls welcome his hard member with tightness and warmth and Jongin is lost. Both are, actually.
They try their best to contain moans, groans or even their pants. After all, this is forbidden and Jongin’s nothing more but a dark secret.
But Jongin’s selfish, he is human after all, and he wants all, he craves for every little thing Sehun can offer him. He wants Sehun’s body, heart and mind. That is why he put his might into ramming into Sehun’s delicate body.
And Sehun bites Jongin’s shoulder, drowning a satisfied moan as Jongin expertly hit his prostate dead on. Jongin desperately grabs Sehun’s legs and put the ankles on his shoulders. He wants to be as deep inside of Sehun as possible.
“Oh God,” Sehun whispers, and Jongin feels pride of himself. He wants to be the best Sehun had ever had. He wants Sehun to be as addicted as he is, so he would always come back to Jongin craving for more, asking for Jongin to take him and fuck him senseless.
Jongin hears Sehun’s breathing quicken and he knows how close the maknae just by the look on that beautiful face of his. And as much as Jongin tries to think about something else, he can help but wonder if this is how Sehun looks like when Luhan is the one inside him.
He shakes his head and concentrate on his hips, on doing some circling movements as he goes in and pulls out, and by the response of Sehun, who is a writhing mess beneath him, he knows he had succeeded in the task of pleasure Sehun as much as he can.
Sehun bites his lower lip and arches his back, hands fisting the sheets as he comes on both stomachs without the need of being touched. Jongin closes his eyes and feels how Sehun’s muscles contract violently and erratically on him. He comes after a few thrusts as well, and milks his orgasm, satisfied of his performance.
He pulls out of Sehun after a few moments and throws himself on the bed beside Sehun.
Jongin looks at the white ceiling and tries not so feel as bad as he usually does after fucking his best friend. He hears Sehun laugh a little and turns to see him.
“It’s true that dancers that know how to move their hips are the best in bed,” Sehun states, looking at the ceiling as well.
Jongin doesn’t know what to say or do. He finally decides to stay silent when Sehun gets up from the bed and starts dressing again, putting his pijamas. Reluctantly, he does the same and tries hard not to think about Luhan as Sehun climbs to Kyungsoo’s bed.
Indeed, Sehun’s like a drug and Jongin is nothing more but a junkie. And just like any other junkie, he feels the hard and painful crash after having flown so high. Reality is a bitch and he is a motherfucker.
Jongin wants to have Sehun’s everything but he understand why he doesn’t. He is flawed, he is not worthy of having Sehun after all he had done and after betraying Luhan this way.
Luhan is a wonderful person, a great friend and very handsome. He is the closest thing to perfection and he knows he doesn’t deserve what he and Sehun are doing to him, but he really can’t help it. Jongin prefers to have Sehun this way than not having him at all, even if he feels guilty, ashamed and hurt afterwards.
Jongin closes his eyes and wonders how had he become so cruel and mean? Sometimes he wishes he didn’t love Sehun as much as he does.
*****
Hope.
Jongin frozes in his spot. He can’t believe his ears at all. Was he hearing the right thing?
“Do you love me?” Sehun asks him after giving him an unexpected kiss on the lips, when they are supposed to be washing the dishes.
Jongin sighs and nods. “I love you,” he confesses in a whisper. The last thing they needed was the others overhearing this.
Sehun smiles brightly. “I love you, too,” he says before continuing washing the dishes.
Jongin starts drying the already washed dishes and puts them in the cupboard. He feels a smile finding its way to his face and he wants to erase that stupid grin he probably has on his face.
With those little words Sehun has done something unthinkable to Jongin. He had given hope to the dancer. The hope that Sehun actually feels the same he does somehow.
But Jongin knows he is doomed, because he hates hope. Hope is that horrible thing that has you hanging on and waiting for forever, not letting you move on.
So, Sehun is Jongin's hope that everything would turn out right in the end and he would finally be happy.
A/N: I have no idea where this came from but I hope you guys like it! Tell me what ya think, 'kay?