The healing of the heart
It's just been 48 hours since David broke up with me, but I made a lot of progress in getting over him today. And he actually helped.
David is an arrogant asshole. Or can be at least. Before school ended, I didn't see myself ending up with him, but now, I know it really could not have worked. Sure, there was attraction, but there are some things about him that really bug me.
The worst part is that he knows he's arrogant, and doesn't see a need to change. He's also tactless.
That's all I've got to say.
Edit 1:30 am: I had a four-hour long conversation with David tonight. I'm feeling much better about the whole thing.
[We began with some samll talk, which he initiated, and I was really annoyed by (you just broke up with me and you want to talk about what I bought at the store?!) I turned the conversation to discussion about our relationship, which began at our breakup:]
LongMath (8:31:01 PM): and I still like you too, it's not a case where you just don't interest me or something
LongMath (8:31:15 PM): a) Long distance sucks
LongMath (8:31:33 PM): b) I don't love you, and I'm a junior in college
LongMath (8:31:46 PM): fear of being single when I'm 40 has crossed my mind...
bookreader05 (8:31:59 PM): haha
bookreader05 (8:32:40 PM): you have to find someone who will put up with your arrogant bastardness
bookreader05 (8:33:05 PM): or, you'll just grow out of it
LongMath (8:34:10 PM): oh finding someone to put up with arrogance is easy
LongMath (8:34:16 PM): I just have to find someone as arrogant as I am
bookreader05 (8:34:29 PM): haha THAT's why we didnt' work
LongMath (8:34:34 PM): yeah pretty much
bookreader05 (9:12:30 PM): as much as i'd LOVE to hate you right now . . . i just can't do it [because I'm not the type to get hold grudges]
bookreader05 (9:12:51 PM): it's really frustrating, actually
[I actually got angry here:]
LongMath (9:57:05 PM): btw, I'm in a sucky position here - for the record
LongMath (9:57:17 PM): because I know being an ass will slightly help your recovery speed
LongMath (9:57:22 PM): but I don't particularly want to be
LongMath (9:57:27 PM): thought I'd throw that out there
bookreader05 (9:57:39 PM): you are such an asshole!
LongMath (9:57:47 PM): thanks :-)
bookreader05 (9:57:57 PM): i can't believe you said that
LongMath (9:58:08 PM): the question is whether I meant it
bookreader05 (9:58:16 PM): of course you meant it
LongMath (9:58:16 PM): O.o
LongMath (9:58:23 PM): what makes you so sure?
bookreader05 (9:58:41 PM): i hate when you play with my mind david
LongMath (9:58:50 PM): you didn't before
LongMath (9:58:53 PM): you just hate it now
bookreader05 (9:59:02 PM): i didn't like it before
bookreader05 (9:59:06 PM): i just didn't say anything
bookreader05 (9:59:07 PM): now i can
bookreader05 (9:59:23 PM): now you are being tactless
LongMath (9:59:24 PM): you didn't dislike it either
bookreader05 (9:59:36 PM): i did too
bookreader05 (9:59:44 PM): i'm a people pleaser, remember
LongMath (9:59:54 PM): and I'm not?
bookreader05 (10:00:04 PM): not as much as me
LongMath (10:00:09 PM): hell if I don't please people
LongMath (10:00:12 PM): wtf do I do?
LongMath (10:00:23 PM): I'm just an everyday asshole without the pleasing people side
LongMath (10:00:29 PM): no one wants and everyday asshole
bookreader05 (10:01:49 PM): the fact that you are trying to "make me feel better" on purpose by being a jerk is a horrible thing to do
bookreader05 (10:01:53 PM): it's arrogant
bookreader05 (10:01:59 PM): but we've been there before
[At this point, after I had backed him into a corner, he got all defensive, ranting about how he envies my position because I'm the victim, and everyone sides with me (not repeated for length).]
bookreader05 (10:22:16 PM): i think we both agree that life sucks right now
bookreader05 (10:24:00 PM): but in no way do i regret our relationship
bookreader05 (10:24:03 PM): know that
bookreader05 (10:24:38 PM): as much as i hurt now, i'm glad we had something
LongMath (10:24:41 PM): i don't either
LongMath (10:29:22 PM): and I'm glad too
LongMath (10:29:28 PM): for the record
bookreader05 (10:29:31 PM): good
LongMath (10:29:40 PM): I don't want it to seem like I'm the victim here
LongMath (10:29:55 PM): I was just getting frustrated by all the accusing you were doing and got sick of it
bookreader05 (10:30:20 PM): eh, it was helping me ;-)
[A little later was a great inside joke about Diff EQ and me graduating to EMath . . . Let me know if you know what I'm talking about and want to see it ;-)]
[Then we really started being honest with each other:]
bookreader05 (11:54:24 PM): [after I confessed to a bit of stalking . . . ]come on, didn't you stalk me?
LongMath (11:54:42 PM): uh
LongMath (11:54:44 PM): not really actually
LongMath (11:54:48 PM): not after we were dating
bookreader05 (11:54:51 PM): lol
bookreader05 (11:55:12 PM): oh yeah, and some of the things in my interests got added just after we met ;-)
LongMath (11:55:13 PM): and by stalk I mean looked at your facebook profile
LongMath (11:55:17 PM): after you friended
LongMath (11:55:18 PM): lol
LongMath (11:55:20 PM): oh really
LongMath (11:55:21 PM): :-P
bookreader05 (11:55:27 PM): yeah . . .
LongMath (11:55:27 PM): way to be honest
bookreader05 (11:55:34 PM): i knew what i wanted
LongMath (11:55:41 PM): and you got it
bookreader05 (11:55:44 PM): that i did
bookreader05 (12:17:25 AM): do you wish you had done anything different with respect to our relationship?
bookreader05 (12:17:32 AM): out of curiousity
LongMath (12:17:59 AM): I don't know
bookreader05 (12:18:13 AM): you seem to find all your faults [we had a "David's faults" conversation]
LongMath (12:18:30 AM): I'm not sure when I'm being manipulative and when I'm just teasing
bookreader05 (12:18:44 AM): yeah, me neither :-P
LongMath (12:18:49 AM): like tonight
LongMath (12:18:53 AM): when I went off on my rant
LongMath (12:18:57 AM): you had me in a corner
bookreader05 (12:19:06 AM): like the ONE time
LongMath (12:19:07 AM): so did I rant because I believed what I was saying
LongMath (12:19:14 AM): or because I wanted out of that corner
LongMath (12:19:28 AM): I don't think I actually envy your position
LongMath (12:19:31 AM): it sucks
bookreader05 (12:19:36 AM): tell me about it
bookreader05 (12:19:43 AM): i wanted to say that lol
bookreader05 (12:19:57 AM): but you made me feel bad
LongMath (12:20:07 AM): because I'm good at getting what I want apparently
LongMath (12:20:11 AM): just like you said you are
LongMath (12:20:30 AM): and I don't think I can kid myself
LongMath (12:20:33 AM): I know I'm an asshole
LongMath (12:20:40 AM): I'm nice to friends
LongMath (12:20:46 AM): but I must be a real bitch to date
bookreader05 (12:20:51 AM): lol
LongMath (12:20:55 AM): for what it's worth I'm sorry
LongMath (12:20:58 AM): like actually
bookreader05 (12:21:00 AM): thank you
LongMath (12:21:03 AM): not trying to weasel out sorry
bookreader05 (12:21:09 AM): that means a lot
bookreader05 (12:21:39 AM): 1) because this whole break up thing sucks and 2) because you hardly ever say you're sorry
LongMath (12:21:46 AM): and mean it?
bookreader05 (12:21:47 AM): and i know you mean it when you do say it
LongMath (12:21:52 AM): yeah, you're probably right
bookreader05 (12:22:22 AM): but
bookreader05 (12:22:29 AM): all will be forgiven in time
bookreader05 (12:23:01 AM): just give me some more time
LongMath (12:23:19 AM): well
LongMath (12:23:27 AM): there's no question you'll forgive me
LongMath (12:23:32 AM): because all the others have
LongMath (12:23:37 AM): I can't see why
bookreader05 (12:23:38 AM): and here we go . . .
LongMath (12:23:41 AM): if they actually knew
LongMath (12:23:52 AM): what kind of person I actually am
LongMath (12:24:16 AM): but in truth, I never had any doubt that things would be ok between us in time
LongMath (12:24:29 AM): we're compatible people more or less I think
LongMath (12:24:38 AM): have some common interests
LongMath (12:24:47 AM): just probably not dating compatible...
bookreader05 (12:46:17 AM): [referring to Amy and David's conversation on their birthday:] you said something to the effect of "i'm worried she's fallen for me too fast"
LongMath (12:46:23 AM): oh yeah
LongMath (12:46:34 AM): yeah, I probably wanted you to know that
bookreader05 (12:46:44 AM): and then i was all worried i was pushing you away
LongMath (12:46:54 AM): remember, I'm manipulative - even when I don't intend to be
bookreader05 (12:46:58 AM): lol
bookreader05 (12:47:07 AM): i wanted to bring it up several times . . .
LongMath (12:47:10 AM): yeah, it's coming back to me now
bookreader05 (12:47:28 AM): but, i didn't want you to know I knew you told her lol
LongMath (12:47:43 AM): see
LongMath (12:47:46 AM): here's the thing
LongMath (12:47:54 AM): clearly this was a poor relationship
LongMath (12:48:01 AM): see the lack of communication?
bookreader05 (12:48:03 AM): yes
LongMath (12:48:06 AM): I don't tell you directly
LongMath (12:48:12 AM): and then you don't tell me you know
LongMath (12:48:19 AM): we were too afraid of each other
bookreader05 (12:48:40 AM): and something else:
bookreader05 (12:48:49 AM): i don't think i loved you
bookreader05 (12:49:05 AM): because i think i would have been so much more heartbroken
LongMath (12:49:18 AM): this is good
bookreader05 (12:49:19 AM): honestly, i'm so much better already
LongMath (12:49:24 AM): I don't like breaking hearts
bookreader05 (1:03:09 AM): one last note:
bookreader05 (1:03:16 AM): i'm really sorry about the i love you thing [I had inadvertantly made David think I loved him, even though I didn't]
bookreader05 (1:03:29 AM): i know that caused you anguish . . .
LongMath (1:03:32 AM): yeah
LongMath (1:03:35 AM): well
LongMath (1:03:35 AM): thanks
LongMath (1:03:39 AM): for apologizing
LongMath (1:03:47 AM): and for being open with me
LongMath (1:03:48 AM): see
LongMath (1:03:52 AM): this blows
LongMath (1:03:58 AM): now we can finally be open with each other
LongMath (1:04:06 AM): relationships suck
So, we ended well. Or as well as can be expected. This conversation was HUGE closure for me. I really needed it. I have no doubt we will continue to be friends; it would be really awkward if we didn't, seeing as how we will be forced to be in each other's company every Friday. And I would appreciate it if you guys, as my friends, don't hate him, because I certainly don't.
Don't get me wrong; don't think I'm completely over in two days the guy whom I was with four and a half months. I just feel loads better today, especially after having this conversation with him.
Tomorrow is a new day, and I shall be ready to move on.
David is an arrogant asshole. Or can be at least. Before school ended, I didn't see myself ending up with him, but now, I know it really could not have worked. Sure, there was attraction, but there are some things about him that really bug me.
The worst part is that he knows he's arrogant, and doesn't see a need to change. He's also tactless.
That's all I've got to say.
Edit 1:30 am: I had a four-hour long conversation with David tonight. I'm feeling much better about the whole thing.
[We began with some samll talk, which he initiated, and I was really annoyed by (you just broke up with me and you want to talk about what I bought at the store?!) I turned the conversation to discussion about our relationship, which began at our breakup:]
LongMath (8:31:01 PM): and I still like you too, it's not a case where you just don't interest me or something
LongMath (8:31:15 PM): a) Long distance sucks
LongMath (8:31:33 PM): b) I don't love you, and I'm a junior in college
LongMath (8:31:46 PM): fear of being single when I'm 40 has crossed my mind...
bookreader05 (8:31:59 PM): haha
bookreader05 (8:32:40 PM): you have to find someone who will put up with your arrogant bastardness
bookreader05 (8:33:05 PM): or, you'll just grow out of it
LongMath (8:34:10 PM): oh finding someone to put up with arrogance is easy
LongMath (8:34:16 PM): I just have to find someone as arrogant as I am
bookreader05 (8:34:29 PM): haha THAT's why we didnt' work
LongMath (8:34:34 PM): yeah pretty much
bookreader05 (9:12:30 PM): as much as i'd LOVE to hate you right now . . . i just can't do it [because I'm not the type to get hold grudges]
bookreader05 (9:12:51 PM): it's really frustrating, actually
[I actually got angry here:]
LongMath (9:57:05 PM): btw, I'm in a sucky position here - for the record
LongMath (9:57:17 PM): because I know being an ass will slightly help your recovery speed
LongMath (9:57:22 PM): but I don't particularly want to be
LongMath (9:57:27 PM): thought I'd throw that out there
bookreader05 (9:57:39 PM): you are such an asshole!
LongMath (9:57:47 PM): thanks :-)
bookreader05 (9:57:57 PM): i can't believe you said that
LongMath (9:58:08 PM): the question is whether I meant it
bookreader05 (9:58:16 PM): of course you meant it
LongMath (9:58:16 PM): O.o
LongMath (9:58:23 PM): what makes you so sure?
bookreader05 (9:58:41 PM): i hate when you play with my mind david
LongMath (9:58:50 PM): you didn't before
LongMath (9:58:53 PM): you just hate it now
bookreader05 (9:59:02 PM): i didn't like it before
bookreader05 (9:59:06 PM): i just didn't say anything
bookreader05 (9:59:07 PM): now i can
bookreader05 (9:59:23 PM): now you are being tactless
LongMath (9:59:24 PM): you didn't dislike it either
bookreader05 (9:59:36 PM): i did too
bookreader05 (9:59:44 PM): i'm a people pleaser, remember
LongMath (9:59:54 PM): and I'm not?
bookreader05 (10:00:04 PM): not as much as me
LongMath (10:00:09 PM): hell if I don't please people
LongMath (10:00:12 PM): wtf do I do?
LongMath (10:00:23 PM): I'm just an everyday asshole without the pleasing people side
LongMath (10:00:29 PM): no one wants and everyday asshole
bookreader05 (10:01:49 PM): the fact that you are trying to "make me feel better" on purpose by being a jerk is a horrible thing to do
bookreader05 (10:01:53 PM): it's arrogant
bookreader05 (10:01:59 PM): but we've been there before
[At this point, after I had backed him into a corner, he got all defensive, ranting about how he envies my position because I'm the victim, and everyone sides with me (not repeated for length).]
bookreader05 (10:22:16 PM): i think we both agree that life sucks right now
bookreader05 (10:24:00 PM): but in no way do i regret our relationship
bookreader05 (10:24:03 PM): know that
bookreader05 (10:24:38 PM): as much as i hurt now, i'm glad we had something
LongMath (10:24:41 PM): i don't either
LongMath (10:29:22 PM): and I'm glad too
LongMath (10:29:28 PM): for the record
bookreader05 (10:29:31 PM): good
LongMath (10:29:40 PM): I don't want it to seem like I'm the victim here
LongMath (10:29:55 PM): I was just getting frustrated by all the accusing you were doing and got sick of it
bookreader05 (10:30:20 PM): eh, it was helping me ;-)
[A little later was a great inside joke about Diff EQ and me graduating to EMath . . . Let me know if you know what I'm talking about and want to see it ;-)]
[Then we really started being honest with each other:]
bookreader05 (11:54:24 PM): [after I confessed to a bit of stalking . . . ]come on, didn't you stalk me?
LongMath (11:54:42 PM): uh
LongMath (11:54:44 PM): not really actually
LongMath (11:54:48 PM): not after we were dating
bookreader05 (11:54:51 PM): lol
bookreader05 (11:55:12 PM): oh yeah, and some of the things in my interests got added just after we met ;-)
LongMath (11:55:13 PM): and by stalk I mean looked at your facebook profile
LongMath (11:55:17 PM): after you friended
LongMath (11:55:18 PM): lol
LongMath (11:55:20 PM): oh really
LongMath (11:55:21 PM): :-P
bookreader05 (11:55:27 PM): yeah . . .
LongMath (11:55:27 PM): way to be honest
bookreader05 (11:55:34 PM): i knew what i wanted
LongMath (11:55:41 PM): and you got it
bookreader05 (11:55:44 PM): that i did
bookreader05 (12:17:25 AM): do you wish you had done anything different with respect to our relationship?
bookreader05 (12:17:32 AM): out of curiousity
LongMath (12:17:59 AM): I don't know
bookreader05 (12:18:13 AM): you seem to find all your faults [we had a "David's faults" conversation]
LongMath (12:18:30 AM): I'm not sure when I'm being manipulative and when I'm just teasing
bookreader05 (12:18:44 AM): yeah, me neither :-P
LongMath (12:18:49 AM): like tonight
LongMath (12:18:53 AM): when I went off on my rant
LongMath (12:18:57 AM): you had me in a corner
bookreader05 (12:19:06 AM): like the ONE time
LongMath (12:19:07 AM): so did I rant because I believed what I was saying
LongMath (12:19:14 AM): or because I wanted out of that corner
LongMath (12:19:28 AM): I don't think I actually envy your position
LongMath (12:19:31 AM): it sucks
bookreader05 (12:19:36 AM): tell me about it
bookreader05 (12:19:43 AM): i wanted to say that lol
bookreader05 (12:19:57 AM): but you made me feel bad
LongMath (12:20:07 AM): because I'm good at getting what I want apparently
LongMath (12:20:11 AM): just like you said you are
LongMath (12:20:30 AM): and I don't think I can kid myself
LongMath (12:20:33 AM): I know I'm an asshole
LongMath (12:20:40 AM): I'm nice to friends
LongMath (12:20:46 AM): but I must be a real bitch to date
bookreader05 (12:20:51 AM): lol
LongMath (12:20:55 AM): for what it's worth I'm sorry
LongMath (12:20:58 AM): like actually
bookreader05 (12:21:00 AM): thank you
LongMath (12:21:03 AM): not trying to weasel out sorry
bookreader05 (12:21:09 AM): that means a lot
bookreader05 (12:21:39 AM): 1) because this whole break up thing sucks and 2) because you hardly ever say you're sorry
LongMath (12:21:46 AM): and mean it?
bookreader05 (12:21:47 AM): and i know you mean it when you do say it
LongMath (12:21:52 AM): yeah, you're probably right
bookreader05 (12:22:22 AM): but
bookreader05 (12:22:29 AM): all will be forgiven in time
bookreader05 (12:23:01 AM): just give me some more time
LongMath (12:23:19 AM): well
LongMath (12:23:27 AM): there's no question you'll forgive me
LongMath (12:23:32 AM): because all the others have
LongMath (12:23:37 AM): I can't see why
bookreader05 (12:23:38 AM): and here we go . . .
LongMath (12:23:41 AM): if they actually knew
LongMath (12:23:52 AM): what kind of person I actually am
LongMath (12:24:16 AM): but in truth, I never had any doubt that things would be ok between us in time
LongMath (12:24:29 AM): we're compatible people more or less I think
LongMath (12:24:38 AM): have some common interests
LongMath (12:24:47 AM): just probably not dating compatible...
bookreader05 (12:46:17 AM): [referring to Amy and David's conversation on their birthday:] you said something to the effect of "i'm worried she's fallen for me too fast"
LongMath (12:46:23 AM): oh yeah
LongMath (12:46:34 AM): yeah, I probably wanted you to know that
bookreader05 (12:46:44 AM): and then i was all worried i was pushing you away
LongMath (12:46:54 AM): remember, I'm manipulative - even when I don't intend to be
bookreader05 (12:46:58 AM): lol
bookreader05 (12:47:07 AM): i wanted to bring it up several times . . .
LongMath (12:47:10 AM): yeah, it's coming back to me now
bookreader05 (12:47:28 AM): but, i didn't want you to know I knew you told her lol
LongMath (12:47:43 AM): see
LongMath (12:47:46 AM): here's the thing
LongMath (12:47:54 AM): clearly this was a poor relationship
LongMath (12:48:01 AM): see the lack of communication?
bookreader05 (12:48:03 AM): yes
LongMath (12:48:06 AM): I don't tell you directly
LongMath (12:48:12 AM): and then you don't tell me you know
LongMath (12:48:19 AM): we were too afraid of each other
bookreader05 (12:48:40 AM): and something else:
bookreader05 (12:48:49 AM): i don't think i loved you
bookreader05 (12:49:05 AM): because i think i would have been so much more heartbroken
LongMath (12:49:18 AM): this is good
bookreader05 (12:49:19 AM): honestly, i'm so much better already
LongMath (12:49:24 AM): I don't like breaking hearts
bookreader05 (1:03:09 AM): one last note:
bookreader05 (1:03:16 AM): i'm really sorry about the i love you thing [I had inadvertantly made David think I loved him, even though I didn't]
bookreader05 (1:03:29 AM): i know that caused you anguish . . .
LongMath (1:03:32 AM): yeah
LongMath (1:03:35 AM): well
LongMath (1:03:35 AM): thanks
LongMath (1:03:39 AM): for apologizing
LongMath (1:03:47 AM): and for being open with me
LongMath (1:03:48 AM): see
LongMath (1:03:52 AM): this blows
LongMath (1:03:58 AM): now we can finally be open with each other
LongMath (1:04:06 AM): relationships suck
So, we ended well. Or as well as can be expected. This conversation was HUGE closure for me. I really needed it. I have no doubt we will continue to be friends; it would be really awkward if we didn't, seeing as how we will be forced to be in each other's company every Friday. And I would appreciate it if you guys, as my friends, don't hate him, because I certainly don't.
Don't get me wrong; don't think I'm completely over in two days the guy whom I was with four and a half months. I just feel loads better today, especially after having this conversation with him.
Tomorrow is a new day, and I shall be ready to move on.