(no subject)
what scares me the most is being alive when i feel so dead. i feel like a simple body that is searching for my soul. i dont know when i lost it, but somewhere along the way, it became un attached and blew into the wind. i struggle at times to fight this losing battle. and when i start to feel up hill again, it almost seems like its not worth the fight. i just know that something bigger than me must change. i cant be abandoned anymore. i cant open my heart anymore. happiness comes to an end, and all is left is more hurt. i want out of this life, not metaphysically, but i metaphorically. im not selfish enough to take myself from this world. i still have great things to do. even if i just reach one person. but from THIS life.. i need a change. i need to work and save.. i want to live in london. i want that far out. far enough that u can forget about this life and create a new one. far enough that i can imagine this never even took place. maybe then when i escape and run away from my fear, i will be happy.