OF CRAZY MEN AND MAYONNAISE BAGELS
EVERY MORNING THE BAKERY PUTS OUT BAGELS AND WHATNOT, AND THE DELI PUTS A THING OF CREAM CHEESE NEXT TO THEM, 'CAUSE, CREAM CHEESE AND BAGELS, AND EVERY NIGHT WE BUNDLE UP THE UNSOLD BREAD STUFFS AND PUT THE PACKETS OF CREAM CHEESE BACK IN THE FRIDGE
...................................... THERE WERE 2 PACKS OF CREAM CHEESE IN THE BIN...... AND LIKE, 25 PACKS OF MAYONNAISE. I'M LIKE "WHAT. NO. REALLY? WHAT. OH GOD." WHO THE FUCK PUT MAYONNAISE OUT FOR THE BAGELS AND CAN I RUB THEIR NOSE IN IT.
ALSO, I HAD A CRAZY MAN AS A CUSTOMER WHO CAME UP AND ASKED FOR SUBS, GAVE US THE LITTLE SHEET WITH STUFF CIRCLED SO WE COULD MAKE IT... AND I WAS GETTING SOME CLARIFICATION BECAUSE HE FUCKING TRIED TO ORDER TWO SUBS ON ONE SHEET WHEN WE HAD FIFTY MILLION PAPERS SITTING THERE, AND IN THE MIDDLE OF ME ASKING HIM QUESTIONS HE'S ALL "I CAN PAY FOR THESE WITH FOOD STAMPS RIGHT?" AND I'M ALL "UHHHHH.... IDK. THE SERVICE DESK WOULD PROBABLY KNOW MORE... *points to the next counter down with her entire arm*" AND THE GUY WALKS THE OTHER WAY WITH JUST THE SLIGHTEST AIR OF "WHAT THE FUCK EVER" AND I'M SITTING THERE ALL "............... should I... .... ... should I make these for him...?"
SO I DO BECAUSE I'D RATHER NOT GET YELLED AT BY HIM FOR NOT MAKING HIS DAMN SUBS 'CAUSE HE HAD AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, CLEARLY, AND BEFORE I'VE EVEN FINISHED HE COMES BACK OVER TO ME ALL "Do you have crab salad out there? *gestures to not-my-department*" AND I'M ALL "Ummmm... I dunno.... we have some HERE *gestures to one foot away from herself*"
But I can't pay for that with food stamps.
Okay...
Do you know if you have some out there?
I don't... know... I basically slice meat all day.
SO HE WALKS AWAY IN A HUFF AGAIN AND I'M JUST STANDING THERE WITH MY JAW ON THE GROUND LIKE "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED....... AGAIN."
YEAH.
I DON'T.
I MEAN.
He never did come back again for his subs.
They're sitting in the cooler now with a note saying he never came back for them.
And there were pizza order sheets up in our to-do area with no time or date or anything so I left another note with THOSE that said something like "This was here when I got here @ 3:30 (Saturday). I think they're finished orders, but I'm not sure." So that, and the crazy-man's-subs-sheet and the note I left on the creamayonnaise cheese that said "THIS IS WRONG !!!!"........ I HAD NOTES EEEEEEEEVERYWHERE.
... AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE I'M DONE WITH TODAY IT'S BEEN A FUCKSTORM OF WHAT SINCE I WOKE UP TO KIDS NOT RELATED TO ME IN MY LIVING ROOM.
...................................... THERE WERE 2 PACKS OF CREAM CHEESE IN THE BIN...... AND LIKE, 25 PACKS OF MAYONNAISE. I'M LIKE "WHAT. NO. REALLY? WHAT. OH GOD." WHO THE FUCK PUT MAYONNAISE OUT FOR THE BAGELS AND CAN I RUB THEIR NOSE IN IT.
ALSO, I HAD A CRAZY MAN AS A CUSTOMER WHO CAME UP AND ASKED FOR SUBS, GAVE US THE LITTLE SHEET WITH STUFF CIRCLED SO WE COULD MAKE IT... AND I WAS GETTING SOME CLARIFICATION BECAUSE HE FUCKING TRIED TO ORDER TWO SUBS ON ONE SHEET WHEN WE HAD FIFTY MILLION PAPERS SITTING THERE, AND IN THE MIDDLE OF ME ASKING HIM QUESTIONS HE'S ALL "I CAN PAY FOR THESE WITH FOOD STAMPS RIGHT?" AND I'M ALL "UHHHHH.... IDK. THE SERVICE DESK WOULD PROBABLY KNOW MORE... *points to the next counter down with her entire arm*" AND THE GUY WALKS THE OTHER WAY WITH JUST THE SLIGHTEST AIR OF "WHAT THE FUCK EVER" AND I'M SITTING THERE ALL "............... should I... .... ... should I make these for him...?"
SO I DO BECAUSE I'D RATHER NOT GET YELLED AT BY HIM FOR NOT MAKING HIS DAMN SUBS 'CAUSE HE HAD AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, CLEARLY, AND BEFORE I'VE EVEN FINISHED HE COMES BACK OVER TO ME ALL "Do you have crab salad out there? *gestures to not-my-department*" AND I'M ALL "Ummmm... I dunno.... we have some HERE *gestures to one foot away from herself*"
But I can't pay for that with food stamps.
Okay...
Do you know if you have some out there?
I don't... know... I basically slice meat all day.
SO HE WALKS AWAY IN A HUFF AGAIN AND I'M JUST STANDING THERE WITH MY JAW ON THE GROUND LIKE "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED....... AGAIN."
YEAH.
I DON'T.
I MEAN.
He never did come back again for his subs.
They're sitting in the cooler now with a note saying he never came back for them.
And there were pizza order sheets up in our to-do area with no time or date or anything so I left another note with THOSE that said something like "This was here when I got here @ 3:30 (Saturday). I think they're finished orders, but I'm not sure." So that, and the crazy-man's-subs-sheet and the note I left on the creamayonnaise cheese that said "THIS IS WRONG !!!!"........ I HAD NOTES EEEEEEEEVERYWHERE.
... AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE I'M DONE WITH TODAY IT'S BEEN A FUCKSTORM OF WHAT SINCE I WOKE UP TO KIDS NOT RELATED TO ME IN MY LIVING ROOM.