screaming neighbors and book group
My neighbors are screaming at each other. Actually more accurately she is screaming obsenities at him, demanding he leave "her house", generally ripping him to shreds, and throwing things at him. Every couple of weeks after walking around with his head down like an abused puppy, he get drunk enough, snap, beat the shit out of her, they will make up and start over. They are going to literally kill each other one day. I hope she isn't back on meth, she gets much worse then. Since her stint in jail for violating her probation by assaulting him on federal property she has at least seemed clean. Physical abuse is never justifiable but I really don't understand why he doesn't just leave or her for that matter, but they both seem to be getting something out of it or at least not believe they could do any better - the truth of which I am not touching. When she is sober and not psychotic she is rather nice, but she's now pissed that I won't let the kids go near her anymore. When they first moved here she would do art projects with them and play ball and stuff but they are just too unstable. Oh and mentioning that it may be necessary to call the police if they didn't at least attempt to keep the profanities indoors when the kids are outside playing also didn't help. But it does have the benefit of giving me the oppurtunity to talk with the kids about how not to treat other people. I worry they are too sheltered.
In other news, I was invited to the first meeting of a mom's book group next week. I need to meet new people. The mom I had the playdate with two weeks ago (who I really like) is starting it. And it is actually at a time when my mom could watch the kids. Generally I can't make it to adult only things. I had hoped that the meetings would be ones I could take the kids to, as they go EVERYWHERE with me, but it worked out this time. One book is "mothers who think", which I read while pregnant with patrick. It will be interesting to see if it is different rereading it now. Then I was so judgemental of the mothers in it, because you see by virtue of being pregnant, having been a nanny, a teacher, taken child development classes, and step-parenting every other weekend for a half a year clearly meant I knew EVERYTHING about being a mother (ha!) - little did I know...
I am excited and a bit nervous. I am virtually never without either my husband or kids, so it takes a while to remember how to just be, who I am when not in relation to someone else. Sometimes I even start to panic because it can be overwhelming. So much of my self-definition and general ways of being involve taking care of/being responsible for/being responsive too someone else. I am not sure where I am. And I also have begun to doubt the usefulness of that particular concept and wonder if the particular american reliance on individuality is part of the reason we are generally so unhappy and unhealthy. People really aren't meant to be alone. But in any case it will be interesting.
In other news, I was invited to the first meeting of a mom's book group next week. I need to meet new people. The mom I had the playdate with two weeks ago (who I really like) is starting it. And it is actually at a time when my mom could watch the kids. Generally I can't make it to adult only things. I had hoped that the meetings would be ones I could take the kids to, as they go EVERYWHERE with me, but it worked out this time. One book is "mothers who think", which I read while pregnant with patrick. It will be interesting to see if it is different rereading it now. Then I was so judgemental of the mothers in it, because you see by virtue of being pregnant, having been a nanny, a teacher, taken child development classes, and step-parenting every other weekend for a half a year clearly meant I knew EVERYTHING about being a mother (ha!) - little did I know...
I am excited and a bit nervous. I am virtually never without either my husband or kids, so it takes a while to remember how to just be, who I am when not in relation to someone else. Sometimes I even start to panic because it can be overwhelming. So much of my self-definition and general ways of being involve taking care of/being responsible for/being responsive too someone else. I am not sure where I am. And I also have begun to doubt the usefulness of that particular concept and wonder if the particular american reliance on individuality is part of the reason we are generally so unhappy and unhealthy. People really aren't meant to be alone. But in any case it will be interesting.