(no subject)
Title: Blaine's Fault
Author: Molly Annice
Artist:moushkas
Genre: Romance/fantasy/comedy
Pairing: Kurtofsky with minor scenes of Samcedes, Azimio/OFC and past Rachel/Finn, Burt/Carole, Tike, Brittana and mentions of Seblaine and begins with klaine.
Warnings: mentions of characters deaths, Mentions of M!preg, sex, swearing, Zombie ferrets
Word count: 23, 849
Summary: Kurt’s life sucks it’s not where his thought he was going to be in life. Then Blaine breaks up with him and basically kicks him out of his apartment leading to him losing his job as well. He quickly finds himself getting a job offer. Become a Fairy godmother. Job Description: Make Fairy tales, give fairy tale ending and then in two years you can have your dream we will make your dreams come true if we don’t do it yourself. Kurt quickly finds the job both fascinating and fun. He also can’t help notice how nice Monster maker David Karofsky is.
Part 1
Part 2-A
Part 2-B
Part 3
The next morning just as he was getting his hair done in walked Quinn from the hall. “Hey, Kurt ready for a hard day of work.”
“Of course,” Kurt answered, “So what are we doing today anyway.”
“Well we need to make everything for the fairy tales,” Quinn told him, “the world they live in. We are the ones that end up shoving them into the world. We are the ones who end up putting them into the orb for processing and for us all to see if the fairytale is public material worthy.”
“Hmmm.”
“It’s going to be okay,” Quinn told him while pulling him into a side hug, “It’s going to be a challenge but it’s fun. I’m going to miss it. Let’s go for breakfast.” The two were soon walking down the hallway.
“I am ready for the challenge,” Kurt said, “Wait why will you miss it?”
“When my contract is up I will not be re-signing. I think I am ready to move on,” Quinn told him.
“When’s that going to be,” Kurt asked.
Quinn just smiled at him, “I am kind of living in denial about that day coming up. I am going to miss it here. Life here is easy but you need some hardship to grow. I used this place to heal and now I need to go.”
“Does everyone leave at one point,” Kurt asked.
Quinn hesitated for a second, “I am hoping so. Let’s get some cereal.”
When walking into the dining room. They helped themselves to some of the cereal and bowls that was on the table.
“Why is she drinking from a sippy cup,” Kurt asked.
“One no drinking is sippy from cup,” Elaine told him, before taking a sip from her sippy cup.
Sam laughed, “She’s been drinking from a sippy cup for the last six months she hasn’t realized it yet.”
“hmmm,” Kurt only could stare at the woman.
“So, who’s taking Kurt today,” Santana asked, “I am not wanting some newbie around my ferrets.”
“I’m sorry, your ferrets,” Kurt asked.
“I am the zombie ferret handler,” Santana told him, “I look after the ferrets and the machinery that runs this place. It’s a boring job but someone has to do it.”
Kurt hesitated before asking, “The ones that eat ‘cotton candy’?”
“Those are the ones.”
“Kurt, you will be going with Elaine to work today.”
Kurt turned to stare at the woman in question fall headfirst asleep into her cereal bow.
“Wake am I,” Elaine yelped, “Milk nose there’s in.”
“Joy,” Kurt couldn’t help grumble. He didn’t see Elaine being much help. So when he found himself in her work lab to find beanbags in corners he wasn’t pleased.
“Hey Kurt have this,” Elaine said throwing a notepad at him, “You won’t need this until later but I am giving you this as a gift. Trust me you will need a ton of these later on. For this job Notebooks are like diapers. You give new parents diapers because babies shit a lot.”
“Now your first lesson in being a fairy,” Elaine said plopping down into her beanbag chair, “is that you need to know plotting. When you are a fairy godmother. You have to plot the story. I plot each and every one of the stories. I don’t plot well in life because I like falling with the punches of life.”
“That’s an interesting metaphor.”
“Another thing,” Elaine said, “Always make room for your characters to breath in your plots. It’s like life, not everything goes as planned. People do things that they shouldn’t and people don’t do things that they should have done. People screw up, things change and always should be prepared for that. You can’t always be prepared for shit to happen but just remember you may very well decide that Little Red Riding Hood is going to be eaten by the wolf but in the end she is keeping him as a pet or she’s killing him and making wolf soup or fucking him. So always be prepared for that shit to come. Now for your homework this week I want you to write me a plot and I will look it over. Any questions?”
“How do you plot,” Kurt asked.
“I do it by multi-level number, alphabetical and bullet points,” Elaine shrugged. I write practically everything out. I know my characters inside and out. They rarely run away and do shit I don’t want them to do on my watch because I know them so well but it does happen so be prepared. There are other ways such as the snowflakes concept where you take one line and you snowball it into a story. Let’s take Little Red Riding Hood again. You take the sentence: ‘Little Red Riding Hood goes visiting her Grandmother to only be eaten by a wolf.’ Then you snow ball from that with writing summaries and shit. It takes longer I feel.”
“That makes sense,” Kurt said.
“So write me a plot,” Elaine said handing him a pen from her desk, “I will tell you if it’s crap or not.”
For the rest of the day Kurt found himself writing plots bringing it to Elaine and having her turn them down. The three he wrote.
“Okay, can I have a computer to write this out,” Kurt asked as someone knocked on the door.
Elaine told him with out looking up from her computer screen, “No, computers are for wimps and what do you want Dave?”
“It’s four you two,” Dave said, “Just coming to get your prisoner. Eating and all.”
“But he’s my prisoner and I am forcing him to do that learning thing,” Elaine whined.
“I am going with him,” Kurt said jumping up from his seat and heading towards Dave.
“No stay prisoner.”
Kurt rolled his eyes, “I’m going.”
“No stay.”
“Your crazy.”
“But I am considering getting a sex change so that we can be together,” Elaine yelled out at him. Kurt and Dave turned and stared at her. “What? It’s not like I was saying shit about ‘corrective camps’ and shit because those don’t work and anyone who works in those should be taken out and shot. Plus that’s just rude beside Kurt’s sexy.”
“You would be the first,” Kurt said, trying hard not to smile, “in a very long time.” Kurt remembering a cute rag-a-muffin boy in glasses who he would have dated if he wasn’t dating Blaine at the time. Chandler was a sweetheart.
“Honey, you have been hanging out with the wrong people.”
“Damn straight,” Dave muttered looking Kurt up and down appreciating Kurt’s appearance.
“See, Dave agrees with me and he has awesome taste in men,” Elaine said smiling at them, “Go on you two. I am way behind in work. I’ll catch up later.
“C’mon lets go eat,” Dave said, putting his hand on Kurt’s shoulder.
“So, Dave is there anything we do around here then eat, sleep or work.”
“A lot. We have our hobbies. Sam, Az and I throw around a ball. The girls and Sam are part of a stitch and bitch together. Actually everybody goes to that at one point or another.”
“You have went to a Stitch and Bitch,” Kurt said, not quite sure why that amused him.
Dave paused and looked defensive, “Yeah, all of the best conversations happens there.”
“I’m sorry you just don’t seem the type to be into that stuff. What kind of stitching do you do?”
“Knitting or crocheting?”
“The one with one needle,” Dave said, “Mercedes is teaching me.”
“How good are you at it?”
Dave laughed out loud, “I am crap at it actually.” Kurt rolled his eyes. “But I am getting better.”
“I don’t doubt it. So are we heading to the dining room,” Kurt asked, changing the subject, “or someplace else?”
Dave stared, “Um the dining room or do you want to go somewhere else?”
“Is there any where else,” Kurt asked. He was curious about the world he was living and working in. Fairy World seemed very small.
“Well there is the garden and the zombie ferret generators are another. There is also the swing set and the church. Only Quinn, Sam, and Mercedes go there.”
“Right the zombie ferrets,” Kurt said, nodding his head in disbelief.
“They are real,” Dave insisted.
Kurt sighs before deciding to lie, “I believe you.” He couldn’t believe that there was such a thing as zombie ferrets that ate only cotton candy. That was just a lot on the bizarre side.
“And you are lying,” Dave pointed out, “Look one day next week you will get to meet them. There cute little guys strangely enough.”
“It’s hard to deny something exists with proof in front of you,” Kurt said stopping.
“The theory of evolution, is disputed by a lot of people and that has a shit load of evidence proving it’s true,” Dave said.
Kurt thought about it for a second, “but they are all idiots.”
“True,” Dave laughed as they walked into the dining room.
“What’s so funny,” Quinn asked, both Tina and her were playing a game of cards.
“Nothing,” Dave told her, “What are you two playing?”
“Crib,” Tina said with out looking up.
“Huh,” Dave said.
“Dinner’s in the stove,” Quinn told them, “It will be ready in a half hour. Dave, Don’t peak you are bad for peaking.”
“I wasn’t going to peak,” Dave denied as he was reaching for the oven handle. Quinn gave him an unimpressed look of disbelief. Dave changed his plans and leaned against the stove instead. “See I am not peaking.”
“He peaks,” Kurt asked.
“All the time,” Tina informed him, “They just get so impatient. You are not going to be like that are you Kurt?”
“Of course not,” Kurt said sitting down beside them.
“Because all of you have never checked up on me when I am cooking and at least I don’t nag,” Dave whined.
“It’s not nagging if the time before the last time you cooked everyone came down with food poisoning,” Quinn pointed out.
Dave pouted, “I am getting better.”
“Of course you are,” Quinn said before both her and Tina finish their hand. Quinn went and pulled out a casserole as Kurt and Tina cleaned the game off the table and put it away and settled the table. It was about that point everyone else came in. It wasn’t until after clean up that Dave asked Kurt to go walking with him in the gardens.
“So how do these plants grow here with out sun?”
“There is still sun that comes through those clouds,” Dave said, as he laid out a blanket.
“So,” Kurt said trying to think of a subject.
“So, what kind of movies were going on in the movie world at the moment since 2012?”
“Well the 50 Shades series was made into a trilogy. The Avengers got a sequel. Several sequels actually. They did a remake of Sound of Music.”
“Really,” Dave asked, “Okay what’s 50 Shades and were the Avengers sequels any good? Also Sound of Music.”
“Fifty Shades is a twilight fan fiction made into a book made into a movie.”
Dave nodded, “So stupid people still are a majority.”
“Joss Whedon did all the Avengers so they were all fabulous,” Kurt went on and, “And the Sound of Music was amazing but will never be seen as up to par because it was missing something.”
“Well Joss Whedon being awesome at his job isn’t exactly news,” Dave said, “and the only thing really missing from any remakes of sound of Music would most likely be Julie Andrews.”
Kurt looked at him surprised, “Exactly?”
Dave rolled his eyes, “Don’t be so shocked.”
“I’m so sorry. You just don’t seem the type for musicals,” Kurt said, flushing.
“My parents and I watched it a few times together when I was a kid,” Dave explained, “and no it wasn’t my kind of thing. Made the parents happy though so.”
As the night progressed. The two got physically closer as the night progressed. It wasn’t until Kurt laughed at something Dave said before realizing that after a while both him and Dave faces were just a couple of inches a part. His whole body became more aware of the man beside him. Dave’s eyes were a hazel that popped out. Dave smelt a mixture of what they had for dinner, a faint chemical, Old Spice and something that was uniquely Dave all mixed into one. It was when they were almost kissing that he thanked every fictional deities in the world that he was gay.
“What the fuck,” yelped Dave yanking away from Kurt from something bouncing into their lap, “For Christ sake, Skippy, How in the hell did you escape you little cock blocker.” Kurt could only stare at the creature in Dave’s lap. The little cock blocker was indeed a dead ferret. It’s hair and skin was in patches.
“That’s a ferret,” Kurt said, gaping, “It’s -“
“A Zombie,” Dave said, rolling his eyes, “told you that they existed. Look Kurt. I. Let’s bring this little guy back to Santana, okay?”
“Sure,” Kurt said, not sure if he should be cursing Skippy’s existence or celebrate it. It was too soon after Blaine, right? He was given Skippy as Dave folded up their blanket. Skippy kept licking his wrist and Kurt couldn’t help but look down on the creature and think it was kind of cute. They walked in silence, both not knowing what to say to the other. The two ending up in front of Santana’s living quarters.
“I hope she’s home,” Dave grumbled knocking on the door that Kurt came to realize was on the right of his own apartment. Kurt quickly handing over the ferret to Dave. A few minutes later the Latina woman opened her door, “Hey Santana you lost someone.”
Santana rolled her eyes as she took the ferret away from the two men, “How did Skippy escape again?”
“You’re the ferret expert not me,” Dave said shrugging, “go steal some tin foil bat it around, maybe you will figure it out.”
Santana rolled her eyes, “Yes because that totally works. I’ll take him back in the morning.” She soon slammed her door into their face.
“Well isn’t she a bottle of sunshine,” Kurt said rolling his eyes.
“Oh you should see her when it’s that time of month,” Dave said, shuddering, “She’s as fun as being thrown into a bag of wet cats. All of them get that way. She’s the worst.” Kurt shuddered. He’s always been more emotionally closer to woman and when ever a large group of woman had there period. He would join them in the moodiness.
“Let’s not talk about that time of month,” Kurt said, “So see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah sure,” Dave said before both him and Dave walk back to their perspective rooms. Before Kurt could go into his place Dave pulled him into a hug. Kurt noticed how nice Dave’s arms felt around him and how good Dave smelt for someone who looks like they need someone else to dress them. He reminded him of his Dad, someone good and safe. When sleeping he dreamt of ferrets and big strong arms holding him close.
The very next day he found himself again working with Elaine. “Okay bro your issue is that you writing is not organic. Now I am not a religious person but I will be using a religious metaphor. When writing you are god, you control your characters and their environment but you need to give them breathing room. You know everything about their health so you can say for example that if they wasn’t hit by a bus, they would have died from cancer that infected them in the right lung in their sixties.”
“Do you have a point,” Kurt asked.
“The character should have some say on their destiny, like you and I do. Freedom of expression. Freedom of will. Imaginary people are still people.”
“Right,” Kurt said staring at Elaine.
“You don’t believe me but you need write me Little Red riding hood. Give me every thing you know about the world. Every thing! Even shit you don’t need.”
“… what?”
“just do as I say. There is method to my madness,” Elaine said, “Now again write me shit.”
Go to Part 4