If I Die (part 15)
Title: If I Die
Author: dani_grl4
Pairing: Dom/Billy
Rating: R for swearing
Disclaimer: So glad this isn’t true.
Feedback: Is very appreciated. Okay I’m a h0r! for it. Smooches to all those who have given such lovely feedback so far.
Warning: Angst. As ever, despite the title, there is no death.
Summary: Billy and Dom make decisions. Billy has a bad day.
A/N: Enormous hugs and lots of love to my friend and beta canciona. She is just amazing. I’m not sure how many chapters this series will be. Eventually it will end, I promise, but I can’t say when for sure. Probably before Dom and Billy become OAPs, but other than that, I do not know. I’m having a lot of fun writing this at the moment though.
Prologue, Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9a / Part 9b / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14
Chapter 15
It’s nearly daybreak, but Dom hasn’t been to sleep this evening. He’s been watching Billy again, but this time from the close proximity of his arms, and not perched at the edge of the bed. They had spent most of the night talking and holding one another - promises to stay together echoed over and over. Finally, Billy had fallen into an exhausted sleep brought on once again by his pain medication, which he’d tried desperately to forego, but couldn’t any longer. Dom had wanted to continue watching him, finally relishing in the ability to hold his partner, and to let Billy hold him, without flinching. Or more importantly, being able to let Billy hold him without feeling like he doesn’t deserve it.
He gently releases Billy and tucks the duvet around his still-sleeping form. Billy mumbles something but Dom doesn’t think he’s conscious, so he slips quietly out of the room and heads to the kitchen. He’s exhausted, but Billy will wake up soon and Dom wants to be there when he does. Even though they made a huge breakthrough last night, Dom still needs to take care of Billy. But not because he feels guilty this time, but rather, because he simply loves him.
Dom decides to take his time making coffee and then eventually, a decent breakfast for them both. Billy’s had his stitches taken out a few days ago and tomorrow his cast will be removed. The only healing he’ll need to do from then on, really, will be emotional and mental. The difficult parts.
He doesn’t know if Billy realises it, and he likely doesn’t since his medication puts him in such a deep sleep, but Billy cries sometimes when he’s dreaming. Often, actually. Sometimes it just takes Dom shaking him lightly for Billy to become conscious long enough to escape from his nightmare, but not really enough for him to wake completely. They haven’t talked about this; they haven’t talked about anything recently other than whether Billy is hungry/tired/in pain but Dom hopes that Billy does not remember these dreams in the morning. But Dom remembers, because Dom watches him.
With the radio on low in the kitchen, Dom begins the task of cooking, quietly as he can, so as not to wake Billy. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get very far. Billy stumbles into the kitchen, walking in a manner that, if Dom didn’t know better, would suggest he is very drunk.
He kisses the top of Billy’s head as he sits at the table, eyes barely able to focus, before returning to the stove. “Morning, love.”
“Mmm. Shite, I feel so drowsy today. Sorry I fell asleep on you last night. These damn pills.” Billy finally gives up and lays his head right on the table.
“S’alright. Do you feel better today?” Dom looks over his shoulder and chuckles a bit at Billy’s extreme bed-head and inability to remain upright.
“A bit. Will be so much happier when I get this cast off.” Billy lifts his arm slightly to indicate his displeasure. “Were we still talking when I fell asleep?”
“Yeah, but don’t worry about it, Billy. I didn’t take it personally.” Dom sets down a cup of coffee in front of Billy, which he tries, and fails miserably, to focus on.
“It was nice to fall asleep in your arms for a change.” Billy finally negotiates the cup to his lips, somehow.
“For me too. I watched you sleep all night. It was so comforting, Billy. Really. I’ve missed you so much.”
“Dom, you didn’t sleep at all? Again?” Billy looks worried, as though maybe they hadn’t made as much progress as he’d thought. He had hoped Dom wouldn’t feel the need to watch over him protectively and neglect his own rest anymore.
“Well, no, I didn’t,” Dom mumbles, sheepishly. He hastily adds, “But not because I felt like I had to watch you. But, you know. I just couldn’t stop looking at you.”
“Ah, that’s alright then.” Billy smiles at him reassuringly. “ I would have done the same probably, had I not been in a sleep-induced coma. It’s sad that I’ve been home for several weeks now and last night was the first time we’ve actually held each other properly. I’ve missed you.”
Dom smiles, relieved that Billy’s not angry with him for staying up for yet another night. He sets two plates down on the table and joins Billy there. “So, what do you want to do today?”
“Ta, this looks delicious, Dom. Well, let’s see. I have to stop by the police station. Drop off my written statement,” Billy says as he pushes the food on his plate around distractedly, knowing already that today will probably be a bad day.
Dom is stunned to hear that Billy’s already done this and he didn’t even notice. “You wrote it already?”
“Yeah. No big deal though. Just the facts, right?” Billy says bitterly.
“Aw, Bill. I’m sorry, I know that prick from the FBI really got to you. I just thought, you know, I’d be there with you when you wrote it,” Dom is slightly hurt and feels inexplicably left out. After all, it’s not like he could really help Billy write it since it was Billy’s experience, most of which he still doesn’t know. But he thought Billy would want or need him there for support when he wrote it. “Anyway, I’ll come with you to the station, if you want. I want to say hello to Detective McNamara. He was amazing through this whole thing.”
Billy can tell when Dom’s hurt, but he has to exclude him from this. He saw the way Dom was affected when he tried to give his interview in hospital and there is no way he can handle being as graphic as he needs to be and protect Dom at the same time.
“You know I wanted you to be there with me when I wrote it. But, I needed to remember everything and I needed to do that without worrying about how much it was upsetting you. Of course I want you to come with me today.”
Dom nods slightly, also pushing around his food, neither of them actually bothering to eat. “You’re right Billy, I know.”
“Besides, I didn’t want you to read it on some formal statement. I think I should share this with you in my own time, when we’re alone and we’re both better prepared to handle it. Don’t you think?”
Dom looks up at him and smiles. He has no reason to be hurt. It’s completely up to Billy to tell Dom what he wants about what happened to him, and when he wants to tell him as well. That hadn’t occurred to him. “Absolutely.”
Billy nods and decides to change the subject when the realisation that they will actually have to have these talks dawns on him. And he’s not looking forward to it, for either of their sakes. “I’ve gotta stop taking these meds, Dom. They’re making me so foggy. I can’t think straight.”
“Okay, well we'll talk to the doctor tomorrow, see what he says. Maybe they can give you something a little less powerful, yeah?”
Billy just nods, something else already on his mind. “There’s something I have to ask you, Dom.”
“Mmm? What’s that, then?” Dom asks, sipping his coffee.
“I’ve made an appointment to see a psychiatrist tomorrow after I get my cast off.” Billy continues quickly, though he notes the slight look of surprise on Dom’s face, “It was strongly advised that I see one by the doctor when I was first brought it. Anyway, this bloke specialises in post-traumatic stress disorder. But I was thinking that maybe you would like to see someone as well. Maybe not the same doctor. That might be uncomfortable. But just - someone?”
“Do you think I need to?” Dom stares at his untouched food.
“I think we both need to, love. Doesn’t make you weak. But I do think you’ve been through a lot, and I think there are things you might have trouble telling me. Even the things you do tell me, I can’t help you with it all. Who knows, we may need to see someone together as well. For now I think you should at least talk to someone on your own. What do you think?”
Dom knew this was coming. He’s not sure how he feels about it though. He’s never talked to anyone professionally about anything but he knows that it would make Billy feel better. And if it would help rid these feelings of guilt and remorse that he carries, well, then that is a bonus. “Sure, sure. But Bills? You’ll still talk to me too, yeah?”
Billy tilts his head slightly and looks into Dom’s eyes to make sure he hears his words; really hears them. “I need you more than anyone else in this world, Dominic. Of course I will still talk to you. I think, at least in the beginning, we’ll both need someone who’s not emotionally involved to help us sort out what we’re feeling. But yes, I hope we’ll still be able to confide in one another.”
“Okay then. I’ll do it,” he says, determinedly.
“Thank you, Dom. I’ll give him a call now and see if he can recommend someone for you to see.” Billy gets up and puts his untouched plate of food on the counter and kisses Dom on the lips quickly before leaving the kitchen in search of his mobile. Dom, however, simply sighs with the thought of the long months ahead of them and starts to clean up.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dom goes upstairs to get himself ready whilst Billy’s on the phone, talking to his psychiatrist, presumably. He comes back down to find Billy sitting on the couch, finishing up his call. Billy motions for Dom to sit next to him while he finishes his call. “Thank you so much for arranging that. We’ll see you tomorrow then.” Dom raises his eyebrows in surprise. He hadn’t thought he’d have to go so soon.
“Okay, Dom,” Billy says as he flips his phone shut. “I just talked to my doctor and he says his partner specialises in both post-traumatic stress disorder and grief counselling. He thinks she would be a perfect match for you.”
“But, Billy, um, you didn’t actually...you know. I wouldn’t say I’m grieving.”
“No, but for a while you thought I had. So, really you went through a lot of the same emotions you would have done if I actually did die. I think she sounds perfect.” Billy looks at Dom steadily.
“Alright, Billy, I’ll try it. When is my appointment?”
“She managed to squeeze you in for tomorrow. I just thought the sooner, the better. Our appointments are at the same time, same office, but different doctors. How does that sound to you?”
“Scary,” Dom replies, honestly.
Billy shakes his head and takes Dom’s hand. “Don’t think of it that way, Dom. Think of it as the help we need to get our lives back to where they were before. Or as close as we can get to that.”
Dom doesn’t say anything at first. Then slowly, he lays his head in Billy’s lap. “I want that more than anything.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
What had started out as a mildly stressful day turned into a nightmare by evening. Both Dom and Billy, if they really thought about it, had been feeling a bit nervous about their appointments with their respective therapists the following day. But they both realised that in the long run, neither of them could cope with this on his own, or even just with each other. Billy’s kidnapping was bigger than both of them, and try as they might, there was no way to just get past it without dealing with it properly, and dealing with it now.
No, what made today especially awful was the questioning that went on at the station. Regardless of the fact that Billy’s written statement was supposed to make things easier for him, it proved to be just as difficult as his experience in hospital with the FBI. And it wasn’t as though anyone was unkind. He understood that there would be some questions, no matter how detailed he wrote his statement. Just maybe not so many.
He’d requested that Dom wait outside, and that hurt, no matter how much Dom wanted to believe that it was Billy’s right to do this on his own. He knows Billy wants to be able to talk to him about his kidnapping using words that he thinks will be kinder for Dom to hear, but when you get down to it, it’s all the same. What happened, happened, and no amount of dressing it up will change that. He doesn’t like Billy thinking he is too weak to be there for him. Why couldn’t he just let him stay, even just to hold his hand, whilst he answered their questions? Billy could talk to Dom later, could tell him the really intimate details of what he had felt. Why wouldn’t he just let him be there for him now?
So, they had argued. But in the end, Billy won. Dom waited outside for nearly two hours whilst Billy answered questions, filled in the details from his statement, signed official forms, and was updated on the status of his case. The drive home is more than uncomfortable.
It's Billy who eventually breaks the silence. “Dom, I already explained to you why I didn’t want you to be there when I gave my interview. If I had known they were going to ask me so many questions today, one, I wouldn’t have bothered writing that bloody thing, and two, I wouldn’t have asked you to come with me. This isn’t something I want you to hear in some dirty police station surrounded by people who don’t know us, who don’t care about us. It’s personal and it’s private and the only reason I told them is so that they can stop these bastards from ever doing this to anyone else.”
He doesn’t respond. He just keeps driving, not angry with Billy. Not at all in fact, but rather angry that Billy is still suffering and that he can’t do a thing to stop it.
The silence from Dom only serves to make Billy even angrier. “Fuck, Dom, don’t do this. I don’t need this right now. I’ve explained myself to you and if you can’t deal-”
Dom pulls into their driveway and stops the car. “ Yeah, Billy, it’s your decision. I accept that. But I don’t like the idea of you going through something so painful without me by your side.” He gets out of the car and walks into the house without waiting for Billy.
Billy sits in the car for a while longer and watches the clouds gather, which he thinks bitterly, mirrors his mood right about now.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Dom!” Billy calls as he enters the house several minutes later. “Dom, where are-”
Dom meets Billy in the hallway and hands him a cup of tea. “Thought you could use this.”
“Could use something a bit stronger, but thank you. Dom, I’m really sorry about today, but you I know I’m just not ready-”
“Billy, I know. I know. I was selfish. This isn’t all about me and what I want. I’m the one who’s sorry. Forgive me?” Dom flashes a charming smile that Billy could never deny. He takes Billy’s hand to lead him to the warmth and comfort of their living room.
“How are you feeling now, love?” Dom sits down facing Billy, his feet snuggled under Billy’s thighs as he strokes his hair.
Billy leans his head back and sighs. “I’m fine. I just, y’know, want this to be over already. I want my old life back. Do you remember how much we used to laugh? We don’t get to do that much lately anymore,” Billy says sadly as he opens his eyes and stares into his tea cup.
“No. Not nearly enough,” Dom agrees as he entwines Billy’s fingers with his own. “But we will again.”
“Yeah,” Billy agrees absently. He’s not feeling optimistic at the moment and Dom can sense Billy falling. So he simply squeezes Billy’s hand a little tighter.
Author: dani_grl4
Pairing: Dom/Billy
Rating: R for swearing
Disclaimer: So glad this isn’t true.
Feedback: Is very appreciated. Okay I’m a h0r! for it. Smooches to all those who have given such lovely feedback so far.
Warning: Angst. As ever, despite the title, there is no death.
Summary: Billy and Dom make decisions. Billy has a bad day.
A/N: Enormous hugs and lots of love to my friend and beta canciona. She is just amazing. I’m not sure how many chapters this series will be. Eventually it will end, I promise, but I can’t say when for sure. Probably before Dom and Billy become OAPs, but other than that, I do not know. I’m having a lot of fun writing this at the moment though.
Prologue, Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9a / Part 9b / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14
Chapter 15
It’s nearly daybreak, but Dom hasn’t been to sleep this evening. He’s been watching Billy again, but this time from the close proximity of his arms, and not perched at the edge of the bed. They had spent most of the night talking and holding one another - promises to stay together echoed over and over. Finally, Billy had fallen into an exhausted sleep brought on once again by his pain medication, which he’d tried desperately to forego, but couldn’t any longer. Dom had wanted to continue watching him, finally relishing in the ability to hold his partner, and to let Billy hold him, without flinching. Or more importantly, being able to let Billy hold him without feeling like he doesn’t deserve it.
He gently releases Billy and tucks the duvet around his still-sleeping form. Billy mumbles something but Dom doesn’t think he’s conscious, so he slips quietly out of the room and heads to the kitchen. He’s exhausted, but Billy will wake up soon and Dom wants to be there when he does. Even though they made a huge breakthrough last night, Dom still needs to take care of Billy. But not because he feels guilty this time, but rather, because he simply loves him.
Dom decides to take his time making coffee and then eventually, a decent breakfast for them both. Billy’s had his stitches taken out a few days ago and tomorrow his cast will be removed. The only healing he’ll need to do from then on, really, will be emotional and mental. The difficult parts.
He doesn’t know if Billy realises it, and he likely doesn’t since his medication puts him in such a deep sleep, but Billy cries sometimes when he’s dreaming. Often, actually. Sometimes it just takes Dom shaking him lightly for Billy to become conscious long enough to escape from his nightmare, but not really enough for him to wake completely. They haven’t talked about this; they haven’t talked about anything recently other than whether Billy is hungry/tired/in pain but Dom hopes that Billy does not remember these dreams in the morning. But Dom remembers, because Dom watches him.
With the radio on low in the kitchen, Dom begins the task of cooking, quietly as he can, so as not to wake Billy. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get very far. Billy stumbles into the kitchen, walking in a manner that, if Dom didn’t know better, would suggest he is very drunk.
He kisses the top of Billy’s head as he sits at the table, eyes barely able to focus, before returning to the stove. “Morning, love.”
“Mmm. Shite, I feel so drowsy today. Sorry I fell asleep on you last night. These damn pills.” Billy finally gives up and lays his head right on the table.
“S’alright. Do you feel better today?” Dom looks over his shoulder and chuckles a bit at Billy’s extreme bed-head and inability to remain upright.
“A bit. Will be so much happier when I get this cast off.” Billy lifts his arm slightly to indicate his displeasure. “Were we still talking when I fell asleep?”
“Yeah, but don’t worry about it, Billy. I didn’t take it personally.” Dom sets down a cup of coffee in front of Billy, which he tries, and fails miserably, to focus on.
“It was nice to fall asleep in your arms for a change.” Billy finally negotiates the cup to his lips, somehow.
“For me too. I watched you sleep all night. It was so comforting, Billy. Really. I’ve missed you so much.”
“Dom, you didn’t sleep at all? Again?” Billy looks worried, as though maybe they hadn’t made as much progress as he’d thought. He had hoped Dom wouldn’t feel the need to watch over him protectively and neglect his own rest anymore.
“Well, no, I didn’t,” Dom mumbles, sheepishly. He hastily adds, “But not because I felt like I had to watch you. But, you know. I just couldn’t stop looking at you.”
“Ah, that’s alright then.” Billy smiles at him reassuringly. “ I would have done the same probably, had I not been in a sleep-induced coma. It’s sad that I’ve been home for several weeks now and last night was the first time we’ve actually held each other properly. I’ve missed you.”
Dom smiles, relieved that Billy’s not angry with him for staying up for yet another night. He sets two plates down on the table and joins Billy there. “So, what do you want to do today?”
“Ta, this looks delicious, Dom. Well, let’s see. I have to stop by the police station. Drop off my written statement,” Billy says as he pushes the food on his plate around distractedly, knowing already that today will probably be a bad day.
Dom is stunned to hear that Billy’s already done this and he didn’t even notice. “You wrote it already?”
“Yeah. No big deal though. Just the facts, right?” Billy says bitterly.
“Aw, Bill. I’m sorry, I know that prick from the FBI really got to you. I just thought, you know, I’d be there with you when you wrote it,” Dom is slightly hurt and feels inexplicably left out. After all, it’s not like he could really help Billy write it since it was Billy’s experience, most of which he still doesn’t know. But he thought Billy would want or need him there for support when he wrote it. “Anyway, I’ll come with you to the station, if you want. I want to say hello to Detective McNamara. He was amazing through this whole thing.”
Billy can tell when Dom’s hurt, but he has to exclude him from this. He saw the way Dom was affected when he tried to give his interview in hospital and there is no way he can handle being as graphic as he needs to be and protect Dom at the same time.
“You know I wanted you to be there with me when I wrote it. But, I needed to remember everything and I needed to do that without worrying about how much it was upsetting you. Of course I want you to come with me today.”
Dom nods slightly, also pushing around his food, neither of them actually bothering to eat. “You’re right Billy, I know.”
“Besides, I didn’t want you to read it on some formal statement. I think I should share this with you in my own time, when we’re alone and we’re both better prepared to handle it. Don’t you think?”
Dom looks up at him and smiles. He has no reason to be hurt. It’s completely up to Billy to tell Dom what he wants about what happened to him, and when he wants to tell him as well. That hadn’t occurred to him. “Absolutely.”
Billy nods and decides to change the subject when the realisation that they will actually have to have these talks dawns on him. And he’s not looking forward to it, for either of their sakes. “I’ve gotta stop taking these meds, Dom. They’re making me so foggy. I can’t think straight.”
“Okay, well we'll talk to the doctor tomorrow, see what he says. Maybe they can give you something a little less powerful, yeah?”
Billy just nods, something else already on his mind. “There’s something I have to ask you, Dom.”
“Mmm? What’s that, then?” Dom asks, sipping his coffee.
“I’ve made an appointment to see a psychiatrist tomorrow after I get my cast off.” Billy continues quickly, though he notes the slight look of surprise on Dom’s face, “It was strongly advised that I see one by the doctor when I was first brought it. Anyway, this bloke specialises in post-traumatic stress disorder. But I was thinking that maybe you would like to see someone as well. Maybe not the same doctor. That might be uncomfortable. But just - someone?”
“Do you think I need to?” Dom stares at his untouched food.
“I think we both need to, love. Doesn’t make you weak. But I do think you’ve been through a lot, and I think there are things you might have trouble telling me. Even the things you do tell me, I can’t help you with it all. Who knows, we may need to see someone together as well. For now I think you should at least talk to someone on your own. What do you think?”
Dom knew this was coming. He’s not sure how he feels about it though. He’s never talked to anyone professionally about anything but he knows that it would make Billy feel better. And if it would help rid these feelings of guilt and remorse that he carries, well, then that is a bonus. “Sure, sure. But Bills? You’ll still talk to me too, yeah?”
Billy tilts his head slightly and looks into Dom’s eyes to make sure he hears his words; really hears them. “I need you more than anyone else in this world, Dominic. Of course I will still talk to you. I think, at least in the beginning, we’ll both need someone who’s not emotionally involved to help us sort out what we’re feeling. But yes, I hope we’ll still be able to confide in one another.”
“Okay then. I’ll do it,” he says, determinedly.
“Thank you, Dom. I’ll give him a call now and see if he can recommend someone for you to see.” Billy gets up and puts his untouched plate of food on the counter and kisses Dom on the lips quickly before leaving the kitchen in search of his mobile. Dom, however, simply sighs with the thought of the long months ahead of them and starts to clean up.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dom goes upstairs to get himself ready whilst Billy’s on the phone, talking to his psychiatrist, presumably. He comes back down to find Billy sitting on the couch, finishing up his call. Billy motions for Dom to sit next to him while he finishes his call. “Thank you so much for arranging that. We’ll see you tomorrow then.” Dom raises his eyebrows in surprise. He hadn’t thought he’d have to go so soon.
“Okay, Dom,” Billy says as he flips his phone shut. “I just talked to my doctor and he says his partner specialises in both post-traumatic stress disorder and grief counselling. He thinks she would be a perfect match for you.”
“But, Billy, um, you didn’t actually...you know. I wouldn’t say I’m grieving.”
“No, but for a while you thought I had. So, really you went through a lot of the same emotions you would have done if I actually did die. I think she sounds perfect.” Billy looks at Dom steadily.
“Alright, Billy, I’ll try it. When is my appointment?”
“She managed to squeeze you in for tomorrow. I just thought the sooner, the better. Our appointments are at the same time, same office, but different doctors. How does that sound to you?”
“Scary,” Dom replies, honestly.
Billy shakes his head and takes Dom’s hand. “Don’t think of it that way, Dom. Think of it as the help we need to get our lives back to where they were before. Or as close as we can get to that.”
Dom doesn’t say anything at first. Then slowly, he lays his head in Billy’s lap. “I want that more than anything.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
What had started out as a mildly stressful day turned into a nightmare by evening. Both Dom and Billy, if they really thought about it, had been feeling a bit nervous about their appointments with their respective therapists the following day. But they both realised that in the long run, neither of them could cope with this on his own, or even just with each other. Billy’s kidnapping was bigger than both of them, and try as they might, there was no way to just get past it without dealing with it properly, and dealing with it now.
No, what made today especially awful was the questioning that went on at the station. Regardless of the fact that Billy’s written statement was supposed to make things easier for him, it proved to be just as difficult as his experience in hospital with the FBI. And it wasn’t as though anyone was unkind. He understood that there would be some questions, no matter how detailed he wrote his statement. Just maybe not so many.
He’d requested that Dom wait outside, and that hurt, no matter how much Dom wanted to believe that it was Billy’s right to do this on his own. He knows Billy wants to be able to talk to him about his kidnapping using words that he thinks will be kinder for Dom to hear, but when you get down to it, it’s all the same. What happened, happened, and no amount of dressing it up will change that. He doesn’t like Billy thinking he is too weak to be there for him. Why couldn’t he just let him stay, even just to hold his hand, whilst he answered their questions? Billy could talk to Dom later, could tell him the really intimate details of what he had felt. Why wouldn’t he just let him be there for him now?
So, they had argued. But in the end, Billy won. Dom waited outside for nearly two hours whilst Billy answered questions, filled in the details from his statement, signed official forms, and was updated on the status of his case. The drive home is more than uncomfortable.
It's Billy who eventually breaks the silence. “Dom, I already explained to you why I didn’t want you to be there when I gave my interview. If I had known they were going to ask me so many questions today, one, I wouldn’t have bothered writing that bloody thing, and two, I wouldn’t have asked you to come with me. This isn’t something I want you to hear in some dirty police station surrounded by people who don’t know us, who don’t care about us. It’s personal and it’s private and the only reason I told them is so that they can stop these bastards from ever doing this to anyone else.”
He doesn’t respond. He just keeps driving, not angry with Billy. Not at all in fact, but rather angry that Billy is still suffering and that he can’t do a thing to stop it.
The silence from Dom only serves to make Billy even angrier. “Fuck, Dom, don’t do this. I don’t need this right now. I’ve explained myself to you and if you can’t deal-”
Dom pulls into their driveway and stops the car. “ Yeah, Billy, it’s your decision. I accept that. But I don’t like the idea of you going through something so painful without me by your side.” He gets out of the car and walks into the house without waiting for Billy.
Billy sits in the car for a while longer and watches the clouds gather, which he thinks bitterly, mirrors his mood right about now.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Dom!” Billy calls as he enters the house several minutes later. “Dom, where are-”
Dom meets Billy in the hallway and hands him a cup of tea. “Thought you could use this.”
“Could use something a bit stronger, but thank you. Dom, I’m really sorry about today, but you I know I’m just not ready-”
“Billy, I know. I know. I was selfish. This isn’t all about me and what I want. I’m the one who’s sorry. Forgive me?” Dom flashes a charming smile that Billy could never deny. He takes Billy’s hand to lead him to the warmth and comfort of their living room.
“How are you feeling now, love?” Dom sits down facing Billy, his feet snuggled under Billy’s thighs as he strokes his hair.
Billy leans his head back and sighs. “I’m fine. I just, y’know, want this to be over already. I want my old life back. Do you remember how much we used to laugh? We don’t get to do that much lately anymore,” Billy says sadly as he opens his eyes and stares into his tea cup.
“No. Not nearly enough,” Dom agrees as he entwines Billy’s fingers with his own. “But we will again.”
“Yeah,” Billy agrees absently. He’s not feeling optimistic at the moment and Dom can sense Billy falling. So he simply squeezes Billy’s hand a little tighter.