Elijah on Primetime Glick, ages ago
This is from long ago--2003, if you can remember back that far. I came across it in my archives today and it made me smile, so here you go. Transcript of Jiminy Glick (Martin Short) interviewing Elijah Wood in the LOTR heyday...
June 12, 2003, "Primetime Glick," Comedy Central
JG: I'm sitting with one of the most exciting new stars to smash through the horizon - his name is "Elijah." And...there's a last - [checks script] - Wood! And he's a talent. And he's a remarkable spirit. And I think you're wonderful!!
EW: Well, thank you!
JG: Oh, and look at these piercing - these piercing blue eyes.
EW: Yes.
JG: It's like having Paul Newman back. [Elijah laughs] It really is. Without being burdened with all that masculinity and all that stuff, that baggage that Newman carried.
EW: That's right.
JG: You've been an actor for, what, ten minutes?
EW: About fifteen years.
JG: Fifteen years.
EW: Yes.
JG: Isn't that amazing - so you started in your 20s.
EW: Uh, no - no, I'm in my 20s now...
JG: So you started at...at...14 or something...
EW: Eight years old?
JG: Eight years old.
EW: Yeah. Little, little kid.
JG: And education I guess went out the window.
EW: Well, I was home schooled, but there has to be a school that provides the work.
JG: So, home schooling. How does that work?
EW: Well, uh, you get like a lesson plan and...
JG: A "lesson plan."
EW: Yeah, and you do your school at work, you get the books at, uh, at home, and you do it all at home.
JG: Can an Elijah Wood spell?
EW: Can - can I spell?
JG: Yes.
EW: I sure can.
JG: I'm going to throw a word at you.
EW: Oh, God. All right.
JG: Are you ready, kid?
EW: Yeah, go for it.
JG: "Window."
EW: [laughs] W-I-N-D-O-W. [looks confused for a second] Yeah. That's right.
JG: No. It's E-W.
EW: Oh.
JG: But you see, that's the problem -
EW: And that's my initials, so...
JG: E.W.; oh, that's right...
EW: I should have known. So your name's Jiminy - is that - you know you're named after a very famous cricket?
JG: Well, I'll tell you exactly what happened. And it's a tragic story. I was four years old. My original name was Malcolm.
EW: Malcolm?
JG: Malcolm. And I never liked "Malcolm." It always sounded - it sounded kind of swishy or something.
[Elijah starts laughing]
JG: So I - one day I sat on two crickets who were mating.
EW: Oh.
JG: And I was wearing - I was - I was - well, to be quite honest, my uncle is Scot'ish, and he brought home a kilt. So I was trying it on and I wasn't wearing any underwear. And they scooted up my backside.
EW: Oh, that's terrible...
JG: And they were up there and they mated and they had children, and I had to have them surgically removed with tweezers. Over fourteen crickets.
EW: They had children in your bumbum?
JG: Well, as WE called it back then, they had children in the back door.
EW: Oh, okay.
JG: Well the next thing you know they nicknamed me Jiminy! [laughs] Isn't that funny, after all these years no one's asked me!
[Elijah claps his hands, laughing]
JG: Oh, that's wonderful!
EW: Well, there you go.
JG: What did - what did - what - you were in 'Back to the Future II'.
EW: Yeah.
JG: And you played a hobbit.
EW: No...no. Uh, just a kid, uh...
JG: Just a kid, who had a "bad hobbit", of - of - of smoking.
EW: No, no, just uh, the hobbit came many, many years later. But, uh...
JG: And what was that?
EW: The Lord of the Rings...
JG: Lord of the Rings.
EW: Yes.
JG: I know this story. Children eat each other.
EW: No...
JG: Look at the film, boy.
EW: Okay.
JG: Children are on an island. And they eat each other. They season each other first, and then chow down. They're in a plane crash.
EW: Oh, that's 'The Lord of the FLIES'!
JG: Lord of the Flies.
EW: You're thinking of 'Lord of the Flies.' Yep. That's right.
JG: What's your film?
EW: Lord of the RINGS.
JG: Mm, that's original. So, one word and they, suddenly they think from there it becomes a hit.
EW: Well, it was also - sure - well, it's two books, you know. 'Lord of the Flies' is a book, as well.
JG: Oh my goodness, so you DID learn something from that home schooling.
EW: Yeah, well...
JG: With the exception of addition, subtraction, reading, and writing.
[Elijah bursts into manic giggle fit]
JG: So. I guess we should move on. Um, you were in...[reading script] um...'Av-AH-lon.'
EW: Av-ah-lon, yeah. [giggles]
JG: You played - you played Barry Bostwick's nephew, or fictitious, what's this - there's a story there; you played someone.
EW: Uh, I played Barry Levinson as a child; it's sort of autobiographical. Barry Levinson diwrocted - directed - [laughs]
JG: "Diwrocted". See, this is going back to - had you gone to a REAL school, you'd realize that "diwrocting" is not something -
EW: [giggling] It's fictional.
JG: Well, it's not a word.
EW: [still giggling] No...
JG: It's "directing." But, see, this is - you sit there by yourself, you can't cheat from anyone...
EW: [laughing again] No...
JG: I wouldn't have - I wouldn't have graduated had I not cheated and lied. And I bet the prom was tough. What do you do, you just get in a limo and circle the block?
[Elijah bursts out laughing; Jiminy laughs too]
JG: Ah, "diwrocting." I love your innocence.
EW: Thank you.
JG: I love how green and innocent you are. So your nickname's "Elwood."
EW: Yes!
JG: And my cat was named Elwood!
EW: Oh, that's very nice...
JG: And I saw it on the news and I almost - I almost - I just, I was eating lasagna at the time and I dropped it right on the page; that's why there's so much stainage here. But I couldn't believe it - I loved Elwood.
EW: Oh - is - has Elwood passed?
JG: He was killed. I just found his head.
EW: Oh...
JG: On a golf course.
EW: Oh, that's terrible...
JG: Oh, it was awful.
EW: What happened to Elwood?
JG: My cousin ate him.
EW: ...oh...
JG: He's demented. I can't really tell the story 'cause my aunt's still alive - his mother. When she dies, I'll go on Merv or anyone who'll listen.
EW: Sure.
JG: 'Cause it's a wonderful story.
EW: Well, it's, you really can't tell it now.
JG: No, I can't, I wouldn't tell it now. Oh, it's dreadful. But it's our secret - shh, shh, button it up, boy, button it up. [checks script] You were born in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
EW: That's right.
JG: Do they call it "maize" or "corn"?
EW: Corn.
JG: What's maize?
EW: Um...I'm not really sure what maize is. It's a form of corn, isn't it?
JG: You know why?
EW: Why?
JG: You know why you don't know?
EW: 'Cause of the schooling?
JG: [nodding] Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
EW: So, should I...yeah, maybe I should...
JG: Well, this has been lots of fun! I've been sitting with - what's your name from the movie?
EW: Uh - Frodo Baggins?
JG: [pause] It is?
EW: In the film?
JG: Oh, well, I'm not, I don't know - you know what, I have no idea who you were.
EW: Oh.
JG: Isn't Patty Duke your mother?
EW: No, that's Sean Astin.
JG: Oh.
EW: Yeah.
JG: Oh, he's the one I WANTED to talk to.
EW: Oh! Right, well...
JG: Shoot.
EW: I'm sorry.
JG: Well, she might show this (?).
EW: Okay.
JG: Okay! Thanks! This has been my interview with Elijah Wood, and he's the star of 'The Two Towers,' and he's a star in his own right, and he's one of the sweetest spirits.
EW: [laughs] Thank you. It was very nice to meet you.
JG: Nice to meet you. And - we're gone. [turns to Elijah and points at him] Now, look. [cut to credits]
* * *
June 12, 2003, "Primetime Glick," Comedy Central
JG: I'm sitting with one of the most exciting new stars to smash through the horizon - his name is "Elijah." And...there's a last - [checks script] - Wood! And he's a talent. And he's a remarkable spirit. And I think you're wonderful!!
EW: Well, thank you!
JG: Oh, and look at these piercing - these piercing blue eyes.
EW: Yes.
JG: It's like having Paul Newman back. [Elijah laughs] It really is. Without being burdened with all that masculinity and all that stuff, that baggage that Newman carried.
EW: That's right.
JG: You've been an actor for, what, ten minutes?
EW: About fifteen years.
JG: Fifteen years.
EW: Yes.
JG: Isn't that amazing - so you started in your 20s.
EW: Uh, no - no, I'm in my 20s now...
JG: So you started at...at...14 or something...
EW: Eight years old?
JG: Eight years old.
EW: Yeah. Little, little kid.
JG: And education I guess went out the window.
EW: Well, I was home schooled, but there has to be a school that provides the work.
JG: So, home schooling. How does that work?
EW: Well, uh, you get like a lesson plan and...
JG: A "lesson plan."
EW: Yeah, and you do your school at work, you get the books at, uh, at home, and you do it all at home.
JG: Can an Elijah Wood spell?
EW: Can - can I spell?
JG: Yes.
EW: I sure can.
JG: I'm going to throw a word at you.
EW: Oh, God. All right.
JG: Are you ready, kid?
EW: Yeah, go for it.
JG: "Window."
EW: [laughs] W-I-N-D-O-W. [looks confused for a second] Yeah. That's right.
JG: No. It's E-W.
EW: Oh.
JG: But you see, that's the problem -
EW: And that's my initials, so...
JG: E.W.; oh, that's right...
EW: I should have known. So your name's Jiminy - is that - you know you're named after a very famous cricket?
JG: Well, I'll tell you exactly what happened. And it's a tragic story. I was four years old. My original name was Malcolm.
EW: Malcolm?
JG: Malcolm. And I never liked "Malcolm." It always sounded - it sounded kind of swishy or something.
[Elijah starts laughing]
JG: So I - one day I sat on two crickets who were mating.
EW: Oh.
JG: And I was wearing - I was - I was - well, to be quite honest, my uncle is Scot'ish, and he brought home a kilt. So I was trying it on and I wasn't wearing any underwear. And they scooted up my backside.
EW: Oh, that's terrible...
JG: And they were up there and they mated and they had children, and I had to have them surgically removed with tweezers. Over fourteen crickets.
EW: They had children in your bumbum?
JG: Well, as WE called it back then, they had children in the back door.
EW: Oh, okay.
JG: Well the next thing you know they nicknamed me Jiminy! [laughs] Isn't that funny, after all these years no one's asked me!
[Elijah claps his hands, laughing]
JG: Oh, that's wonderful!
EW: Well, there you go.
JG: What did - what did - what - you were in 'Back to the Future II'.
EW: Yeah.
JG: And you played a hobbit.
EW: No...no. Uh, just a kid, uh...
JG: Just a kid, who had a "bad hobbit", of - of - of smoking.
EW: No, no, just uh, the hobbit came many, many years later. But, uh...
JG: And what was that?
EW: The Lord of the Rings...
JG: Lord of the Rings.
EW: Yes.
JG: I know this story. Children eat each other.
EW: No...
JG: Look at the film, boy.
EW: Okay.
JG: Children are on an island. And they eat each other. They season each other first, and then chow down. They're in a plane crash.
EW: Oh, that's 'The Lord of the FLIES'!
JG: Lord of the Flies.
EW: You're thinking of 'Lord of the Flies.' Yep. That's right.
JG: What's your film?
EW: Lord of the RINGS.
JG: Mm, that's original. So, one word and they, suddenly they think from there it becomes a hit.
EW: Well, it was also - sure - well, it's two books, you know. 'Lord of the Flies' is a book, as well.
JG: Oh my goodness, so you DID learn something from that home schooling.
EW: Yeah, well...
JG: With the exception of addition, subtraction, reading, and writing.
[Elijah bursts into manic giggle fit]
JG: So. I guess we should move on. Um, you were in...[reading script] um...'Av-AH-lon.'
EW: Av-ah-lon, yeah. [giggles]
JG: You played - you played Barry Bostwick's nephew, or fictitious, what's this - there's a story there; you played someone.
EW: Uh, I played Barry Levinson as a child; it's sort of autobiographical. Barry Levinson diwrocted - directed - [laughs]
JG: "Diwrocted". See, this is going back to - had you gone to a REAL school, you'd realize that "diwrocting" is not something -
EW: [giggling] It's fictional.
JG: Well, it's not a word.
EW: [still giggling] No...
JG: It's "directing." But, see, this is - you sit there by yourself, you can't cheat from anyone...
EW: [laughing again] No...
JG: I wouldn't have - I wouldn't have graduated had I not cheated and lied. And I bet the prom was tough. What do you do, you just get in a limo and circle the block?
[Elijah bursts out laughing; Jiminy laughs too]
JG: Ah, "diwrocting." I love your innocence.
EW: Thank you.
JG: I love how green and innocent you are. So your nickname's "Elwood."
EW: Yes!
JG: And my cat was named Elwood!
EW: Oh, that's very nice...
JG: And I saw it on the news and I almost - I almost - I just, I was eating lasagna at the time and I dropped it right on the page; that's why there's so much stainage here. But I couldn't believe it - I loved Elwood.
EW: Oh - is - has Elwood passed?
JG: He was killed. I just found his head.
EW: Oh...
JG: On a golf course.
EW: Oh, that's terrible...
JG: Oh, it was awful.
EW: What happened to Elwood?
JG: My cousin ate him.
EW: ...oh...
JG: He's demented. I can't really tell the story 'cause my aunt's still alive - his mother. When she dies, I'll go on Merv or anyone who'll listen.
EW: Sure.
JG: 'Cause it's a wonderful story.
EW: Well, it's, you really can't tell it now.
JG: No, I can't, I wouldn't tell it now. Oh, it's dreadful. But it's our secret - shh, shh, button it up, boy, button it up. [checks script] You were born in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
EW: That's right.
JG: Do they call it "maize" or "corn"?
EW: Corn.
JG: What's maize?
EW: Um...I'm not really sure what maize is. It's a form of corn, isn't it?
JG: You know why?
EW: Why?
JG: You know why you don't know?
EW: 'Cause of the schooling?
JG: [nodding] Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
EW: So, should I...yeah, maybe I should...
JG: Well, this has been lots of fun! I've been sitting with - what's your name from the movie?
EW: Uh - Frodo Baggins?
JG: [pause] It is?
EW: In the film?
JG: Oh, well, I'm not, I don't know - you know what, I have no idea who you were.
EW: Oh.
JG: Isn't Patty Duke your mother?
EW: No, that's Sean Astin.
JG: Oh.
EW: Yeah.
JG: Oh, he's the one I WANTED to talk to.
EW: Oh! Right, well...
JG: Shoot.
EW: I'm sorry.
JG: Well, she might show this (?).
EW: Okay.
JG: Okay! Thanks! This has been my interview with Elijah Wood, and he's the star of 'The Two Towers,' and he's a star in his own right, and he's one of the sweetest spirits.
EW: [laughs] Thank you. It was very nice to meet you.
JG: Nice to meet you. And - we're gone. [turns to Elijah and points at him] Now, look. [cut to credits]
* * *